Online dating...anyone tried it?

[b52s]

I've really been into online dating for a while a year or so ago....I still go on the sites...but mostly the free ones.

 

Anyhow, online dating hasn't worked out for me.....everytime I would write a decent personalized email to a woman, it would get ignored.

 

OR....if a woman DID respond either

 

1. We'd email back and forth a couple of times, then...all of a sudden she'd stop responding. Then I would send the, "So, hey....hadn't heard from you in a week...figured I'd see how you were doing" With still no response

 

2. They schedule a date, and then as you're getting ready...they call to cancel at the last minute (or text you. Seems some are afraid to say it to your face or on the phone)...because "something came up"...and you're suppose to be okay with that.

 

Had a friend of mine was really hitting it off with a woman from EHarmony....and SHE asked him to come see her about 3 or 4 hours away from where he lived...SHE asked him out....he was planning the weekend just to drive to see her....then just before he went....she canceled because "Something came up"

 

After that, he NEVER heard back from her after that again.

 

I can only imagine the amount of time people have WASTED with people we've met online.....now I have a circle of friends I go out with, and I just meet women through friends and out at house parties.

 

Recently though, I have noticed (and this is sad), that online dating is PREFERRED over the REAL deal (going out socializing with friends)

 

Seems women these days don't like being approached in public while they're out shopping or waiting in the line at the store. I've had women seriously object to some "creepy" guy trying to strike up a conversation with them, because....according to THEM, they want to "Go in the store, get what they wanted and get the heck out!"

 

What kind of attitude is that to have in a single lady??

 

Then she rushes home to sign into Match.com in the safety and controllable environment of the online realm. You see in person, there's no "ignore" or "block" button. They can't control the conversation and pretty much forced to listen to the guy.

Edited November 10, 2009 by b52s

[DanielMadr]

I've really been into online dating for a while a year or so ago....I still go on the sites...but mostly the free ones.

 

Anyhow, online dating hasn't worked out for me.....everytime I would write a decent personalized email to a woman, it would get ignored.

 

OR....if a woman DID respond either

 

1. We'd email back and forth a couple of times, then...all of a sudden she'd stop responding. Then I would send the, "So, hey....hadn't heard from you in a week...figured I'd see how you were doing" With still no response

 

2. They schedule a date, and then as you're getting ready...they call to cancel at the last minute (or text you. Seems some are afraid to say it to your face or on the phone)...because "something came up"...and you're suppose to be okay with that.

 

Had a friend of mine was really hitting it off with a woman from EHarmony....and SHE asked him to come see her about 3 or 4 hours away from where he lived...SHE asked him out....he was planning the weekend just to drive to see her....then just before he went....she canceled because "Something came up"

 

After that, he NEVER heard back from her after that again.

 

I can only imagine the amount of time people have WASTED with people we've met online.....now I have a circle of friends I go out with, and I just meet women through friends and out at house parties.

 

Recently though, I have noticed (and this is sad), that online dating is PREFERRED over the REAL deal (going out socializing with friends)

 

Seems women these days don't like being approached in public while they're out shopping or waiting in the line at the store. I've had women seriously object to some "creepy" guy trying to strike up a conversation with them, because....according to THEM, they want to "Go in the store, get what they wanted and get the heck out!"

 

What kind of attitude is that to have in a single lady??

 

Then she rushes home to sign into Match.com in the safety and controllable environment of the online realm. You see in person, there's no "ignore" or "block" button. They can't control the conversation and pretty much forced to listen to the guy.

 

When I was using online dating sites....and it was because I was very busy ( truth is I was just lazy and wanted to avoid real life rejection I guess and a bit busy as well)....I was able to get a meeting in less then 5 emails. No photo involved. You just learn and burn and figure out the right pattern and then it goes smoothly. In a nutshell you just cant be and sound desperate.

 

My problems with the girls from on line dating:

 

1. Lots of attention wh0res, which are there for attention only and go out on date only to get out of you slightest GRATTIFICATION if you dont give it in emails first. No problem with that if the girls were hot but they were not even pretty.

 

2. Lots of damaged goods so to speak. Very emotionally unstable, cold, stuck up....you could say they had real problem to pull a half decent guy in real world.

