Online dating...anyone tried it?

[caz83]

I know there is a stigma about people who use online dating sites, but like I said previously, for every bad story there are good ones too. The reason I am thinking of it is because I dont like meeting men bars/clubs, I cant meet anyone through work because of the job I do, and my job doesnt leave me much free time to join a group/club to meet people, Im not a weirdo or a massive loner...just looking for ways to meet people, so if I'm doing that surely there must be other people on those sites doing the same thing? We cant just assume everyone on there is strange or weird.

[RA1]

There's no stigma about using online dating and it works very well.

 

Before the internet, dating agencies worked very well.

 

Some people can't bear but to meet other people except by accident. OK, no dating agency whether online or traditional will be acceptable to them.

 

For those who don't want to rely on accident, and/or who hate to spend hours every week hanging out on a bar stool, some kind of introduction service is unavoidable.

 

Would an accidental meeting or hanging out on a bar stool be a safer way to meet people anyway?

 

The process of online dating is simple. You screen people based on their messages, then on your phone calls with them. When you decide to meet someone for the first time, you arrange for it to be in a safe location.

 

Note. A woman should not give out her address prior to first meeting. A man on the other hand should always give his. This is not sexist but based on the observation that it's more common for men to assault women than the other way round.

 

If you as a woman have had to reveal your phone number, it would be good if the address corresponding to your number is unlisted.

 

The location for the first meeting has to be such that there is no chance of being assaulted at the location or afterwards -- e.g. while walking back to your car or to public transport. You want the location and your separation point to be extremely public. A female friend of mine was physically attacked at her car after her date (first meeting) insisted on walking her back to her car. The date attempted to have sex with her at her car in the car park. Perhaps you could meet at a restaurant and then arrange to go in different directions after? In other words, you don't allow the date to go with you to any isolated place. (Unless you have really hit it off!)

 

As a woman, you could also make sure that a friend or relative knows who you are meeting (their name and address), the meeting location, and what time you are due home. You could also discretely let your date know that someone has this information. Any man with honorable intentions will expect you to have done this and will not mind one little bit.

 

You will certainly meet a few very odd people at your blind dates but few will be a physical risk and that risk can be mitigated by keeping your address secret, meeting in a public place, making sure that you can reach your car or public transport in safety, and as the last resort making sure someone else knows who you are meeting and when and where.

 

Don't be scared. Plan for the worst realizing that the worst will almostly certainly not happen. Chances are you will meet a lot of eccentric/odd people, and you will have a good laugh with your friends about them later, and with a bit of luck, you will meet the love of your life.

Edited November 8, 2009 by RA1

[spookie]

Yah - one guy.

 

I decided to meet him, because it was obvious, from his emails, how freaking smart he was. He'd told me he had Asperger's and was into penguins before we met, so I wasn't too freaked out by the apartment chock-full of penguin paraphernalia....

 

However, after a couple of weeks, it became clear this guy had issues. He organized everything related to our relationship using various google-made tools (shared documents for keeping track of what we did on our dates, and how our physical relationship was progressing, some special features on google maps to keep track of where we went, and which routes we took to get there), he had me list out every ingredient I planned to use in dinners I cooked for him, not because he was allergic to anything, but because he compulsively needed to know....

 

I took him to a party, and he freaked out each time I left his side. He had never drunk alcohol, and I decided that was his problem.... but he was even more annoying drunk! For one thing, he wanted to measure the exact alcoholic content of his beer, so he could drink the appropriate amount of water, to stay hydrated. For another, as soon as said alcoholic content kicked in, he started telling me how hot my roommates were....

 

I left him at that party, and that was the last time I saw him.

[Lakeside_runner]

I'm sorry, but I just have to say it: wow. I mean WOW!!! Tell me you're kidding... spookie... please...

[caz83]

Thank you for all that advice RA1. I think you're right when you ask is meeting in a bar really that much safer anyway? because you meet, swap numbers then arrange to meet for a date...but you still dont know anything about that person atall. If anything you probably would know more about someone you meet online because you will have been messaging eachother. Then only advantage of meeting someone in person is that you know for definate what they look like...but they could still lie about things they tell you, just like someone online could.

I was talking to my friend about it and she suggested that if I arrange to meet someone in starbucks or something, she would go in before me and be sitting in there kind of "keeping an eye on me" untill I give her a signal or text that she can go. That seems a good idea

[Lakeside_runner]

caz83: there is a difference between talking to someone in person vs chatting online. Two words: body language. I think we're able to detect subconsciously if someone is lying to us or not. You can't do it online.

As far as the friend/watcher idea goes - it's quite popular I think. I think it is a safe assumption to say that you don't really know the guy you're gonna meet so you can do whatever makes you feel safe and comfortable!

[BlueHarvest]

I sense alot of deep-seeded American hatred in DanielMadr's comments.

