littlej88 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 So i met this guy shortly after we had both got stationed at our first base. we met through a mutual friend and became friends. well one night we ended up sleeping together. we continued to hang out and shortly after i confessed my feelings for him, and he said he wasn't interested. i was hurt but i continued to be friends with him and sleep with him over the next year, because i thought he might change his mind. right before he got deployed i asked him how he felt about me one more time, because i planned on using the 4 months he was gone to get over him. well to my suprise he had changed his mind and told me that he had feelings for me too. so i waited for him. we talked a lot via email and he kept telling me how he thoguht we were gonna be a great couple and how he couldn't wait to see me... well once he got back he didn't show me any affection and it was like nothing ever happened. we just seemed like we were friends. he acknowledged that we were in a relationship but didn't act like it. i asked him about it about a month after he got back and he said he just needed time to get used to it. so i waited 2 more months and still nothing. so i brought it up again this time knowing that it was pretty much over. so we ended it because he said that it's awkward for him and he can't see me as a girlfriend. he sounded like he got a little worried and started askin if i was still gonna do certain things with him. (like watch our show on thurs and stuff that we had always done together) and i told him nothing was gonna change. now he keeps makin jokes of it like he has called me "friend" a couple times, and he has a picture of me on his coffee table and he said, "since we aren't together i should take that down huh?" and brings up a lot of "since we're not together..." things. why? that is the first thing that i don't understand...any insights or theories? next thing i don't understand is how to be around him. I want to maintain a friendship but i also just wanna scream at him and be angry and bitter! i liked him for so long and turned down many oppotunities for this outcome? that is a tough pill to swallow! i'm fine being friends but only until he finds someone else...that is when it is going to hurt the most! i wanna put some space between us but i fear losing our good friendship. he is one of my best friends! and honestly i am pretty much his only friend. i just dunno what to do. any thoughts or similar experiences?
Bejita463 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 we ended up sleeping together. i confessed my feelings for him, and he said he wasn't interested. i continued to [snip] sleep with him over the next year, because i thought he might change his mind. before he got deployed i asked him how he felt about me one more time, because i planned on using the 4 months he was gone to get over him. well to my suprise he had changed his mind and told me that he had feelings for me too. so i waited for him. well once he got back he didn't show me any affection and it was like nothing ever happened. he said he just needed time to get used to it. he can't see me as a girlfriend. he got a little worried and started askin if i was still gonna do certain things with him. This tells the story to me. The story it tells reads like this: Hi, I'm a douche, and I want to keep getting nookie. I am going to get deployed and am worried you'll get a boyfriend while I am gone and I won't have nookie waiting for me when I get home, so I'll give you what I know you want so that won't happen. Then, when I get back I will resume having nookie. When you call me on it, I'll fess up, and just hope that the nookie doesn't dry up. We're still gonna do that right? Oh, and the show on Thursday too, of course. See? It isn't all about sex.
Author littlej88 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 you are the third person to say that... I want to believe so badly that no one could be so selfish. i guess i am wrong! thanks for your input.
Bejita463 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I am sorry that happened to you, but in fairness he did say he wasn't interested in a relationship with you to begin with. You should have listened when he said that. I have never once heard of a guy saying that to a lady unless he meant it. I've rarely heard of his mind being changed, especially not through giving him what he will view as strings-free sex. After all, he said he didn't want a relationship and he is getting sex anyway. That's a win, for him.
Author littlej88 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 that there is anyway he could have changed his mind. we discussed this while he was over there and he said at the time he wasn't ready because he had just found out that an ex of his was having his kid. he was trying to deal with that at the time and wasn't ready for a relationship. nevermind i guess that doesn't really matter...what do you think i should do?
Bejita463 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Well, are you okay with being a FWB? If so, keep doing what you are doing. It'll give you more freedom to treat the situation a little more to your liking. If not, I personally would cut contact with the dude. It seems to me that he has already shown what he wants out of the relationship.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Oh, we've all been there love. Men are horrible sometimes. Many men do this, and women too, it's not fair and it's not nice, but truth be told, it's an experience we all need to go through to learn what we want, and how we want to be treated. I did this when I was 16, I was hanging around a guy I liked for 8 months, (yes 8 whole months spent dreaming, and chasing how naive I was) until the moment he said 'let's hang out.' We hung out, and we did more than hang out. Afterwards it was ' I am not ready for a relationship, I like you loads, but only for a friends thing'. Turns out, you'll accept scraps when you like someone enough. It hurt to realize I wasn't his only 'friend'. But when I got that, I got a break. I cut myself some slack, I was dumb to fall for him, but I would have been a whole lot dumber had I stayed around. You aren't wrong for liking him, feeling something for him, but I wouldn't continue a friendship in the hope he's gonna change his mind. When a guy says he doesn't want an R, it generally means he doesn't want one with you. Not trying to be harsh, but in my experience, that's what it means. Mine? He went into a relationship with someone else soon after. Sweet isn't it? No. It was horrible, but a wake up call for the better. He was a first class jerk. He later begged me back (! haha) claiming to love me, like me loads (I know it changed right?) didn't know a good thing when he had it etc. Just last year (I'm 22 now, I was 16 then) he messaged me saying he really liked me. Once we grow wise to the game, we learn how to play it better.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I think you should move on sweetie. If his ex is having his kid, it's going to be complicated for some time after. But if you are happy and sure you want to be an FWB, then go for it with EYES OPEN. It doesn't mean you will ever be in a relationship with him, you probably won't. Don't accept scraps, seriously. You remind me of me when I got in my little mess, don't make the mistake I did, giving him everything and getting nothing back. Playing it on his turf.
Bejita463 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Just last year (I'm 22 now, I was 16 then) he messaged me saying he really liked me. I'm willing to take bets on what it was he really liked about you. I get to pick which side of the bet I'm on though. Guys like that give the rest of us a bad name.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I'm willing to take bets on what it was he really liked about you. I get to pick which side of the bet I'm on though. Guys like that give the rest of us a bad name. Indeed they do. All men aren't like him, but there are many that are. If you give them it, they'll take it. Which side are you on? Lol. I know what he really liked about me, that I gave him it easy. Thought I would again, I didn't. I just laughed at him saying it was sweet revenge.
Bejita463 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Indeed they do. All men aren't like him, but there are many that are. If you give them it, they'll take it. Which side are you on? Lol. I know what he really liked about me, that I gave him it easy. Thought I would again, I didn't. I just laughed at him saying it was sweet revenge. That side of the table, heh. I would not have worded it quite that way, but the same general attitude was expressed.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Lol. If you give guys like him an inch, they take a mile. Never allow someone to have that much hold over you. And to think I actually thought it was my good looks and witty charm that had him hooked...haha. Joke. rotfl.
Author littlej88 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 i'm cutting ties with him today! i'm def. not ok with FWB! and i think once i stop putting up with his crap and start moving on he will miss me even as a friend! cuz like i said i am pretty much his only friend! thanks for ya'lls thoughts and opinions!
Lucky_One Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 you are the third person to say that... I want to believe so badly that no one could be so selfish. i guess i am wrong! thanks for your input. I get to be #4. Be thankful you aren't Baby Mama #2.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I get to be #4. Be thankful you aren't Baby Mama #2. Agreed. Count your blessings on that one!
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