weeble78 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I'm about to go on a date in several hours with a guy I met online. I posted about this previously (don't know how to do the link thing). I've been chatting to him for several weeks and also this other guy, who I started talking to a week later. Basically found out the two are best friends and I like the sound of one guy a million loads more than the other - but it's the first guy I'm going out with. So anyway, I kept tonight's date after second guy decided he'd bow out to his mate, first guy. I suppose I could have said I'd prefer to date him, but I didn't want to look fickle (!). I haven't stopped thinking about second guy, and feel it's likely I'll have to tell first guy I'm not interested - but I need to do this nicely otherwise I'll look like a ho bag. So please can you give me some advice on what I should say to first guy and when to say it? I don't know am I on a road to trouble here as I don't know what's the best way to approach things!!!
TheLoneSock Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Why did you title this "Sh*t the bed"? I was intrigued to hear a horror story of some kind.
thatguy85 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Interesting situation... I wonder what the 2 friends were thinking here. Did they know they were both talking to you, or was it just coincidence? My money is on the first option. Either way, it is a tough situation. If you have no interest in guy #1, then make sure nothing goes too far because you will wind up hurting him in the end. I'd say go on the date, and definitely DON'T lead him on. Just let him down easy with: "Hey, you are a great guy and all. You are smart, attractive, funny blah blah blah. You will make a woman very happy someday. It's weird to tell you this but I think I'm really interested in your friend, and I don't know why... I just am. I don't want things to be weird, and I am having a good time with you... but it's just how I feel." I mean no matter what happens things will be weird if you start to see guy #2, so just acknowledge that it IS weird, and even poke fun at it. Good luck...
Author weeble78 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Ha ha, goddamn now I actually do have a good story to tell about something similar (first date nightmare) - but I really need advice!!!!
Author weeble78 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 thatguy85 - that's a lovely way to put it, thank you. Very tactful and diplomatic which is exactly what I'm not, and the last thing I want to do is hurt anybody. I don't think they knew before first guy asked me out - and I contacted second guy first off too......but that's something to think about, and there does seem to be a large element of competition around it now (but only from first guy). Second guy seems lovely and has talked up first guy saying how lovely he is, whereas first guy has said second guy is a perv and a danger to cats (obviously in a joking way) but I sense some machoism going on here!!
thatguy85 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Weeble - sounds like first guy isn't used to getting women and the second guy is in my opinion. It's tough on a person when their best friend gets the majority of attention from the other gender. What typically happens is the more appealing of the two friends will try to throw their friend a bone, and not get overly excited about dates... whereas the less appealing of the two will defend what they do get. Be careful though... There is a chance that #2 might not be as into you as you are him. I don't want to scare you here, but lets look at the facts: - You reach out to guy #2 - Guy #1 reaches out to you (Did guy #2 possibly tell Guy #1 to contact you?) - Guy #2 says he is going to fall back and let you date guy #1 - You show more interest in guy #2 than guy #1 - Guy #2 praises Guy #1 to make you like Guy #1 more - Guy #1 badmouths Guy #2 to make you like himself more Be careful here. Ask yourself this... if guy #2 is a no go.... would you be interested in guy #1 at all? Once you go hard after Guy #2, there is no going back to guy #1. Confusing? LOL
Author weeble78 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Hmmm, good thinking material. If I'm honest, I was interested in Guy #1 before Guy#2 came along but he didn't set my pants on fire. He just seems like a nice guy, quite normal and down to earth. We've chatted a lot and he has sent nice emails. Guy#2 does set my pants on fire (woo) but we haven't had as many emails and his replies have not been as detailed etc. The one difference between them that was a deciding factor for me was that in Guy#1's profile he states he is looking for fun and somebody who is looking for the same. Guy#2 states he is looking preferably for a long term relationship, was very detailed in his description of stuff etc and says he is looking for a best friend as well as a lover Anyway, I will bear that in mind and I want to give Guy#1 a chance as my friend said some people aren't good at talking themselves up as others. If I just don't like him, however, I will be honest, and if he asks me if I was interested in meeting up wtih Guy#2 I'll tell him.
