Jaytb Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I mean that I'm thin in the right places -- thin waist, legs, arms, but I have nice, largish breasts, nice hips and butt. I guess my butt is the only area that falls short. It's a good shape but kind of small. I have long blonde wavy hair, but lately I haven't been maintaining it very well. It's gotten sort of unruly and dry. I need to cut it. My height is 5'5" - 5'6". My weight is 115 pounds. I dress pretty conservatively, although I occasionally wear tight shirts that have some cleavage. I almost always wear pants, though, and my clothes are sometimes kind of bland. I want to revamp my wardrobe, but I almost see no point. I don't want to waste a lot of money and still get no dates. I rarely approach guys because I'm scared of rejection. I generally talk to guys if they talk to me, but the conversations rarely go anywhere...which I assume means lack of interest on their part. Well stop being so scared! eventually you have to come out of your shell and put yourself out there so people know about you.
Jaytb Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 But I'm a woman and I don't have standards like that. I just said I'd date an average looking guy who was reasonably intelligent and had some common interests. That's not the top 1 percent. You've been interested in only a handful of guys, correct?
boogieboy Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I rarely approach guys because I'm scared of rejection. I generally talk to guys if they talk to me, but the conversations rarely go anywhere...which I assume means lack of interest on their part. You dont have to waste money on clothes as long as your clothes are form fitting. All the rest of the criteria are in place. I can only imagine that if the conversations dont go anywhere that you are not taking the conversations anywhere. I used to think that when I tried to talk to women they had nothing to say, until I realize it was ME who wasnt making interesting enough conversation. If youre already in a conversation with a guy, you should be escalating the conversation so he doesnt get bored. You might be terribly aloof in your conversing and dont know it. BTW if you approach a guy with the assumption that youre not worried about landing him, it will be much easier to not be worried about rejection. You really need to try that so you dont get yourself into a funk. You cant sit around forever waiting for guys to come to you. Youre in school, thats the perfect pool of guys, just make sure youre not sitting on the sidelines waiting for guys that are above your league.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 You've been interested in only a handful of guys, correct? Actively interested in only handful, but that's because I don't know many guys. But once a guy expresses interest in me, I usually get interested in him unless he's really different from what I usually like. As I said I've dated most of the guys who have asked me out. It just doesn't happen very often.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 The thread has gone in a looks direction, as I expected it would. So do you guys agree that most men are superficial? Are there any intelligent guys out there who are average looking and not superficial? Who would date an intelligent girl who was average looking?
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Well, you're going to get an honest response from me. It almost certainly has something to do with your looks. It's the only logical explanation. Aren't there any smart men who don't need to date a girl in the top 25 percent lookswise?
Jaytb Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Actively interested in only handful, but that's because I don't know many guys. But once a guy expresses interest in me, I usually get interested in him unless he's really different from what I usually like. As I said I've dated most of the guys who have asked me out. It just doesn't happen very often. well boogieboy is right, you have to do some of the approaching, you have to put yourself out there, you have to make some conversation, and you have to expand your horizons by looking in other places (leave no rock unturned ) As I said, you can't be scared. you should try to interact with guys knowing fully he might not go out with you, and you have to be ok with that.
Jaytb Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Aren't there any smart men who don't need to date a girl in the top 25 percent lookswise? honestly looks don't sound like the problem. You sound very shy and somewhat scared. Guys probably can't detect that you're interested, so they will less likely ask you out. The thread has gone in a looks direction, as I expected it would. So do you guys agree that most men are superficial? Are there any intelligent guys out there who are average looking and not superficial? Who would date an intelligent girl who was average looking? everyone is superficial on some level. Guys put more emphasis on looks than girls. Girls seem to have several characteristics that need to be satisfied, but guys usually go for a good looking girl who's pleasant to be around. Intelligence and money aren't attractive to guys, at least not as much as it is to girls.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Would it be a waste of money for me to get cosmetic surgery so my face went from average to above? I've never talked about this before but when I was 22 I had a nose job because my nose had bothered me my whole life. It had a big bump on it and was kind of large from the side. It was a huge improvement, I thought, and I did notice that I got a bit more attention from guys. But that only lasted so long. The procedure was really expensive (11,000 dollars) and took me forever to pay off. I don't regret it, but I feel like it wasn't enough. The thing is I can't afford more surgery at this point. I'm trying to save up so I can, but I wonder if it would be a waste of money. It would be sad if I blew all this money on surgery and guys still ignored me.
Jaytb Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Would it be a waste of money for me to get cosmetic surgery so my face went from average to above? I've never talked about this before but when I was 22 I had a nose job because my nose had bothered me my whole life. It had a big bump on it and was kind of large from the side. It was a huge improvement, I thought, and I did notice that I got a bit more attention from guys. But that only lasted so long. The procedure was really expensive (11,000 dollars) and took me forever to pay off. I don't regret it, but I feel like it wasn't enough. The thing is I can't afford more surgery at this point. I'm trying to save up so I can, but I wonder if it would be a waste of money. It would be sad if I blew all this money on surgery and guys still ignored me. YES! Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 honestly looks don't sound like the problem. You sound very shy and somewhat scared. Guys probably can't detect that you're interested, so they will less likely ask you out. everyone is superficial on some level. Guys put more emphasis on looks than girls. Girls seem to have several characteristics that need to be satisfied, but guys usually go for a good looking girl who's pleasant to be around. Intelligence and money aren't attractive to guys, at least not as much as it is to girls. Are there ANY smart guys who would date a girl who is intelligent and fun to be around but just average looking?
