Just for sex?

[kissez]

What?? No I never asked how he felt about this ex!!!!!!!! He said he heard she had a kid now, and asked if it was true. I said yes, I actually heard she has 2 kids. He said oh, so she has a man then now? I said, I have no idea I haven't talked to them in yrs., but I did hear she has 2 kids, I don't know anything else.

 

That was literally the end of the conversation. I was just thinking to myself - about how people said he was so depressed over her, that maybe he isn't over her if he was bringing her up.

 

Stop taking my writing out of context. He did say he wasn't ready to commit at the end of the summer - so we stopped talking! I will say again, that when he started calling me again, asking how I have been, wanting to hang out etc. I took it as him coming back to me - my bad yes. But people can change their minds, he obviously does! I was just happy to hear from him...and it resulted in us sleeping together a few times in one night. And now I see we can't do it anymore.

 

And yes I repeatedly said that I did break off contact. It was my idea to break it off...

[kissez]

I mean when I asked to hang out - do the movie thing again or whatever he said ok, but then obviously never did it. So maybe he was just trying to be nice?

 

And like he would come over, turn on a movie, and start kissing/touching me instantly. I even rolled my eyes finally and said, this is a really good movie, I would really like to watch it this time. And he said "I'm sorry, but you distract me so much." We ended up having sex, but did end up going back for the movie, so I was glad b/c I wanted him to see it.

 

Then we had sex again. And again the next morning. And he told me how he had fun with me and stuff. So I just don't understand. I love being with him! I love having sex with him, he is the only one I am with. But I can't carry it on if he doesn't care about me. Because then I will only be hurt, and I didn't want to be used, and here another girl comes along that he does care about and he shuts me out completely or something.

 

If he didn't want to keep leading me on then he shouldn't have been sleeping with me when he knew I liked him more than that. He admitted to leading me on. He was obviously the one initiating!! The only thing I regret was freaking him out w/my messages. I'll probably never hear from him again b/c of that anyways. LOL!

Edited November 12, 2009 by kissez

[crazy_grl]

And if I ever do hear from him again - I am not sure if I should be nice, tell him I'm done with his games, ignore him?

 

I agree with you. Don't think too much about that at this point. Though if it makes you feel better, it doesn't hurt to imagine blowing him off when he comes back (often they do).

 

About what's been mentioned in the last few posts: From one perspective, yes, you could have gotten a more definitive answer from him before you got involved again, knowing that he had said previously he didn't want a relationship. BUT, he already knew you wanted one. It's not unreasonable to think that he had changed his mind and come back around for that reason. If he hadn't changed his mind, it would have been considerate of him to ask you if you had instead of just assuming you'd be ok with something that you weren't ok with previously. (But of course, he didn't ask, because he knew he wouldn't have gotten any if he had. heh)

 

You were both in the wrong, but it's nothing to beat yourself up over. I know it's debatable and I'm biased as a woman, but I think the bigger wrong was on his part, because you (as the person wanting the relationship) were the most likely to get hurt. I doubt he was doing it maliciously though. He just was inconsiderate of your feelings.

 

If you'd never made it clear you wanted a relationship, I'd say that was pretty stupid. But even if that were the case, at this point, it'd still just be a lesson learned.

 

You made the mistake of not asking about his intentions before sleeping with him when he came back and instead just hoping they were inline with yours. You gave him more credit than he deserved. Now you know not to do that in the future.

 

I don't see anything wrong with anything you've said on here. You're not wallowing. You're not trying to hold on to to him. You're not putting all the blame on him. You're just venting. You'll be sad and hurt about it for awhile, but eventually it won't hurt anymore.

Edited November 12, 2009 by crazy_grl

[Ody]

Then we had sex again. And again the next morning. And he told me how he had fun with me and stuff. So I just don't understand.

