BlueHarvest Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Against my better judgement I decided to ask for advice. That isn't a slight against LS'ers...that's more or less a slight against myself. I feel like in some situations asking for advice usually just makes the situation worse...but here goes. I've known this girl I used to work with for nearly 5 years now. I'm at a new job and we still hang out occasionally. Hit up a bar every now and then and just catch up. Go out to eat, catch a movie. Things like that. Well, we went to this lovely italian resteraunt last night, and had a great conversation. I found out another surprising thing about her last night. We both share a passion for greek/roman mythology. At that moment I realized she's the only women I've ever felt comfortable talking to, enjoying myself around. To further explain this I'll have to go back though. I first started hanging out with her after her husband divorced her. Around that time she converted to being a lesbian. I'm good friends with both her and her "lover". Well, years went by. I hung out with both of them. Then about 6 months ago. Her and her 'lover' broke up. And she started talking about this bartender that she thought was cute. (A guy!) So apparently the lesbian thing was just something she was trying out for awhile. Ok, so back to the current day. We enjoyed ourselves, went to the movie. Talked, laughed. And I realize that while she is cute, it wasn't her physical appearance that attracted me to her. It was her mentality, her persona, and the fact that I've been hanging out with her and have a similar lifestyle (and yet so very different...suffice it to say it's hard to explain). My question to you LS'ers is not "IF" I should do it....I already know that I will end up asking her. It may be in one day, or one year. I'm not going to try and get people here to help me justify the potential situation, nor am I going to warrant any "naysers" because I know I would either detract from the converstaion or ignore their "warnings/advice". My question to you...(jesus I need to get to the point) is "WHY" I should do it. I don't know why. I'm really good friends with her. Could be friends with her for a long time. I've been going on some fruitless dates lately. And just spending time with her got me thinking the possibility of asking her out officially. I just don't know. I could live with either decision, but not really sure if I should.
northstar1 Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Against my better judgement I decided to ask for advice. That isn't a slight against LS'ers...that's more or less a slight against myself. I feel like in some situations asking for advice usually just makes the situation worse...but here goes. I've known this girl I used to work with for nearly 5 years now. I'm at a new job and we still hang out occasionally. Hit up a bar every now and then and just catch up. Go out to eat, catch a movie. Things like that. Well, we went to this lovely italian resteraunt last night, and had a great conversation. I found out another surprising thing about her last night. We both share a passion for greek/roman mythology. At that moment I realized she's the only women I've ever felt comfortable talking to, enjoying myself around. To further explain this I'll have to go back though. I first started hanging out with her after her husband divorced her. Around that time she converted to being a lesbian. I'm good friends with both her and her "lover". Well, years went by. I hung out with both of them. Then about 6 months ago. Her and her 'lover' broke up. And she started talking about this bartender that she thought was cute. (A guy!) So apparently the lesbian thing was just something she was trying out for awhile. Ok, so back to the current day. We enjoyed ourselves, went to the movie. Talked, laughed. And I realize that while she is cute, it wasn't her physical appearance that attracted me to her. It was her mentality, her persona, and the fact that I've been hanging out with her and have a similar lifestyle (and yet so very different...suffice it to say it's hard to explain). My question to you LS'ers is not "IF" I should do it....I already know that I will end up asking her. It may be in one day, or one year. I'm not going to try and get people here to help me justify the potential situation, nor am I going to warrant any "naysers" because I know I would either detract from the converstaion or ignore their "warnings/advice". My question to you...(jesus I need to get to the point) is "WHY" I should do it. I don't know why. I'm really good friends with her. Could be friends with her for a long time. I've been going on some fruitless dates lately. And just spending time with her got me thinking the possibility of asking her out officially. I just don't know. I could live with either decision, but not really sure if I should. Well, based on the fact you get along well and share interests is a good basis for you to ask her out. The only downside I see here is her sexuality. And I mean what if things go click romantically but she decides she wants to revisit the lesbian side again. Might get messy IMO.
tigressA Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Why should you do it? Because you like her! So just do it already!
Author BlueHarvest Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Why should you do it? Because you like her! So just do it already! You are right. I can't live life regretting the "what ifs".
boogieboy Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 You dont need to ask her "out", youre already hanging out with her. What you need to do is make a move. Asking her out and professing feelings will be a turnoff since you dont know if she feels the same. Since you dont know, she probably doesnt. But I warn you, since at one time she was telling you how cute a guy was, you were already friendzoned. If you dont feel like youre at the point where you can make a physical move, asking her out isnt going to being you any closer since youve been hanging out as friends already.
Author BlueHarvest Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 You dont need to ask her "out", youre already hanging out with her. What you need to do is make a move. Asking her out and professing feelings will be a turnoff since you dont know if she feels the same. Since you dont know, she probably doesnt. But I warn you, since at one time she was telling you how cute a guy was, you were already friendzoned. If you dont feel like youre at the point where you can make a physical move, asking her out isnt going to being you any closer since youve been hanging out as friends already. Oh I agree. And I realize the possible implications. But there comes a time in some rare friendships where people realize that the commonalities between them are strong, and that just maybe there could be something there more then friends. I've noticed a few signs, nothing concrete in my eyes, but definitely a few signs. I'm sure you know what I mean about more then friends though. I've had numerous friends who in high school were friends with these girls, who they are now married to. The friendship waned and waxed through high school and college, and yet here they are together again. Now I'm not saying we are old high school friends...but I've known her for close to 5 years now. I just feel like as I've gotten to know her over time, my attraction for her has been completely and utterly true. By true I mean...I think she was physically attractive but I never looked at her in that light until she became available to men again. I know that sounds cheesy or romantic, but that's just how I feel about these situations. My only fear is that with such a good friendship, if I've read the signals wrong...it might end. And that would be ashame.
whichwayisup Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 I've noticed a few signs, nothing concrete in my eyes, but definitely a few signs. Then without asking her out, do little subtle hints.. Be abit more affectionate (hug her when you see her), when you're talking to her, touch her shoulders, her arms.. If you're hanging out watching a movie or just regular TV, cuddle up to her.. Watch her reaction closely..Then you'll know.
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