mortensorchid Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I have encountered this a lot in my history, I don't know why. I have been out on a few dates here and there (trust me, with some real psychos and some middle of the road types) in the last few years. Ever wonder why it is that the next one that comes along for these guys that they end up being with for a long time or even marrying? I made a friend last year, "Bob". We had met through MySpace, at first I wasn't sure but after a while we did have a little chat. He said that he wasn't interested in having a girlfriend, and that was ok once he said it, we were just friends. A year later, he's engaged to be married. I went out on a date with someone last summer just once, after a phone call (made on my part) a few days later, he was clearly not interested. He said something weird to me about having to deal with a bill that he asked his doctor not to submit to the insurance company (don't ask me what THAT's supposed to mean). He said he was too busy for anything like that. Next thing I know, he seems to have a girlfriend. Indicate you're interested in someone, they back off. Act all cool and aloof towards them, they think you're a bitch. I hate this. Part of me doesn't want to give up, but practicality says that that I should. No one wants to be with me once they meet me, I guess. I don't say that out of self pity, I say that because it's the truth. Guys have it so much easier. They can play games and do whatever they want, women have no choice but to sit around and wait for it.
Left in a Lurch Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Guys have it so much easier. They can play games and do whatever they want, women have no choice but to sit around and wait for it. It's been my experience that women play the games and date multiple people more often than guys, because they can. They can sit back, be chased, and be choosy. So as many times as you go out with a guy that soon gets serious with someone else after brushing you off, realize it's happened to a guy more often.
gtrguy Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Especially if you live in a big city. Even if you are a halfway good looking girl with an average body, chances are you will / are being chased by multiple men. The worst part is as a guy, you go on a date with a girl and half the time the girl is sleeping with someone else in a FWB relationship or banging the ex. Yet they still continue to date multiple men. So yes, men have it as hard if not harder than you do
monkey00 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 It's been my experience that women play the games and date multiple people more often than guys, because they can. They can sit back, be chased, and be choosy. So as many times as you go out with a guy that soon gets serious with someone else after brushing you off, realize it's happened to a guy more often. I agree, I've found women in the big cities to have multiple guys chasing them. Especially if said women is on a dating site and being bombarded often by emails. Do you live in a small town morten?
Lucky_One Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I find that some people are players, and that some people are not. I haven't seen one sex be worse than the others. I just try to choose my friends/dates/BFs with care and consideration, and to treat them as i would like to be treated, and to keep my personal boundaries in place.
Johnny M Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Indicate you're interested in someone, they back off. Act all cool and aloof towards them, they think you're a bitch. I hate this. Part of me doesn't want to give up, but practicality says that that I should. No one wants to be with me once they meet me, I guess. I don't say that out of self pity, I say that because it's the truth. Guys have it so much easier. They can play games and do whatever they want, women have no choice but to sit around and wait for it. A couple of points: 1) If a man backs off when you show interest, it can only mean one thing: he wasn't the least bit interested in you from the start. Seriously, this is the only possible explanation. Men are in no way averse to being approached by girls they find attractive. 2) If a single, straight man says he doesn't want a girlfriend, what he means is that he doesn't want you to be his girlfriend, not that he doesn't want a girlfriend in general. 3) It seems that the men you are interested in are generally not attracted to you. Why is that? My first hunch is that you're going after men who are out of your league. Perhaps you need to adjust your expectations.
alphamale Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Indicate you're interested in someone, they back off. Act all cool and aloof towards them, they think you're a bitch. I hate this. Part of me doesn't want to give up, but practicality says that that I should. No one wants to be with me once they meet me, I guess. I don't say that out of self pity, I say that because it's the truth. if men are telling you "no" it is probably due to something about your physicial appearance. you should try to deterimine what that is
tigressA Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Saying that stuff like "I'm too busy for a relationship", etc, is just a "nice" way of rejecting someone they're not interested in. Of course, it would be better for everyone if they'd just come right out and say "I'm not interested in you", but hardly anyone does that...
alphamale Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Of course, it would be better for everyone if they'd just come right out and say "I'm not interested in you", but hardly anyone does that... few do it because no one wants to hear it to their face
boogieboy Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Guys have it so much easier. They can play games and do whatever they want, women have no choice but to sit around and wait for it. Guys have it tougher because were the ones who have to lay all the groundwork. We have to approach the woman, ask her out, we have to risk all the rejection and were used to it. Women DONT have to sit around and wait for it, they just choose to because they cant handle rejection. Sounds like you need to take a more aggressive approach, start approaching guys IN YOUR LEAGUE, and do it in person, not on the internet.
mr.dream merchant Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Guys have it tougher because were the ones who have to lay all the groundwork. We have to approach the woman, ask her out, we have to risk all the rejection and were used to it. Women DONT have to sit around and wait for it, they just choose to because they cant handle rejection. Sounds like you need to take a more aggressive approach, start approaching guys IN YOUR LEAGUE, and do it in person, not on the internet. Amen. Nothing worse than a lazy GF.
