sjml251 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I started dating a really great guy about 3 months ago. We immediately hit it off, have tons in common, and things are going along pretty well with us in general. Lately, when I am with him, I feel like I should tell him that I love him… but I don’t (he hasn’t said it to me yet, either). Part of my hang up is that I’m sort of in the process of trying to re-determine for myself what “being in love” even means. Back in Feb, my boyfriend of almost 9 years and I broke up… I was devastated and spent many dark months brooding over the ended relationship and my apparently confused vision of what I thought love was about. Since I had been with my ex for almost 9 years, it’s been a really long time since I’ve been involved with a “new” romantic relationship and I feel completely in the dark about how to be and feel without a) moving too fast emotionally and scaring the new guy away or b) seeming too aloof and losing the new guy’s interest. So I guess I have a few questions: 1) How can a person tell when they’re in love (and not just lust) with someone? 2) How long should two people be exclusively dating before one (or both) of them would normally start dropping the “L” word? 3) I’ve had a few friends tell me that a good rule of thumb is to wait until he says it to me first – what’s your guy’s take on this? I find it weird that at 32, I’m more confused about love than I was at 13. Any and all advice is greatly appreciated… [FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]
aerogurl87 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 1) How can a person tell when they’re in love (and not just lust) with someone? You can look at their faults clearly, accept them, and still want to be with them at the end of the day. 2) How long should two people be exclusively dating before one (or both) of them would normally start dropping the “L” word? I don't think there is really a limit on this. Some people know they love someone from the moment they meet them (my ex said he loved me after dating me for a week). Others take longer like my best friend who said it took her almost a year to figure out if she really loved her boyfriend. For me, I know in 1 month to 3 months usually. 3) I’ve had a few friends tell me that a good rule of thumb is to wait until he says it to me first – what’s your guy’s take on this? I heard the same thing but I plan on telling my boyfriend I love him this weekend when we're together again. He hasn't told me yet, but I don't care. I've been holding it in for awhile now and I feel like I'm gonna go crazy if I don't say it soon. So I'll get back to you on that one at the end of this week.
Author sjml251 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 1) 3) I’ve had a few friends tell me that a good rule of thumb is to wait until he says it to me first – what’s your guy’s take on this? I heard the same thing but I plan on telling my boyfriend I love him this weekend when we're together again. He hasn't told me yet, but I don't care. I've been holding it in for awhile now and I feel like I'm gonna go crazy if I don't say it soon. So I'll get back to you on that one at the end of this week. You're so brave - you must remember to tell me how it goes! I feel that I'm-gonna-burst feeling sometimes but I've just been supressing it - partly because I want to make sure that love is actually what I feel before I start throwing it around but also because I'm afraid of that dead silence that could follow... I wouldn't know how to handle that. What are some of the signs that you see in him that make you feel comfortable enough to tell him first?
EcstasyX6 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 My bf asked me to listen to a specific song that I'd never heard of to say it to me after 2 months. When I heard it, my heart seemed to beat faster, and I got all teary eyed. It was a man expressing how his love for a woman, and how she makes him feel. I'd listen to the song over and over again, but because he hadn't verbalized it, I was still a little uncertain if he really meant it. After that, I would sometimes end my last text for the day with ILY, and said it to him in another couple of months, and he said it right back, but said he knew how I felt already by the way I looked at him. So technically, I verbalized it first, but by then, I didn't care. I just knew how I felt without a doubt.
aerogurl87 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 You're so brave - you must remember to tell me how it goes! I feel that I'm-gonna-burst feeling sometimes but I've just been supressing it - partly because I want to make sure that love is actually what I feel before I start throwing it around but also because I'm afraid of that dead silence that could follow... I wouldn't know how to handle that. What are some of the signs that you see in him that make you feel comfortable enough to tell him first? Well my boyfriend isn't good with saying how he feels first of all. He can show me how he feels better than he can actually say the words. Kind of reminds me of that song "When you say nothing at all" by Ronan Keating. I can see it in the way he holds me, the way he kisses me, and this "I am my girlfriend's protector" aura he gives off that he loves me. Plus, my boyfriend told me before we became officially exclusive that he was falling in love with me, so I'm sure me telling him I love him isn't going to freak him out. We were also friends for almost half a year before we started dating so I feel comfortable talking to him about almost anything. But I'll be sure to tell you how it goes after I tell him.
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