Women: what are some little things you like a man to do for you

[Crusoe]

The things I like men to do from times I've been in relationships:

 

- They take care of everything. I feel like the weight of the world off my shoulders.

 

- They only need your assistance as to send some check, call for quotes, or simple things like that.

 

- They drive the car.

 

- Whenever you go places you feel sheltered by the guy.

 

- They go out at night when you are sick to get you medicine and take you to the doctor, they actually care for you.

 

- Whenever you have to deal with something heavy or cumbersome they deal with it, like digging, lifting, moving, etc.

 

But I understand these are not little things.

 

Hey, I must be behind the times, you telling me fellas dont do these givens as standard anymore?

[Ariadne]

Hey, I must be behind the times, you telling me fellas dont do these givens as standard anymore?

 

Oh, many do.

 

I'd like to add:

 

- They always worry if you are doing things potentially harmful for you. Like eating too much salt/sugar, smoking, driving in bad areas, having to be out late..

 

and they provide for safe alternatives: buy replacement product/tell you the harms of smoking/find alternate routes/get you a cell/escort you no matter how late.

 

- They are always ready to fetch food at your suggestion. If you have a craving for a specific item, they are always glad to provide.

[Ariadne]

(Oh, and opening doors etc is the least expected).

[Johnny M]

Many of the "little things" described here are just painfully ridiculous. Holding doors, sure, I do that for everyone, whether male or female. That's just plain courtesy (if you don't hold it, the person behind would get slammed with a swinging door). But I'm not gonna dash to the door to make sure I get there before my date does just so I could open it for her. Ditto for opening car doors or pulling out chairs. I'm not her servant, and unless the woman is a double amputee, she is perfectly capable of doing those simple tasks herself.

 

And ladies, I've got some news for you: the guys who perform these trivial acts of chivalry don't do it because they 'care'...they do it because they think it's expected of them. The true way to show that you care about somebody is by doing something meaningful and unexpected, not by going through the motions.

Edited November 8, 2009 by Johnny M

[Lucky_One]

I love when they put their hand on your waist while they change the side that they are walking on, so that the woman is away from the traffic. Love, love, love that semi-possessive, casual, sliding along the ribcage.....

 

Love unexpected texts. Love being brought a caramel macchiato without notice. Love foot massages (pay attention, Carhill!). Love when they take your lotion out of your hand and help moisturize you after a shower. Love when they brush your hair behind your ear. Love when they catch your eye across the room at a cocktail party and you know they are thinking of "The Black Dress Song". Love when he tells his brother how much he loves you.

[anne1707]

Things I love....

• The way I catch him looking at me at times - I just melt
  
• When he puts his arms around me, he makes me feel totally safe
  
• The way he has just made me feel shy by looking at what I am posting right now
  
• The way he puts up with my shoe and handbag collections
  
• When he does the shopping, he will invariably buy me something (flowers, a CD, a favourite food)
  
• When in a crowded place, he is always looking out for me, making sure I am safe
  
• He will insist on carrying my shopping
  
• Because I take longer getting ready in the morning, he will always make breakfast
  

:love:

[Brady_to_Moss]

 

Honestly, my standards have lowered so much since being in college

 

 

Mine have gone up since in college LOL

[Taramere]

And ladies, I've got some news for you: the guys who perform these trivial acts of chivalry don't do it because they 'care'...they do it because they think it's expected of them.

 

A host will make all kinds of polite, welcoming gestures to make a guest at home. It's a way of emphasising "this is my turf, but you're welcome here." An assertion of dominance, without accompanying hostility. Heads of state do it quite ostentatiously at times, and they do it for a good reason.

 

A man who performs chivalrous gestures only because he feels it's expected of him may feel resentful about, as he sees it, submitting to social norms. Whether you regard yourself as elevated or degraded by the demonstration of good manners probably depends in great part on where you generally see yourself in the foodchain.

 

I've never really considered this before, but when I think about it - that's what I'm assessing about a man when I notice chivalrous gestures or their absence. I don't get a sense of "wow - this man genuinely cares about me" when he picks up my case for me or makes a point of getting the door. I get a sense of "this man's comfortable with taking charge". In a dating situation it's a subtle sexual signal. Some men can do it without even appearing to think about it. Others will seem to be so self conscious about it that you feel mildly uncomfortable.

 

It's not incumbent upon you to understand how women might perceive certain male behaviour or to care, but I think you're naive to assume chivalrous gestures are completely meaningless.

Edited November 9, 2009 by Taramere

[Ruby Slippers]

So many good ones in this thread!!

