Women: what are some little things you like a man to do for you

[Johnny M]

It's interesting to read different male perspectives on this. Several years ago it wouldn't have occurred to me that men feel like "servants" when they're performing chivalrous gestures...and I'm very certain there are a lot of men out there who absolutely don't see it that way. But some do, and I suppose that's something women have to consider.

 

If men really don't enjoy performing acts of chivalry or feel somehow degraded by it, then it makes absolutely no sense to put pressure on them to be more chivalrous. However, I'm not convinced all men feel the way you do about this.

The concept of chivalry is a product of an age where ladies were seen as fragile, precious little things....sort of like children. It was a way of addressing the power imbalance between the genders; in those days a woman was little more than her father's or husband's property and the purpose of chivalry was to make women feel less sh*tty about that whole arrangement. In addition, only women from the aristocracy could expect that 'privilege'. Peasant girls were not considered ladies and did not get the chivalrous treatment.

 

In today's world, women demand to be treated as equals. They have the same rights and opportunities as men. They want to compete with men at everything and work as cops, doctors, attorneys, etc. If you think about it, it's pretty absurd that a modern day woman should be treated like some kind of a medieval princess. We are living in the 21st century and the idea of chivalry is long past its expiry date.

Edited November 9, 2009 by Johnny M

[aerogurl87]

The concept of chivalry is a product of an age where ladies were seen as fragile, precious little things....sort of like children. It was a way of addressing the power imbalance between the genders; in those days a woman was little more than her father's or husband's property and the purpose of chivalry was to make women feel less sh*tty about that whole arrangement. In addition, only women from the aristocracy could expect that 'privilege'. Peasant girls were not considered ladies and did not get the chivalrous treatment.

 

In today's world, women demand to be treated as equals. They have the same rights and opportunities as men. They want to compete with men at everything and work as cops, doctors, attorneys, etc. If you think about it, it's pretty absurd that a modern day woman should be treated like some kind of a medieval princess. We are living in the 21st century and the idea of chivalry is long past its expiry date.

 

I don't think chivalry should be dead. I love when my boyfriend opens the door for me, offers me his jacket when I'm cold (like he did the other night ), pays for my dinner, etc. But I'm a traditional girl so maybe that's why, and he's a traditional kind of guy for the most part, so it works for us. But there are women out there who don't like the chivalrous treatment and can take it or leave it, and there are men out there who aren't willing to be chivalrous. Therefore my point it is, there's someone out there for everyone, so I don't think chivalry should be dead but if a guy isn't into it a girl shouldn't try and force him to be something he's not. People should find someone who matches what their version of romance is and be happy.

[terra]

I don't think it's necessarily "chivalry" for me. The things I appreciate my guy to do for me are the exact same things I do for him. Like pay for dinner, surprise massages, buying him something just because I though of him, I'll hold the door for him.. then slap his but when he walks through. It's just consideration and showing someone you care about them. The only thing I have never done for him that I like are flowers. Have you ever given you guy flowers? Guys have you ever received flowers? Is my guy missing out? Thoughts..

[anne1707]

I've sent my H flowers - why should it be a one way street

 

He felt embarrassed but he also felt good

[Taramere]

In today's world, women demand to be treated as equals. They have the same rights and opportunities as men. They want to compete with men at everything and work as cops, doctors, attorneys, etc. If you think about it, it's pretty absurd that a modern day woman should be treated like some kind of a medieval princess. We are living in the 21st century and the idea of chivalry is long past its expiry date.

 

Nobody should be forced into a style of behaviour that makes them feel silly or uncomfortable. It doesn't mean other people have to stop behaving in those ways in order to accommodate and validate them, though. I prefer men who are comfortable with and enjoy making the odd chivalrous gesture. I find them more pleasant to be around, and I like what they bring out in me. I don't see why that's absurd.

[Johnny M]

I don't think chivalry should be dead. I love when my boyfriend opens the door for me, offers me his jacket when I'm cold (like he did the other night ), pays for my dinner, etc. But I'm a traditional girl so maybe that's why, and he's a traditional kind of guy for the most part, so it works for us.

When you say you are a 'traditional girl', does that mean you'd be quite happy to fulfill the traditional female role of a stay-at-home housewife who forgoes a career in order to fully devote herself to her husband and children? Or are you only traditional when it comes to guys opening doors and paying for dinners?

 

I'm not trying to insult you; I'm just wondering what the term 'traditional woman' means these days, as I hear it all the time from women I don't necessarily associate with traditional values.

[Sith Apprentice]

Yeah, I could use these tips to win the AFC of the year award. No thanks.

