DollWelch Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 This is what happened. A couple of days ago, I was out running a few errands, attempting to get things done since I had a deadline. I looked down to check the time on my watch, when suddenly I hear a man's voice within my vicinity, and look up to find him asking for the time as well. "7:00 p.m." I say. He smiles. During this exchange I had noticed he was holding a cell phone. Cell phones carry a digital clock. Why ask me for the time, when clearly you have it right in front of you? Men have worked this charm on me before, numerous times, and I never saw much use in it's effectiveness -i.e. ice-breaker. The man starts making conversation with me, something I didn't particularly invite him to do, but nonetheless, he continued. He was rushing through his words, from one question to the next, as though he was trying to reach a certain goal in mind. He asked about: My name, what I do for a living, where I live, what I do for fun, and whether or not I had a boyfriend. All this, within a 10 minute time span; you must be kidding me, I thought to myself. He poured out a summary of his life; talked endlessly about his parents, his siblings, grandmother, where they reside. Why share such information with a stranger? I didn't get it, and still don't. Apparently, he has a smart and wealthy brother in Texas, another sibling in Colorado, and went on about his parents travels. He, then, began showing me pictures of all sorts of things on his cell phone, as if saying that those pictures should be shared with a complete stranger for the sake of entertainment and intrusion of privacy. I just felt very weird in all this. Then he declared his thoughts out load to me: "If I give you my phone number, will you call me?". Now, What would a woman say to that! I laughed. I thought to myself, "No, of course not". Instead, I gave him my e-mail address. Yes, I know, lame. But, I wasn't going to give him my phone number. Worst comes to worst, which it was at that point, I'd ignore his e-mail (if he were to send one). At this point, he was becoming fidgety. "It's hot in here, geez". Those were his words. As if I didn't know what that meant. I just couldn't believe the utter verbalization of such a concept. I rolled my eyes, in my head, that is. In the end, he asked if he could take me out for a coffee or cappicuno sometime, and again, I just nodded towards my e-mail he had in his hand. Sigh. I thought his entire approach, from start to end, was creepy. He seemed like a nice man, but at the same time, everything was giving me the shivers (not in a good way). Why do I always get approached by the same type of men, the freakiest and creepiest of them all? Perhaps I should run off with his smart and wealthy brother. I'm just kidding. Seriously, though: Would you have taken it as Creepy or Flattery?
Boundary Problem Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 creepy. I think a more well-adjusted person would ask you for the time (that part was fine) and then start talking about the weather, the neighbourhood etc and then ask if you want to go for coffee sometime. Short, sweet and effective. The initial hello is just to secure the coffee date in the future. No need for the life story.
boogieboy Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Try as he might, If it bugged you so much, why didnt you stop him from bugging you after you noticed he had a cell phone? or after the 6th time you got shivers from what he was saying? If youre too chicken to tell him to scram, you shouldnt be complaining about letting guys creep you out.
b52s Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Seriously, though: Would you have taken it as Creepy or Flattery? Doll Wench... If you're were interested/attrated = Flattery If you unattracted/disintersted = Creepy. AND, I want to ask, why not just admit you weren't attracted, instead of judging him and slapping a label on the poor guy as "Creepy" You see, it's women like YOU that make it hard for us men to approach you and give dating a bad name. All you do is slap labels on us and call us creepy, as opposed to FESSING up and just saying you weren't attracted.....be accountable, don't spin it around on him.
