sumdude Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 (edited) OK so here's the back story. I am a guitarist and was trying to form a new band early this year with a drummer friend. Enter JF, I met her a few times at gigs. She plays bass and sings. So we try to work on a band with drummer friend. That didn't work out, the two of them couldn't get along at all and the band ended... however at the same time she told me she had feelings for me. So at the same time band attempt 1 ends she and I hook up. BTW we are both around 40.. OK so she says she just wants FWB and doesn't want people to know were together per se.. I'm like OK. Yet the R is a bit deeper than that. Anyhow we see each other for a few months then it more or less ends with her saying she's not into it anymore. I'm a bit bummed but move on. Sometimes we did drive each other crazy. We stay in very light contact for a while. She start seeing someone else, an LDR. OK so my other band suddenly needs a bassist. No one else I know is available or as talented so I figure why not, not too many other options right now. We start working together and hanging out again but not romantically. Well crap if I didn't start to realize that I missed her in other ways. But I'm thinking I'm OK with it because I know someone else will come along.. still those feelings are there. I just try to ignore them and we start working together pretty well. She's been seeing someone else as well but it's an LDR and ending. Anyhow the other night we were talking and somehow the conversation turned.. and somehow she dragged it out of me that I still had some feelings. I pretty much said I have mixed feelings and it was an odd situation to be in. She more or less said without saying it that she was still done with things... she asked me if she wanted to try again would I be into it?.. I answered.. I guess I might. When we said goodnight she also said she's confused too.. and I said I'm okay with things. We haven't been in contact since then, a couple days have passed. Guess I should just let it be for now... or should I? Ayayay! What have I gotten myself into. I need to let it go.. very mixed emotions for sure. i do care about her and in some ways we get along really well.. Any insight or advice would be great. Edited November 11, 2009 by sumdude
pandagirl Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I think you need to forget about it. Easier said than done, but I feel like you aren't even that into her anyway! I think you find her more intriguing, more than you actually like her. It's normal to have mixed feeling about someone, but it doesn't mean you should date them again.
Author sumdude Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 (edited) I think you need to forget about it. Easier said than done, but I feel like you aren't even that into her anyway! I think you find her more intriguing, more than you actually like her. It's normal to have mixed feeling about someone, but it doesn't mean you should date them again. I guess that's where the crux of the situation is, I actually do like her. I though I had let it go but spending all this time with her she got under my skin. Maybe it's trying to force something that isn't there? It's been 3 years since my D. LOL funny how those threads about dating musician popped up.. here we are 2 musicians having trouble dating each other. Sometimes I wish I had passion for oh.. accounting or something. Edited November 11, 2009 by sumdude
pandagirl Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I guess that's where the crux of the situation is, I actually do like her. I though I had let it go but spending all this time with her she got under my skin. Maybe it's trying to force something that isn't there? It's been 3 years since my D. LOL funny how those threads about dating musician popped up.. here we are 2 musicians having trouble dating each other. Sometimes I wish I had passion for oh.. accounting or something. Haha. Musicians are complicated! I need to date a scientist.
Author sumdude Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 Haha. Musicians are complicated! I need to date a scientist. Hmm.. I don't think I'm that complicated.. maybe a bit too deep for my own good sometimes LOL. Anyhow I'm just going to let the whole thing go with bass girl and not mention it again. Hopefully things won't be too uncomfortable after the conversation we had.
Ody Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 she asked me if she wanted to try again would I be into it?.. I answered.. I guess I might. It doesn't sound like either of you is *that* into each other... Maybe you're just both attractive people who get along and have an affectionate nature (thus the muddy waters) but who really aren't so connected it's going to turn into something more? And also maybe the sex is good, making you guys less likely to end things? If you were really that into her you'd probably be more driven to pursue her, rather than this kind of mutual arms length approach.
CaliGuy Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Sumdude, I will tell you what I know to be true: "People who really want to be with you are not wishy-washy or flaky. They do not string you along, they do not let days go by without contacting you. They do not make you sit around and wonder what is going on. If they really wanted to be with you, they would be. No ifs/ands/buts about it." See, the only time people are wishy washy in a relationship is because they're just not into you. In that case, don't wait around hoping they will change their mind. Instead, move forward. The less time you spend on the wrong person = the more time you can spend finding the RIGHT one.
Ody Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Sumdude, I will tell you what I know to be true: "People who really want to be with you are not wishy-washy or flaky. They do not string you along, they do not let days go by without contacting you. They do not make you sit around and wonder what is going on. If they really wanted to be with you, they would be. No ifs/ands/buts about it." See, the only time people are wishy washy in a relationship is because they're just not into you. In that case, don't wait around hoping they will change their mind. Instead, move forward. The less time you spend on the wrong person = the more time you can spend finding the RIGHT one. Seconded for truth.
Author sumdude Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 Yeah, I figure it's a situation of she's not as into me as I am into her. Normally this would go to total NC and seeyah. However we are still in a band together and hang out a fair amount. So that makes it a bit more confusing and complicated. Once you've been there with someone it's hard to fall back to just buddies, acquaintances or coworkers. But we're adults and it hasn't taken a bad turn. I just have to man up, deal with it and keep on looking.
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