 

In real life I meet more normal girls than I meet on internet eventhough there you can "meet" 30 girls a day. Maybe I was just unlucky. Maybe Im just superficial but I tell you I wouldnt like the girls as a babysitter either. But maybe Im just superficial parent too:D

[betamanlet]

DC is a weird place to date, there is everything in the spectrum. One thing I've noticed along the many dates I've had in DC is that Lawyers tend to be the dullest of the bunch, their responses tend to be framed within a safe frame where they calculate 99% of their responses. Most of the great girls I've dated have been in the non-profit sector, or the more idealistic industries. Federal government employees seem to have very little opinions and passion and international organization (OAS, IADB, WB, IMF, etc) seem to have an enormously inflated sense of entitlement. There are tons of fun places to take women on dates here in DC. Don't waste your time with congressional aides or anyone working for a congressperson in the hill. They'll come and go faster than you can blink. They're also usually so overworked and underpaid that they'll rarely have time for you and will go on for hours on end about the constant drama that is the happenings around the Hill. MTV's "The Hills" have got nothing on CSPAN's Capitol Hill.

 

 

I actually won't be dating so long as I stay here, and I'm one of the few natives you'll actually meet. THis are attracts people with personality disorders like flies to sh*t... I'm also a lawyer, so I know what you're talking about.. This is a complete status town, and my job is pretty low status, but low stress, i don't care, but I know women hold it against me. If I were to leave DC, I would consider dating again.... But I'm so sick of the "what do you do?" "where are you from" and all the other BS to figure out if you are high status or not...

[betamanlet]

When I was using online dating sites....and it was because I was very busy ( truth is I was just lazy and wanted to avoid real life rejection I guess and a bit busy as well)....I was able to get a meeting in less then 5 emails. No photo involved. You just learn and burn and figure out the right pattern and then it goes smoothly. In a nutshell you just cant be and sound desperate.

 

My problems with the girls from on line dating:

 

1. Lots of attention wh0res, which are there for attention only and go out on date only to get out of you slightest GRATTIFICATION if you dont give it in emails first. No problem with that if the girls were hot but they were not even pretty.

 

2. Lots of damaged goods so to speak. Very emotionally unstable, cold, stuck up....you could say they had real problem to pull a half decent guy in real world.

 

In real life I meet more normal girls than I meet on internet eventhough there you can "meet" 30 girls a day. Maybe I was just unlucky. Maybe Im just superficial but I tell you I wouldnt like the girls as a babysitter either. But maybe Im just superficial parent too:D

 

Facts are, most women get asked out constantly, so don't need to do online dating. Virtually every woman I know who has an online profile does it only to get 50+ messages a aday to boost her self esteem, and has no intention of actually dating anyone unless they are "perfect". I think online dating is a complete waste of time and money UNLESS you're in a specific minority group that a site caters to, such as ba'hai dating, hindu dating, jdate, etc... And I'm sure even there are many cases of people only on those sites for attention as well.

[Sam Spade]

Facts are, most women get asked out constantly, so don't need to do online dating. Virtually every woman I know who has an online profile does it only to get 50+ messages a aday to boost her self esteem, and has no intention of actually dating anyone unless they are "perfect". I think online dating is a complete waste of time and money UNLESS you're in a specific minority group that a site caters to, such as ba'hai dating, hindu dating, jdate, etc... And I'm sure even there are many cases of people only on those sites for attention as well.

 

 

There is also the narrow demographic of shy girls that although could easily get asked out by guys, aren't quite approachable, so they're easier to get online - if you get in touch early, before they're discouraged by all the shirtless body shots. The safety of online gives them extra confidence - my gf would never 'wink' at me IRL.

The attention hos are obvious - their profiles are just so blah that you'd rather have sex with a bowl of oatmeal.

[DanielMadr]

Facts are, most women get asked out constantly, so don't need to do online dating. Virtually every woman I know who has an online profile does it only to get 50+ messages a aday to boost her self esteem, and has no intention of actually dating anyone unless they are "perfect". I think online dating is a complete waste of time and money UNLESS you're in a specific minority group that a site caters to, such as ba'hai dating, hindu dating, jdate, etc... And I'm sure even there are many cases of people only on those sites for attention as well.

 

It is true. But not the whole truth. There are not AW only. But I bet they can pull the most attention...they are pros after all.

AW is easily recognized. Which shocked me was a lack of "normal" girls....and guys....myself excluded of course.

[FeelingLonely98]

I have found someone incredible, nothing is perfect but I am very happy with what's going on, you can read more about them in this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t203234/ I do want to clarify, even though I complain about certain things, I am truly happy and very excited about the possibilities in the future with her.

 

What dating site did you happen to find the 2 great matches almost simultaneously? (maybe two different sites?)

