V.Vixen Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 Ok, so I have been seeing this guy for a little over a month. He has wined and dined me, we started having sex a couple weeks ago. The sex is great, like really really great. Well, I can see this turning into a purely sexual thing. I don't really see long term compatibility here. He is a nice guy, but lately he doesn't have much to say to me that is unrelated to sex in between visits. I DO want to have a great bond with someone, and I don't feel that forming here. How horrible would I be to continue seeing him for fun, while looking for someone else? Have YOU ever continued to date someone for the sexual part of it even though you knew it wouldn't last?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 The best argument against this I have heard is that when you're having sex with someone, you're less likely to have sufficient time and energy to invest in really looking for a suitable partner. If you think you can have sex with him and still put good energy into your long-term search, go for it. I just broke it off with someone I'd been dating for a month and had sex with a couple of times. I considered just having sex with him for a while, but he was obviously more blown away by the sex than I was, and he told me on more than one occasion that he was developing feelings, so I did the right thing and let him go. But in your case, it sounds like it could possibly work.
Author V.Vixen Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 The good thing is that we live 35 mins from each other and have way different schedules, so it's not like we see each other all the time. My next question.. should we definitely establish that it is a sexual relationship? This should be discussed and established, no? I just don't want to freak him out with the "where is this going" talk, when we aren't that close emotionally.
Sam Spade Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 So what's your problem? Nice person + great sex = necessary & sufficient conditions for a succesful relationship in my book.
Author V.Vixen Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 He's nice, that doesn't mean we are compatible in the long term. We don't talk much in between visits. I am starting to think that HE would like things to mainly be sexual. We don't have very much in common except, well, great sex!
boogieboy Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 No wonder youve been MIA. Long as you tell him that it will be a purely sexual relationship, you wont be a horrible person.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 My next question.. should we definitely establish that it is a sexual relationship? This should be discussed and established, no? I just don't want to freak him out with the "where is this going" talk, when we aren't that close emotionally. I am a believer in 100% honesty. If you tell him "I don't think we have long-term potential, and I just want this to be a sexual relationship", I doubt he'll be freaked out.
Sam Spade Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 He's nice, that doesn't mean we are compatible in the long term. We don't talk much in between visits. I am starting to think that HE would like things to mainly be sexual. We don't have very much in common except, well, great sex! Compatible/comshmatible , if the sex is good and you get along fine, you could easily get through 20 years of this without noticing .
Author V.Vixen Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 He invited me to a football game Thursday (college football), so we are tailgating, going to the game, then back to his place.. something tells me drinking, football and sex will make any conversation a-ok with a man. lol
Author V.Vixen Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 I want to mention that he has also taken me out to several restaurants, a day trip in NYC and to a comedy club (our first date), so I do have a little guilt about feeling that we aren't all compatible. he's been such a gentleman, really.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I want to mention that he has also taken me out to several restaurants, a day trip in NYC and to a comedy club (our first date), so I do have a little guilt about feeling that we aren't all compatible. he's been such a gentleman, really. I felt the same way about the guy I just cut loose. He treated me wonderfully, and we did have fun together. But if you're not compatible and you don't see potential, you can't force it. If I had wanted a sex-only situation, I would have been honest about that, as I wouldn't have wanted to lead him on by going on dates, letting him continue to wine and dine me as a potential gf, letting his feelings escalate, etc. I made my decision as quickly as I could to spare us both pain.
Sam Spade Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 That red skirt is just the right length for some gentlemanly treatment, uh-oh & amen.
Author V.Vixen Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 That red skirt is just the right length for some gentlemanly treatment, uh-oh & amen. yeah, I don't have a problem finding "that".... lol.. typical. That was halloween, I don't dress like that regularly.
Johnny M Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 he's been such a gentleman, really. That's likely the root of the problem. 'Gentlemen' are boring, even though most women wouldn't admit it.
aerogurl87 Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 (edited) He's nice, that doesn't mean we are compatible in the long term. We don't talk much in between visits. I am starting to think that HE would like things to mainly be sexual. We don't have very much in common except, well, great sex! Yeah if you don't communicate much in between visits then it won't last long. That was the problem with my last two LTRs. In the beginning before the sex started we'd talk about random stuff and life in general, then the sex started and we stopped talking as much. Then the conversations we did have were always turned into sex this, sex that. Yep, definitely not going to work long term. I'd just be upfront with him about it. Tell him you feel that the relationship is turning purely sexual and that you have no qualms about it but at the same time you're going to keep your eyes open for someone who you could possibly start something long term with. If he has a problem with it he'll curve the sex talk, if not then things will continue as is. Edited November 11, 2009 by aerogurl87
Author V.Vixen Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 That's likely the root of the problem. 'Gentlemen' are boring, even though most women wouldn't admit it. I don't think so. I actually have a penchant for nice guys that are good in the sack normally! I wouldn't date an elementary school teacher if I didn't want a nice guy. lol
TheLoneSock Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I have dated girls simply for sex before, and I can tell you that the only reason I did not let the relationship advance past just sex was because I simply wasn't that into them. Had she been more my type of relationship material I would have persued her on a deeper level, but it wasn't there so I just kept the sex going until... well... I found someone else. On the other hand, I have started a sexual relationship with a girl that ended up growing into a serious relationship. It started out as just casual hooking up but as we learned more about each other it became an actual relationship. So I'd say it goes both ways and is entirely dependent on how into each other you are. Where there is room to grow, growth will happen. If there is nothing more, things will stay the same.
Author V.Vixen Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Where there is room to grow, growth will happen. If there is nothing more, things will stay the same. That's how I look at it, too.
dreamergrl Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 As long as you are 100% honest with him, and he doesn't want more, I don't see a problem with it. If he wants more and you don't want to give it, it could turn messy. Especially if you're seeing other people.
Sam Spade Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I don't dress like that regularly. In my mind, you do !
BobSacamento Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 It's only been a month right? Sometimes it takes people more time to open up.
Author V.Vixen Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 Signs are pointing to HIM not being interested in more this past week. I think he is realizing that we don't have much in common, too.
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