Pink Cupcakes Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 He probably knows you do pot because it has an unmistakable odeur, even if you can't smell it yourself. There is probably essence of pot, even when you go to work, and even patchouli can't hide that.
johan Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 If you ever feel like sending him naughty messages or pictures or anything like that, don't. Just send them to me, and we'll deal with it. I'll be your buddy while you go through this.
dreamergrl Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Wanting to be with Jack is one of the biggest reasons I want to quit. Maybe I'm wrong here... but... Shouldn't you want to quit because you want to quit? Not because of a boss that you want to be with.
Pink Cupcakes Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 If you ever feel like sending him naughty messages or pictures or anything like that, don't. Just send them to me, and we'll deal with it. I'll be your buddy while you go through this. Yah, and see, Spookie....this is how men view you - as a sex object or roll in the hay, not relationship material. You need to think how you present yourself. You might be able to get Jack into bed, but I don't think he sees you as relationship material. The guys on this board even don't.
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Yah, and see, Spookie....this is how men view you - as a sex object or roll in the hay, not relationship material. You need to think how you present yourself. You might be able to get Jack into bed, but I don't think he sees you as relationship material. The guys on this board even don't. Geez, johan was joking. Actually, I think getting Jack into bed would be a great start.
dreamergrl Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Geez, johan was joking. Actually, I think getting Jack into bed would be a great start. And get Jack and herself fired?
allina Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 And get Jack and herself fired? They SO would NOT get fired! I haven't read the thread but why the hell not, seriously.
dreamergrl Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 They SO would NOT get fired! I haven't read the thread but why the hell not, seriously. If at least one wouldn't get fired, why is Spookie thinking about transferring so she can have a shot with jack?
allina Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 If at least one wouldn't get fired, why is Spookie thinking about transferring so she can have a shot with jack? To make things more comfortable for herself so she doesn't have to deal with her feelings for him in her face each day? So it's less awlward if things do happen? Neither Spookie or Jack would be at any risk for getting fired if some sort of romance sparked up between them.
dreamergrl Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 To make things more comfortable for herself so she doesn't have to deal with her feelings for him in her face each day? So it's less awlward if things do happen? Neither Spookie or Jack would be at any risk for getting fired if some sort of romance sparked up between them. I could of sworn I read some where that it was a no no in their company, since he's her boss.
allina Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 I could of sworn I read some where that it was a no no in their company, since he's her boss. The reasons these "guidelines" are stated is for companies to avoid situations where there are complaints of women being forced in to sex with male bosses for raises and so on. It's all about sexual harassment lawsuits. To tell you the truth, what you do behind closed doors with your co-workers doesn't matter in most fields. Of course getting hot and heavy with a co-worker at work is a bad idea but if it's discovered that they are dating it won't matter.
DollWelch Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Spookie, this is silly. You know why? Because you deserve better! What if he's gay. Joking aside, you have to be realistic and the only way you could do that is to think logically about your plan of action -or rather, your future. How long can you keep this up -2 months, 6 months, 3 years? At some point, you will explode! You should do something to escape your misery. I suggest you: (A) Quit. Yes, quit, then you two can romance each other. (B) Bed him. Run into him, or fabricate a story, and end up in his bed. Those are the only 2 options that will get you result(s).
dreamergrl Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 The reasons these "guidelines" are stated is for companies to avoid situations where there are complaints of women being forced in to sex with male bosses for raises and so on. It's all about sexual harassment lawsuits. To tell you the truth, what you do behind closed doors with your co-workers doesn't matter in most fields. Of course getting hot and heavy with a co-worker at work is a bad idea but if it's discovered that they are dating it won't matter. I realize not every company is the same.. but mine is grounds for being fired if you become involved with someone above or below you if it's the same department or has an impact on your ability to move up in the work place.
Author spookie Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 It is a definite no-no at my company. A relationship of that sort is about the only no-no, too, so i am pretty sure at least one of us WOULD get fired, if it were to transpire. but that is not the reason nothing is happening. i know that. in my mind it is clear that a conflict of interest would arise as soon as we got to know each other better. as soon as we started interacting in that context. i dont think either of us is comfortable with that. your partner is the person you go to bitch to all the time. how would that be possible if he was also your boss? for me, it wouldn't work.
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 Yep, I also think that even a close friendship with your boss is difficult because of conflict of interest, let alone a relationship. I am really not sure how people do "that" and keep clear professional boundaries at the same time. But I also believe that a way to Jack's heart is through his pants.
Author spookie Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 When I look in his eyes, it's SO obvious the chemistry is there! I am not crazy, I can read those signs. I have never been wrong about anyone, even the extremely far-fetches! And I still insist that our relationship is different than normal. Take today - we had a meeting to discuss something in the morning. It was a perfect example of his terrible management skills - or else, the consequence of an obvious conflict of interest arising from my having to work for him. There was no point at all to this meeting. He could have just told me what to do, and I would have done it. There was nothing to meet about - except to discuss the same s!ht we always do, him telling me the same stories, until our conversation led to some interesting tangent - or we started joking around with each other. He has me cracking up almost each time I see him. He's so funny :love: When I look in his eyes as we're talking about something, after a couple of seconds it becomes too hard, and I have to look away. I wonder if he is aware of this intensity also. I think he is. We always seem to be moving toward each other during those moments, our faces just inches apart, his dark brown eyes to close to mine, his lips so close to my face, but always, I pull away. Sometimes, I wonder if he is trying to know if I still like him. (In my opinion, he did not have feelings for me then, but he does now.)