D-Jam Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I don't think he did anything wrong in trying. I cosign with b52s. If DollWelch had found him attractive I'll bet she would have not have seen it as creepy. I think his approach was a bit pushy and desperate to try to make conversation, when he should have seen the signs that DollWelch was not interested. He needed to calm down, not try lines to talk to a girl, and really read the woman to know when he should say "have a nice day" and leave. However, I've heard from women themselves who say "persistence pays off"...meaning if you badger her, not let her go, and push her enough, she'll cave in. I personally think though if you have to make someone "cave in" to date you, then he or she isn't worth it. I don't know what DollWelch's situation is, so I will not judge her. I will yet again mention the myriad of times I see women complain how they can't meet any men, but when they go about town they have a big invisible "STAY AWAY FROM ME" sign up, and when they go out, they won't break free from the pack of friends and allow themselves to be approached. I give this guy credit for having the balls and spine to try, but I will say he needs to calm down and know when he should just move on. I also think women should just come right out and be honest. Stop all this "protecting his feelings" crap or "I feel like such a bitch when I reject someone" logic or even mentioning that one story of a lil boy who called said girl a "cunt" because she politely and honestly rejected him. Just tell him right there that you're not interested, and move on. If he calls you an obscenity, then don't get frustrated or scared to reject again...just see it as one more reason why he wasn't right for you. LESSON TO MEN: Don't be pushy, desperate, and know when to leave her alone and walk. If you have to fight to get a conversation with her, then she's not interested. LESSONS TO WOMEN: 1) Stop avoiding. Just honestly and politely reject a guy. 2) If you're one of those few who complain that you're not meeting any decent men...then get out from behind the walls of ice and make sure your selection criteria is realistic.
Yamaha Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I would say the guy had balls. Since you seem to be put off he obviously didn't interest you but that doesn't negate his confidence.
melodymatters Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I'm a woman, and I see nothing " creepy" about his approach. If I was interested, I would play along, if not I would laughingly say " Nice to meet you, I have to run, have a GREAT day !" He was just trying to keep the conversation going, not like he was showing you pics of his dead grandmother or anything !
Die Hard Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 This is what happened. A couple of days ago, I was out running a few errands, attempting to get things done since I had a deadline. I looked down to check the time on my watch, when suddenly I hear a man's voice within my vicinity, and look up to find him asking for the time as well. "7:00 p.m." I say. He smiles. During this exchange I had noticed he was holding a cell phone. Cell phones carry a digital clock. Why ask me for the time, when clearly you have it right in front of you? Men have worked this charm on me before, numerous times, and I never saw much use in it's effectiveness -i.e. ice-breaker. The man starts making conversation with me, something I didn't particularly invite him to do, but nonetheless, he continued. He was rushing through his words, from one question to the next, as though he was trying to reach a certain goal in mind. He asked about: My name, what I do for a living, where I live, what I do for fun, and whether or not I had a boyfriend. All this, within a 10 minute time span; you must be kidding me, I thought to myself. He poured out a summary of his life; talked endlessly about his parents, his siblings, grandmother, where they reside. Why share such information with a stranger? I didn't get it, and still don't. Apparently, he has a smart and wealthy brother in Texas, another sibling in Colorado, and went on about his parents travels. He, then, began showing me pictures of all sorts of things on his cell phone, as if saying that those pictures should be shared with a complete stranger for the sake of entertainment and intrusion of privacy. I just felt very weird in all this. Then he declared his thoughts out load to me: "If I give you my phone number, will you call me?". Now, What would a woman say to that! I laughed. I thought to myself, "No, of course not". Instead, I gave him my e-mail address. Yes, I know, lame. But, I wasn't going to give him my phone number. Worst comes to worst, which it was at that point, I'd ignore his e-mail (if he were to send one). At this point, he was becoming fidgety. "It's hot in here, geez". Those were his words. As if I didn't know what that meant. I just couldn't believe the utter verbalization of such a concept. I rolled my eyes, in my head, that is. In the end, he asked if he could take me out for a coffee or cappicuno sometime, and again, I just nodded towards my e-mail he had in his hand. Sigh. I thought his entire approach, from start to end, was creepy. He seemed like a nice man, but at the same time, everything was giving me the shivers (not in a good way). Why do I always get approached by the same type of men, the freakiest and creepiest of them all? Perhaps I should run off with his smart and wealthy brother. I'm just kidding. Seriously, though: Would you have taken it as Creepy or Flattery? no i think this dude dodged a bullet....now he's still free to find a mature woman
You'reasian Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Doll Wench... If you're were interested/attrated = Flattery If you unattracted/disintersted = Creepy. AND, I want to ask, why not just admit you weren't attracted, instead of judging him and slapping a label on the poor guy as "Creepy" You see, it's women like YOU that make it hard for us men to approach you and give dating a bad name. All you do is slap labels on us and call us creepy, as opposed to FESSING up and just saying you weren't attracted.....be accountable, don't spin it around on him. Exactly. The guy in the OP seems like a nice guy with guts, took a chance on the wrong girl. There's nothing wrong with Doll Wench, I'm sure she's great, but she didn't find the guy attractive or interesting.