Jaytb Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Are there ANY smart guys who would date a girl who is intelligent and fun to be around but just average looking? there are probably plenty. But if they're attractive, then they should know that they're in demand. Therefore they can be selective about who they choose and they will likely chose the more attractive female.
Johnny M Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Aren't there any smart men who don't need to date a girl in the top 25 percent lookswise? But you're not looking for a 'smart man'. You are looking for someone who is both intelligent and attractive. If the guys you're attracted to don't even want to hook up with you, it's a pretty good indication that you're playing WAY out of your league.
Johnny M Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Would it be a waste of money for me to get cosmetic surgery so my face went from average to above? Depends on how drastic the improvement would be. Which of your facial features do you feel could use augmentation?
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 (edited) But you're not looking for a 'smart man'. You are looking for someone who is both intelligent and attractive. If the guys you're attracted to don't even want to hook up with you, it's a pretty good indication that you're playing WAY out of your league. That would seem weird because most of those guys weren't that physically attractive. They were just above average (6-7 range). Even in worst case scenario I'm slightly above average overall (nice body with average to above face). I could see if I were only interested in 8-9s, but I never go for guys that attractive. Is it the case that guys try to date women who are more physically attractive than they are? I wonder if that's the problem. Because I wouldn't say any of these guys were more physically attractive than I am. Unless I have a truly unattractive face, which doesn't seem very likely. Maybe I'm completely blind and delusional. Edited November 15, 2009 by shadowplay
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Depends on how drastic the improvement would be. Which of your facial features do you feel could use augmentation? I guess the main thing is under my eyes and around my cheekbones my face is too flat. Also my upper lip could be fuller. I don't know what else.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Blah. This thread is making me feel worse, since it seems to be confirming that men are superficial. I just want to believe it's not true for all men...
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 If the guys you're attracted to don't even want to hook up with you, it's a pretty good indication that you're playing WAY out of your league. I guess I'm blind then and everything anyone has ever told me about my appearance is a lie... It makes no sense. What I see in the mirror isn't bad.
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 That would seem weird because most of those guys weren't that physically attractive. They were just above average (6-7 range). Even in worst case scenario I'm slightly above average overall (nice body with average to above face). I could see if I were only interested in 8-9s, but I never go for guys that attractive. Is it the case that guys try to date women who are more physically attractive than they are? I wonder if that's the problem. Because I wouldn't say any of these guys were more physically attractive than I am. Unless I have a truly unattractive face, which doesn't seem very likely. Maybe I'm completely blind and delusional. Yep, you have hit the nail on the head there. So in reality, guys with similar attractiveness to you are out of your league. I have noticed this trend over and over again. The only exception to this is if a girl has super-confident, very bubbly, dominant and outgoing personality. Guys seem to value that above intelligence. If a girl posses those traits, guys lower the looks threshold somewhat.
Johnny M Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I guess the main thing is under my eyes and around my cheekbones my face is too flat. Also my upper lip could be fuller. I don't know what else. Those things are fairly trivial. I wouldn't bother.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Yep, you have hit the nail on the head there. So in reality, guys with similar attractiveness to you are out of your league. I have noticed this trend over and over again. The only exception to this is if a girl has super-confident, very bubbly, dominant and outgoing personality. Guys seem to value that above intelligence. If a girl posses those traits, guys lower the looks threshold somewhat. I basically agree with everything you said.
Johnny M Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 (edited) I guess I'm blind then and everything anyone has ever told me about my appearance is a lie... It makes no sense. What I see in the mirror isn't bad. People often have a hard time judging their own looks objectively. I already offered to give you an honest opinion on your appearance, but if you don't want to post your pics here, there are other sites where you can get people to rate your pictures. As for accusing men of being 'superficial', don't you think it's rather hypocritical since looks are important to you as well? Edited November 15, 2009 by Johnny M
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 People often have a hard time judging their own looks objectively. I already offered to give you an honest opinion on your appearance, but if you don't want to post your pics here, there are other sites where you can get people to rate your pictures. As for accusing men of being 'superficial', don't you think it's rather hypocritical since looks are important to you as well? I don't feel like an opinion I got from photos would be accurate because I look better in photos than I do in real life. People who've seen my photos on LS can attest to the fact that I look good in photos. I'd be more interested in what people thought about me in real life. I'm my own worst critic, so if I was truly ugly, I'd be able to tell. It's not hypocritical because my standards for appearance are low, as I stated earlier in the thread. As I said, I would be happy to date a guy who was AVERAGE looking but had other qualities I valued. The guys I recently expressed interest in were only just above average.
Author shadowplay Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 (edited) So what am I supposed to do? Settle for an overweight guy I'm not attracted to? Accept spinsterhood? Both options seem completely dismal, especially considering how much I have going for me. Why do I even bother staying in shape? While health is important to me, one of the main reasons I stay thin is to keep myself attractive. It just seems so pointless because I don't attract men either way. Gah.. Edited November 15, 2009 by shadowplay
Johnny M Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 It's not hypocritical because my standards for appearance are low, as I stated earlier in the thread. As I said, I would be happy to date a guy who was AVERAGE looking but had other qualities I valued. The guys I recently expressed interest in were only just above average. Well, something clearly does not add up. If all men were only interested in dating women who are far above average, the vast majority of men would be single for life. So either these supposedly average men you expressed an interest in are more attractive than you give them credit for or you are less attractive than you say. Most average-looking men date average-looking women.
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