MaryLovely88 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Well first of all he got a promotion, which he asked me if he should take, I said yes to take it. I knew he needed this really badly. He only gets two days off a week. The day we do spend together it's spend by us going to his job and him finishing some late work. Ive told him several times that that bugs me, but he just says that that's the way it is an to deal with it. That if a customer calls him on his day off he will take it. It makes me feel like he is being inconsiderate... But that's not just our problem. We have been together for about 4 years and we are 22 and 23, he is all about trust and honesty, well recently I went through his phone and found out that he was txting some girl he didn't know. I saw the txt's and they were really inappropriate. I confronted him and he apologized and said it would never happen again... but the trust that I have in him is gone... it's not the only time it has happen. I asked for time to think of what should I do. I don't know what to say to him... What do I do? what do I say? I tell him what i think but I just think it goes through one ear and out the other. I love him to death but I am just confused and I don't know what to do.
ADF Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Well first of all he got a promotion, which he asked me if he should take, I said yes to take it. I knew he needed this really badly. He only gets two days off a week. The day we do spend together it's spend by us going to his job and him finishing some late work. Ive told him several times that that bugs me, but he just says that that's the way it is an to deal with it. That if a customer calls him on his day off he will take it. It makes me feel like he is being inconsiderate... But that's not just our problem. We have been together for about 4 years and we are 22 and 23, he is all about trust and honesty, well recently I went through his phone and found out that he was txting some girl he didn't know. I saw the txt's and they were really inappropriate. I confronted him and he apologized and said it would never happen again... but the trust that I have in him is gone... it's not the only time it has happen. I asked for time to think of what should I do. I don't know what to say to him... What do I do? what do I say? I tell him what i think but I just think it goes through one ear and out the other. I love him to death but I am just confused and I don't know what to do. Frankly, I am somewhat suspicious of his claim he has so little time for you. Clearly, he has time to flirt with other women. A man who really wants to spend time with you will find time. Heck, he'll make time. I have to wonder what else is going on that you don't know about yet.
aerogurl87 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 First off, taking your girlfriend to work is not spending quality time together in my opinion. If he really needs to go to work on his off day, then he needs to do it on the other day that he's not with you. If my boyfriend did that I would be highly pissed off, unless he were a doctor and had no other choice because it was a life threatening emergency. Other than that, I'd tell him that our day is a no work day. But if he's a workaholic then that may be useless. As for the racy text from another girl. I'd ask who she was and how far did things go with her. I'd want a full explanation. Granted, I don't encourage such snooping in your SOs phone and the like, but if you find something then I'd be worried. The fact that he hid it would make me not trust him because it's easier to trust someone who does something wrong and tells you, than someone who only tells you the truth because they've been caught. I don't see this working out long term unless you two work hard together to change the current situation.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 (edited) Gees. This sounds like my XH. Workaholic who also gets his fill of "worthiness" from other women. I'd never do it again. I think it's pretty cold of him to say you just have to "deal with it." Doesn't sound like somebody that wants to compromise and work with you on the relationship. But I don't understand - he gets two days off per week - why is the ONE day you guys get to spend together filled with work? If it were me, knowing what I know now, I'd be putting my foot down and turning his cell phone off for him so we could spend time together. He'd be the one "dealing with it" or taking a hike. Oh - also wanted to say IRT the other woman. IMO, once you've breached the trust like that in a R, you deserve to be watched like a hawk. IF I decided to stay with a guy after pulling that crap (I learned my lesson with the first idiot, so at this point - I wouldn't stay with a guy - that's a one-strike, you're out), I'd be poring over his cell phone bill to see who/when he texts and also checking his phone for these texts. Edited November 10, 2009 by SoulSearch_CO
Author MaryLovely88 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Frankly, I am somewhat suspicious of his claim he has so little time for you. Clearly, he has time to flirt with other women. A man who really wants to spend time with you will find time. Heck, he'll make time. I have to wonder what else is going on that you don't know about yet. You think so It's true though... I am going to have to tell him to either make time for me or screw him. I just feel bad throwing away 4 years of my life.
