tigressA Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 ...in my ancient history class. I had noticed him previously, much earlier in the semester, but we had never said a single word to each other even though he's sat only one seat away since the class started. Last Friday when we were discussing politics of the Roman Republic and one of the resident tools cracked a joke about knowing how to kill a lion because of the movie "Gladiator", everyone laughed. I turned around a little and made eye contact with the guy, saying "Yeah, like every encounter with a lion is going to be exactly the same as in that movie." He laughed. Later that evening I found a friend request from him on Facebook, with a message added saying "I was totally loving your yellow shoes..." (I have a pair of yellow ballet flats that I've been wearing a lot over the last month). I accepted it and on Sunday, when I was in the lab, I saw he was online on Facebook IM; I sent him a message. We ended up talking for nearly 8 hours, and made plans to hang out on Monday after class. Monday after class we just walked around campus, stopped at the nearby diner for food, and he insisted on paying so I let him. We hung out for about 5 hours that day. Yesterday, we walked out of class together and he asked me if I had anything I had to do. I said, "Nope." He said he got a new job and needed some new clothes; he was going to meet his mom at the mall and invited me to come along, so I did. I had so much fun. I met his mom and one of his younger brothers who's also in college, and I helped him pick out some good stuff. According to them I have very good taste. I made him promise to wear the purple pullover sweater I picked out for him tomorrow. After the mall, he drove me back to my house. We sat in his car and talked for a little while and I said, "You can come in if you want, if you don't have anything else to do." He said, "Sure." We were both pretty hungry and he offered to get dinner but I insisted on making something since he'd paid for lunch the other day. So I made linguini with clams and we had the chocolate-chip cookies I baked the other day for dessert. We ate on one of the living-room couches and he raved about the food. We sat and talked some more, watched the new SVU, and then I started a pillow fight with him that went on for more than an hour. He tickled me a few times; we tackled each other around the knees, it was so much fun. At one point I'd gotten him on the couch and I was standing over him. He said, "You look good from this angle. You've got a little skin showing right here..." pointing to where my shirt had ridden up. He reached out and lightly ran his fingers across my stomach and wow, what I felt when he did that. I had to hit him with my pillow again to keep myself from just leaping on him. After the pillow fight was over I sat him down on the floor, me on the couch, and I gave him a head rub. He gave me a foot rub--both feet--and started running his hands along my calves, under my jeans, saying how soft and smooth my skin was. When he got back up on the couch again we were talking about scars/moles/birthmarks and I counted all the moles I could find along his arms. He showed me the scars on his knuckles from bag-punching and I ran my fingers across them. When he left, which wasn't until around 2 A.M., we hugged for a long time and our heads were kind of buried in each other's necks. It was one of those delicious moments where you wonder what else you can get away with, if you should try for more, but nothing else happened. Here's where it gets complicated. It's clear that he's very attracted to me. I know that. Me, I'm newly single again after stupidly trying to rekindle something with my ex that wasn't there in the first place, but I got out of that easily, no scars. He got out of a 2+ yr. relationship with a girl he had wanted to marry, not even two weeks ago. She cheated on him and is with the guy she cheated with. Just this past weekend she came and got all her stuff out of his place. He opened up a lot about it in our Sunday conversation and even more last night--said he's coping really well during the day, but that he's dreamed about her a lot at night. He said several times that he almost couldn't believe how comfortable he feels with me after knowing me for less than a week. I feel the same (didn't say it though)...the connection between us is insane. I almost don't want to believe it but it's undeniable. He's only had two relationships before--the first one lasted 5 years; this last one was more than 2, both girls cheated, and he isn't the type to just have random, meaningless flings (he's 24). I don't know what to do at this point though. I think if I kept moving onward then I might be friendzoned because of how his relationship ended, and how recently it ended, or I would be a rebound. What can I do? Should I just back off?