Author spookie Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Yep, I also think that even a close friendship with your boss is difficult because of conflict of interest, let alone a relationship. I am really not sure how people do "that" and keep clear professional boundaries at the same time. But I also believe that a way to Jack's heart is through his pants. Sitting here nursing an excruciating tootheache with bar after bar of fruit ice cream, I have realized something. I am NOT confused about how to read him. It's pretty clear. 1. We have chemistry 2. He might date me if things were different 3. As it is now he does not want to date me Actually, he could not have been more clear. (The frustrating thing is, I can't have both my job and sex with him.) And unfortunatley, becuase I am committed to a life in the middle class, the solution is not as simple as "so quit". I need to get a lot of s!ht together before I can do that, and at the rate I go... or rather, at the rate I procrastinate, who knows how long it'll be until that happens. On the other hand, of course, he could make a move, too. It's not fair that I have to be the one to make all the arrangements for a relationship. (And if he was ENOUGH into me, he'd step it up. I know that.) But for some people, being enough into someone doens't come until they're actually with them. I mean, look at me. I'm not enough into HIM to change MY life. And I probably like him a lot more than he does me.... (something I choose to accept for the meantime based on the fact that I am much more difficult to know, and therefore love and understand, than he is....)
Author spookie Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 Or maybe it is as simple as I should try to sleep with him. I always forget how easy men are . It might not sound like it here based on how obsessive I seem, but IRL, I am conscientiously non-seductive with him. The only way I want something to happen, is if we want it to. If he does not want to be with me, I don't want to trick him....
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 There is only one real problem with waiting: things do not remain the same forever. Meaning that your chemistry and his attraction to you will in time start to dissipate if your relationship remains stagnant (as in boss-employee). He might also start dating someone else. Once the chance is lost, it is usually lost forever (believe me, I know). From what you write he IS very attracted to you but not quite in love with you. Men usually do not fall in love until after they start dating you, so this is understandable. At the same, because he is not "in love" yet, he doesn't want to risk his reputation and job security.
Author spookie Posted November 10, 2009 Author Posted November 10, 2009 There is only one real problem with waiting: things do not remain the same forever. Meaning that your chemistry and his attraction to you will in time start to dissipate if your relationship remains stagnant (as in boss-employee). He might also start dating someone else. Once the chance is lost, it is usually lost forever (believe me, I know). From what you write he IS very attracted to you but not quite in love with you. Men usually do not fall in love until after they start dating you, so this is understandable. At the same, because he is not "in love" yet, he doesn't want to risk his reputation and job security. Yes, I agree with this as well. I think he is attracted to me, is STARTING to develop feelings or me (perhaps), but does not like me enough to want to be with me despite the hurdles. I also agree that the problem with waiting is that things do unfortunately change, and they can change any minute, completely. (Each passing day, he can meet someone.) Sometimes I get the feeling that he IS meeting people, but his R with me right actually be fcvking that up. On mondays, he alternately seems really happy to see me, or angry at me for no particular reason. Always, as the week wears on, he comes around and our R settles back into its usual honeymoonish aspect.
Pink Cupcakes Posted November 11, 2009 Posted November 11, 2009 No. You have already stated that having a boss/employee relationship is a big no no in your company. He realizes this, and even if he's interested in you, he's more interested in not jeopardizing his job. If you pursue him, even via text (and I love you would definitely be pursuing him romantically), you would be breaking company policy by pursuing your boss. So...I say don't. He sounds as if the rules are very black and white to him in the workplace, and he may feel obligated to report your overture to HR, since he seems quite righteous about this. If you think that a simple text couldn't affect your job, it could.
imani Posted November 20, 2009 Posted November 20, 2009 Yep, I also think that even a close friendship with your boss is difficult because of conflict of interest, let alone a relationship. I am really not sure how people do "that" and keep clear professional boundaries at the same time. I've lived this example and yes, it is very hard to do. Especially if your superiors do something ethically questionable - you just never look at the in the same light and at the same time lose respect for them. As for Jack, Spookie if you do decide to leave please make sure it is for something better for yourself career-wise. This way even if you and Jack never happen after wards, you will still have a kick ass career and may even encounter men who will make you wonder what you even saw in Jack. Trust me, when you remove yourself from a situation like yours and focus on your own goals, you start to put things in perspective. I'm not saying Jack doesn't have all of the wonderful qualities you are seeing in him now. But what I am saying is that once you remove yourself from him and meet other people, you realize that there are other men out there who may have some of those same exact qualities you see inJack and you can date them with out all of this "The Wonder Years" angst. If you leave, please make sure its for you and not just to see if Jack will then ask you out. And also make sure that you have prepared yourself to be okay with whatever scenario plays out. If he asks you out - you'll be okay. If he doesn't ask you out - you'll still be okay.
Recommended Posts