Author mortensorchid Posted November 8, 2009 Author Posted November 8, 2009 No, I don't live in a small town, I live in a big city. I never have a lack of friends and things to do with myself, I meet people all the time. But, just doesn't happen. Couldn't help but tell another rather odd story that happened to me earlier this year. I was at a bar when I ran into a friend of a friend who I'd met once or twice. She said to me that she never saw me with any guys and did I have a boyfriend? I said no, then she asked "Do you want one?" At first I was a little shocked by the question. I said "Um, ___, I'm not gay. Just because you saw me playing checkers with that very obvious lesbian ___ at this other place doesn't mean I'm gay." She then laughed and apologized, I really didn't realize what she was saying at first. Once we got that out of the way, she said she wanted to take me out to some party or other that weekend and introduce me to some people. I said "Well, yeah, ok." We took each others' numbers down in our phones and then ... Never heard another word about it. Weird, huh?
gtrguy Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Amen. Nothing worse than a lazy GF. +1 on this!!!
JolliX Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Believe me, it's not just men that do what the OP described. ABout 3.5 years ago, I dated a girl who I feel for. After months of dating, she broke up with me telling me that she wasn't ready for a serious relationship. One year later, she was engaged and getting married. My most recent ex told me the same thing, she wasn't ready/looking for a serious relationship. I'm willing to bet that she ends up in one long before I do even though I want a serious relationship (can't say I'm ready for one right now though considering I'm a wreck atm). This is a crappy situation to be in, trust me. Someone you end up caring for as more than a friend, thinks of you as only a friend (at the best), and uses te excuse "I'm just not looking for that". When you find out that a very short while later they found "that", you are just filled with questions as to why it wasn't you. It hurts, it sucks, and I have no idea what else to say about it besides just hang in there. My hope are te same as yours should be, and that's that someday (sooner than later I hope for us all) we will find someone that is ready for what you are ready for, and that's each other.
SierraRose Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I find that some people are players, and that some people are not. I haven't seen one sex be worse than the others. I just try to choose my friends/dates/BFs with care and consideration, and to treat them as i would like to be treated, and to keep my personal boundaries in place. Right on the money!
berrieh Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Women totally have to sit around. At least a little bit. I would rather lay all the groundwork, but men don't like when women do that. It threatens their precious status quo. You may think you'd like it (men), but you wouldn't. I'm not of the 'Ohmygod I can't call him at all' variety, but I know that men hate it if I try to organize everything. I'm a great organizer, and rejection bothers me way less than uncertainty, so it'd be awesome if I could play the boy's role... but I don't like the kind of guys who'd allow that. So I have to sit around. Yeah, I could date multiple people, but (a) if you're dating a guy you actually like, that can screw it over when he finds out -- and he WILL find out -- even if you weren't monogamous, and (b) I'm not really that into that anyway. If I like someone, I like that person and no one else.
Bejita463 Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I would rather lay all the groundwork, but men don't like when women do that. It threatens their precious status quo. You may think you'd like it (men), but you wouldn't. My ex-wife pursued me. I did not pursue her. Clearly, there was something about that I liked if I ended up married to her. Similarly, I've never heard anyone I associate with complain about a woman coming on to them. It has happened to them, and they've always said they thought it was awesome the gal went for what she wanted. The point is: you are trying to lay groundwork with the wrong dudes, if they are reacting negatively to it.
phineas Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 My ex-wife pursued me. I did not pursue her. Clearly, there was something about that I liked if I ended up married to her. Similarly, I've never heard anyone I associate with complain about a woman coming on to them. It has happened to them, and they've always said they thought it was awesome the gal went for what she wanted. The point is: you are trying to lay groundwork with the wrong dudes, if they are reacting negatively to it. My soon to be ex-wife pursued me hard also. Too bad she didn't stop pursueing men after we were married. I'm not interested in wasting my few nights without the kids on someone dateing multiple men. anymore. LOL! But, if a woman shows enough interest in me to convince me to spend my limited free time with her i'll take a shot.
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