Die Hard Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 (edited) Exactly. The guy in the OP seems like a nice guy with guts, took a chance on the wrong girl. There's nothing wrong with Doll Wench, I'm sure she's great, but she didn't find the guy attractive or interesting. Oh no...there IS something wrong with the OP....dont lump all women into this mess. not all women act this way or lable men who approach them(who they are not attracted to) as creepy. not by a longshot. In my experience, this is the behavior of an EXTREMELY immature woman. there are many of these women out there but they are far from the norm. Melodymatters gives a perfect example of how a well-adjusted, mature woman would react. imo\\ Edited November 12, 2009 by Die Hard
Boundary Problem Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Well I've read most of the comments and I'm back here to defend the preference of not disclosing your life story when you first meet someone. 1. The conversation should be like a tennis match. The fact he had to go so deep with detail means she wasn't giving him anything back. We agree on that. She could respond about the weather, or the neighbourhood, like I said. There is always something the woman can say. I agree that a mature woman will "help the guy out" and lob the ball back to him. Say something about his shirt. Anything. Say something. He had the guts to come up to you, as a woman you MUST reciprocate in some NICE way. 2. So the conversation is back and forth - it is at this point he MUST ask her for coffee etc. Quickly. While the iron is hot. Why? We're all busy. If he isn't busy, he should pretend he is. The rest of us have bills to pay, deadlines to meet and kids to look after. What I do have time for - is a nice cup of coffee with some good company during a hectic day. So if he's breathing, and I'm single, and he asks me for coffee - I will ALWAYS say yes. In this case not only did he NOT get the girl, he got posted about on an internet forum. Obviously, he needs to adjust his game. And I've already mentioned the woman's obligation to help the guy out when he approaches her - regardless if he is attractive to her or not. My dad taught me that rule.
Krytie TV Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 OP, I think the limited consensus is not that you're a bad or mean person. However, I think you should just try to realize that just because someone isn't what you're looking for doesn't mean you're not what they are looking for. Take it as flattery and move on. There's no reason to be harsh about someone who was going out on a limb (more than I would do BTW with someone I had never met) and spark a little convo. Don't be so critical. What if the shoe was on the other foot?
dreamergrl Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I kept reading, waiting for the creepy part, butt here wasn't one. Maybe the guy going into the fine details of his life was a bit much, but he tried. I wish more guys had the balls to just approach girls like this. Big deal, he asked you for the time, when he already knew it, so he wanted to make conversation with you. Geeze. I don't think this guy did anything wrong. Good on him for having the confidence to approach a women like that!
b52s Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 I noticed Dollwelch has kept hush-hush this entire time, perhaps she saw the error in her ways? This guy is old-fashioned, probably isn't glued to his computer all the time, and actually asks a woman out the way a man SHOULD ask a woman out.....as opposed through the saftey of the internet that people have come to rely on. Asking a woman out in real life = creepy Doing it online = not-so-creepy.
