caz83 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Hi, So after a bad break up from my longterm boyfriend I have found myself single for the first time in 5 years and ready to start dating again. My job doesnt lend itself to meeting people so I have decided to give online dating a go..but Im a bit nervous. I am fine with the emailing and chatting..but dont know that I would have the courage to meet up with anyone that I meet online. because you hear such horror stories. I have joined "mysinglefriend.com" (a UK site) where you cant join yourself, you have to get a friend to reccomend you and write a character profile..so that makes me feel a bit better about the people on there, as their friends have put them on the site and have good things to say. But I still dont know if I could go through with meeting anyone for a date. Has anyone else had this problem? or have you met up with someone from online and how did it go??
Vertex Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I've never met anyone off a dating site, but I had a 2-year relationship with someone I met on a college hobby/info website. We spoke online with each other for about a month before we met in person (I flew to the east coast to visit colleges that we both happened to be applying to, so we met up) -- since we were both active on that website, we already had a fair bit in common to begin with. That relationship was probably one of the best decisions I've ever gone through with. I can't speak for dating sites, though.
Love2love7 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I met my husband on Myspace a.k.a Freakspace about 2 yrs ago. He sent me a friend request and then a message thanking me for adding him. We met a week later, after 6 months dating we got married. It was love at first sight and we're still going strong =) I got lucky finding him but there are freaks/perverts out there so be careful who you meet and where you meet him. Good luck
Author caz83 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Thanks for those replies. I think the dating site I have found seems ok, I like that you cant sign up yourself, a friend has to do it for you and write a testimonial etc...makes the people seem a bit more 'normal' of they have friends saying nice things about them! also, it is one that you pay for.. so people are a bit more serious. I did go on a free website and got lots of emails from people saying straight away in the first message "hey baby youre hot want to meet up"....and so I know straight away they are the ones to avoid!!
DanielMadr Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Hi, So after a bad break up from my longterm boyfriend I have found myself single for the first time in 5 years and ready to start dating again. My job doesnt lend itself to meeting people so I have decided to give online dating a go..but Im a bit nervous. I am fine with the emailing and chatting..but dont know that I would have the courage to meet up with anyone that I meet online. because you hear such horror stories. I have joined "mysinglefriend.com" (a UK site) where you cant join yourself, you have to get a friend to reccomend you and write a character profile..so that makes me feel a bit better about the people on there, as their friends have put them on the site and have good things to say. But I still dont know if I could go through with meeting anyone for a date. Has anyone else had this problem? or have you met up with someone from online and how did it go?? Unless you are lazy with emotional baggage....dont do it. And if you are join the gym instead, pick a real active job and resolve your issues.
Author caz83 Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Unless you are lazy with emotional baggage....dont do it. And if you are join the gym instead, pick a real active job and resolve your issues. umm, I came on here for advice, not to be judged. I am a teacher, working with all women...thats why I cant meet anyone through work. And its not a job that I am going to change, just to get a date. my job also means that I dont have alot of free time to join clubs and things to meet people. and yes, I do go to a gym thank you.
DanielMadr Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Unless you are lazy with emotional baggage....dont do it. And if you are join the gym instead, pick a real active job and resolve your issues. umm, I came on here for advice, not to be judged. I am a teacher, working with all women...thats why I cant meet anyone through work. And its not a job that I am going to change, just to get a date. my job also means that I dont have alot of free time to join clubs and things to meet people. and yes, I do go to a gym thank you. And I gave you an advice. Not judging at all. (I wanted to write "fat" instead of "lazy") but I could get flamed pretty bad for that....shhh ) Id like to point out that dating sites are infested with people with similar "problems" to yours - no social life (now Im judging ). It may be so so for girls. But guy on dating site is a bottom shelf - guys can pick up chicks on streets they dont need to join social clubs or pick carreer to pick up a sqaw. Got my point? So, what do you teach anyway? Where do you live? (city, big city, village) Do you have girlfriends who can take you out? Any other interests than work? Like hiking, karate, Mormon church? Are you in touch with your femine side? I dont ask if you are touching yourself. Everyone does btw;)
Lakeside_runner Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I think it's perfectly fine... if your schedule's busy and the work environment is dominated by people of the same gender - go for online dating. I'm in a similar situation - work in a math department of a university. Male dominated, we have a bunch of girls here but most of them are lesbian... and then there's the nerd factor too I talked to some of my friends outside of work about it and I think there's two types of people using online dating, one of them being people with busy schedules. Would you rather meet someone in a bar or on an online dating site... ?
