little_bear Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 There is a man I work with who I began to spend a lot of time with. We would get together in the evening and drink coffee, chat, drive around until 3am or 4am most nights of the week! I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship and he said he wanted to make sure I was really single because he wanted to be able to go out and do stuff with me and not worry about my ex-boyfriend. He was always telling me how pretty I am and I thought he was really sweet. One night after going for drinks with our other co-workers we ended up hooking up. We went out for breakfast the next morning which was great and started fooling around regularly after that. I developed strong feelings for him and made the mistake of telling him how I felt. He started to get weird after that so I confronted him on it. He said he isn't ready for any kind of relationship because he is still getting over his last relationship (his girlfriend of 8years broke up with him just before he was going to propose!!) We made the decision to go back to just being co-workers and we've stopped hanging out/texting/facebook chatting. I really miss him. I am wondering if he will ever come back to me down the road or should I accept that I've been pushed aside now?
Author little_bear Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Also I want to ask him if it is possible for us to hang out again just as friends because I really enjoy his company. I don't know if this will be crossing a line and I don't want to make him uncomfortable. Whats the best way to procede here?
mushmush Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 There is a man I work with who I began to spend a lot of time with. We would get together in the evening and drink coffee, chat, drive around until 3am or 4am most nights of the week! I had just gotten out of a 3 year relationship and he said he wanted to make sure I was really single because he wanted to be able to go out and do stuff with me and not worry about my ex-boyfriend. He was always telling me how pretty I am and I thought he was really sweet. One night after going for drinks with our other co-workers we ended up hooking up. We went out for breakfast the next morning which was great and started fooling around regularly after that. I developed strong feelings for him and made the mistake of telling him how I felt. He started to get weird after that so I confronted him on it. He said he isn't ready for any kind of relationship because he is still getting over his last relationship (his girlfriend of 8years broke up with him just before he was going to propose!!) We made the decision to go back to just being co-workers and we've stopped hanging out/texting/facebook chatting. I really miss him. I am wondering if he will ever come back to me down the road or should I accept that I've been pushed aside now? What an immature and selfish thing to do. He told you the things you wanted to hear to get you into bed. He got what he wanted then ditched you the moment things got complicated. Why are you not pissed off that you got played?? FWB was all he was after and he should not have lead you on.
Author little_bear Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 I was really angry at first. I actually told him off one night and then went home and deleted him on Facebook which made me feel really immature. Maybe I am just lonely. I did just get out of a 3 year relationship and all of this happened pretty much in the same week as my breakup.
mushmush Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I was really angry at first. I actually told him off one night and then went home and deleted him on Facebook which made me feel really immature. Maybe I am just lonely. I did just get out of a 3 year relationship and all of this happened pretty much in the same week as my breakup. And guys know that woman are vulnerable when they get out of a relationship. Your gut instints were right, delete this guy off facebook and stonewall him.. He took advatage of you and is probably using the same excuse of him getting out of 8 year relationship to half a dozen differnt woman so they feel pity for him instead of the anger they should be feeling. Now as things go for you. You just got out of a 3 year relationship, you need to be single for a while instead of jumping straight back into a new relationship which at the moment will be because you miss the companionship i.e a rebound. Give yourself some time to heal and get over your ex. Do this so you can start a new relationship for the right reasons.
CLC2008 Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I agree with Mush's comments. I was single for almost 3 years after my last LTR ended but by no means was I lonely, I was actually pretty happy and content. Be careful with expressing your feelings to someone who is fresh out of a relationship, and so early on. Unfortunately, you are the rebound, whether or not the other person realizes it...my own personal experience taught me that the hard way.
Author little_bear Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Not that this really makes anything better, but about 4 months after his breakup he started dating another woman from work who is in a different department. They were together for about 2 months I think and he broke it off with her. Then a month or so after that is when he got involved with me. Maybe I am just one in a string of rebounds for him.......
mushmush Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 (edited) Not that this really makes anything better, but about 4 months after his breakup he started dating another woman from work who is in a different department. They were together for about 2 months I think and he broke it off with her. Then a month or so after that is when he got involved with me. Maybe I am just one in a string of rebounds for him....... Does this guy not know the golden rule that any decent gentleman knows?? "Thou shalt not **** where thy work" From your calculations it's been 7 months since his breakup. I dont think that this makes you a rebound. Whether he realises it or not he was taking advatage of your emotional state as this all happened the same week as your break up. No decent guy that really cares for you would do this. I think he was looking to be your rebound lay. Really he is out there just looking for some fun and tbh you should be doing the same thing. Edited November 10, 2009 by mushmush
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 What an immature and selfish thing to do. He told you the things you wanted to hear to get you into bed. He got what he wanted then ditched you the moment things got complicated. Why are you not pissed off that you got played?? FWB was all he was after and he should not have lead you on. That's what I was thinking. I would have been majorly P.O.'d after his whole "checking to be sure" you're single and then dropping you because he isn't over HIS ex. WTF? He totally used you. What a douche.
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