WaterBaby Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I met this great guy, we've been on three dates. We definitely have chemistry going on. On the thrid date, after a lot of making out, we had sex. He "finished" unexpectedly, between positions and was really embarassed about it. I didn't know at first, and was wondering why he stopped. I was quite open about it and asked him a few questions, which, I guess, humiliated him even more. I tend to be a super shy girl but I am very open and honest when it comes to sex. He wouldn't answer my texts after that. He finally did, and said I was "mean". I'm not sure if he will see me again and I don't know how to make things right. He is a great guy but I think I've sort of ruined my chances. Should I just give up? No one has ever called me mean before. I'd love to remain friends with him and see where it goes. Can sensitive guys get over something like this?
mr.dream merchant Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Three dates? Yikes. Why would he even give a ****? Three dates in he's already in your ribs. He's probably banging another chick.
Lucky_One Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Guys can be very uptight about this. What exactly did you ask him, and what exactly did you text him? What was your demeanor while you were asking?
Author WaterBaby Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 Guys can be very uptight about this. What exactly did you ask him, and what exactly did you text him? What was your demeanor while you were asking? I was asking him why he wouldnt turn over, and he was like give me a sec. And I was totally confused. Then I realized. I asked him some stupid question about why he stopped. We had previously had a few drinks so I think I may have said something dumb. He just didnt want to talk about it, and me, being a girl, had to say something. The next day I texted him and said I had a great time (to let him know that it wasnt a big deal). A few days later I asked him to hang out again and he said I thought you were done with me as if I wasnt interested anymore because of his performance.
gtrguy Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I was asking him why he wouldnt turn over, and he was like give me a sec. And I was totally confused. Then I realized. I asked him some stupid question about why he stopped. We had previously had a few drinks so I think I may have said something dumb. He just didnt want to talk about it, and me, being a girl, had to say something. The next day I texted him and said I had a great time (to let him know that it wasnt a big deal). A few days later I asked him to hang out again and he said I thought you were done with me as if I wasnt interested anymore because of his performance. Maybe you rushed into sex a little too quickly? 3 dates is kind of fast in my book. He probably got embarassed he finished so fast and that you called him on it, but there maybe a chance for recovery here. If you really liked him, you probably should've waited. Why did you jump into it?
alphamale Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Can sensitive guys get over something like this? probaly not, sounds like you have scarred him for life
Author WaterBaby Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 Maybe you rushed into sex a little too quickly? 3 dates is kind of fast in my book. He probably got embarassed he finished so fast and that you called him on it, but there maybe a chance for recovery here. If you really liked him, you probably should've waited. Why did you jump into it? Obviously I wish we wouldnt have but we both havent had sex for a LONG time, both recovering from bad marriages, and I think we just couldnt help ourselves. Totally stupid I know.....
alphamale Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Obviously I wish we wouldnt have but we both havent had sex for a LONG time, both recovering from bad marriages, and I think we just couldnt help ourselves. Totally stupid I know..... why don't you give him a call and see if he wants to get together tonite for some sexual activty? but try to be a bit more sensitive this time. us men have fragile egos especially when it comes to sex and stuff like that
gtrguy Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Obviously I wish we wouldnt have but we both havent had sex for a LONG time, both recovering from bad marriages, and I think we just couldnt help ourselves. Totally stupid I know..... Hey it happens, especially if it has been a long time for you. Just wait longer for the next guy; they will respect and want you more. Anytime you question a guy's "performance" especially after the first time you have sex, it's going to hurt him. If he was in a bad marriage, I'm sure his self-esteem went down into the toilet as well. You don't know what his wife said to him.. How long had it been for both of you?
EcstasyX6 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I think maybe he was overly excited and ejaculated sooner than he intended. Men really enjoy pleasing us, so he probably embarrassed himself, and let himself down, because he couldn't 'turn you out' the way he'd planned -especially if he really likes you. You emphasizing the why of of what happened, only rubbed salt in the wound. If he likes you, he'll get over it and come back for more. If it keeps happening, he's got a little early bird problem which is another issue.