 

You don't understand because you are assuming that great sex, genuine affection and liking someone all require committment. This guy does not feel that way. Frankly there's nothing wrong with that either, especially since he told you he didn't want committment. If you accept that I think it will make more sense. It's totally your right to disagree - but you're going to have to back it up by not sleeping with guys like this the next time it happens. It sounds like youre starting to do that, learning from the experience, and if so good for you.

 

What?? No I never asked how he felt about this ex!!!!!!!! ...

 

That's my point. You didn't ask, you just speculated he might still have a hangup for her that was preventing him from committing to you. That's projection.

 

Stop taking my writing out of context.

 

I didn't take it out of context. I actually quoted it to provide the context. He said he didn't want to commit. Then later he basically said "let's hang out" not "let's commit to each other" - and then you had sex with him (4 times in the same day rarw!). So you certainly had sex with him after he said he didn't want to commit. You can speculate forever about what he might have been feeling after that summer, but why bother when he came out and told you? That would be like ignoring a huge lit signpost just to try to navigate by the stars on a cloudy night.

 

If he didn't want to keep leading me on then he shouldn't have been sleeping with me when he knew I liked him more than that.

 

He probably genuinely feels bad that you want a relationship and he doesn't, but clearly he wants the sex more than he feels bad about it. Maybe you're a total hottie.

Edited November 12, 2009 by Ody

[VeveCakes]

You have wasted more than enough time on this guy, time to forget him and move on!

 

Chalk it up as experience, and believe a guy when he says he isn't ready to commit.

[kissez]

I was confusing myself I guess. I really wasn't trying to "force" a relationship on him, but idk. I sometimes agree to go on dates with guys that I am not interested in being exclusive with - just to go as friends, depending on my mood, if they aren't too annoying etc. I don't even kiss them though. It literally ends after the date.

 

So I thought me and him could go on a date again no big deal - b/c I liked being around him and I liked him. I guess maybe I should of spoken up sooner? I just didn't want to be all pushy. I think if a man wants u he will come to u. So, when he was calling me I took it as him coming to me lol...but obviously it was for other reasons...

 

He would even invite me to go with him to hang out with his friends sometimes. One of his best friends is my neighbor, so if he was with him he would invite me to hang out with them. (I never did, because even though he is my neighbor I've never spoken to the guy LOL.) When we were dating he was really nice - we were at dinner once and his friends invited him to go bowling. I didn't want to go b/c I didn't know anyone! But I agreed. He could tell I didn't really want to go though, so he canceled bowling w/his friends and stayed with me.

 

I guess I was just naive. I can move on, I am not threatening suicide lol. I have no desire to contact him. I just don't know why u would even want to continue to sleep with someone you're not interested in. I am not used to it - one of my ex boyfriends after he dumped me, never said a single word to me. I never saw him again! I can honestly say I have never been used like that. Whatever...

Edited November 14, 2009 by kissez

[kissez]

small update - I don't want to deal with him anymore, but I asked him straight up why he doesn't see me as girlfriend material. He told me that I am, but he isn't boyfriend material (he didn't say this, but he obviously wants to play the field). So I told him it'd be best if he just lose my number for good, and I'd do the same.

 

I didn't want him randomly hitting me up. Then he got very frustrated and said we can still be friends and asked me to stop doing this. I told him that his idea of "friends" was just another term for a booty call, so no we definitely can't be friends.

 

Then he goes "What no it isn't I don't even wanna **** anymore ok!!!! Why would we not be friends" - and I don't want to because I want more from him! I didn't want to force him, but if he is telling me he isn't boyfriend material then why the hell would I even bother wasting my time.

 

I like him more than just a friend obviously. He told me he likes me too! But he really just doesn't want a girlfriend. I don't know, is he playing games with me??? Why would he even care if we were friends or not. I'm not his girl so who cares if I'm not in his life anymore. It's not like he talks to me too much now anyways! I don't know if he just doesn't want to literally "lose" me, like an ego thing, or if he really does care.

