b52s Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Had been browsing around here on the forums a bit, esp. with all the dating double standards, strict criteria and what-not. Me and friend were at a party discussing a woman he dated that I knew as well. Very nice woman....early 40's, single and never been married. (this could tie into another topic about how a woman that age who has been single for a while, probably been without a boyfriend since here engagement about a couple of years ago) Anyhow, moving on.....he said he dated this woman...she's a BIG salsa/tango dancer.....she used to compete professionally. He's part south American, and he says he knows his moves pretty decently as well. Well, apparently they'd gone out a couple of times....and here was the deal breaker for her (perhaps for him too, because she reinforced it) They went to salsa night at a club, apparently when they were dancing...she is better than he is performance-wise...he's good, but she noticed he missed a couple of steps here and there, and she was growing impatient with is performance. Eventually this lead to her getting upset with his dance moves, and him being completly being turned off because she was impatient with him, as a result, he took her home early.....because she was acting like she wanted to go home after an hour of discovering how much he "sucked" at dancing. lol So instead of taking salsa dancing down to his level of dancing (apparently there are levels of difficulty)....he took her home. When he took her home, she eventually realized what she had done, and he didn't even hug her tonight, just dropped her off and that's it. Anyhow, later, and coincidentally, she had put a "status message" on her facebook, "Where can I find Mr. Right??" She probably did this out of frustration, and expressed it on Facebook. As a result of seeing this, I contacted her, sent her an article in involving how women can be so picky these days to the point of being unrealistic at times. Then asked her about her dancing "Criteria" Apparently, salsa is NOT a hobby to her, it is a LIFESTYLE. She competes, goes to party themed Salsa dancing gatherings, she lives, eats and BREATHES salsa. That being said, and what she had done with this poor guy.....do YOU think she's being unreasonable. She gave me the ol' , speech that women who are chronically single tell me......the plattitude of "Well, you won't be happy, if you settle" speech. She DID say Salsa just isn't a "Hobby" for her, it IS a lifestyle!! So in a mate, she wants the same. Ironically, she goes to all these salsa events, but never found someone at them either....guess they aren't good enough for her either? It's not settling , honey, it's just being reasonable. Any thoughts, think this woman is being seriously unreasonable?
little_bear Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I don't think she was being unreasonable. Maybe there were other attributes your friend has which she didn't like that made her less willing to lower her standards on the whole dancing issue. Besides, if dancing is that important to her, why should she be expected to lower her standards just for some man?
Sam Spade Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Besides, if dancing is that important to her, why should she be expected to lower her standards just for some man? I bet that this is what she's telling herself. She shold be expected to lower her standards on that one because it's a stupid, stupid, stupid criterion. Most men can't dance to save their life, and if that's so important to her, she can go dancing in salsa schools and take her so he would improve. Also, anybody who uses the word 'lifestyle' to describe themselves needs to be shot.
New Again Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 If her only criteria for not being interested in this guy was that he wasn't a good enough dancer, then yes, I think that she's being unreasonable. I don't necessarily think she should have to "settle"; however clearly she's doing something wrong if what she really wants out of life is a guy/marriage.
BobSacamento Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Wow she sounds like a gigantic pill. When did going out turn into work lol?
Malenfant Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I think if that was the only reason then she was being unreasonable, but only because she is looking to find the right man and she didnt want your friend based on how he danced. I now have to ask these questions regarding standards to all who believe that they should be stuck to, and that people should not have to 'settle' for anything other than what they are looking for... 1) Are standards more important than being lonely? 2) When does the need for companionship outweigh the desire for a 'perfect' partner? I dont think its got anything to do with 'settling' i think its about being realistic, not judging people, looking for the good in people and realising that we are all just looking for someone to love. that underneath all people really want is someone who is kind, faithfull and loving. Being good looking, or a great dancer, or a huge intellect doesnt mean you are more deserving of love than the average person.
Sam Spade Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Being good looking, or a great dancer, or a huge intellect doesnt mean you are more deserving of love than the average person. Bam, bingo! Now, be ready to be met with hissing and have your eyes clawed out, however.