Author DollWelch Posted November 13, 2009 Author Posted November 13, 2009 Posters, here, tear evidence and situations apart; Blowing things out of waters and out of proportions. This is silly! Clear up some Points: I noticed Dollwelch has kept hush-hush this entire time, perhaps she saw the error in her ways? No, honey, I haven't been Hush-Hush, nor was I wrong in my ways. Rather I have been busy living my life, not spending every waking minute posting online. If it bugged you so much, why didnt you stop him from bugging you after you noticed he had a cell phone? Because I couldn't. I'm too nice, to publicly reject or humiliate someone like that. And, IF I did stop him in his tracks, it would have made for a very awkward and silent 15 minutes. (He and I were stuck in the same location). AND, I want to ask, why not just admit you weren't attracted, instead of judging him and slapping a label on the poor guy as "Creepy". I never labelled him as creepy. You should re-read my post. There is, obviously, a bit of a misunderstanding here. I was simply saying that his approach was creepy. As a matter as fact, I thought and still think, he's a nice and kind man. On that day, I didn't have the greatest conversation with him, mainly because I wasn't in a pleasant mood (difficult time in my life, personal and private matters). I cosign with b52s. If DollWelch had found him attractive I'll bet she would have not have seen it as creepy. Untrue. Whether he is attractive or not, it doesn't take away from the approach, his deliverance. IF an attractive guy (hypothetically) would have done the same, I would have interpreted it as creepy (approach/deliverance et al). In my experience, this is the behavior of an EXTREMELY immature woman. there are many of these women out there but they are far from the norm. You are assuming; the worst assumption. How do you know that I must fall in the "Immature Woman" category? This is ridiculous. I didn't, in any shape or form, belittle or insult the man. Rather, I had a great conversation with him (something I didn't go much in detail in my original post due to length). I enjoyed talking to him, for those 10 or 15 minutes. In the end though, I didn't feel an attraction nor did I feel as though my personality complimented his (personality). Does this make me "Immature" or "Horrible"? No. (At least I HOPE NOT). It is particularly sad to see, men labeling me as a "Cold-less" and "Heart-less" woman for not being genuine enough towards this man or mature enough to let him go, while they themselves (men) degrade, insult and harshly reject women all the time. You, men, do it for the simplest reasons: Too fat, too tall, too ugly, etc. I say that is, cruel. Next time, don't harshly criticize someone, especially on a public forum, based on a small exempt of a situation, knowing full well that you don't know that person. In the end, I'm much more cautious and aware now of how men handle themselves during courtships and in the dating scene.
Thornton Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 He sounds like he was a little nervous, so he just went full steam ahead chattering away at you. People often do that when they're nervous. Asking you for the time sounds ok - it was just an excuse to talk to you. I agree he went a bit too far by giving you his life story, but if he was nervous then he probably wasn't thinking much about what he was saying. I agree with what other people have said - if he was stunningly handsome and you were attracted to him, you wouldn't have found it creepy, you'd probably have found it endearing. I'd have found it very flattering, but I'd have declined to give him my email address if I didn't find him attractive - that's just encouraging him needlessly. I know it's difficult to reject a guy outright, and maybe you felt less embarrassed by giving him your email address than you would by just telling him to go away, but giving him false hope isn't good (for him, or for you if he continues to pester you). The kindest thing is just to say "I really enjoyed talking to you, but I don't see this going any further" (then smile, tell him it was nice to meet him, and make your escape).
You'reasian Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Sigh. I thought his entire approach, from start to end, was creepy. He seemed like a nice man, but at the same time, everything was giving me the shivers (not in a good way). Why do I always get approached by the same type of men, the freakiest and creepiest of them all? Seriously, though: Would you have taken it as Creepy or Flattery? Why do you get approached by the freakiest or creepiest? You will have to look within yourself for that answer. Men get contradictory responses from women when approached and sometimes mixed results. Your side comment about his rich brother, while joking is a good indication of why guys flash cash, overdress and do other things to impress women. Shallow or unneccesary? Maybe - but it works. Perhaps if he was dressed more smartly, demonstrating more signs of wealth and kept his conversation brief you might have given him your number?
You'reasian Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I never labelled him as creepy. You should re-read my post. In the end, I'm much more cautious and aware now of how men handle themselves during courtships and in the dating scene. I'm not going to jump into semantics with you, but you asked us 'why do you always attract the creepiest and freakiest guys?' It was written in your post. If you thought he was creepy, it matters to you.
sedgwick Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 If you weren't interested, why didn't you just tell him you had to go instead of engaging him for 10 min and giving him your email?