Author MaryLovely88 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 First off, taking your girlfriend to work is not spending quality time together in my opinion. If he really needs to go to work on his off day, then he needs to do it on the other day that he's not with you. If my boyfriend did that I would be highly pissed off, unless he were a doctor and had no other choice because it was a life threatening emergency. Other than that, I'd tell him that our day is a no work day. But if he's a workaholic then that may be useless. As for the racy text from another girl. I'd ask who she was and how far did things go with her. I'd want a full explanation. Granted, I don't encourage such snooping in your SOs phone and the like, but if you find something then I'd be worried. The fact that he hid it would make me not trust him because it's easier to trust someone who does something wrong and tells you, than someone who only tells you the truth because they've been caught. I don't see this working out long term unless you two work hard together to change the current situation. thank you. you made me think. It is very hard to let go... But I will take your advice!! Thankyou!!
Author MaryLovely88 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Gees. This sounds like my XH. Workaholic who also gets his fill of "worthiness" from other women. I'd never do it again. I think it's pretty cold of him to say you just have to "deal with it." Doesn't sound like somebody that wants to compromise and work with you on the relationship. But I don't understand - he gets two days off per week - why is the ONE day you guys get to spend together filled with work? If it were me, knowing what I know now, I'd be putting my foot down and turning his cell phone off for him so we could spend time together. He'd be the one "dealing with it" or taking a hike. Oh - also wanted to say IRT the other woman. IMO, once you've breached the trust like that in a R, you deserve to be watched like a hawk. IF I decided to stay with a guy after pulling that crap (I learned my lesson with the first idiot, so at this point - I wouldn't stay with a guy - that's a one-strike, you're out), I'd be poring over his cell phone bill to see who/when he texts and also checking his phone for these texts. Ive tried to check his phone, but he keeps it locked with a password and I've asked him to unlock it and he doesn't. I asked him just yesterday if he was doing or talking to someone he wasn't suppose to and he said no... ofcourse he could have lied. I mean he says he doesn't want to loose me and wants to marry me... but I just don't know anymore. I asked him for time to think but I don't even know how much time to take.
phineas Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 You think so It's true though... I am going to have to tell him to either make time for me or screw him. I just feel bad throwing away 4 years of my life. I have experiance with this. my wife locked her cell phone also after I caught her texting "sweet dreams" to someone & texting in the middle of the night then lieing to me & saying she didn't text anybody. In my case, she was cheating. you feel bad throwing 4 yrs away? How bad will you feel if you stay with him & it turns into 5 or 6 and then find something is going on? He should have no problem proving to you he isn't texting or calling anyone. Again, in my case my wife kept her cell phone on her at all times. Except when she was in the shower & she made sure to erase EVERYTHING on a daily basis. Who does that? Someone with something to hide. She pin locked her phone. Who does that? Someone with something to hide.
Author MaryLovely88 Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 true... I am hoping he will change... but that's not up to me. Ugh... I hate this so bad. I guess i don't want to be 6, 7 years and still be waiting for him to change. I just don't understand how some one can do that, I mean I show him so much affection, I show him I am trustworthy, I am faithful, I cook, I clean, I do everything he wants. I just don't understand.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 12, 2009 Posted November 12, 2009 true... I am hoping he will change... but that's not up to me. Ugh... I hate this so bad. I guess i don't want to be 6, 7 years and still be waiting for him to change. I just don't understand how some one can do that, I mean I show him so much affection, I show him I am trustworthy, I am faithful, I cook, I clean, I do everything he wants. I just don't understand. This was a hard thing for me to understand. A cheater cheats because of THEMSELVES - not you. He has worthiness issues, so he fills the hole by pursuing other women. It doesn't have a thing to do with you. And he will not change because YOU want him to. He has to want it on his own, or it isn't going to happen. So you want to be married to a cheater? I mean, you say he wants to marry you like that should be some great honor. So what? He's a dog. And if he had nothing to hide, he wouldn't be locking down his phone. That in and of itself would make me antennae go up especially after the first incident.
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