MN randomguy Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 She's 40 & sigle. 'nuff said. Also, anybody who uses the word 'lifestyle' to describe themselves needs to be shot. Pretty much. She is being totally unreasonable. Imagine if every guy who liked to hunt refused to date a girl who is not as good of a marksman as him. Or every guy into video games wanted a girl with as many everquest charms as him. Good at Salsa dancing isn't an attribute of a person. It is an interest and a skill. I would say that wanting a guy that didn't hamper her dancing or make her stop would be an acceptable criteria. But, she is so consumer minded that she wants this guy to exist to please her. Trouble is, guys who are people pleasers aren't attractive. Besides, Salsa dancer girls are strange. They're the female equivalent to RPG guys.
Malenfant Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Bam, bingo! Now, be ready to be met with hissing and have your eyes clawed out, however. Lol, i can take it! I just dont see the point of having such high and specific standards that people end up lonely cos no-one quite lives up to them. Nothing wrong with wanting someone decent, obviously, I'm not talking about normal standards here. i'm talking about giving someone a chance who maybe doesnt fulfill your criteria but they are a nice person. and you never know unless you take a chance.
You'reasian Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 If she's a professional-level dancer, she should be able to dance with a guy who is a good-amateur level and still have fun, while training with the professional-level folks. Someone who is a good-amateur at most things have solid fundamentals, know what they are doing, can do it well, but aren't perfect under the microscope...that's what separates good from professional. If she wants to date someone who is also a professional level or lifestyle dancer, that's her perrogative. There are two sides to every story. What's the guy's side?
Author b52s Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 If she's a professional-level dancer, she should be able to dance with a guy who is a good-amateur level and still have fun, while training with the professional-level folks. Someone who is a good-amateur at most things have solid fundamentals, know what they are doing, can do it well, but aren't perfect under the microscope...that's what separates good from professional. If she wants to date someone who is also a professional level or lifestyle dancer, that's her perrogative. There are two sides to every story. What's the guy's side? I did tell of the guy's side. He knew she was getting impatient with him missing a few dance steps, and for the past remaining hour, you could tell she was bothered or had a "I want to go home" way about her. He took her home, and that was that. It didn't really end on a good note due to his lack of "Skillz" They did roller blading prior to this on their other outings, and all was well until that night of Salsa!
johan Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 ...That being said, and what she had done with this poor guy.....do YOU think she's being unreasonable. Poor guy?! She did him a favor. What benefit would there be in trying to be with her if that's how she is? She knows what she wants, and it's not him. It's not settling , honey, it's just being reasonable. Any thoughts, think this woman is being seriously unreasonable? The way I see it, she just wants a guy to be her dance partner, and she doesn't need anything else from him. This isn't her rational choice, it's how her heart works. That's not going to change. So what guy in his right mind who doesn't see himself as a dancing machine would want to be with her?
You'reasian Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I did tell of the guy's side. He knew she was getting impatient with him missing a few dance steps, and for the past remaining hour, you could tell she was bothered or had a "I want to go home" way about her. He took her home, and that was that. It didn't really end on a good note due to his lack of "Skillz" They did roller blading prior to this on their other outings, and all was well until that night of Salsa! He's not a good dancer then A good dancer can dance with a professional and keep them entertained. I've seen it many times, even with the male lead and professional follow. You know the difference? Professionals know more techniques and can make things up on the spot that work (choreography). 'good' to me means that they are fairly smooth and fundamentally sound.