boogieboy Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Because I couldn't. I'm too nice, to publicly reject or humiliate someone like that. And, IF I did stop him in his tracks, it would have made for a very awkward and silent 15 minutes. (He and I were stuck in the same location). I forgot about you giving him your email. If youre too nice to NOT give him your email, then you cant complain about anything. His approach wasnt creepy, and you need to learn how to reject people and not feel guilty about it. Theres nothing wrong with saying "no thanks" and since you "have a life to live" you shouldnt be coming to a message board to complain about a guy that you gave your email to. If you have a right to be cowardly, he has a right to approach you without judgement.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I don't think it was creepy either it was just his way of breaking the ice ill be it maybe a little on the personal side but meh what ever works for him. He obviously had an interest in you so thats flattering no? even if it was some one I wasn't attracted to its still nice to have interest shown in you from time to time. I think how the OP handled it was tacky she should have said soon as he started going on that she was flattered but she wasn't looking for anything romantic! Be mature about it I some how think shes on the young side from her post tho.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Posters, here, tear evidence and situations apart; Blowing things out of waters and out of proportions. This is silly! Clear up some Points: No, honey, I haven't been Hush-Hush, nor was I wrong in my ways. Rather I have been busy living my life, not spending every waking minute posting online. Because I couldn't. I'm too nice, to publicly reject or humiliate someone like that. And, IF I did stop him in his tracks, it would have made for a very awkward and silent 15 minutes. (He and I were stuck in the same location). I never labelled him as creepy. You should re-read my post. There is, obviously, a bit of a misunderstanding here. I was simply saying that his approach was creepy. As a matter as fact, I thought and still think, he's a nice and kind man. On that day, I didn't have the greatest conversation with him, mainly because I wasn't in a pleasant mood (difficult time in my life, personal and private matters). Untrue. Whether he is attractive or not, it doesn't take away from the approach, his deliverance. IF an attractive guy (hypothetically) would have done the same, I would have interpreted it as creepy (approach/deliverance et al). You are assuming; the worst assumption. How do you know that I must fall in the "Immature Woman" category? This is ridiculous. I didn't, in any shape or form, belittle or insult the man. Rather, I had a great conversation with him (something I didn't go much in detail in my original post due to length). I enjoyed talking to him, for those 10 or 15 minutes. In the end though, I didn't feel an attraction nor did I feel as though my personality complimented his (personality). Does this make me "Immature" or "Horrible"? No. (At least I HOPE NOT). It is particularly sad to see, men labeling me as a "Cold-less" and "Heart-less" woman for not being genuine enough towards this man or mature enough to let him go, while they themselves (men) degrade, insult and harshly reject women all the time. You, men, do it for the simplest reasons: Too fat, too tall, too ugly, etc. I say that is, cruel. Next time, don't harshly criticize someone, especially on a public forum, based on a small exempt of a situation, knowing full well that you don't know that person. In the end, I'm much more cautious and aware now of how men handle themselves during courtships and in the dating scene. Its intresting how people ask for different opinions and then lash out at the posters who give them. Common Doll It was a little childish to offer him your email when you definitely went interested no? You yourself even said you would delete or block him if he ever sent an email. You may be a lovely person Doll and I'm not criticizing you personally just how you delt with the situation. Witch I thought could have been handled with a little more maturity and tact thats all no ones judging/attacking you personally here so please don't take it that way.
boogieboy Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 I'd have found it very flattering, but I'd have declined to give him my email address if I didn't find him attractive - that's just encouraging him needlessly. I know it's difficult to reject a guy outright, and maybe you felt less embarrassed by giving him your email address than you would by just telling him to go away, but giving him false hope isn't good (for him, or for you if he continues to pester you). The kindest thing is just to say "I really enjoyed talking to you, but I don't see this going any further" (then smile, tell him it was nice to meet him, and make your escape). Youre forgetting, shes only worried about HER feelings, not his. She doesnt care she about giving him false hope, she just wants out of the situation without dealing with his retaliation from rejection. Shes a grown woman, she cant POSSIBLY live with herself if she had to look at his face after telling him "no thanks". Its beneath contempt.
BCCA Posted November 13, 2009 Posted November 13, 2009 Because I couldn't. I'm too nice, to publicly reject or humiliate someone like that. This KILLS me... Do you think its real nice to hand out your email address and give the guy false hopes when you know for certain you wouldnt even reply to his email? He's just going to wonder why you werent honest to start with. Men really dont mind honesty. What we do mind is being led on and given phone numbers and emails from women who have no intention of actually responding to either. You werent trying to be nice, you were just trying to LOOK nice until he went away, because you couldnt be honest. You, men, do it for the simplest reasons: Too fat, too tall, too ugly, etc. I say that is, cruel. What you did was also cruel, but you dont want to look at it, its much easier to blame it all on men. Let me clear this up: NO MAN is going to think youre 'nice' for giving him a number/email that you have no intention of responding to. Its NOT nice. What you did was further perpetuate everything that men hate about dating, so congrats! Here is one more guy thats going to hate the world because a girl couldnt just be honest with him.
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