 

Thinly disguised hatred, behind allegations of "fat" or "lazy" people. Not that it surprises me, I've gotten used to the assumptions foreigners make of all Americans. It's quite laughable really, they call us the bigots and then turn around and prove to be worse then any American is.

 

And yes I have a little resentment for it. I don't get online and chat with friends to turn around and get some Brazilian douche who decides to call us all "fat americans who eat at Mcdonalds" (and yes that is a direction citation of something someone said to me and my friends). I don't go around saying racial slurs about other countries, nor do any of my friends.

 

Going to leave now as I'm getting pissed just typing this...

[DustySaltus]

caz83: there is a difference between talking to someone in person vs chatting online. Two words: body language. I think we're able to detect subconsciously if someone is lying to us or not. You can't do it online.

As far as the friend/watcher idea goes - it's quite popular I think. I think it is a safe assumption to say that you don't really know the guy you're gonna meet so you can do whatever makes you feel safe and comfortable!

 

I agree, that's why you need to meet them IRL as soon as possible. The longer you speak to someone through phone calls or online their legend seems to grow bigger than their reality and you will be disappointed most of the time.

[FeelingLonely98]

there is a dating website that is promote don theis website a lot.

usually you can see the banner ads on the side of many LS pages.

 

It's called "plenty of fish . com"

any used it - can you tell us your experience?

 

PEACE!

[FeelingLonely98]

I know there is a stigma about people who use online dating sites, but like I said previously, for every bad story there are good ones too. The reason I am thinking of it is because I dont like meeting men bars/clubs, I cant meet anyone through work because of the job I do, and my job doesnt leave me much free time to join a group/club to meet people, Im not a weirdo or a massive loner...just looking for ways to meet people, so if I'm doing that surely there must be other people on those sites doing the same thing? We cant just assume everyone on there is strange or weird.

 

What kind of group or club were you referring to? I know you don't have free time - but what were referring to?

 

TY

[rod_in_gtown]

People, don't feed the trolls.

 

Caz,

Online dating is like everything in the world, it has some nice and some not-so-nice, there are stupid people and there are smart one, there are those who are just looking to play and there are those who genuinely are trying to look for that special someone to spend the rest of their lives with.

 

Just like in person, people lie to make themselves look good, and most of the times you can tell the first time you meet in person. There is nothing "safer" about mysinglefriend.com that you won't find in match.com or every other dating site out there. You will find that some people will just write about themselves in the third person as a way of making you believe they're that person's friend. There are no checks and balances on a system like that.

 

I would not recommend eharmony, I have used it on various occasions and have found that their "matching" is nothing more than randomly selecting members to give you over a limited period of time. If you don't like anyone in that list, then you have to wait until another batch is sent to you, and there's no way for you to know when anyone they match you with logged in for the last time. I even found out about people who joined during the free communication weekends and never went back. I was "matched" with a friend of mine who hadn't logged on for over a year.

 

I have used:

 

Match.com

Eharmony.com

PlentyofFish.com

Lavalife.com

FastLife.com

HurryDate.com

cupid.com

perfectmatch.com

 

The only one I can recommend is match.com. I was able to meet a wide variety of women, I had great experiences (and some bad ones) but in the end I met my girlfriend there and I couldn't be happier.

 

Good luck and don't listen to the overly negative and judgmental.

[caz83]

To be honest, I have heard more good stories about online dating than I have heard bad ones. So thats good.

 

Feeling Lonely: Im not really sure the type of club/group I mean, just that people often suggest to start a night class or hobby group (sport etc). I have been on plentyoffish.com and didnt like it...lots of guys on there with creepy photos and asking if I want to meet up in the first message. The fact that it is a free site put me off aswell...made me think that the people werent as serious about finding someone if they arent willing to go on a site you pay for. I dont know tho, thats just my thoughts!

[rod_in_gtown]

Well, from a guy's perspective, we don't want to spend hours chatting with someone if there's not going to be chemistry in the end. Meeting someone shouldn't be much of an issue. When you do, just meet them somewhere public, drive your own car, don't take a ride home with him unless you trust him.

 

If the guy's profile is creepy then that's another story, but don't be put off by people actually wanting to meet sooner than later. For some, writing and chatting doesn't come as easy as talking. Also communication is 90% non-verbal, so you can tell a lot more from talking to someone in person that you could never tell by exchanging hundreds of emails.

[betamanlet]

Well, from a guy's perspective, we don't want to spend hours chatting with someone if there's not going to be chemistry in the end. Meeting someone shouldn't be much of an issue. When you do, just meet them somewhere public, drive your own car, don't take a ride home with him unless you trust him.