 

I am dating a new guy, and I love when he:

 

• opens doors, pulls out my chair at a restaurant, helps me with my coat
  
• walks on the side of the street closest to traffic, and switches sides when necessary so he is always on the outside
  
• gives me random shoulder/neck/back rubs
  
• pays attention to the little things I like and shows me later that he has filed them away
  
• always asks for my input on plans, but has his own great ideas, too
  
• takes his time touching and kissing the spots that really drive me crazy, like up my spine, back of the neck - yum!
  
• asks me every time he's on the way over if there's anything I need him to pick up
  
• said he wants to adjust my bike helmet to make sure it's a good fit, and get me lights in case I'm riding after dark, get me all safe and protected
  
• ruminates aloud about little things he can do to make my life better, then does them
  

[Johnny M]

A host will make all kinds of polite, welcoming gestures to make a guest at home. It's a way of emphasising "this is my turf, but you're welcome here." An assertion of dominance, without accompanying hostility. Heads of state do it quite ostentatiously at times, and they do it for a good reason.

 

A man who performs chivalrous gestures only because he feels it's expected of him may feel resentful about, as he sees it, submitting to social norms. Whether you regard yourself as elevated or degraded by the demonstration of good manners probably depends in great part on where you generally see yourself in the foodchain.

 

I've never really considered this before, but when I think about it - that's what I'm assessing about a man when I notice chivalrous gestures or their absence. I don't get a sense of "wow - this man genuinely cares about me" when he picks up my case for me or makes a point of getting the door. I get a sense of "this man's comfortable with taking charge". In a dating situation it's a subtle sexual signal. Some men can do it without even appearing to think about it. Others will seem to be so self conscious about it that you feel mildly uncomfortable.

 

It's not incumbent upon you to understand how women might perceive certain male behaviour or to care, but I think you're naive to assume chivalrous gestures are completely meaningless.

So a guy who's picking up your suitcase is sending a 'sexual signal' that he's comfortable with taking charge? That's a little to freudian for my taste

 

Sexual attraction is not something that you can control. So if you're sexually attracted to a man, you will be so regardless of whether he picks up your suitcase or makes the point of getting the door.

[Ruby Slippers]

Sexual attraction is not something that you can control. So if you're sexually attracted to a man, you will be so regardless of whether he picks up your suitcase or makes the point of getting the door.

You have a lot to learn about the differences between women and men, and how the female mind and emotions work.

[Lizzie60]

what are some little things you like a man to do for you

 

hum.... let's see... when he:

 

opens the door..

prepares my bath..

gives me a good erotic massage..

pays for my shopping spree and carries the bags..

buys me expensive gifts..

cooks me a nice dinner..

buys me flowers..

stash some cash in my nightstand..

tells me how beautiful I am..

tells me how he missed me..

tells me he goes to bed each night thinking about me..

 

should I go on..

[Johnny M]

You have a lot to learn about the differences between women and men, and how the female mind and emotions work.

Well, I'm not going to claim that I 'understand' women...I don't think any man can say that he does. In fact, I don't think women really understand themselves either. From my experience, women say that they want one thing, think they want something else, and subconsciously want something entirely different.

 

I do know this, however. Few women would reject a man for not being chivalrous enough. On the other hand, there is no shortage of men being instantly "friend zoned" for being too nice. Draw your own conclusions.

[Confusedalways]

I can only imagine here in Boston or in NYC where I grew up men holding open doors for me just because oh, my goodness. I guess it's more of a diamond in the rough when I find one up here willing to do that .

 

Although realistically all of these things us woman have been listing are nice once in awhile. Likely would drive me nuts ALL the time... but it's more special when it's rare. I definitely see Johnny's point, albeit to an extent. Sometimes you really do have to grab the suitcase for the lady!

[t0ri]

Contrary to popular opinion, there is not a bigger turn on for me than niceness and kindness.

 

Agreed.

 

-I really like when guys notice my quirks, or little things about me that most people don't.

-Random acts of love.

-I LOVE when a guy tickles my back, leg, stomach. And random massages.

-Lots of affection. Kisses on the forehead, cheek, hand are sweet.

-Being let know you're adored and thought about by them, but in moderation.

-Sincere compliments.

-Pure consideration.

-Opening doors, yes.

[AD1980]

The things I like men to do from times I've been in relationships:

 

- They take care of everything.

 

Sheesh.....

[carhill]

I can see I need to unlearn some bad habits I fell into during my M when such 'little things' weren't appreciated or reciprocated and I slowly phased them out of my consciousness. I suspect that will be my most difficult task moving forward, re-learning how to be naturally romantic. What's life without a new challenge?

 

Good Monday afternoon from Narita, Japan.

[tryagaintoday]

I can see I need to unlearn some bad habits I fell into during my M when such 'little things' weren't appreciated or reciprocated and I slowly phased them out of my consciousness. I suspect that will be my most difficult task moving forward, re-learning how to be naturally romantic. What's life without a new challenge?

