neophreak Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Hello, I wanted to get your feedback on my little dilemma and perhaps guide me to a decision. I've been seeing her for a little over 6 weeks. To be honest, I'm surprised it even happened at all. We live in separate states, she's 23 and I'm 36, and she's coming off a 4 year relationship. So with this in mind, I just took it one day at a time and let her set the pace. Things were relatively smooth up until a week ago when she came down to visit family and we had "the talk". In hindsight, this was a big mistake on my part as it was a case of too much, too soon verbally. I don't regret what I said but I do admit the timing was off. While I wasn't expecting her to reciprocate the same level of emotions/feelings, her reaction (of withdrawing) did catch me off guard a little. I did get a chance to clarify some things with her after this and she did confirm that this was a big reason why her behavior changed. She also stated that she needed some time to get closure with her ex but could definitely see us together down the road. She did ask me to be patient, that she's "rooting for us" and looking forward to seeing me next month but would understand if I walked away at this point because it would be unfair to me. While I would love to believe her, her actions don't match her words so far. I guess she's walked away already?
BG1985 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Nice, someone who can actually recognize the disconnect between a girl's actions and words. Her actions definitely say that she's not interested, at least for now. The way I see it is that if she actually is interested in you, she'd be with you RIGHT NOW. She may legitimately be looking for closure or not interested in a relationship, but either way you don't need to wait around for her. It's likely she didn't want to let you down too hard, but you should go ahead and start looking for other girls because you're not doing yourself any good by playing the waiting game.
laurag Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I don't think she's walked away already, or else she would just ignore you. I think she's telling the truth but is probably overwhelmed by you, the talk you guys had, her ex, and maybe needs time to clear her head and think things over. Just give her space and see what happens next month, I guess it's not easy for her to jump into another serious relationship so soon.
BG1985 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 In reality, if a girl is interested in a guy, she wants to be in a relationship with him at that very moment. There's no waiting. When she wants closure with her ex, what that really means is that she's still not over him and is hoping that the ex will try to get back together with her.
samspade Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 She was having fun with you, and you went and ruined it with talk about your emotions and where the relationship is going. You're a man - let HER air her emotions and thoughts when she's ready. Meantime, let your actions be your message. You can still salvage this, but you'll have to take a step back. Leave her alone for a couple of days.
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