thewaydown Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I'm not sure what I attempt to gain from posting here. Probably the fact that I feel like I can confide in no one over the situation as I am so completely ashamed, regretful, and depressed over what has happened this past month and I just feel that I need some sort of outlet, maybe I can even get some kind of good responses. Starting out the beginning of the semester a couple months ago I met an amazing girl. It took me a couple weeks of class just to work up the nerves to talk to her, even though she sits right next to me. First time we talked we got talking in class was amazing. Talking about music mostly, and about how we liked a lot of the same groups. Music is basically my life, and i've come to gain a lot of close friends through appreciation of the same music or through playing music together, so meeting an incredibly beautiful girl who was into the same kind of music for me is a big deal. After a couple weeks we walked out of class together and I ended up getting her number. I tried to hang out with her that weekend but she was busy. After talking together more during class we begin texting outside of class more and more. One night she starts texting me and she offers to come over and hang out. She comes over and we hang out and talk till really late, almost 3am. I felt like before hand we already had a lot in common and I really liked her but after spending time with her outside class I really began to realize how amazing she was and how much it seemed like we really clicked together. She genuinely seemed interested in the kind of things i'm into, creating art and music and my other interests which really made me happy because that is really what is important to me and brings me joy in life. She goes out of town the next weekend, but up until the next time I see her in class the next week we were texting back and forth constantly, I think she sent almost 70 to me in one day. Although I didn't get to see her just being able to text with her was very nice to me. The next time we see each other outside class she comes over to my house because she said her internet was working at her house so she had to finish a movie (streaming online) and wanted to me to watch it with her, the movie was Casablanca. So I have an amazingly gorgeous girl who I really like who is in my bed with me watching Casablanca on my laptop and I feel like something should happen right now, try to kiss her maybe? but nothing happened. I could tell she really wanted me to. but it didn't happen. she leaves and we hug. I felt like such a ****up. Still do. Couldn't sleep that night at all. Beat myself up all night over it. See her the next day in class and things seem kind of akward. I felt so dissapointed in myself. I felt like maybe I had hurt her by not making a move or maybe dissapointed her. After this I am feeling really ****ty and giving myself a lot of **** over the whole thing and moping around thinking about her the whole time and my missed shot. The next week we end up studying together at the library for a few hours. This is really nice as we get to talk a lot more and i feel like we are connecting more with each other and I realize more and more how much I like her. The next night we plan on hanging out later after class but she ends up cancelling because she had to get up really early to go out of town. End up getting a text from her at 1am asking me to come over. I do in a somewhat drunken state (regrettable) we end up hanging out for a couple hours on her front deck with her roommate. The time comes for me to leave and we face each other and grab each other hands for a second, and I walk away. I get out to my car and sit there and just wonder what the **** is wrong with me. I clearly had a another perfect opportunity to make a move yet I ****ing failed again. The next day any sense of regret or sadness that I had felt after failing to make a move on my first chance has skyrocketed to an incredible degree. I felt like such a ****ing piece of ****. and I still regret it now. i'm trying to maintain some sense of optimism over the whole situation because I like this girl so much and I want to keep seeing her and maybe man up and try to kiss her. This happened a few weeks ago now and i've yet to see her outside of school since. I feel like I have blown my shot with her now, but I still hope that I can make something happen. This is the part where I think I messed things up even more, but I really don't even know, as I truly don't know **** about girls. the day that she got back I left roses for her to find on her deck when she got back and left a little note or some stupid ****. I guess at the time it seemed like a good idea, but doing even this made me almost **** my pants. Looking back on doing it it seems like it was really corny and lame, but again who knows, I am going to just go with corny and lame though. She texts me the next day and thanks me. Who knows though if she actually thought it was a nice thing for me to do and actually appreciated it, or just thought it was a really dorky move. We text significantly less after the past time we hung out, this saddens me. We see each other in class the next 2 weeks, but never outside of it. I still think about her all the time and just want to be with her. Another week passes and I still think about her all the time, and want nothing more than another shot to make a move, or tell her how I feel. That weekend I pour my soul into a letter I wrote to her, I tell her how amazing she is and how I regret not letting her know up until now how I feel about her. Despite the horrid and rushed style of this topic, I feel i'm a good writer. She is an english major so I thought that maybe she would appreciate this and maybe have some kind of response to give back to me. I figured at this point I couldn't get her to see outside of class so this was my best opportunity to tell her how I felt. At the very least I thought maybe she might be flattered. Looking back on it I feel like it was a really bitch move and I should have just tried to get her alone and tell her this, but I didn't, oh well. She texts me randomly as I finishing the e-mail and we go back and forth for a little bit and I sent the letter. I tell her I just sent her an e-mail. This was the last I heard from her that night. No response