Lucky_One Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I tend to be pretty straight-forward, so if this was a guy that I really did like and that I really did think that we could have a chance to date, then I would probably call him. I'd just say "Hey, what's up? I just was sitting here watching tv and thinking about you, and I think that maybe we got off to a bad start. I am afraid I said something that was tactless, and I really am sorry. Would you like to come over Tuesday night for dinner, and see if we can start over? Do you like Italian?" You have apologized, the ball is in his court, and you have left it open for him to either accept and start over, or to decide that he would rather not see you again.
sedgwick Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 (edited) Oh lord. Any guy who blames his sexual difficulties on you the first time you sleep together is one to run from!! You deserve much better than that. Dismiss it as his own insecurity and don't spend another minute worrying about it. He just didnt want to talk about it, and me, being a girl, had to say something. Not about you or your gender AT ALL. You have every right to open conversation about sex with your sexual partners. This guy has a world of issues that have nothing to do with you! Edited November 8, 2009 by sedgwick
harmfulsweetz Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Oh lord. Any guy who blames his sexual difficulties on you the first time you sleep together is one to run from!! You deserve much better than that. Dismiss it as his own insecurity and don't spend another minute worrying about it. Not about you or your gender AT ALL. You have every right to open conversation about sex with your sexual partners. This guy has a world of issues that have nothing to do with you! Agreed. If he's mature enough to do the deed, he's mature enough to talk about it. Jeez, running away much?
D-Lish Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I think he was probably just embarrassed and let his insecurities get the better of him. It's not about you- it's not like you knew what was happening and admonished him for it - (I hope)
Lucky_One Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Oh lord. Any guy who blames his sexual difficulties on you the first time you sleep together is one to run from!! You deserve much better than that. Dismiss it as his own insecurity and don't spend another minute worrying about it. Not about you or your gender AT ALL. You have every right to open conversation about sex with your sexual partners. This guy has a world of issues that have nothing to do with you! I dunno. Not being able to remember what you said after drinking and believing that you have said "something dumb" and him calling you "mean" afterwards is a good indication that there is more going here than this being all his fault for being insecure. Like in many cases, I think it would be interesting to see how the OP's partner would tell his side of this.
Left in a Lurch Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Agreed. If he's mature enough to do the deed, he's mature enough to talk about it. Jeez, running away much? Well would you want to talk about it if some guy asked if you ran a church in your house because it smelled like the day after a fish fry, then laughed about it?
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Yes I would. I certainly wouldn't run away like he has.
clv0116 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I don't understand why you two didn't just do it again.
harmfulsweetz Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Well would you want to talk about it if some guy asked if you ran a church in your house because it smelled like the day after a fish fry, then laughed about it? You have to be able to talk about sex, if you can't, why are you having it? If he runs after one mishap, is he going to everytime?
Brady_to_Moss Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Well this guy won't be seeing you again after you grilling him after sex...geez
AD1980 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Women dont seem to be very sensitive when it coems to sex
D-Lish Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Well would you want to talk about it if some guy asked if you ran a church in your house because it smelled like the day after a fish fry, then laughed about it? If you replace "church" with "brothel" or "bunny ranch"... we might be able to make sense of your point.
Left in a Lurch Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 If you replace "church" with "brothel" or "bunny ranch"... we might be able to make sense of your point. A lot of Churches have a fish fry on Fridays.
Gypsy_Soul Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Oh lord. Any guy who blames his sexual difficulties on you the first time you sleep together is one to run from!! You deserve much better than that. Dismiss it as his own insecurity and don't spend another minute worrying about it. Not about you or your gender AT ALL. You have every right to open conversation about sex with your sexual partners. This guy has a world of issues that have nothing to do with you! Well said, I totally agree. This guy has some type of sexual hang ups among other issues.
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