Author b52s Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 He also made a remark, that since she's over 40'..never been married, no kids...she might be less in demand, too. Also, her being picky the way she is, doesn't help
Ross PK Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Had been browsing around here on the forums a bit, esp. with all the dating double standards, strict criteria and what-not. Me and friend were at a party discussing a woman he dated that I knew as well. Very nice woman....early 40's, single and never been married. (this could tie into another topic about how a woman that age who has been single for a while, probably been without a boyfriend since here engagement about a couple of years ago) Anyhow, moving on.....he said he dated this woman...she's a BIG salsa/tango dancer.....she used to compete professionally. He's part south American, and he says he knows his moves pretty decently as well. Well, apparently they'd gone out a couple of times....and here was the deal breaker for her (perhaps for him too, because she reinforced it) They went to salsa night at a club, apparently when they were dancing...she is better than he is performance-wise...he's good, but she noticed he missed a couple of steps here and there, and she was growing impatient with is performance. Eventually this lead to her getting upset with his dance moves, and him being completly being turned off because she was impatient with him, as a result, he took her home early.....because she was acting like she wanted to go home after an hour of discovering how much he "sucked" at dancing. lol So instead of taking salsa dancing down to his level of dancing (apparently there are levels of difficulty)....he took her home. When he took her home, she eventually realized what she had done, and he didn't even hug her tonight, just dropped her off and that's it. Anyhow, later, and coincidentally, she had put a "status message" on her facebook, "Where can I find Mr. Right??" She probably did this out of frustration, and expressed it on Facebook. As a result of seeing this, I contacted her, sent her an article in involving how women can be so picky these days to the point of being unrealistic at times. Then asked her about her dancing "Criteria" Apparently, salsa is NOT a hobby to her, it is a LIFESTYLE. She competes, goes to party themed Salsa dancing gatherings, she lives, eats and BREATHES salsa. That being said, and what she had done with this poor guy.....do YOU think she's being unreasonable. She gave me the ol' , speech that women who are chronically single tell me......the plattitude of "Well, you won't be happy, if you settle" speech. She DID say Salsa just isn't a "Hobby" for her, it IS a lifestyle!! So in a mate, she wants the same. Ironically, she goes to all these salsa events, but never found someone at them either....guess they aren't good enough for her either? It's not settling , honey, it's just being reasonable. Any thoughts, think this woman is being seriously unreasonable? Lol, yes, definatley. She should be more down to earth.
Johnny M Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 40+, single, never married. The facts speak for themselves. Anyone who turns a stupid dance into a "lifestyle" is an idiot anyway.
BG1985 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I bet the only guys who dance well enough to be with her are gay anyway.
justforfun Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 BUT she said Salsa was her LIFE! It's not just a hobby. She probably thought she was okay with him not being very good and realized that it was too important to her. Anyway, whatever her reasons it's in poor taste to come on here bashing her.
justforfun Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 40+, single, never married. The facts speak for themselves. Anyone who turns a stupid dance into a "lifestyle" is an idiot anyway. That's just plain rude. Just so the more simple minded of us can understand. What do the facts say to you when they speak?
Author b52s Posted November 12, 2009 Author Posted November 12, 2009 BUT she said Salsa was her LIFE! It's not just a hobby. She probably thought she was okay with him not being very good and realized that it was too important to her. Anyway, whatever her reasons it's in poor taste to come on here bashing her. Don't know what you're talking about. I didn't bash her. Besides, people come on this site to talk about their dating experiences with other people anyhow....it might include a criticism here and there...and that's pretty PAR for the course on this site.
Johnny M Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 That's just plain rude. Just so the more simple minded of us can understand. What do the facts say to you when they speak? That she will never find a man who satisfies her ridiculous standards and will end up as an old lady with 7 cats.
justforfun Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Just as I thought. It's not the facts speaking to you it's 'the voices'. That she will never find a man who satisfies her ridiculous standards and will end up as an old lady with 7 cats.
Johnny M Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 Just as I thought. It's not the facts speaking to you it's 'the voices'. You seem to be taking it personally....Did I strike a nerve? Statistically, for a woman in her 40s who has never been married, the probability of finding a husband is pretty close to zero. That much is a fact, even if it upsets you.
justforfun Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 You seem to be taking it personally....Did I strike a nerve? Statistically, for a woman in her 40s who has never been married, the probability of finding a husband is pretty close to zero. That much is a fact, even if it upsets you. Doesn't upset me. No nerve here. Divorced, teenage son. Not quite yet 40. Statistically the probability that you made those 'facts' up on the spot are more than likely to definitely.
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