neveragain2493 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 My current boyfriend and I started out fine. We've dated for about a month.. not long, I know, which is why I'm asking about this issue. In every aspect but one, we are fine. However, he keeps saying I'm teasing him, and I need to go ahead and have sex with him. We've both never done it before, mind you. I tried to calmly let him know that I liked him but didn't love him, and that things like these take time. I told him I wasn't refusing him but that I was scared and needed to be ready. He responded with an, "Okay. I don't want to see you tomorrow." He says the reason people get into relationships is to have sex. Last week, we broke up and got back together about this. He says he's tired of being teased (which, I don't tease him) and that we're not right for each other. I responded with, "Because I won't screw you? Good luck getting it from someone else." He called later and apologized, saying sex was not important, and that we'd take things day by day. However, here I am.
Ody Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I responded with, "Because I won't screw you? Good luck getting it from someone else." If you guys are already having conversations like this, why bother? Isn't this supposed to be honeymoon phase time? He called later and apologized, saying sex was not important, and that we'd take things day by day. This is not true. He might not be deliberately lying, but obviously it's important to him or this would not be an issue. If you don't want to have sex with this guy within a few weeks, save yourself some time and break it off. Either you'll end up having sex and resenting him, or not having sex and then he'll resent you.
VeveCakes Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Is it just intercourse that's the problem here or all sexual activity? Are you sexually active at all? This guy broke up with you because you wouldn't put out? I say forget him. If you aren't ready, you aren't ready and it's not something you want to rush into or cave into just to save the relationship. Unless there is some sort of compromise you guys can make with fooling around etc then there is little hope for this relationship.
Author neveragain2493 Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 The problem is, we have 'fooled around'. I told him I'm doing everything I possibly can to make him happy. He said he didn't understand how I could do that and not do one thing: sex. He says everything else doesn't cut it.
Ody Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 (edited) Is it just intercourse that's the problem here or all sexual activity? Are you sexually active at all? Ooh good question. The problem is, we have 'fooled around'. I told him I'm doing everything I possibly can to make him happy. He said he didn't understand how I could do that and not do one thing: sex. He says everything else doesn't cut it. I'd say that's even more reason to break it off. You're going down and he won't stop whining. Bleh. Kind of classless of him after just a month I think. If he really felt strongly emotionally he'd be a little more understanding. He's either immature or just wants another notch. Edited November 14, 2009 by Ody
SpanksTheMonkey Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 People get together for the companionship the romance the friendship sex is something that comes along later after all that has had a chance to establish its self. At least in a adult relationship that is one thats actually worth something. I hate to tell you Hun but your bf is a major wanker from the sounds of it! And theres a good chance hes just using you to get sex I bet if you give it up he will dump you quicker then you can blink afterwords. And you will feel used and horrible do yourself a big favor and dump him now. So you can find a guy that actually wants to get to know/love you as a person first and not just get himself a easy screw tell him to get lost and go see a hooker for that lol.
Tziannia Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 I am going through a similar situation with my boyfriend, but he is the one who has decided to slow things down because he would like to get to know me more deeply on an emotional level before we progress sexually. I think that you sound to me like a truly lovely lady, who respects herself. You need to maintain that integrity, and if he is not understanding of your emotional intelligence, and your ability to value sex as a true expression of your emotional being, then you must continue your search for a stronger, and better suited lover. This chap certainly should not ever make you feel guilty. Guilt is a tactic, used only by the weak.
aerogurl87 Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 OP from personal experience, my ex waited 9 months, yep count em NINE MONTHS for me to lose my virginity to him. Why? Because he genuinely wanted me to feel ready to have sex with him on my own time. Yeah I know it killed him to wait, but he never pressured me into doing anything and that made it all the more special and great when it did happen. So if he's pressuring you, I say leave him. You can find better.
TaraMaiden Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 I tried to calmly let him know that I liked him but didn't love him, . Nobody else see this fvc*king great big flappy red thing, at all....? No.....? Ok.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 14, 2009 Posted November 14, 2009 Nobody else see this fvc*king great big flappy red thing, at all....? No.....? Ok. I saw it, but read it to mean she didn't love him YET. She said these things grow over time. They've only been dating a month. But anyway - neveragain, you have to stick to your guns on this one. He's going to keep making you feel guilty, keep pressuring you, and keep punishing you. Is that really what you want from somebody that you've only been with for a MONTH? Gees, he sounds like too much hassle, IMO. Find a MAN that actually has respect for you feelings - they do exist.
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