carhill Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Yep, it's painful, but when a pattern emerges, one needs to look in the mirror for the commonality. BTDT. Professional help was efficacious in helping to better understand what was in the mirror.
You'reasian Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 (edited) Please, every guy experiences this, I just cannot tolerate it. Get a backbone and we'll talk. Edited November 14, 2009 by You'reasian
Ms. Joolie Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 I'm a product of my experiences. I'm almost 40, that almost 1/2 a lifetime. What percentage of the population experienced what I did? I'm extremely disillusioned, and the few experiences I had with women were very poor. Problem #1. You are blaming your dating problem on women. Problem #2. You are blaming your past for your life that you are not happy with. Solution, both problems: No more blaming. Take responsibility for your life, and how you want to live. Take responsibility for what you do, and how you react to the world around you. It's not easy to leave the blame behind, but you need to at least recognize that you are placing the blame and not taking responsibility. The more effort you place in blaming, the more effort you are taking away from living your life.... really living your life.
Vertex Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Much like anything else, it doesn't ever make sense to take a very small, non-randomized sample and then proclaim that all women are awful, blood-sucking creatures with misaligned priorities. And before you say "Ah, but I hear so many stories, etc," all I'm going to say in response is "confirmation bias." You should probably pay attention to all the stories that turn out positively. If you've only had a few bad experiences with women, then either the women you've gone after have always been the wrong type for you, or you need to work on something internally. Either way, blaming women is not going to do you any good. You need to be rational and look on the margin, here. Figure out what made your past experiences with women fail. Was it a fundamental incompatibility in the type of women you were with? Maybe you're attracted to the wrong type? What about yourself? What could you improve upon? These are the questions you need to focus on instead of focusing so much on a faulty conclusion and becoming disillusioned or jaded. Relationships aren't something you can just plug into an equation, but that doesn't mean you can't approach the problem logically and, from there, maximize your chances by focusing on the more significant factors. The moment you resort to "Blah, all women are this or that," you're going about it all wrong.
bac Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 You might have the avoidant personality disorder. I have met on match.com a guy who had similar problems. I felt sorry for him and he had a great potential for emotional intimacy, but unfortunately sexual ability was not there anymore. Anyway, we are friends because he had a potential for emotional connection. He was kind, open, helpful, understanding and looking for attachment and love. Do you know what do you want? Do you want to be with a girl? What kind of relationship with a girl do you want? Do you have sexual drive?
PinkToes Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Yep, it's painful, but when a pattern emerges, one needs to look in the mirror for the commonality. BTDT. Professional help was efficacious in helping to better understand what was in the mirror. Reminds me of the time my 24/7 pothead boyfriend told me that "everyone he'd ever known" had a problem with his being stoned all the time, and why did he ever think I'd be any different? Damn, that guy had the worst luck.
Author virgin Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Reminds me of the time my 24/7 pothead boyfriend told me that "everyone he'd ever known" had a problem with his being stoned all the time, and why did he ever think I'd be any different? Damn, that guy had the worst luck. Can you compare being voluntarily stoned with a mental disability?
bac Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 (edited) 99% of sexually active women would not date a virgin because they expect men to be experienced. Another one of life's double standards. Older women, who know what they want and do, like virgins. But, the problem is that he might not have libido and erection. Edited November 15, 2009 by bac
PinkToes Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Can you compare being voluntarily stoned with a mental disability? There's no comparison whatsoever. I believe carhill was referencing betamanlet's reluctance to see himself as the common denominator in his relationships.
Author virgin Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Older women, who know what they want and do, like virgins. But, the problem is that he might not have libido and erection. Mens sexuality skyrockets as they get older. Older men have rock hard granite boners that last hours and send women to heaven.
bac Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Mens sexuality skyrockets as they get older. Older men have rock hard granite boners that last hours and send women to heaven. How would you know that if you are a virgin? You do not sound like a shy avoidant proffessor.
385 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Virgin, At first you had some merit in what you're saying, but as I read more it just seems like you are trying to find every excuse possible to not get in a relationship with women - or people in general. By making so many excuses, it seems like you want to fail at meeting people, and since you want to fail, you'll never succeed. You can only succeed if you have the desire to do so. So stop making excuses, man up, and get off the damn internet and start meeting people. All the excuses you've made are absolute bull****. You're a professor which means you come into contact with people on a daily basis. That's the perfect opportunity to talk to people - like to your students. Your other bull**** excuse is no woman wants to have sex with a virgin. How the hell are they going to know you're a virgin if you don't tell them? If you don't know what to do when your in bed, at least you got someone in bed with you in the first place. Use that as experience and try again. And finally, everyone's been a virgin at some point in their life, so stop feeling like your some sort of anomaly. Man up, stop making excuses and stop feeling sorry for yourself. If anything, you can always become a priest and spread word about the holy spirit. Being a virgin then would be something people looked up to. Work to become a Pope.
Author virgin Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 How would you know that if you are a virgin? You do not sound like a shy avoidant proffessor. I had a male friend who told me, and I believe him.