Author tigressA Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 I actually have an "update" on this now, hah. I'm talking to him again right now on Facebook IM. He asked me how to make it so pics of him and his ex together don't show up on his profile anymore. And he also asked me if I had plans for tomorrow. I said, "None so far." He said, "Care to spend some time with this guy?" I said, "I don't know who 'this guy' is. Never heard of anyone with that name before ." He called me a rascal, spelled out his own name and I said, "Oh, okay. I know someone with that name. And I would love to." He suggested a movie or an open mic night at a coffeehouse downtown. I picked the open mic night. I said, "Sometimes they're a bust, but even if this one is we can just sit down over our cappuccinos and have more great conversation." He said, "Sounds fantastic!" So it seems like things are on the right track so far.
northstar1 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I actually have an "update" on this now, hah. I'm talking to him again right now on Facebook IM. He asked me how to make it so pics of him and his ex together don't show up on his profile anymore. And he also asked me if I had plans for tomorrow. I said, "None so far." He said, "Care to spend some time with this guy?" I said, "I don't know who 'this guy' is. Never heard of anyone with that name before ." He called me a rascal, spelled out his own name and I said, "Oh, okay. I know someone with that name. And I would love to." He suggested a movie or an open mic night at a coffeehouse downtown. I picked the open mic night. I said, "Sometimes they're a bust, but even if this one is we can just sit down over our cappuccinos and have more great conversation." He said, "Sounds fantastic!" So it seems like things are on the right track so far. If I can make a suggestion.............slow down. This guy is showing definite signs of interest, but he also is fresh out a long relationship and is bound to be 'rebounding' at some level, happy to bask in the attention of someone new.
Author tigressA Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 Yeah, I know. I'm definitely going to make an effort to not be so physical with him. I was going crazy last night; I was so worked up and I know he was too. He just told me that he really liked our long goodbye hug and that he left with the biggest smile on his face...he's a sweetie but I know I have to be wary because of the rebound factor.
crazy_grl Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Yep, slow down or you're going to crash and burn. Since you've already scheduled this next date, go ahead and go. No more spending time at home alone together for now though. Keep your dates in public. You won't be friend zoned. That "friend zone" thing doesn't really apply to guys. The worst thing you could to is to sleep with him too soon (you seem like you could be headed down that path) before he's really over his ex.
Author tigressA Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 The worst thing you could to is to sleep with him too soon (you seem like you could be headed down that path) before he's really over his ex. Yeah, it would almost definitely go down that path if I let it. We're both intensely attracted to each other. Depending on how tomorrow night goes I might talk to him about the situation. Or maybe I shouldn't. I'm not sure what I would say if I did. And I'm not sure how I should slow things down--sure, not hanging out alone at either of our places is one way to do it, but what else? Should I not talk to him as often? Should I sit down and evaluate my attraction to him? I don't know. I've never been in a situation like this before. Anyone else got some perspective on this?
crazy_grl Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 (edited) I wouldn't talk to him about it yet. Sure, it's good to talk about things, but it's nice to have the freshness of a relationship where there's not all that seriousness, ya know? Talking about it too soon could put a damper on things. Definitely do talk to him about whether he feels he's ready for a new relationship before you get serious and before you sleep together though. You only need to talk about it if there's a situation where you feel like he wants to do something too soon (like asking you to be his gf or wanting you to come over to his place at night) and he asks you why not. I don't think you have to make an attempt to not talk to him as often. You don't want to come off as uninterested. You could try to limit the amount of conversations you initiate. Guys somewhat expect to have to be the pursuer anyway, so as long as you're not blowing him off, that shouldn't do any harm. Make sure you keep doing your regular hobbies and things. (I know when I really like a guy, I'm tempted to give up doing things I normally would do to spend time with him.) Just focus on getting to know him as a person. It sounds like you have a great dialog going and are getting to know each other, but remind yourself that despite the great chemistry, you just met and you don't know him that well. I promise you though that if you sleep with him before he's over his ex, it'll make it a LOT harder for you to have a relationship with him... if it doesn't kill all chances of it. Assuming he's a normal person, it's going to take him at least a couple months, so you're going to have to be very patient, and (guys being the horn dogs that they are) I doubt he's going to make that easy for you. Edited November 13, 2009 by crazy_grl
Author tigressA Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 I promise you though that if you sleep with him before he's over his ex, it'll make it a LOT harder for you to have a relationship with him... if it doesn't kill all chances of it. Assuming he's a normal person, it's going to take him at least a couple months, so you're going to have to be very patient, and (guys being the horn dogs that they are) I doubt he's going to make that easy for you. Despite the intense attraction, I'm sure I could wait at least a couple of months. I mean, nothing major happened last night during the pillow fight, not even a kiss, and I felt like every inch of my body was on fire the entire time. I can be as much of a horn dog as the next guy... But I'm really feeling like this could be something, and I definitely don't want to spoil it. So I'm going to wait. I'm thinking that I shouldn't kiss him when we're out tomorrow, if it goes there. I'm thinking it's still too soon for that. If he goes for a kiss, should I shut him down?