 

If the guy's profile is creepy then that's another story, but don't be put off by people actually wanting to meet sooner than later. For some, writing and chatting doesn't come as easy as talking. Also communication is 90% non-verbal, so you can tell a lot more from talking to someone in person that you could never tell by exchanging hundreds of emails.

 

 

How have your experiences of dating been in DC?

[DanielMadr]

I sense alot of deep-seeded American hatred in DanielMadr's comments.

 

Thinly disguised hatred, behind allegations of "fat" or "lazy" people. Not that it surprises me, I've gotten used to the assumptions foreigners make of all Americans. It's quite laughable really, they call us the bigots and then turn around and prove to be worse then any American is.

 

Wow. that I dont deserve. Just because I use a word fat and lazy does not mean Im Antiamerican. Yes, those who hate anything American use these words to describe Americans but to assume my antiamericanism based simply on these two words is quite bigot of you. Arent you American btw?

 

I fought long and hard on many forums through the toughest times to defend U.S. and its way of thinking and acting. I was part of a few 'proami' who did so against the hordes of commie, bigot, demagogue, full of envy , so called 'antiami'.

 

I dont deserve your accusation. And I demand appology.

 

Btw I used the words lazy and fat because I didnt want to use a word 'ugly' which I suppose could hurt more those concerned. You can lose weight but you cant stop being ugly.

 

None of you americans smoke anymore. And I bet you voted for that russian/iranian kiss azz commie. And you dare to call me antiAmerican? Shame on you.

[betamanlet]

Wow. that I dont deserve. Just because I use a word fat and lazy does not mean Im Antiamerican. Yes, those who hate anything American use these words to describe Americans but to assume my antiamericanism based simply on these two words is quite bigot of you. Arent you American btw?

 

I fought long and hard on many forums through the toughest times to defend U.S. and its way of thinking and acting. I was part of a few 'proami' who did so against the hordes of commie, bigot, demagogue, full of envy , so called 'antiami'.

 

I dont deserve your accusation. And I demand appology.

 

Btw I used the words lazy and fat because I didnt want to use a word 'ugly' which I suppose could hurt more those concerned. You can lose weight but you cant stop being ugly.

 

None of you americans smoke anymore. And I bet you voted for that russian/iranian kiss azz commie. And you dare to call me antiAmerican? Shame on you.

 

I just got back from Germany yesterday, and while they are getting more and more fat and obese people, there are still far less there. It was a relief for my eyes being around so many in shape women.

[rod_in_gtown]

How have your experiences of dating been in DC?

 

DC is a weird place to date, there is everything in the spectrum. One thing I've noticed along the many dates I've had in DC is that Lawyers tend to be the dullest of the bunch, their responses tend to be framed within a safe frame where they calculate 99% of their responses. Most of the great girls I've dated have been in the non-profit sector, or the more idealistic industries. Federal government employees seem to have very little opinions and passion and international organization (OAS, IADB, WB, IMF, etc) seem to have an enormously inflated sense of entitlement. There are tons of fun places to take women on dates here in DC. Don't waste your time with congressional aides or anyone working for a congressperson in the hill. They'll come and go faster than you can blink. They're also usually so overworked and underpaid that they'll rarely have time for you and will go on for hours on end about the constant drama that is the happenings around the Hill. MTV's "The Hills" have got nothing on CSPAN's Capitol Hill.

[Palmer253]

I used online dating for about a year before I finally found a girl I really like. I used plentyoffish and okcupid and have to say I don't really regret it. Even if you don't find your soul mate (if there is such a thing) using dating sites is good for sharpening up your dating skills. If you think about it there is a lot that goes into dating. Creativiy, conversation, appearance blah blah blah and the only thing you can really do to master all that stuff is to go on a bunch of dates. The more you go on the better you get.

 

It does take a lot of patience though, don't expect to create an account and be in love in a month. You're gonna have to talk to a lot of people, figure out the signs that you're talking to a whacko.

[DanielMadr]

I just got back from Germany yesterday, and while they are getting more and more fat and obese people, there are still far less there. It was a relief for my eyes being around so many in shape women.

 

Go to Ukraine, Slovakia or Czech or Belarus, maybe northwest part of russia....

 

I like Germans despite their lack of good humour and past disagreements but I objectively have to say, they dont have many pretty women there. Maybe thats why they try to conquer some other country now and then. Im sorry germans and especially german girls but it is the fact.

[Sam Spade]

I'm late to the party, but I'll say that the primary reason I did online dating is simply because I'm too lazy and refuse to engage in any major energy expenditure for the sole - or explicit - purpose of finding a woman.

The online dating pool is probably much worse than offline, but I can't tell since things seem to be working very well with the pretty and sweet girl I met online. I'm probably mising out on a "better deal" :rolleyes: out there, but since I'm already happy, I'd rather put this whole thing behind and focus on establishing a strong mafia family and my lifelong pursuit of world domination.