[CarrieT]

The last really good date I was on did a number of things:

 

• Pulled out my chair
  
• Was concerned I would be too cold and insisted on taking off his jacket and wrapping it around my shoulders
  
• Carrying the left-overs
  
• Opening the restaurant and car doors
  
• Making sure I was walking on the inside of the sidewalk (a very old-fashioned tradition not many know about anymore)
  
• Walked me to my front door and made sure my key opened the door before leaving
  

[aerogurl87]

When you say you are a 'traditional girl', does that mean you'd be quite happy to fulfill the traditional female role of a stay-at-home housewife who forgoes a career in order to fully devote herself to her husband and children? Or are you only traditional when it comes to guys opening doors and paying for dinners?

 

I'm not trying to insult you; I'm just wondering what the term 'traditional woman' means these days, as I hear it all the time from women I don't necessarily associate with traditional values.

 

If I actually wanted kids, then yes I'd love and actually prefer to be a stay at home mom. Also I cater to my boyfriend like he's a king and he treats me like a princess in return. When I know he's had a long week at work I give him massages to help him relax, cook him breakfast in bed, and I do pretty much whatever else I can think of that will make him happy. But on the same token, he treats me good and so it balances itself out. My boyfriend has the idea that a guy's job in a relationship is to protect and provide for his woman, and I have the idea that my job is to cater to my guy and make sure he's happy. So it all works out. Call me old fashioned, but that's just the way I prefer things to be. I believe that both genders are equal, but I also like traditional gender roles to some extent in a relationship.

[CLC2008]

Generally, my favorite 'little thing' is when he wants to find out what 'little things' *I* like, rather than just apply one set to all women...that means he finds me special and worth investing energy in.

 

For instance, I don't like chair-pulling-out, rarely notice door-holding, hate roses, and don't get a lot of the other usual little things. Now, none of these would be a big issue with a guy I'm just getting to know, but one of the reasons I broke up with my ex was that when he proposed, he bought a diamond engagement ring and made a big deal of it... when he knows I'm not into big engagement scenes and hate diamonds.

 

What's sexy is a man who wants to know and be with ME and not some abstract idea of a woman. Want to know what I like? Ask me questions and LISTEN. I think most women are the same. We don't really want you do read our minds....just to remember all the little hints we drop.

 

Damn it if I were gay I would marry you!! This was great

[eiithan]

I'm simple...I like it when

 

- he remembers my birthday

- put the dishes in the sink after dinner

- clean up his mess

- occasional home cooked meal without any input from me

- helping grocery shopping (don't need to carry everything) / pay for his share if we shop for both and the bill is high

- run a few errands for me when I'm really sick

- do not add additional stress when I'm over-stressed (I'll do the same)

- don't take things personally when I merely need to vent

 

I don't need any glamous romanticism. Just keep your actions and words together, and the above things, then I have nothing to complain about.

[Els]

The concept of chivalry is a product of an age where ladies were seen as fragile, precious little things....sort of like children. It was a way of addressing the power imbalance between the genders; in those days a woman was little more than her father's or husband's property and the purpose of chivalry was to make women feel less sh*tty about that whole arrangement. In addition, only women from the aristocracy could expect that 'privilege'. Peasant girls were not considered ladies and did not get the chivalrous treatment.

 

In today's world, women demand to be treated as equals. They have the same rights and opportunities as men. They want to compete with men at everything and work as cops, doctors, attorneys, etc. If you think about it, it's pretty absurd that a modern day woman should be treated like some kind of a medieval princess. We are living in the 21st century and the idea of chivalry is long past its expiry date.

 

Noone's expecting or forcing anything. The title was 'little things that you like men to do for you'. If there was a thread about 'little things that you like women to do for you', I'm sure there would be posts from men about how they love to get massages and have nice dinners cooked for them - would you think that's a bad thing which undermines the principle of equality?

[Johnny M]

Noone's expecting or forcing anything. The title was 'little things that you like men to do for you'. If there was a thread about 'little things that you like women to do for you', I'm sure there would be posts from men about how they love to get massages and have nice dinners cooked for them - would you think that's a bad thing which undermines the principle of equality?

Apples to oranges comparison. Massages and dinners are things that people can actually appreciate for logical reasons (a good dinner is yummy and a good massage is relaxing). There's nothing wrong with either men or women doing this for their lovers. I'm talking about things that are completely symbolic, like pulling out chairs and opening car doors. These symbolic gestures imply that women deserve special treatment simply because they are women.

[sally4sara]

Few things are as hot as a man who not only knows his way around a kitchen, but takes pride in the food he prepares.