crazy_grl Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 (edited) If he goes for a kiss, should I shut him down? That's a tough call. On the one hand, that would be taking a step forward when you're trying to take things slow. On the other, you don't want to risk making him feel rejected, and a kiss should be fairly harmless. Plus, a kiss on the 2nd date isn't really rushing. I'd say, in this case, just do whatever feels comfortable at the moment. And don't worry so much about this stuff that you forget to have fun on your date! Edited November 13, 2009 by crazy_grl
DanielMadr Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 ...in my ancient history class. I had noticed him previously, much earlier in the semester, but we had never said a single word to each other even though he's sat only one seat away since the class started. Last Friday when we were discussing politics of the Roman Republic and one of the resident tools cracked a joke about knowing how to kill a lion because of the movie "Gladiator", everyone laughed. I turned around a little and made eye contact with the guy, saying "Yeah, like every encounter with a lion is going to be exactly the same as in that movie." He laughed. Later that evening I found a friend request from him on Facebook, with a message added saying "I was totally loving your yellow shoes..." (I have a pair of yellow ballet flats that I've been wearing a lot over the last month). I accepted it and on Sunday, when I was in the lab, I saw he was online on Facebook IM; I sent him a message. We ended up talking for nearly 8 hours, and made plans to hang out on Monday after class. Monday after class we just walked around campus, stopped at the nearby diner for food, and he insisted on paying so I let him. We hung out for about 5 hours that day. Yesterday, we walked out of class together and he asked me if I had anything I had to do. I said, "Nope." He said he got a new job and needed some new clothes; he was going to meet his mom at the mall and invited me to come along, so I did. I had so much fun. I met his mom and one of his younger brothers who's also in college, and I helped him pick out some good stuff. According to them I have very good taste. I made him promise to wear the purple pullover sweater I picked out for him tomorrow. After the mall, he drove me back to my house. We sat in his car and talked for a little while and I said, "You can come in if you want, if you don't have anything else to do." He said, "Sure." We were both pretty hungry and he offered to get dinner but I insisted on making something since he'd paid for lunch the other day. So I made linguini with clams and we had the chocolate-chip cookies I baked the other day for dessert. We ate on one of the living-room couches and he raved about the food. We sat and talked some more, watched the new SVU, and then I started a pillow fight with him that went on for more than an hour. He tickled me a few times; we tackled each other around the knees, it was so much fun. At one point I'd gotten him on the couch and I was standing over him. He said, "You look good from this angle. You've got a little skin showing right here..." pointing to where my shirt had ridden up. He reached out and lightly ran his fingers across my stomach and wow, what I felt when he did that. I had to hit him with my pillow again to keep myself from just leaping on him. After the pillow fight was over I sat him down on the floor, me on the couch, and I gave him a head rub. He gave me a foot rub--both feet--and started running his hands along my calves, under my jeans, saying how soft and smooth my skin was. When he got back up on the couch again we were talking about scars/moles/birthmarks and I counted all the moles I could find along his arms. He showed me the scars on his knuckles from bag-punching and I ran my fingers across them. When he left, which wasn't until around 2 A.M., we hugged for a long time and our heads were kind of buried in each other's necks. It was one of those delicious moments where you wonder what else you can get away with, if you should try for more, but nothing else happened. Here's where it gets complicated. It's clear that he's very attracted to me. I know that. Me, I'm newly single again after stupidly trying to rekindle something with my ex that wasn't there in the first place, but I got out of that easily, no scars. He got out of a 2+ yr. relationship with a girl he had wanted to marry, not even two weeks ago. She cheated on him and is with the guy she cheated with. Just this past weekend she came and got all her stuff out of his place. He opened up a lot about it in our Sunday conversation and even more last night--said he's coping really well during the day, but that he's dreamed about her a lot at night. He said several times that he almost couldn't believe how comfortable he feels with me after knowing me for less than a week. I feel the same (didn't say it though)...the connection between us is insane. I almost don't want to believe it but it's undeniable. He's only had two relationships before--the first one lasted 5 years; this last one was more than 2, both girls cheated, and he isn't the type to just have random, meaningless flings (he's 24). I don't know what to do at this point though. I think if I kept moving onward then I might be friendzoned because of how his relationship ended, and how recently it ended, or I would be a rebound. What can I do? Should I just back off? 1. There was no lion fighting in the movie Gladiator starring Russel Crow. There was a tiger on a leash. 2. Let's be honest. You are wondering if you can stay with a guy who got cheated on 2 times. And is so sensitive about it (pussy). And of top of that is even telling you about how sensitive he is (total pussy). Friendzone the pussy. And be more honest with us next time. And watch the movie.