to the e-mail and no texts back. I felt really ****ing bad after that. The next time we see each other in class is really akward. Our conversation before class is brief and nothing of any importance is said. She leaves early and we don't walk out to the parking lot like we normally do. At this point i'm feeling incredibly ****ty, any sense of self-esteem I have is completely lost, and I just want to leave school although my day had just begun. So basically I feel like a ****ing moron for not making a move or taking this further. I like this girl so much and it hurts to have to see her in class and know we aren't together. Although you may feel like you are reading the post of a 14 year old boy, and I wouldn't blame you, I am actually a 21 year old male. Although I may not have to say it, but I am virgin, but it goes deeper than that. I've never even kissed a girl. I am a good-looking guy, I can say that with a clear conscience. I work out, I go to a good university, play music and an art major. Girls like me. I have good social skills. I've just always been incredibly apathetic towards pursuing women. But its more than that. I meet beautiful girls all the time. Its just so rarely that I actually meet one that I like enough to pursue, so the fact that I may have missed an opportunity with this girl ****ing kills me. So that sense of regret, despair, and sadness may seem overdramatic and uncalled for, and it may be, but if you met a beautiful woman who shared many interests with you, was very witty and intelligent, seemed to appreciate you and enjoy your company and liked you, and you seemingly ****ed it up. You would be sad and mopey too. I feel like now I'm over being sad and regretful over it. I just want to grab my balls and make a move, if its not already too late. Any kind of feedback is welcome, be it accusing me of being gay, accusing me of not having a penis, comments, or questions is okay. A little bit to add. Past couple weeks we've seen each other and things seem to be a lot less akward. She seems to feel comfortable again around me, maybe even a little bit of flirting and a bit of texting casually outside class. I've tried to hang out with her the past couple weekends but she has been unavailable, literally, wasn't making an excuse. She hasn't tried to make any other plans with me outside of class or get together any other time after me offering to do something together. I'd just like some suggestions as to how I should progress from here. Do I continue trying to get her to see me outside of class? Or do I just drop it and move on.
Author thewaydown Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 24 views no responses? I know its long but sheesh.
bbf Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 (edited) 24 views no responses? I know its long but sheesh. Yeah it is really long, I almost can't believe I read it all! Any kind of feedback is welcome, be it accusing me of being gay, accusing me of not having a penis, comments, or questions is okay. First of all, you don't have to say this. Negative thoughts create a self fulfilling prophecy that creates more negative thoughts. The only way to break the cycle is to change the way you think and talk to yourself. You sound like one of those people who are their own worst critics. I'll tell you right now that it's not worth it. It's not attractive to girls, and it's really a lot of unnecessary stress for yourself. I can really relate to your story though, and I think a lot of guys can too. Especially the part about kicking yourself about not making a move. I'm pretty sure that's happened to every guy. Oh and when you wrote the letter I was on the edge of my seat like, Oh no! Don't send it man! Dude, trust me, the confession letter never works, at least it hasn't for me. I'd say don't try to do anything more with the girl and don't try to fix things, you'll only make her feel uncomfortable. The best you can do is just act like it never happened, leave the possibility of a something more on the table, and move on. Really though, I wouldn't hold my breath, the confession is pretty much do or die, which is why it's usually a bad idea. I hate to say it but it sounds like you've completely blown yourself out. It sounds like a big part of the problem is that you put too much investment into the relationship too early. You wait for the one rare girl you want to connect with and put all your eggs in that basket. And then the pressure gets so intense that you that you ruin your chances anyway. Here's the thing. Most relationship don't work out. You have no idea what people are going to be like when you get together with them. My first girlfriend was someone who I had that kind of intense feelings for, and that turned out to be a train wreck of a relationship. And those girls you weren't really that interested in, well if you give them a shot you might surprise yourself. Remember there are always more girls, but your main priority should be to have fun. Edited November 10, 2009 by bbf
mushmush Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 It sounds like a big part of the problem is that you put too much investment into the relationship too early. You wait for the one rare girl you want to connect with and put all your eggs in that basket. And then the pressure gets so intense that you that you ruin your chances anyway. QFT Reading your post, twd you sound alot like me. Good looking, good social skills, lots of hobbies, intelligent, females around. I'm guessing you are a bit of a romantic as well?? Wear your heart on your sleave? Looking back, when I was 21 I had alot of great looking females chasing me, none of them I was interested in. Sexually I was inhibited because I was not experienced and thought I was not that good. Wanted to be the good guy because I didnt want to hurt anyone.. (so many missed opportunities, so many regrets!) Was waiting for that special someone that I really connected with so I could treat her the way she deserved to be treated. So what happened when I did meet someone that I really liked? I put so much effort in, over thinked every situation and the relationship quickly stopped begin what it should have been. That is just having fun with someone you enjoy spending time with. Also the one thing that i say to myself over and over when I'm about to chicken out with someone I like is "No regrets."