[rod_in_gtown]

I actually won't be dating so long as I stay here, and I'm one of the few natives you'll actually meet. THis are attracts people with personality disorders like flies to sh*t... I'm also a lawyer, so I know what you're talking about.. This is a complete status town, and my job is pretty low status, but low stress, i don't care, but I know women hold it against me. If I were to leave DC, I would consider dating again.... But I'm so sick of the "what do you do?" "where are you from" and all the other BS to figure out if you are high status or not...

 

Hahahaha! yeap, you've dated in DC, that's for sure. I was lucky to meet my current girlfriend pretty much right off the boat. She had moved to Crystal City about 2 weeks before she joined match, and I was the first guy to send her an email. We just clicked and went from there. I consider myself incredibly lucky that it happened that way.

 

I find it almost funny and a little puzzling the behavior of some of the women I've dated here, we go on a first date, we have a great time, we start going out and then out of the blue they disappear. Now, I'm not a lawyer but I am a professional, and while I do not work for the Federal Gov't I do work in a Gov't related organization, a large one at that and the work we do is pretty relevant. I'm good at what I do and I am known by my peers in my field, I am talented and in demand, and yet some of these women seemed to be put off by the fact that I was not a politician / lawyer / doctor / economist. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter about it, I want nothing to do with a person that judges someone else by that kind of criteria, but it is a little disheartening to see the level of issues most of these women seem to exhibit.

 

If I were ever to become single again, I might consider moving to San Francisco, the short time I spent there I was able to meet a great deal of wonderful people. The attitude of the ones I met and interacted with is so much more positive and laid back than I've been able to find in DC.

[rod_in_gtown]

What dating site did you happen to find the 2 great matches almost simultaneously? (maybe two different sites?)

 

I met both on Match.com, I happened to look at their profiles at around the same time and started emailing both of them. I scheduled first dates with both in the same week not thinking that there was a chance in hell that I would end up liking both so much and that both would end up liking me so much. Choosing which one to date exclusively is probably one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make.

[betamanlet]

Hahahaha! yeap, you've dated in DC, that's for sure. I was lucky to meet my current girlfriend pretty much right off the boat. She had moved to Crystal City about 2 weeks before she joined match, and I was the first guy to send her an email. We just clicked and went from there. I consider myself incredibly lucky that it happened that way.

 

I find it almost funny and a little puzzling the behavior of some of the women I've dated here, we go on a first date, we have a great time, we start going out and then out of the blue they disappear. Now, I'm not a lawyer but I am a professional, and while I do not work for the Federal Gov't I do work in a Gov't related organization, a large one at that and the work we do is pretty relevant. I'm good at what I do and I am known by my peers in my field, I am talented and in demand, and yet some of these women seemed to be put off by the fact that I was not a politician / lawyer / doctor / economist. Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter about it, I want nothing to do with a person that judges someone else by that kind of criteria, but it is a little disheartening to see the level of issues most of these women seem to exhibit.

 

If I were ever to become single again, I might consider moving to San Francisco, the short time I spent there I was able to meet a great deal of wonderful people. The attitude of the ones I met and interacted with is so much more positive and laid back than I've been able to find in DC.

 

 

Unfortunately my field only exists here, so I'm stuck until I pay off my loans, meaning I'm going to not be dating for years and years, and by the time I've paid it off, I'll be an old man with virtually no dating experience.

 

Yup, the flakiness level here is higher than normal.. She had better offers and took them... DC has to be one of the worst places in the US for guys to date, despite the claims that it has so many single women. They are single because they are so picky, not because there are that many of them.

 

Does your gf have any friends that aren't like the people who live here?

[FeelingLonely98]

Choosing which one to date exclusively is probably one of the toughest decisions I've ever had to make.

 

You are a very fortunate young man if that is your toughest decision yet in life.

[fral945]

I've done online dating, mainly at the start of my dating life because I was shy, awkward, and uncomfortable around women to begin with. I've had mixed experiences, but I really haven't found it to be much different than IRL once you meet people. You just have to know what to watch for. For me it's just another avenue.

 

Here are my bad experiences:

1) My most common problem - several women lied about their weight (much heavier IRL than they described). Lesson learned: ignore profiles without full body photos that are recent.

2) 2 flaked out on me (1 arranged a date then canceled, another met me once, things seemed to be going well, then she just disappeared and quit taking my calls and texts). Lesson learned: Some girls will flake out on you for whatever reason. Accept it and move on.