Lizzie60 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I tried it many many years ago.. when I left my 2nd ex.. I met tons of men.. I don't bother anymore.. I don't have time really.. It's a good way to meet people.. but the best way is through someone you know.. You have nothing to lose though.. just be honest in your profile.. posts recent pictures.. head shot... not a pic that you appear like a mile away... Good luck!
hopesndreams Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 The first time I met up with someone, I was so nervous and he was just as he portrayed himself on the site. I had fun meeting someone new, had a few drinks and then that was it really. Subsequent times meeting up with "strange" men, they weren't "strange" at all. They are just normal guys. As for the bottom of the shelf comment, that is a load of bull, lol. Go for it Caz. If nothing comes of it, it's good for a laugh at the very least. Good luck.
DanielMadr Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 The first time I met up with someone, I was so nervous and he was just as he portrayed himself on the site. I had fun meeting someone new, had a few drinks and then that was it really. Subsequent times meeting up with "strange" men, they weren't "strange" at all. They are just normal guys. As for the bottom of the shelf comment, that is a load of bull, lol. Go for it Caz. If nothing comes of it, it's good for a laugh at the very least. Good luck. Any success story might help your point;)
hopesndreams Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Any success story might help your point;) Working on it. All in good time.
DanielMadr Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Working on it. All in good time. OK. I can promise you I wont say "We said that" when they find you wrapped in 30 plastic sacks near some bridge. Or after you come here lamenting that your SO is boring piece of s. with no social life except your weekend visits to his mother.
jimbo Posted November 7, 2009 Posted November 7, 2009 Don;t listen to Madr, he's full of plastic. Give it a shot, but try eharmony or chemistry.com. Match.com has many weirdos.
Author caz83 Posted November 7, 2009 Author Posted November 7, 2009 hmm. They way Im trying to see it is that I'm doing online dating...and Im not a weirdo! so why should I assume that all the guys on there would be. right? On the website I found I also saw a couple of guys I know on there, one that I went to school with and one who is the son of my parents friends, Im not interested in them...but I know they are "normal" so its made me feel a bit better about the other guys on there. When people say to meet in a public place, does that mean a bar or coffee shop or something?...as in, just not their house!? The more I think about it the more I think its not THAT different to just meeting a random person in a bar, swapping numbers and then planning to meet up again for a date. You dont know them at all either really do you?! I think I need to get some courage!
northstar1 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I met a very nice man from an online dating site. We've been seeing each other a couple of months now and things are going quite well. He's very "normal" and definitely not bottom of the barrel as someone suggested here. Well, it's clear the bitter ones about it had little success when they tried it.
DanielMadr Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Well, it's clear the bitter ones about it had little success when they tried it. Dont you find it strange for a guy to chat up women on the internet? When he can chat them up on the street, where he can see them and observe them? I mean guys tend to be more looks oriented. Is it easier online because the possible rejection is not so public or personal? Only plus I can see in quantity. You can email 100 women in a minute and screen them pretty fast too. But it just takes all thrill and romance out, doesnt it? Enlighten me.
northstar1 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Dont you find it strange for a guy to chat up women on the internet? When he can chat them up on the street, where he can see them and observe them? I mean guys tend to be more looks oriented. Is it easier online because the possible rejection is not so public or personal? Only plus I can see in quantity. You can email 100 women in a minute and screen them pretty fast too. But it just takes all thrill and romance out, doesnt it? Enlighten me. I shall try. For myself, I have done both. I've met girls through work connections, friends, in social situations/clubs etc, and I've done online dating. My philosophy was to maximize my opportunities. My ex I met through a sports club, the girl I'm dating now I met online. I saw it as a resource to meet girls when I didn't have the time or the opporunity to meet girls out in the 'real' world. There are flakes on online dating, that is for sure, but you begin to quickly learn the signs and weed them out without wasting too much time or effort.