 

Good Monday afternoon from Narita, Japan.

 

Oh, so you're in Japan, carhill. Lucky guy, Japanese women love white men.

[carhill]

They can love me for about 90 more minutes

 

On topic, the Asian couple next to me presented with the young lady sleeping with her head on her partner' leg and his hand shading her eyes from the light and afternoon sun. Watching his little examples of affection and her response helps me appreciate that there is a place for such things and their appreciation. As I said prior, hope springs eternal

[Devil Inside]

I am keeping notes here ladies...please continue.

[berrieh]

Generally, my favorite 'little thing' is when he wants to find out what 'little things' *I* like, rather than just apply one set to all women...that means he finds me special and worth investing energy in.

 

For instance, I don't like chair-pulling-out, rarely notice door-holding, hate roses, and don't get a lot of the other usual little things. Now, none of these would be a big issue with a guy I'm just getting to know, but one of the reasons I broke up with my ex was that when he proposed, he bought a diamond engagement ring and made a big deal of it... when he knows I'm not into big engagement scenes and hate diamonds.

 

What's sexy is a man who wants to know and be with ME and not some abstract idea of a woman. Want to know what I like? Ask me questions and LISTEN. I think most women are the same. We don't really want you do read our minds....just to remember all the little hints we drop.

[Devil Inside]

Generally, my favorite 'little thing' is when he wants to find out what 'little things' *I* like, rather than just apply one set to all women...that means he finds me special and worth investing energy in.

 

For instance, I don't like chair-pulling-out, rarely notice door-holding, hate roses, and don't get a lot of the other usual little things. Now, none of these would be a big issue with a guy I'm just getting to know, but one of the reasons I broke up with my ex was that when he proposed, he bought a diamond engagement ring and made a big deal of it... when he knows I'm not into big engagement scenes and hate diamonds.

 

What's sexy is a man who wants to know and be with ME and not some abstract idea of a woman. Want to know what I like? Ask me questions and LISTEN. I think most women are the same. We don't really want you do read our minds....just to remember all the little hints we drop.

 

So basically you are saying...pay attention and let her know that you did. That seems simple enough. I agree...at least my experience has been that women always gave me the best reactions from the little things I remembered.

[aerogurl87]

One thing I forgot to mention is how I my boyfriend remembers all the little random facts about me. Like that I'm slightly addicted to apple juice and Godiva chocolate, lol. The fact that he actually remembers things like that and sometimes buys me both of those things to cheer me up sometimes makes me happy.

[Taramere]

So a guy who's picking up your suitcase is sending a 'sexual signal' that he's comfortable with taking charge? That's a little to freudian for my taste

 

Obviously if it's a relative or a friend's husband then it's going to seem like an affectionate or clannish gesture rather than a sexual one. If it's someone working in a hotel, they're just doing their job. If it's a man I've had any kind of flirtation with, then I'll see it in a more sexual context - ie that he's behaving in a masculine way, and that's attractive.

 

Sexual attraction is not something that you can control. So if you're sexually attracted to a man, you will be so regardless of whether he picks up your suitcase or makes the point of getting the door.

 

I disagree. You can feel attracted to an individual one minute, and fairly lukewarm about them the next. Little things can, unfortunately, be quite offputting. I recall an ex who really wasn't into the chivalrous gestures. It was something I made allowances for, as there were a lot of things I liked about him...but the lack of chivalry was something I really had to work quite hard to not be turned off by.

 

I think he did pick that up, and as the relationship progressed he became more chivalrous - but I picked up a vague sense that it wasn't something that came naturally to him. I sometimes had this anxiety that something about me made him feel pressured into a traditional male role that he wasn't comfortable with.

 

It's interesting to read different male perspectives on this. Several years ago it wouldn't have occurred to me that men feel like "servants" when they're performing chivalrous gestures...and I'm very certain there are a lot of men out there who absolutely don't see it that way. But some do, and I suppose that's something women have to consider.

 

If men really don't enjoy performing acts of chivalry or feel somehow degraded by it, then it makes absolutely no sense to put pressure on them to be more chivalrous. However, I'm not convinced all men feel the way you do about this.

[Citizen Erased]

If a guy doesn't open my door or pull my chair out, I don't even notice. It doesn't make me all warm and fuzzy if they do it either. If they spank my arse while I am walking through the door, now that will make my heart melt.

 

What comes to mind...when they go out of their way to put a smile on my face when I'm grumpy in the morning. When they tease me about silly things to make me blush. When I catch them checking me out at random times. Just pretty much anything they do that lets me know if given half the chance they wouldn't be keeping their hands off me.