 

He emphasized the fact that he hasn't initiated anymore sexual encounters after the "misunderstanding"...and that's true. After he saw I felt bad about it he has just talked to me a few times with no mention of sex -- he said he doesn't even want to do it anymore b/c of the problem it caused.

 

I just don't know? I am not contacting him, I really don't desire to see him, I am so turned off that he said he isn't boyfriend material - but I don't know why he wants to talk to me still? He has said he likes me personality a lot, but still...it's not enough to be with me! Is it a game for control maybe?

Edited November 15, 2009 by kissez

[kissez]

in all honesty, i obviously need to move on. my feelings aren't even hurt anymore i'm just turned off

 

maybe i will just date someone else and ignore him altogether. the only problem is the guy i would be dating is a virgin. ugh. and not to be rude but after my last encounter with him, a total loser. but he would get my mind off this jackass.

 

hmmm

[BWLoca]

in all honesty, i obviously need to move on. my feelings aren't even hurt anymore i'm just turned off

 

maybe i will just date someone else and ignore him altogether. the only problem is the guy i would be dating is a virgin. ugh. and not to be rude but after my last encounter with him, a total loser. but he would get my mind off this jackass.

 

hmmm

 

 

I don't recommend hurting someone else in the process. What has the 'virgin' done to deserve your using him? You know the way you're feeling used by this guy? Don't do that to someone else.

[kissez]

I'm not. he pissed me off anyways

 

I've been in contact with him the exact amount of time I have been with this other guy. And the other guy came on full force - took me out all the time, called all the time, drove down to see me - (they both live an hour away), etc.

 

What did the virgin do? send me a text message once a month asking me not to forget about him. Made ZERO attempts to drive down here - texted me at 11:30 when he was downtown, which is about half the distance between us, asking which club I was at (lame). But gave me 2 tickets to his football game, and invited me to watch a film he created. - So I have driven up there for him twice, while he has put minimal effort into me. He's lame...

[kissez]

to be honest, last week he texted me talking about "I need to see u ASAP" so i said ok what are u waiting for? come down here then

 

he said "u know what my schedule is like" - I said ok, too bad I guess, bye.

 

he's full of it. Trust me, I know his schedule, and I know what an excuse is. Then he asked why I was so quick to say bye etc. I'm like well I'm not going to beg...

 

So he texts me (again no phone call), Saturday night, asks what I'm doing, tells me he wants to see me. I tell him that I'm in another city but will be back in 2 hours (it was only 5 pm when he texted me)...and I suggested about 4 diff things we could do...

 

Then, he says he is on some medicine that won't allow him to drive. I'm like ummm ok? Why did u even text me then? If he thought he would talk me into driving down to see him AGAIN, his mistake.

 

He puts on his facebook status that he is reading about a homicidal maniac, listening to christmas music, and eating chicken and it couldn't get any better.

 

Anyways, I called him a bull****ter. He told me I was just trying to start a fight with him...? So yea. I'm sure that's definitely not going to happen

[BWLoca]

I'd definitely stop replying to his texts if I were you. Just a waste of energy.

[kissez]

LMAO! I know!!!!!!! I couldn't even believe it! And not to be rude, I did like him a bit, but not THAt much. It was such a turn off he wasn't chasing me as much. He is very attractive but so am I! So he needed to step it up.

 

I felt like being like no wonder you're a damn virgin...

[crazy_grl]

I felt like being like no wonder you're a damn virgin...

 

lol. That was my thought. Sounds like a lamo.

 

The FWB guy probably wants to be "friends" so he can relieve his own guilt. His actions weren't that of a friend. They were of a guy who wanted to get some even though he knew you were looking for a relationship. So why would you want to pretend you were friends? Don't talk to him anymore.

 

Don't bother with either of them.

[kissez]

yea i definitely won't. i already deleted them from facebook. i think i might block their numbers so that i can't send or receive their texts/calls...but i probably won't do that yet.

 

thanks