DanielMadr Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I shall try. For myself, I have done both. I've met girls through work connections, friends, in social situations/clubs etc, and I've done online dating. My philosophy was to maximize my opportunities. My ex I met through a sports club, the girl I'm dating now I met online. I saw it as a resource to meet girls when I didn't have the time or the opporunity to meet girls out in the 'real' world. There are flakes on online dating, that is for sure, but you begin to quickly learn the signs and weed them out without wasting too much time or effort. Thanks for answer. However you completely avoided my specifical questions
northstar1 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Dont you find it strange for a guy to chat up women on the internet? When he can chat them up on the street, where he can see them and observe them? I mean guys tend to be more looks oriented. Is it easier online because the possible rejection is not so public or personal? Only plus I can see in quantity. You can email 100 women in a minute and screen them pretty fast too. But it just takes all thrill and romance out, doesnt it? Enlighten me. Right, those questions... Strange I suppose to be 'shopping' for a girlfriend online, but I guess - no stranger than me sitting here responding on a message board about this topic to a kind of creepy looking doll avatar. And yes, guys are visual, which is why the attractive women on the sites get bombarded with messages from even Joe Schmoes. And sure, rejection is much easier online. A guy can send out messages to girls without any real courage, and if he is rejected, it's much easier to take via an email. As for the thrill and romance - well, it really just gets you in the door for that. You can still have all that once you meet and if you have chemistry.
DanielMadr Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Right, those questions... Strange I suppose to be 'shopping' for a girlfriend online, but I guess - no stranger than me sitting here responding on a message board about this topic to a kind of creepy looking doll avatar. And yes, guys are visual, which is why the attractive women on the sites get bombarded with messages from even Joe Schmoes. And sure, rejection is much easier online. A guy can send out messages to girls without any real courage, and if he is rejected, it's much easier to take via an email. As for the thrill and romance - well, it really just gets you in the door for that. You can still have all that once you meet and if you have chemistry. Thanks and dont worry many people find it fascinating responding to creepy looking avatar;) The online dating is probably not for me for reasons: 1. One has to invest lots of time to meeting those girls only to see that in real life there is no chemistry. In real world you can tell that immediately. 2. Online There is no moment of surprise and you cant take initiative....best weapons a guy can have. 3. Im sorry but I belive its sort of a cowards way of dating and even if one is not terrified of rejection....there is that stigma he may be
Knittress Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I met my ex on a dating site and we were together for three years and for a good deal of the time extremely happy together. Then again, he's my EX. I'm pretty dubious about the other people who I've seen on that same site, though...
dave22 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 I have tried it and from my experience a lot of people on these sites are single for a reason. There are a few good ones, though, and if you are willing to take the time to sift through the rift raff and become good at spotting who they are it can be worth it.
northstar1 Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Thanks and dont worry many people find it fascinating responding to creepy looking avatar;) The online dating is probably not for me for reasons: 1. One has to invest lots of time to meeting those girls only to see that in real life there is no chemistry. In real world you can tell that immediately. 2. Online There is no moment of surprise and you cant take initiative....best weapons a guy can have. 3. Im sorry but I belive its sort of a cowards way of dating and even if one is not terrified of rejection....there is that stigma he may be Im guesing you've tried it and didn't enjoy it?
DanielMadr Posted November 8, 2009 Posted November 8, 2009 Im guesing you've tried it and didn't enjoy it? Yes I tried and didnt like it for the reasons I wrote. I also believe that the reason I tried it was my laziness really and curiosity of course. And eventhough I wasnt exactly desperate the motives for going the on line way put me in bottom shelf. If I was at top of my ability I wouldnt consider it an option.
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