 

I also like those rare instances where I've met a man who knows enough about dancing to lead me around the dance floor.

 

Carpentry skills are winning. If he can help me build or assemble things I'll find him more appealing.

 

I love how my fiance sometimes just shows up random places (my sewing class or while I'm waiting in the grocery line) and kisses me on the cheek.

[Jerry18]

I am touched when men open doors, pull out a chair for you to sit, help you out with bags etc..

 

I was recently traveling alone and was seated next to a guy. When he saw that I was traveling alone, he got my bags and put them in the overhead locker for me, and got them out and put them back in when I needed them. He also gave me a small chocolate bar from one of his meals and his blanket. AND he wasn't trying to flirt with me in any way. That's just the way he naturally is Totally made my flight.

 

Contrary to popular opinion, there is not a bigger turn on for me than niceness and kindness.

 

Basically he gave you the biggest turn on and still nothing happened?

 

That's a pretty dismal world for guys trying to impress girls...

[caramel c]

I like ANYTHING a man does for me. Nothing goes unappreciated or unnoticed. Big or small, its all good & its all welcome.

[Jerry18]

Most of the posts are about things EXISTING boyfriends do.

 

But how much does doing those little things matter when deciding whether to go out with him?

 

I've done those things to a girl and she still rejected me.

[caramel c]

Most of the posts are about things EXISTING boyfriends do.

 

But how much does doing those little things matter when deciding whether to go out with him?

 

I've done those things to a girl and she still rejected me.

 

It matters to me. I like to feel safe, adored, desired. If I don't feel these things then I'm just not feeling him as a result.

[2sure]

I like the little things that apparently are not at all important to some of the other women:

 

Hold open doors, move my chair, stand when I leave the table, get my car door, etc. etc.

 

These things dont take much time or effort and cost nothing.

 

I like all the rest too - flowers, dinners,massages, etc...but its the free and giving little things that a gentleman can do to make me feel feminine that I notice and make me warm and fuzzy. Note: None of these things should be done obsessively, but you know...when appropriate.

[Els]

Apples to oranges comparison. Massages and dinners are things that people can actually appreciate for logical reasons (a good dinner is yummy and a good massage is relaxing). There's nothing wrong with either men or women doing this for their lovers. I'm talking about things that are completely symbolic, like pulling out chairs and opening car doors. These symbolic gestures imply that women deserve special treatment simply because they are women.

 

If there were truly no benefit to the receiver, valets wouldn't open car doors and waiters in posh restaurants wouldn't pull out chairs. However, for some reason doing so makes customers (both men and women) happy, so they do it.

 

Regardless, I think it's really a personal choice. Some more traditional couples (you know, the kind where the guy pays, the girl lets the guy take the lead) would probably be more likely to also do/accept the chivalry thing than a staunch 'equal rights' couple where both partners pay, share equal house chores, combine last names when they get married, etc. Different strokes for different folks.

[Sith Apprentice]

 

I've done those things to a girl and she still rejected me.

 

You can't treat a hor like a housewife.

 

Things I'll never do for a woman:

1) Cook

2) Clean

3) Pull out her chair

4) Let her hold the TV remote

5) Let her interrupt me during the ball game-get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich biotch!

[Citizen Erased]

You can't treat a hor like a housewife.

 

Things I'll never do for a woman:

1) Cook

2) Clean

3) Pull out her chair

4) Let her hold the TV remote

5) Let her interrupt me during the ball game-get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich biotch!

 

Do you want a medal for that? You should be so proud.

[Johnny M]

If there were truly no benefit to the receiver, valets wouldn't open car doors and waiters in posh restaurants wouldn't pull out chairs.

Of course there are psychological benefits. These little gestures appeal to your vanity by making you feel like an important person who's being attended to by servants.

[aerogurl87]

You can't treat a hor like a housewife.

 

Things I'll never do for a woman:

1) Cook

2) Clean

3) Pull out her chair

4) Let her hold the TV remote

5) Let her interrupt me during the ball game-get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich biotch!

 

And so you'll die alone like Darth Vader... ok so moving on.

[always_searching]

You can't treat a hor like a housewife.

 

Things I'll never do for a woman:

1) Cook

2) Clean

3) Pull out her chair

4) Let her hold the TV remote

5) Let her interrupt me during the ball game-get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich biotch!

 

I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that you are not currently seeing anyone?

 

I can tell you one thing: if a man ever told me to get back in the kitchen and do anything--let alone refer to me as a "biotch": he would be singing soprano before getting his ass kicked to the curb...