lucy9216 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I am 6 months out of 6 year relationship and I am ready to start dating, I am on a dating website but it doesent bring me much luck. I know that I give off an ora that i am taken because this is literally the longest I have been single since I was 16 and I am now 29, I am very much used to not making eye contact and keeping to myself because I have always been taken. When I have gone to the bar recently with some friends I smile at other guys but I feel silly and alot of the time I get wrapped up in my friends being as that is what I am used too, I am not used to going out to meet people but just hang out with friends. Basically this is my first time dating and I have no clue as to what I am doing. All of my past relationships were long time friends that developed into a relationship and that was all of 3 guys in the last 13 years. Any tips would be appreciated here
Ruby Slippers Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 this is literally the longest I have been single since I was 16 and I am now 29, I am very much used to not making eye contact and keeping to myself because I have always been taken. I am in the same situation. All the attention has been overwhelming, but also fun. I had no idea this was what it was like to be single. Had I known, I probably would have tried it out a long time ago. All I do is make eye contact once, maybe twice, and maaaaybe give a little smile. That is usually more than enough invitation.
Author lucy9216 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 I am in the same situation. All the attention has been overwhelming, but also fun. I had no idea this was what it was like to be single. Had I known, I probably would have tried it out a long time ago. All I do is make eye contact once, maybe twice, and maaaaybe give a little smile. That is usually more than enough invitation. Keep it pretty simple then, I think I can handle that sounds good... It is kinda scary though being single cause you don't know what you could be getting yourself into. Since I already knew my previous partners for atleast a year before we dated, I already knew I could trust them for the most part I mean I am single for a reason. I wonder too, do yo have any kids? cause I have 2 and when would be a good time to bring that up?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Keep it pretty simple then, I think I can handle that sounds good... It is kinda scary though being single cause you don't know what you could be getting yourself into. Since I already knew my previous partners for atleast a year before we dated, I already knew I could trust them for the most part I mean I am single for a reason. I wonder too, do yo have any kids? cause I have 2 and when would be a good time to bring that up? No, I don't have kids. But I TOTALLY relate on it being scary! I also have had relationships in the past with people I took my time getting to know. When I first started flirting again, it was really scary, and I felt overwhelmed and just visually devoured by all these men. On one hand, it was fun to flirt. On the other, it kind of exhausted me. And I was amazed by how the slightest effort on my part invited so much attention. At a certain point while getting to know the last guy (after just a few dates), I was thinking, "OMG, I don't know anything about this man. He could be totally crazy!" It was fun for 2-3 dates -- then it got scary. Of course, this was compounded by the fact that he was somewhat evasive about himself, didn't seem to want to open up much, wanted to "maintain some mystery" , seemed scared of getting close. All that was a big turn-off for me. Then I figured out that if the guy doesn't make it easy on me to get to know him and feel comfortable, he's not worth the effort.
BentSpine Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I cannot think of anything really that would make you desperate. I would probably think that you're mature enough to go after what you want and fed up with playing games. As long as you stop calling after the person has openly declared that they're not interested, then you're not desperate the way I see it. And I would definitely smile at a man you like if I were you. You see, looking once is not flirting, that's checking out the surroundings. Looking twice is liking what you saw the first time, but unavailable women will also look twice as well so that's not a clear sign of being available either. Instead, the smile does the trick.
Ody Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 (edited) I am 6 months out of 6 year relationship and I am ready to start dating, I am on a dating website but it doesent bring me much luck. I know that I give off an ora that i am taken because this is literally the longest I have been single since I was 16 and I am now 29, I am very much used to not making eye contact and keeping to myself because I have always been taken. When I have gone to the bar recently with some friends I smile at other guys but I feel silly and alot of the time I get wrapped up in my friends being as that is what I am used too, I am not used to going out to meet people but just hang out with friends. Basically this is my first time dating and I have no clue as to what I am doing. All of my past relationships were long time friends that developed into a relationship and that was all of 3 guys in the last 13 years. Any tips would be appreciated here Don't feel silly about smiling. It's a great sign. Even confident guys get sick of getting shot down sometimes, and a smile is a nice clear but subtle way of showing them they probably won't be - at least not immediately! Don't worry too much about seeming desperate either. As far as the kids, I wouldn't bring it up on date one, but maybe two or three. If you want too long, you risk wasting time on some guy who just can't/won't deal with that. If you bring it up *immediately*, well you guys won't even have figured out the basic compatibility stuff and it might be awkward. I agree with the post above that just using looks is a bit uncertain, two looks could just mean "eww that dude has some lunch still stuck on his face". Edited November 12, 2009 by Ody
alphamale Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 aquire target make extended eye contact if he holds eye contact then smile look away repeat after a minute or two hope that he has the balls to come over
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