[Sam Spade]

Well, from a guy's perspective, we don't want to spend hours chatting with someone if there's not going to be chemistry in the end. Meeting someone shouldn't be much of an issue. When you do, just meet them somewhere public, drive your own car, don't take a ride home with him unless you trust him.

 

If the guy's profile is creepy then that's another story, but don't be put off by people actually wanting to meet sooner than later. For some, writing and chatting doesn't come as easy as talking. Also communication is 90% non-verbal, so you can tell a lot more from talking to someone in person that you could never tell by exchanging hundreds of emails.

 

Girls are so obsessed about something creepy happening to them online, that that really dulls some gems here like your truly. I held my nose writing my online profile. Eventually it came out okay, but still had little to do with my true wicked self. Basically, I played it safe, plain vanilla style.

Same for the opening emails. I wanted to kick myself every time while thoughtfuly going over something little something from the girl's profile to show that I 'paid attention' to stuff other than the pictures .

[Skump]

The online dating pool is probably much worse than offline,

 

Hmmm. I've never used one of these services, but if we're talking about a site like eHarmony (which, IIRC, forces people to lay out cash, complete a long questionnaire, write up a personal statement, etc. etc.), I just don't see how that could be true.

 

I mean, much worse as opposed to what - your average bar? At least a user on one of the better online dating sites has to show a modicum of intelligence and commitment by going through the rigamarole of getting registered and writing up an engaging personal profile.

 

Admittedly, with Craigslist or something similar, all bets are off.

[FeelingLonely98]

DC is a weird place to date, there is everything in the spectrum. One thing I've noticed along the many dates I've had in DC is that Lawyers tend to be the dullest of the bunch, their responses tend to be framed within a safe frame where they calculate 99% of their responses. Most of the great girls I've dated have been in the non-profit sector, or the more idealistic industries. Federal government employees seem to have very little opinions and passion and international organization (OAS, IADB, WB, IMF, etc) seem to have an enormously inflated sense of entitlement. There are tons of fun places to take women on dates here in DC. Don't waste your time with congressional aides or anyone working for a congressperson in the hill. They'll come and go faster than you can blink. They're also usually so overworked and underpaid that they'll rarely have time for you and will go on for hours on end about the constant drama that is the happenings around the Hill. MTV's "The Hills" have got nothing on CSPAN's Capitol Hill.

 

Have you not found that someone special with all these DC dates? Or are you not looking?

[Sam Spade]

Hmmm. I've never used one of these services, but if we're talking about a site like eHarmony (which, IIRC, forces people to lay out cash, complete a long questionnaire, write up a personal statement, etc. etc.), I just don't see how that could be true.

 

I mean, much worse as opposed to what - your average bar? At least a user on one of the better online dating sites has to show a modicum of intelligence and commitment by going through the rigamarole of getting registered and writing up an engaging personal profile.

 

Admittedly, with Craigslist or something similar, all bets are off.

 

 

That's a good point, actually it is quite possible that th difference is not that huge - I'm mostly assuming - my offline dating experiences way back didn't really produce much more different results (and back then online dating still had a bit of a stigma attached to it). I guess that now online dating is so common place the difference is probably not that big, except that probably the hottest of the hottest of the hottest foxes don't do it, but I'm unwilling to invest in them anyway.

 

I do have a pet peeve about eharmony, however. I admit that the marketing is pretty clever. In reality however, this is just a long pointless and cumbersome process. I would argue that there is slightly larger proportion of strange folks to be found on eharmony than on sites like match.com. --> eharmony almost acts as a (very lousy) substitute of basic social skills (plus all of my matches sucked ). Thie whole "guided communication" thing is creepy and weird.

[rod_in_gtown]

Girls are so obsessed about something creepy happening to them online, that that really dulls some gems here like your truly. I held my nose writing my online profile. Eventually it came out okay, but still had little to do with my true wicked self. Basically, I played it safe, plain vanilla style.

Same for the opening emails. I wanted to kick myself every time while thoughtfuly going over something little something from the girl's profile to show that I 'paid attention' to stuff other than the pictures .

 

I did that at first, I played it safe, wrote what I thought women wanted to read to feel safe, that I was not a potential mass murderer and weirdo. With little success, as soon as I lightened up and just wrote what seemed to come out of me organically I started seeing people interested. Girls winking at me, girls actually responded. I didn't lie, I only took risks, I have a wicked sense of humor and I figured that if someone read between the lines and laughed boisterously then that's the person I really want to date. And that's exactly what I got.

 

Have you not found that someone special with all these DC dates? Or are you not looking?

 

I have found someone incredible, nothing is perfect but I am very happy with what's going on, you can read more about them in this post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t203234/ I do want to clarify, even though I complain about certain things, I am truly happy and very excited about the possibilities in the future with her.