Author thewaydown Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Yeah it is really long, I almost can't believe I read it all! First of all, you don't have to say this. Negative thoughts create a self fulfilling prophecy that creates more negative thoughts. The only way to break the cycle is to change the way you think and talk to yourself. You sound like one of those people who are their own worst critics. I'll tell you right now that it's not worth it. It's not attractive to girls, and it's really a lot of unnecessary stress for yourself. I can really relate to your story though, and I think a lot of guys can too. Especially the part about kicking yourself about not making a move. I'm pretty sure that's happened to every guy. Oh and when you wrote the letter I was on the edge of my seat like, Oh no! Don't send it man! Dude, trust me, the confession letter never works, at least it hasn't for me. I'd say don't try to do anything more with the girl and don't try to fix things, you'll only make her feel uncomfortable. The best you can do is just act like it never happened, leave the possibility of a something more on the table, and move on. Really though, I wouldn't hold my breath, the confession is pretty much do or die, which is why it's usually a bad idea. I hate to say it but it sounds like you've completely blown yourself out. It sounds like a big part of the problem is that you put too much investment into the relationship too early. You wait for the one rare girl you want to connect with and put all your eggs in that basket. And then the pressure gets so intense that you that you ruin your chances anyway. Here's the thing. Most relationship don't work out. You have no idea what people are going to be like when you get together with them. My first girlfriend was someone who I had that kind of intense feelings for, and that turned out to be a train wreck of a relationship. And those girls you weren't really that interested in, well if you give them a shot you might surprise yourself. Remember there are always more girls, but your main priority should be to have fun. Thanks for that. At this point I really am pretty much over feeling sorry for myself over the whole situation. I really feel like she still might have feelings for me, but who knows. You're right though. I may have blown myself out, but it's going to be hard seeing her in class till the semester is over. I can't say I won't try to get her to hang out with me outside class again.
627 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 well you kept getting scared and unsure of what to do, that is your mistake. you need to face your fears and not care so much I'm not exactly in a position to give advices, I'm 20, and I'm still experimenting around with stuff maybe you should invite her on an official date, a coffee shop or something, where you can be alone quietly and talk about your relationship or I don't know... try to fix it somehow and whatever you do, don't panic
mushmush Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 (edited) dont try to fix it... only thing to can do is keep it light and fun, be confident and out going. You have put yourself out there enough as it is, so she knows how you feel. Dont tell her you just want to be friends either as you are not being true to yourself. Want to find out how she feels? Get her some competition, dont be a doormat Edited November 10, 2009 by mushmush oh 100 posts!!
Cranialrupture Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 skimmed most of it sorry, but I think I understand just off a couple lines. I noticed you repeat alot of actions in your story. What I got out of it is...waiting on her, if feel like **** waiting on her, I feel like ****, waiting on her, I feel like ****. You get my point. Quit waiting on her. This sounds harsh and I apologize. But thats one thing you dont want to do is apologize to her. I tried to view the story from her point of view and what I got was. "HEY I WANT YOU, QUIT BEING SUCH A WUSS" You should know her schedule somewhat by now. Call her up, (don't text), have a time and place set. Say "hey, I want to take you out saturday, 7:00 at Fat Jacks Burgers." Well don't use those exact words but you get my point. Its simple and immediately shows her your confident. Girls like confidence. They hate wusses. Take charge. Keep it simple and short the first time. You don't need to bang her the first night. Get her in your presence, have a good time, keep it short and leave her with a small kiss. She wants you but has backed off because she has put out so many signals but getting no response. A small good night kiss will break that giant a$$ fear wall you have up. I can almost guarantee it, you get past that first initial good night kiss and the rest will be history. Texting is cool and all but I wouldn't use that as a gauge on how well your doing. I mean the majority of my text messages by far are from my ex wife. lol. Yes I am divorced because I too was a wuss. I am not an english major but I think you get my point, quit hiding behind the texting, kick that wuss out of yourself and go for it. When I figured this out, I have literaly quadrupled my dates. Anyways, you seem like a nice guy, good luck to ya.
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