boldjack Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Jeez, Tigger, you are just too cute!! After having talked with you , I think that you are wise enough, and mature enough to figure out how to proceed with this guy. Trust your own instincts. If it feels right to give him a kiss or two or 150, you will know it. Just be sure that he and you are on the same page. I had the most intense rebound relationship I have ever had, right after my divorce. The sex was spectacular!!! The emotional and mental bonds were the deepest I have ever felt with a woman.
boldjack Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Oh, BTW, the woman I had the rebound with is now Mrs. BJ, and we have been a couple for over 20 years.:love:
Author tigressA Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 Thanks for all the input so far, it's greatly appreciated. Yeah, it is a tough call, the kiss thing. I decided that if he goes for it I won't turn him down but do my best to keep it chaste. I figure it's a nice balance between not making him feel rejected and taking things slowly. My class with him is in little more than an hour; I feel all giddy right now. I'm wearing my favorite clingy sweater dress today . I'll be back here either later tonight or sometime tomorrow with an update, of course! :bunny:
thatguy85 Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 This thread is a good read. Very well written, detailed, and I could completely visualize what's going on here. I'm actually going through something similar where I left my wife and have started the divorce process just a couple months ago. I've been seeing a few girls, going to bars, etc... but I met one girl who I really like. We've seen each other maybe 5 times, made out a couple times with the help of some drinks, played video games, hung out alone at home and so on... Problem is I have my baggage and she has hers. We've had several conversations telling each other how great we think they are, and how the baggage we have really sucks. We have decided to be "friends", but that was even before the kissing. I'm not really sure where we stand now... but I can understand what you're going through. I would say though, the company and affection feels great. I know everyone warns against a rebound... but what do they expect you to do? Just be lonely and hurt by yourself for an extended period of time? It's tough and I wish I had the right answer for you but I don't... just thought I'd weigh in with that. If I think of something poignant I'll let you know.
VeveCakes Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 ahh, things aren't always a rebound! A great relationship can still develop quickley after one ends. It just depends on whether or not you have met the right person. I see no problem talking about it. If he really likes you it won't scare him at all, if he freaks out then you will know he isn't ready to move on. Good luck with him, sounds like you have a great connection.
Author tigressA Posted November 14, 2009 Author Posted November 14, 2009 Our date last night was amazing. We went to the coffeehouse; there were a few people there who got up to recite some things. He persuaded me to get up there myself (!) and while I didn't have any original material, I did recite Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky" from memory . We just sat at the table for awhile with our drinks, talking, holding/playing with each other's hands. We were hungry, so we discussed where to get food. We went to Red Lobster and split a few appetizers. We sat on the same side of the booth. I never met a guy before him who likes to sit that way. We had an awkward moment when one of the servers recognized him; they'd gone to high school together and she knew some of what had happened with his ex and that it wasn't too long ago. He introduced me and she asked us how long we've been together. We were both like, "Uh..." After dinner we went back to my house and were deliberating over my movie collection, which is limited. We decided on "Moulin Rouge" and cuddled on the couch. After it was over it was around 12:30 but neither of us had the slightest thought of him leaving. We were still on the couch and after awhile we kissed--he made the move. There was actually--I'm not sure how to describe it other than this--a foreplay of sorts that led up to the kiss, which was amazingly hot. We kissed quite a bit and after each time we were both trembling, we were so turned on. He said, "It's different, being in this sort of situation, having feelings for someone else...but in a good way. That is, if the other person feels the same..." I just looked at him and said, "I do." When the time reached 1:30 or so we were a bit torn over whether he should stay or go. I guess we were both afraid that if he stayed that things would go beyond our control, but he didn't want to leave either. He did end up staying in my bed but we just fell asleep with our arms around each other. At one point in the night we got into the spooning position and he took me up in his arms in this strong, possessive sort of way and then kissed the back of my neck--I melted. Before we went to bed he set an alarm on his phone. He had to get up somewhat early since he promised a friend of his he'd help move them into their new place. When it came time for him to go, I walked him downstairs. We stood by the door holding each other and we kissed a few more times. He said, "I guess I'll see you on Monday, then..." I said, "I guess so..." (we both have a paper to write for class, I also have a test to study for and my one housemate's birthday celebration tonight). Then he was gone.
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