Author virgin Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Virgin, At first you had some merit in what you're saying, but as I read more it just seems like you are trying to find every excuse possible to not get in a relationship with women - or people in general. By making so many excuses, it seems like you want to fail at meeting people, and since you want to fail, you'll never succeed. You can only succeed if you have the desire to do so. So stop making excuses, man up, and get off the damn internet and start meeting people. All the excuses you've made are absolute bull****. You're a professor which means you come into contact with people on a daily basis. That's the perfect opportunity to talk to people - like to your students. Your other bull**** excuse is no woman wants to have sex with a virgin. How the hell are they going to know you're a virgin if you don't tell them? If you don't know what to do when your in bed, at least you got someone in bed with you in the first place. Use that as experience and try again. And finally, everyone's been a virgin at some point in their life, so stop feeling like your some sort of anomaly. Man up, stop making excuses and stop feeling sorry for yourself. If anything, you can always become a priest and spread word about the holy spirit. Being a virgin then would be something people looked up to. Work to become a Pope. I'm not a professor anymore, I'm unemployed for almost 2 years already because of my issues. How many people born in 1971 are looking for their first kiss? That is pathetic, do you realize what that does to my confidence? 1
385 Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I'm not a professor anymore, I'm unemployed for almost 2 years already because of my issues. How many people born in 1971 are looking for their first kiss? That is pathetic, do you realize what that does to my confidence? Well sitting around not kissing anybody isn't going to boost your confidence. The only way to raise your confidence is to accomplish something you want to achieve. You were a mathematician or something right? So logic should be second nature for you. Say right now your confidence level is 0. If you sit around and not do anything, you have a 0% chance of meeting people and increasing your confidence. But if you go out and try to meet people, no matter how high of a % chance you think you have with people, it'll still be greater than 0. Same reasoning as this - I did not study this exam so I know I'm going to fail. If I don't show up to my exam, I will get a 0. There is absolutely no chance I can get a higher grade. But if I do take my exam, no matter how low my chances are of getting a passing grade, it's still higher than 0. Plus its Saturday and you are online. Same can be said for me but I don't have the problems you have.
boogieboy Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I'm not a professor anymore, I'm unemployed for almost 2 years already because of my issues. How many people born in 1971 are looking for their first kiss? That is pathetic, do you realize what that does to my confidence? If you were trying to DO something about it then you should have a confidence problem, but since you don't want to fix it, and you're so proud of your afflictions, you should have confidence in telling people about your afflictions. That's if your going to continue cling to mental issues to blame your problems on. What are youhere for again?
Author virgin Posted November 15, 2009 Author Posted November 15, 2009 Well sitting around not kissing anybody isn't going to boost your confidence. The only way to raise your confidence is to accomplish something you want to achieve. You were a mathematician or something right? So logic should be second nature for you. Say right now your confidence level is 0. If you sit around and not do anything, you have a 0% chance of meeting people and increasing your confidence. But if you go out and try to meet people, no matter how high of a % chance you think you have with people, it'll still be greater than 0. Same reasoning as this - I did not study this exam so I know I'm going to fail. If I don't show up to my exam, I will get a 0. There is absolutely no chance I can get a higher grade. But if I do take my exam, no matter how low my chances are of getting a passing grade, it's still higher than 0. Plus its Saturday and you are online. Same can be said for me but I don't have the problems you have. I don't know where to go out or what to do. I have no friends either.
boogieboy Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I don't know where to go out or what to do. I have no friends either. I gave you a solid suggestion on page one in one of your threads, but you dont want a solution on how to meet people.
PinkToes Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 How many people born in 1971 are looking for their first kiss? That is pathetic, do you realize what that does to my confidence? Here's one: Susan Boyle. She's 10 years older than you, and if she's had her fist kiss yet, it happened only this year. She grew up with some pretty significant challenges as well, and seems to be doing just fine. If you don't know who she is, look it up on Wikipedia. It's all there. Now granted, this is only one example. But if you really want to improve your life, you will see it as an inspiration. If you're looking for excuses, you will dismiss it. Your choice.
betamanlet Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I gave you a solid suggestion on page one in one of your threads, but you dont want a solution on how to meet people. he's afraid of germs and has never spent a night away from his parents in his entire life. 1
boogieboy Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 Here's one: Susan Boyle. She's 10 years older than you, and if she's had her fist kiss yet, it happened only this year. She grew up with some pretty significant challenges as well, and seems to be doing just fine. . HAHA oh yeah...her hair was her major obstacle.... he's afraid of germs and has never spent a night away from his parents in his entire life. Ah, well that would do it.
dreamergrl Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I'm confused... can someone tell me how Beta knows OP so well?
betamanlet Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 HAHA oh yeah...her hair was her major obstacle.... Ah, well that would do it. I honestly don't believe anything about Susan Boyle. Why? BEcause she was on a reality TV show. She sought it out. Those shows attracts narcissists and she might have just said anything she thought that would get her attention.
betamanlet Posted November 15, 2009 Posted November 15, 2009 I'm confused... can someone tell me how Beta knows OP so well? I know him.
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