Malenfant Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Why did you title this "Sh*t the bed"? I was intrigued to hear a horror story of some kind. me too! lol
lucy9216 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Weeble - sounds like first guy isn't used to getting women and the second guy is in my opinion. It's tough on a person when their best friend gets the majority of attention from the other gender. What typically happens is the more appealing of the two friends will try to throw their friend a bone, and not get overly excited about dates... whereas the less appealing of the two will defend what they do get. Be careful though... There is a chance that #2 might not be as into you as you are him. I don't want to scare you here, but lets look at the facts: - You reach out to guy #2 - Guy #1 reaches out to you (Did guy #2 possibly tell Guy #1 to contact you?) - Guy #2 says he is going to fall back and let you date guy #1 - You show more interest in guy #2 than guy #1 - Guy #2 praises Guy #1 to make you like Guy #1 more - Guy #1 badmouths Guy #2 to make you like himself more Be careful here. Ask yourself this... if guy #2 is a no go.... would you be interested in guy #1 at all? Once you go hard after Guy #2, there is no going back to guy #1. Confusing? LOL I agree with thatguy.... guy#2 probably has a lot of girls interested in him and is able to say just the right things in order to get a girl into him, granted I don't personally know guy#2 but this is my take on it from my own experiences. I dated a guy like guy#1 for 6 years, at first I kinda liked him but not a whole lot he wasn't even my typical type but I ended up falling so madly in love with this guy:love: Ultimatley you need to do what will make you happy, but I would go for guy#1
Author weeble78 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Thanks for your input Lucy9216! I'm definitely going to take a step back and be a bit more open. I'll post here after the date to fill everyone in!!
lucy9216 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Good luck Weeble78 and look forward to hearing about the date
thatguy85 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Please do I'd be interested to hear how it goes. I think Guy #1 could wind up surprising you tonight... give him a fair chance.
Pizzaman81 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I thought the title meant like someone have control problems while sleeping
Author weeble78 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 Ok so I have got home from the date. Guy #1 is loooooovely - very NICE. He's intellectual, witty, listens to everything I say - we had a great time chatting and have similar interests e.g. travelling, comedy clubs etc. So on the way home we walked back until we had to go in different directions - he didn't offer to walk me home. We kissed on the cheek and said it's been good to meet you, take care. I'm thinking 'friend' - and I get the feeling he might think the same. No text to see if I got in okay etc. I'm hoping he's nice about me to Guy#2 - also they were swapping stories about what we'd emailed each other, which I found a little weird. Hmmm, not sure what I make of it all....
always_searching Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Why did you title this "Sh*t the bed"? I was intrigued to hear a horror story of some kind. Me three! I've been home sick for two days and had my first good laugh in two days at that title! Thank you.
TheLoneSock Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Ok so I have got home from the date. Guy #1 is loooooovely - very NICE. He's intellectual, witty, listens to everything I say - we had a great time chatting and have similar interests e.g. travelling, comedy clubs etc. So on the way home we walked back until we had to go in different directions - he didn't offer to walk me home. We kissed on the cheek and said it's been good to meet you, take care. I'm thinking 'friend' - and I get the feeling he might think the same. No text to see if I got in okay etc. I'm hoping he's nice about me to Guy#2 - also they were swapping stories about what we'd emailed each other, which I found a little weird. Hmmm, not sure what I make of it all.... Lol this is proof that lovely, nice, witty, intellectual and having the same interests gets a guy put into the 'friend zone'. Meanwhile guy #2, who gets her hot in the pants, is who the majority of her thoughts are about romantically. Take notes fellas.
littlewhiterose Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Why did you title this "Sh*t the bed"? I was intrigued to hear a horror story of some kind. Um, I was preparing for the worst as well...