 

Good experiences:

 

1) Met a girl who I dated for a few months. We went our separate ways for various reasons, but I enjoyed the time we dated

2) Met current GF online (8 months)

 

I've also met some pretty nice people online and went on one or two dates with. Once we got talking we didn't click (for various reasons). But I still chocked it up to a learning experience.

 

So I don't think it is a waste of time. I personally wouldn't eliminate it as an option if I were single.

[rod_in_gtown]

Unfortunately my field only exists here, so I'm stuck until I pay off my loans, meaning I'm going to not be dating for years and years, and by the time I've paid it off, I'll be an old man with virtually no dating experience.

 

Yup, the flakiness level here is higher than normal.. She had better offers and took them... DC has to be one of the worst places in the US for guys to date, despite the claims that it has so many single women. They are single because they are so picky, not because there are that many of them.

 

Does your gf have any friends that aren't like the people who live here?

 

I'm sorry, she doesn't know anyone here except for her co-workers and she's not that friendly with them as of yet. And honestly, I'm not sure I would ever want her to know about the existence of this forum or who I am in it. Not that I've said anything she would feel hurt about but it's one of those things where I don't want anyone I know IRL to see the inside of my head on some of my posts.

[rod_in_gtown]

You are a very fortunate young man if that is your toughest decision yet in life.

 

Not necessarily, I've had tough things happen in my life but most of them were out of my control and the only decision (if any) that I would've had to make in those cases would've been how to deal with it.

 

However, in the grand scheme of things, I've led a VERY good life and I am VERY lucky for everything and everyone who makes a part of it.

 

I wouldn't call myself young, but not old either, I'm only 32

[flc]

I found online dating to work for me. I found in general the pay sites are better as the people have some skin in the game. It really requires you to think a bit in writing both your profile and email and good photos are critical as most people screen by looks first. As many people mentioned the key is get past the email/phone calls quickly and meet. For me meeting for coffee worked best as both people could decide to end it quickly if there was no chemistry or make it longer if you enjoyed each others company.

 

I went into it to mainly meet people and have fun, if a relationship developed great. I had a fair number of dates and one relationship lasted about 3 months and another I have been in for 1.5yrs now.

[betamanlet]

I'm sorry, she doesn't know anyone here except for her co-workers and she's not that friendly with them as of yet. And honestly, I'm not sure I would ever want her to know about the existence of this forum or who I am in it. Not that I've said anything she would feel hurt about but it's one of those things where I don't want anyone I know IRL to see the inside of my head on some of my posts.

eh, it's only been 2+ years since I last had a girlfriend. I can wait several more years.

[DanielMadr]

eh, it's only been 2+ years since I last had a girlfriend. I can wait several more years.

 

I think you have just the bad attitude about dating. You can't be desperate, pissed off or negativistic. This attitude will shoot you in the leg. And I suggest you change your approach completely....don't play their game...name dropping, who has better job etc. I for example had the most success with 'Oh, I just go out of prison but don't worry I can't hurt you I'm still on parole.' They didn't believe it but at least I let them know I don't follow the local dating rules. And if they can't take it what good they are anyway? But most of all I wasn't desperate for anything, I expected anything. Not faking it, really believe it. Like when you go to fight absolutely OK with everything even ready to get shot, nevertheless fighting hard but with ease.

[justforfun]

I think you have just the bad attitude about dating. You can't be desperate, pissed off or negativistic

 

Exactly. Why do so many men come on here whining about their online dating experiences? Says more about them than they realize.

 

I enjoy online dating. I've lived in this state for a year. I don't meet suitable men at work. I rarely, if ever, go to bars. And there are so many men in my immediate area that I wouldn't otherwise cross paths with.

 

I've chatted online to quite a few and the conversations have petered out. Somehow the interest level has waned. But no hard feelings on either side. You seem to think that women have to respond. They don't. In the 'real world' if you exchange numbers with a woman, call her, and she doesn't call you back then do you get as annoyed as you do with online women not responding to your emails? Let it go.

 

I've also met 5 men to date. None of them have been relationship material. Nothing wrong with them but for various reasons we haven't 'clicked'. I don't follow up with them afterward and tell them why unless they ask. Even then I keep it brief.

 

Personally, I think online dating is fun. It can be as light or as heavy as you want to make it. And it's nice to take it easy knowing that the men on there are looking for someone they would like to know better and potentially start a relationship with. Just got to filter out the desperate ones (hint hint).