looking4 green grass Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I swear at one point dating was easy. Anyway, I've been talking to a guy for a little less than a month. He lives out of town so our dates have been 1.) few hours at a foot ball game 2.) overnight at his place on Halloween, we went out to some parties (He actually picked me up in my town and drove me to his town, and then drove me back home) 3.) Thursday-Monday fun weekend in another town with football games, dinner with lots of mutual friends, hitting up the bars, and then some down time at his place He's been SO sweet and affectionate. Always cuddling, sending cute texts, calling EVERY day twice a day. Until Monday. I got the "something is off here vibe" Then today he calls and tell me he hasn't been totally honest with me the past few days (duh) and that his job just laid him off on Thursday (he didn't want to tell me this weekend for whatever reason). He said he had done all kinds of thinking over the past two days and he doesn't feel "stable" enough to be getting into a relationship right now. And he was a little worried about long distance (his last gf was long distance too). He assures me that there is no other girl, that his ex is definately not back in the picture (there had been this one little incident where a nosy person told me that she was trying to get him back...I simply talked to him about it, he said they weren't, and we moved on, very adult like lol) He says he still wants to talk and text me (and play scrabble all day on our phones, it's what we do) and see how things work out when he has more of his life settled. That was this morning, and he's been texting and playing scrabble with me all day. In my brain, if he wanted me gone, he would have said his piece and ignored me. I did text him what I was thinking (sure I'll give you whatever space you need, I really like you and enjoy your company, but I realize you are in a different place.) And he keeps telling me I always know exactly the right thing to say. LSers are so smart. What do you make of this? PS....no I'm not going to wait around for him, but DANG, this man was everything I have been looking for. Smart, good looking, educated, funny, laid back, goofy, etc. Everybody only has nice things to say about him.
DustySaltus Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I swear at one point dating was easy. Anyway, I've been talking to a guy for a little less than a month. He lives out of town so our dates have been 1.) few hours at a foot ball game 2.) overnight at his place on Halloween, we went out to some parties (He actually picked me up in my town and drove me to his town, and then drove me back home) 3.) Thursday-Monday fun weekend in another town with football games, dinner with lots of mutual friends, hitting up the bars, and then some down time at his place He's been SO sweet and affectionate. Always cuddling, sending cute texts, calling EVERY day twice a day. Until Monday. I got the "something is off here vibe" Then today he calls and tell me he hasn't been totally honest with me the past few days (duh) and that his job just laid him off on Thursday (he didn't want to tell me this weekend for whatever reason). He said he had done all kinds of thinking over the past two days and he doesn't feel "stable" enough to be getting into a relationship right now. And he was a little worried about long distance (his last gf was long distance too). He assures me that there is no other girl, that his ex is definately not back in the picture (there had been this one little incident where a nosy person told me that she was trying to get him back...I simply talked to him about it, he said they weren't, and we moved on, very adult like lol) He says he still wants to talk and text me (and play scrabble all day on our phones, it's what we do) and see how things work out when he has more of his life settled. That was this morning, and he's been texting and playing scrabble with me all day. In my brain, if he wanted me gone, he would have said his piece and ignored me. I did text him what I was thinking (sure I'll give you whatever space you need, I really like you and enjoy your company, but I realize you are in a different place.) And he keeps telling me I always know exactly the right thing to say. LSers are so smart. What do you make of this? PS....no I'm not going to wait around for him, but DANG, this man was everything I have been looking for. Smart, good looking, educated, funny, laid back, goofy, etc. Everybody only has nice things to say about him. This guy sounds a lot like me when I had first gotten back out there after me and my fiance broke up. You get back out there, meet someone you are interested in, go out on a few dates and then hit a wall. He could have hit the wall for a number of reasons: 1) He truly isn't over his EX. I wasn't ready even though I thought I was. It took me getting back out there to realize that and of course it's someone like yourself who unfairly gets treated as the guinea pig in this experiment. 2) He does care about you and doesn't feel that he can be the person you want him to be right now. If this is the case he will come back to you down the line. But he also could be saying this as an easy exit...only time will tell. 3) I know all about distance. My EX and I started from 7000 miles away before we moved in together. Now, I'm living in NYC and I'm weary of dating a girl 5 miles away in NJ. I would cut off contact with him for a while (scrabble included, sorry) and see where his head is at down the line. You may think he is right for you but unless he is there 100% for you as well, you are doing yourself a disservice.
freestyle Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Do you know how long he's been broken up with his ex? And how long the previous R lasted? These could be variables explaining his 180. I'm inclined to agree with the previous poster, you might be setting yourself up for hurt if you continue to invest a lot of your energy into connecting with him.Especially if you turn out to be rebound girl.
Author looking4 green grass Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 Hmmm....yeah, that would tick me off. I specifically told this guy that if he was looking for a rebound or whatever that he had the wrong girl, I wasn't interested in that type of relationship. He assured me I was not that girl. But men can lie I'm sure!! I'm for sure going to keep dating other people, and if he texts or calls, sure I'll respond or answer. But you better bet I won't be going out of my way to chase him, and I won't be sitting at home waiting on him. If he decides to come back around, awesome, if not, awesome. He broke up with the girl about 2 months ago, and yeah, I had some qualms about getting involved so soon. So I was taking things very slow in all departments. From what I hear he never calls the ex or anything. It was their second attempt at dating in the last several years and her version is he told her they have nothing in common (which knowing what I do of her, and knowing him, is completely true. She's an airhead, he has a photographic memory, he loves sports, she doesn't know what a football is, etc.). I never asked his version.
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