Lucky555 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 At first the guy told me he wanted to be an engineer and was in school. He told me he worked and went to school. I went on a few dates with him. We work out in the gym together too. Well, now he tells me he doesn't know what he wants to do in college, he doesn't have a job, and he smokes around me even though he knows i don't like it. I feel like he lied to me. its been two weeks. He tells me all the time how much he likes me. Oh ya he lives with his grandparents too. I have driven us on our dates. So this guy sounds like a total loser. But he does call, text, ask me to go on dates that don't cost money, I enjoy his company, he makes me laugh. So what do i do? Do i continue or do I say its over?
Enema Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 How old are you both? Is he in college and just doesn't know what he wants to do, or did he lie about being in college?
Author Lucky555 Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 he is in college he is 23..he just started his first year.. I am 24 about to graduate with my masters.
Lakeside_runner Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Get out! Get out now! Or stay short term... No seriously - you're about to be done with grad school and he just started college at the age of 23. I admit, maybe there's a reason for this late start but usually if people go to college at that age they precisely know what they want to do with their life. I think at some point that gap may become a problem... P.S. Does you driving to dates make him a loser? Does he have a car? Seriously - if a guy doesn't have a car, does that make him a loser?
bbf Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I can never understand these kinds of posts. If you don't know what you want, why would we know? What do you want?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I can never understand these kinds of posts. If you don't know what you want, why would we know? What do you want? I think I have to side with you.
Author Lucky555 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 So I know what i want and that is a relationship with a great guy. I don't want a guys money but i know its important for dating. This guy texts, calls, and he does want a relationship. When i am with him everything is great. However.......what if we did activities which didnt require money??? Also the driving thing is driving me nuts. I also think the whole thing of him saying he had a job and went school is absurd but I would have never given him a chance. I do know its easy to be with him and I do enjoy his company. However for a more serious relationship I am uneasy with the fact that he doesn't know what he wants to do. I am not fully satisfied with the way it is right now either. I have my own place and he lives with his grandparents, (I have met one of his grandparents who is a great man). I enjoy his company and we are great together. Gosh any more advise?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 He lied to you about having a job? That would be the deal-breaker for me.
Author Lucky555 Posted November 11, 2009 Author Posted November 11, 2009 ya when we first met he told me he worked parttime and went to school. He took me out on a date about a week later payed for everything. I told him i would pay next time. So after hanging out with him at the gym he asks me to hang out with him another weekend. That is when he dropped it. He told me while we were walking on a trail, holding hands, and having a great time that he isnt working. I guess for me he is different from other guys because he is affectionate, respects me, doesn't stare at other girls, and does everything I have wanted a guy to do! I have dated a lot of guys who were jerks. Finally i find a guy who is great in all aspects except having finances!!!!! My past relationships were absolutely dreadful. I figure at least hes going to school. I know how it is to go to school and not have a job (i have been in that situation before). Prior to this he tried to start his own business and thats why he didnt go to school. When that didnt work out he decided to return to school. I think this is something i need to think about more. Its tough for me to break this off since he hasnt done anything wrong...except the job thing. I understand he probably said that because he wanted me to be interested in him, otherwise i wouldn't have given him the time of day. He told me again that he knows he doesn't have much to offer money wise...All this time i have never wanted any guys money. I have dated a guy who had money and a great job except he treated me so horribly and broke my heart really badly. I cared for that guy so much that i would have been supportive of him if he had said he wanted to go to school and didnt have much money. WHen i think of this i wonder what to do!
dreamergrl Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 IMPE, a guy who waits to drop this bomb has other bombs to drop. What's next? And I did the same thing.. I excused certain things that I shouldn't have because of this or that. It turned out horribly.
bbf Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 So you want a long term relationship with a great guy. Do you think he is a great guy. Do you think you'd want to stay with him in the long term? If you're asking if we think he's going to change his ways and shape up, I wouldn't count on it. You can't give a man ambition, and you can't just tell him what he wants to do with his life. It sounds like the problem is basically 1. You don't want the pain of breaking up and 2. You're wondering if you can find someone better. Well, on its own, 1 is never a good reason to stay together, but 2 is something no one can tell you.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 I guess for me he is different from other guys because he is affectionate, respects me, doesn't stare at other girls, and does everything I have wanted a guy to do! I have dated a lot of guys who were jerks. Finally i find a guy who is great in all aspects except having finances!!!!! I'm sure you're great, but he would probably be this attentive with anyone, because he knows what his limitations are and realizes that heavily constricts his dating options. He is trying to make up for his shortcomings by being extra sweet/adoring/etc. I used to fall for the sweet act hardcore -- I have since figured out that if a guy is being REALLY sweet, it's usually because he's trying to compensate for perceived inadequacies. Don't let all that attention haze up your judgment of the situation as it really is.
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