TopCop15 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Hey everyone. This is somewhat complicated for me to explain, so bear with me with the length. For the past year I was employed part time at a local office complex. I chose the job for temporary work until I found a job in my chosen field. This job was great, I met a lot of great people and made some lifelong friends there. Anyway, about six months ago, we had a new manager take over. Everyone was saying how young she was (My age-mid 20s) and how drop dead gorgeous she was. I thought nothing of it, I figured, oh well, just another boss that I'll have to deal with. Her first few weeks were obviously a getting to know you period. She kept to herself, was a little nervous in the beginning as you can imagine seeing as there are people in this office who have been employed for well over a decade or two. She gradually would come out of her shell. In the beginning, I never really went out of my way to talk to her as I was busy and I figured I'd get to it eventually. As time progressed, I started to find out more and more details about her through the gossip mongers of the office, some of them were my friends. I quickly found out that her and I graduated from the same school with the same major on the same year. My friend mentioned that to her and thus the ice was broken, we had something in common. We discussed professors, classes (Even some classes we had together!). Her and I had an instant bond that none of the other co-workers had. So as time progressed, I'm in the lunch room with my friends and they ask me what I am doing over the weekend, I told them that I was going to do some mountain climbing. Unbeknown to me, she was in the lunch room eavesdropping. How do I know she was eavesdropping? The minute I mentioned mountain climbing, she jumped out of her chair and said, "You're into mountain climbing too?!?!" She instantly regressed back into the sorority girl she was a few years back. Most people never saw that side of her and were taken aback by it. As time progressed, I noticed subtle hints (or signs) when she spoke to me. She would play with her hair, play with her shoes. Even the way she spoke to me was different than the way she spoke to the other people. With everyone else she had the ultra-strict manager tone, with me, it was as if I were at the student center eating a slice of pizza with her. The way she said hi was like this, "Helllloooooo.....so....uhhhh....what's going on with you???" Laugh all you want, she was genuinely playful with me all the time, constantly smiling and cutting me up (I like that in a girl, dont ask). Well, fast forward to present day. I am no longer employed there as I have found a better job. I was thinking of asking her out seeing as her and I had a lot in common, we could talk to each other on the same level, and I just have this gut feeling that something is there. The problem liesin the fact of my friends that still work for her. They all despise her. Calling her all the names you can think of for a lousy boss. I think their opinions of her are based strictly on what they see in the work environment and jealousy. I think they might be jealous of her because of her success at a young age. I feel they haven't had a chance to see the real her as I have in numerous occasions. So, I ask you guys, should I go for it? I know if they were my real friends they should be happy for me, but you never can tell. Thanks.
lucy9216 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I say go for it!! if they are true friends they will stick by your decision and still be your friend, if they don't then you know they were never true friends to begin with. And besides that, if she is the ONE would you really turn away from that because of what your friends might think? I mean you will be the one spending your life with her if she is the one, not your friends... Do what makes YOU happy
carhill Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Tough call. A good boss inspires respect for his or her leadership, and that dearth, if you otherwise respect and value your friends (and their perspectives), speaks volumes to me. Should it have bearing on you asking her out? Probably not, because you sense balance. That said, I'd watch for the same signs of what the friends are complaining about carrying over into her personal life. People do put on a 'work face' but their intrinsic personality remains essentially immutable. I'd be cautious. Hopefully, others will be more enthusiastic. For what it's worth, my stbx's friends tested me and 'loved' the results and a decade later we're getting a divorce, so friend approval/disapproval is no panacea, IME
Confusedalways Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Go for it!!! You will always wonder if you don't. Surely you have other friends who don't work for her, maybe you can introduce her to them first and ease into the work friends later. I think you'll regret this if you don't, you sound like you know there is potential. good luck!
Ody Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I was thinking of asking her out seeing as her and I had a lot in common, we could talk to each other on the same level, and I just have this gut feeling that something is there. The problem liesin the fact of my friends that still work for her. They all despise her. Calling her all the names you can think of for a lousy boss. I think their opinions of her are based strictly on what they see in the work environment and jealousy. I think they might be jealous of her because of her success at a young age. I feel they haven't had a chance to see the real her as I have in numerous occasions. So, I ask you guys, should I go for it? I know if they were my real friends they should be happy for me, but you never can tell. Thanks. I'm always suspicious when people complain about their bosses too much. Sure there are some terrible bosses out there but at least as often it's the other way around. Also you worked with a while and didn't notice anything terrible (at least that you mention here). So it's probably not a big deal like they make it out to be and you're probably right regarding jealousy. I think you'd be foolish if you didn't ask her out. You have nothing to lose and she sounds like a total catch. Manager job, funny, mountain climbing, super hot? Jeez man I want to ask her out just from your post! Go for it!
CaliGuy Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Your friends wouldn't be dating her, you would. So what does it matter if your friends like her or not? It's none of their business who you date and you don't need their approval. Date who you want. And if your friends complain, remind them that you appreciate their concern but that it's your life and you are free to date who you want -- just as they are free to be your friend (or not!).
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