Die Hard Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 yeah this thread sucks...i was all ready to curl up with a good old fashioned "my date **** the bed last night", thread
thatguy85 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Lol this is proof that lovely, nice, witty, intellectual and having the same interests gets a guy put into the 'friend zone'. Meanwhile guy #2, who gets her hot in the pants, is who the majority of her thoughts are about romantically. Take notes fellas. So true my friend
cognac Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Ok so I have got home from the date. Guy #1 is loooooovely - very NICE. He's intellectual, witty, listens to everything I say - we had a great time chatting and have similar interests e.g. travelling, comedy clubs etc. So on the way home we walked back until we had to go in different directions - he didn't offer to walk me home. We kissed on the cheek and said it's been good to meet you, take care. I'm thinking 'friend' - and I get the feeling he might think the same. No text to see if I got in okay etc. I'm hoping he's nice about me to Guy#2 - also they were swapping stories about what we'd emailed each other, which I found a little weird. Hmmm, not sure what I make of it all.... I wouldn't be so quick to think this way. From experience I'll tell you what Guy #1 is doing. Guy #1 sees how attracted to his friend you are, and assumes it has something to do with Guy #2's attitude (doesn't care that much, is more mysterious, etc) and is trying to mimic Guy #2 as much as he can, after seeing how successful Guy #2 was with his vague and undetailed emails. In reality Guy #1 doesn't know that it is the fact that Guy#2 is more physically attractive than he is. Go and date Guy#2 but realize that guy #1 is going to be torn by it. If he has half a brain he's not going to want to be your friend after this and we may soon see him on this forum making a thread called "Why are women so damn fickle and shallow" .
Author weeble78 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 Well I'm sad that that's the way people see me, as I've been trying to do right by both guys and wouldn't want to upset Guy#1. It did boil down to physical attraction as he is everything I could want otherwise in a bloke, and this is really annoying but you know when the chemistry just isn't there. The last thing I want to do is hurt him, and I would love to have him in my life as a friend as I think he's a fantastic guy.
thatguy85 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 weeble - I personally feel that physical attraction is a MUST in a relationship, so I understand what you are saying. I just think that the guy sounds like he's really into you and seems like a good guy, and I feel bad for him since the interest isn't reciprocated.
silic0ntoad Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Ah, the dating game. See, I am the guy girls are interested in only as a hook up, well at least girls I am interested in. Not that I care, at least I get to hook up. But boy would I be pissed if my buddy dated someone I dated and liked. There's a code amongst guy friends- don't date girls a friend has dated. It's not allowable. Hell, I think in some countries its punishable by death.
Author weeble78 Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 Well, Guy#1 texted me this morning to say he'd had a great time and would love to go out on a proper date. I told him he is a wicked guy, that I had a great time and I'd love to see him again but as friends. He said thanks for being honest - who knows if I'll hear from him again, but it'll be a shame if I don't. I'm kind of hoping to hear from Guy#2, but I feel bad for Guy#1 as he's the perfect guy just not for me. It's a strange situation, but I'm sure that whatever happens will be kismet......oh how I'll be careful with the next guys I chat to!
lucy9216 Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Well, Guy#1 texted me this morning to say he'd had a great time and would love to go out on a proper date. I told him he is a wicked guy, that I had a great time and I'd love to see him again but as friends. He said thanks for being honest - who knows if I'll hear from him again, but it'll be a shame if I don't. I'm kind of hoping to hear from Guy#2, but I feel bad for Guy#1 as he's the perfect guy just not for me. It's a strange situation, but I'm sure that whatever happens will be kismet......oh how I'll be careful with the next guys I chat to! I am not judging at all, I just think it is too bad because I did go through something soo smilar 6 years ago. I mentioned it in a previous response but I didn't tell you everything. When I met my ex he had a best friend who was a hell of alot HOTTER than my ex, and I did feel more of a physical attraction to his friend than to my ex. I thought about it for a while and decided to go forward with dating my ex... for months it was difficult to really see him as someone that I would be attracted to but he was so nice and treated me so good and not in the overwhelming creepy way either it was the perfect amount of attention. Well I was glad that I made the decision that I did because it turned out that his friend just wanted to F**** me and leave me because he thought I was hot too and that was it. I did fall deeply in love with my ex, it did take some time but it was one of those things that I just enjoyed his company at first and developed into this deep love for him and my love for him made him even that much more attractive to me:love: ...... That is why I was pushing for guy#1 for ya, but like I said before you need to do what makes you happy and I hope whatever you do is the right decision for you and you don't have any regrets.
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