laurag Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 (edited) Hi, I've gotten some excellent advice here before, and I would like to hear people's opinions on this issue. Everything's been fine between my boyfriend and I for the last few weeks, the only "problem" we had a few days ago was this: he got drunk 2 weeks ago, and then last Friday again, and he gets all romantic when he's drunk (I don't mean he gets horny, I just mean he gets all cheesy lol), so the other day I asked him why can't he be like that when he's sober, and well, it sort of turned into a fight, I told him like 20 times that he only pays attention to me when he's drunk (which is not true, he pays attention to me when he's sober, but I was trying to understand why he couldn't be all cheesy when he wasn't drunk and I got angry), so it ended with him saying he was sorry and to not mention the drunk thing again because it was making him feel bad. So after that fight, everything's been going great, no fights, no problems, no paranoia. Of course something had to happen to screw everything up. I was at his house and his friends were there, they were talking guy things, I wasn't really paying attention, I know they were talking about alcohol, so I went outside to smoke a cigarette and while I could hear that they were talking, I didn't really care lol so I just smoked and didn't pay attention. When I get back inside, my boyfriend tells me not to get mad, that he'll explain later, and I'm like what are you talking about? and he says "what they just said" and I'm like what did they just say, and he says "about the booze" and I'm like ??? I didn't hear anything, so 10 minutes later I ask him again, what did they say, and he says "one of the guys said I'd start craving for beer if they kept talking about it" and I'm like why would I get mad because of that.. So I asked him like 6 times if that's what they really said, because it just seems to me like a stupid thing for him to worry about me getting mad, and he said that was it and that he thought I'd get mad because of the last fight we had. He then said he wanted to slow down on the drinking. So now I'm worried again, because during the day one of his nicknames in messenger had something to do with booze (well, the name of a song), and so how come all of a sudden he's so worried about my reaction to what his friend said? I don't know if he just made that up because he knows I didn't hear anything, or if he really is telling the truth. To his credit, he's never really lied to me (that I know of), he always tells me where he's going and I pretty much know what he's doing all the time, so we haven't had any problems in that area (except me being very clingy and paranoid). I really don't wanna ask him again about it but I don't know, it somehow seems like he's hiding something, I know they were talking about alcohol, but maybe they mentioned an ex of his or something he only does when he's drunk or whatever. Thanks for any advice PS: Actually I caught him once in a lie: when we were starting out, I told him not to tell his friends we were dating or anything, and I asked him a few times if he had told this particular mutual friend, and he said he hasn't, so then it turns out he had told him about it, he said he was sorry but didn't think it was anything bad and didn't wanna tell me because he knew I didn't want anyone to know but he just "had to tell someone". No more lies since that time, that I know of hehe. Edited November 11, 2009 by laurag
JL911 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 How often does your boyfriend drink? Does he binge drink? Drink alone? Drink when hes bored? Stay up all night drinking? Alcohol is a depressant. Your boyfriend may experience some sort of mild depression when he drinks causing him to seek attention thus getting slightly romantic with you and saying things he know will get a positive response and pat his ego. If you know any of the answers to the above questions your boyfriend may have a drinking problem or is becoming a boarderline alcoholic. I have a freind who went from being a party animal, to a lonely drinker, to an all night lonely drinker, to a full blown alcoholic with now 3 DUIs. This post is very confusing simply because you have no clue about the conversation that was ongoing with him and his friends. He said he would explain later, but i assume never did? Maybe he does want to slow down the drinking...Seems you are kinda relentless with the questioning when you feel insecure about your relationship...maybe take it down a peg or two and relax..
Author laurag Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 He usually drinks on the weekends, not every weekend though. He used to drink a lot more according to what I've heard from his friends, but at least while we've been dating he's only been drinking like every other weekend or something. Yes, that's my point exactly, I asked him so what did you have to explain? and he said the drinking stuff.. but he didn't really "explain" anything so I don't know if I should ask him again.
Author laurag Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 This is so confusing I feel this urge to ask him again what exactly did he have to explain and if that's what his friend really said, but I asked him a bunch of times last night and he said it was only about the drinking stuff. I've been trying to change my needy/clingy ways lately, and I think it was okay to ask last night since that's when it happened, but if I ask him again today it's gonna look like I'm nagging him. Everything's been going smoothly for the most part lately, I don't know if I'm being paranoid again with this situation, or if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I don't wanna feel like I have to stay quiet in order for my relationship to work, although I don't really feel like that cuz I did ask him last night, and believed him, but I started doubting again today. I don't know what to do or think.
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