Tziannia Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 (edited) I began dating a guy in the midst of September. We started having sex a few weeks later. At first, it was incredibly hot. He was easily able to have sex with me three times in one evening. We couldn't keep our hands off each other, and his penis was permanently erect. One time, he came into my office and fervently bent me over on my desk and gave it to me behind my closed door... it was wild As we progressed into October, I think we both found ourselves thinking more, and feeling 'lost in it' less... The emotions/the past/the fears rolled in like a heavy fog. One evening, during intercourse, I couldn't orgasm and he pulled out and I decided to pleasure him orally. I did, and while I was doing it he was forcing my head down on his penis and telling me how to use my hands. I get very turned on having my boyfriend tell me what to do to him sexually... but at that moment (as a culmination of previous subtle instances piled up)--> I felt objectified, stopped, and told him that I didn't appreciate being treated like that. We got into a bit of a disagreement because he was just getting into the moment, while I took it to mean something deeper... Anyways, since then the sex has died, but his lust for me has not. He calls me every day, looks into my eyes with longing glances, kisses me and holds me all night--but, he is unable to attain an erection. This started around the 20th of October, and ever since, he has been avoiding sex with me, and just kisses me and holds me... I am very frustrated. He says that he is very into me, says that I am absolutely lovely and beautiful and he loves my presence--but also says that he 'cannot feel like he can get lost in my skin', because all the thinking about the sex is tripping him up, and all he wanted to do was not think about it... I want to get back to having passionate sex, but I fear I may have somehow ruined his sexual ego, and perhaps he is afraid of me? My cerebral introspection into the whole thing has caused me to become very contemplative-/-upset when he is unable to perform. When he can't get erect, I want to get up and leave, as a) I feel rejected, b) that someone who is already having E.D. only a month into a relationship will have problems in the long term. --As this relationship is still in it's infancy, and our sexual connection is problematic, I fear that the honeymoon stage of the relationship is already over. Interestingly, the connective lust still exists (aforementioned). He would like to pleasure me by going down on me, but I also have a discomfort with him doing it, as I've always been very self conscious getting into new relationships-- and while he assures me that he loves doing it to me, my reluctance to let him is a turn off for him... Understandably. I feel like it's a downward spiral, and I've tried to break up with him to avoid the awkwardness, but he won't let me leave, and tells me that we can work thought it... I need to be with someone who is able to convince me that we are both comfortable and relaxed, but he is just as uncomfortable as I am. Today, for the first time in weeks, I was able to bring him to an orgasm by giving him oral, but he didn't reciprocate the favor, partially because he has fear that he is unable to make me orgasm because I have appeared to him to be uninterested or disconnected... He said at one point, "I have a finance/marketing background... I read people-- and I can tell that you are not entirely into this"... (So why the hell does he want to kiss me so passionately, and keep me so close to him emotionally)... I think it's sad, and odd. Perhaps I didn't expect him to shut off from me sexually at the first indication that I wasn't 'entirely there'... How odd that someone can be so emotionally 'into me' yet unable to perform with me sexually... Is it that sex is entirely tied to the subconscious? Perhaps I have, in the past, been able to have sex with my ex-lover without being entirely 'lost in his skin'... It was an overly rational relationship-- ahh, in any case, His interest in keeping the relationship going is such a wonderful thing, because we have a great connection, we are just having some problems with the functioning in our sexual department. I would like people to tell me how I can chill out, and help my man and I get back on track. --Sincerely, Awkward and confused. Edited November 14, 2009 by Tziannia
crazy_grl Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 (edited) The last post I read before this one was one from you describing an affair with a married man, and I got the impression it was currently ongoing. Is that the same man you're talking about in this post? If so, the fact that he's married and that you don't have a real relationship might have a great deal to do with his inability to get an erection. The fascination has worn off, and he's seeing the "relationship" with you for what it really is. It's something that turns him off, maybe even disgusts him. If this is not a married man you're asking about, please clarify. If it is, I suggest you post in the OM/OW forum instead. The dating forum is for legitimate dating relationships, and you probably won't like the responses you get here. Most posters (myself included) don't have any interest in advising someone on how to conduct an affair. Edited November 14, 2009 by crazy_grl
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