OpenGL Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Seriously, if you browse a lot of internet forums, it seems as if both gender experience two totally different worlds when it comes to dating. Both genders are unhappy for very different reasons but it all basically boils down to problems with women. I'm not trying to be sexist, I'm just trying to be objective. You can even just take a look at loveshack yourself and see what type of threads men and women start. Heres basically what it boils down to: Women problems - 1. "Why can't I find a good looking and successful man?" 2. "Where are all the good men?" 3. "Why do I keep dating players?" 3. "Is he cheating on me?" Men problems - 1. "I can't get women" 2. "I'm not tall enough/good looking enough, women ignore me" 3. "I keep getting rejected" 4. "I just got friendzoned" From my observations, it would seem like women have absolutely no trouble getting men, the problem is they only want the creme of the crop (despite what they have to offer), and that's what they actually have trouble getting. Well, they get it, but they can't keep them in LTRs and cycle through them every few months or so because the creme of the crop have so many better options. It also seems that although women claim they don't like players but the problem is most of the players are very good looking and have huge social proof, and women's standards are so high (again, despite the way they look) that they end up dating these very good looking players anyway. Unconciously knowing they are players. But men on the other hand, from my observations, can't get ANY woman. The vast majority of men say they don't care about looks and they just want an average woman, and can't get that. They have no aspirations of getting the cream of the crop, and are just interested in not getting rejected by women at or below their level. So how can these two very different dynamics exists? Women have to fight off the average guys and have trouble keeping the creme of the crop around for more than a few months without getting played/cheated on. Men can't get dates period and are constantly rejected. Does anybody see a huge split here in the dating scene? Anybody want to take a stab why the dating life of a woman and the dating life of a man are so different? How can women have zero problem dating at their level and men don't have a prayer dating at their level?
alphamale Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Does anybody see a huge split here in the dating scene? Anybody want to take a stab why the dating life of a woman and the dating life of a man are so different? How can women have zero problem dating at their level and men don't have a prayer dating at their level? you're talking about dating in the younger brackets OpenGL. when people get older things even out and men get the upper hand in dating. in the younger age ranges women always have the upper hand.
threebyfate Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Men problems - 1. "I can't get women" 2. "I'm not tall enough/good looking enough, women ignore me" 3. "I keep getting rejected" 4. "I just got friendzoned" This is skewed. Too many younguns and old-timers too, are average men looking for hotties.
Stockalone Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Does anybody see a huge split here in the dating scene? Anybody want to take a stab why the dating life of a woman and the dating life of a man are so different? How can women have zero problem dating at their level and men don't have a prayer dating at their level? There is some truth to what you say, and I believe the dating scene does favour women, but it's not nearly as lopsided as you make it sound. You might see men wondering why they don't have a shot at finding an average women. However, what that often means is the "average" woman should have a beautiful face, not weigh more than 110 pounds and it wouldn't hurt if she has done some modeling.
BCCA Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 There is some truth to what you say, and I believe the dating scene does favour women, but it's not nearly as lopsided as you make it sound. You might see men wondering why they don't have a shot at finding an average women. However, what that often means is the "average" woman should have a beautiful face, not weigh more than 110 pounds and it wouldn't hurt if she has done some modeling. Eh, I disagree. I dont think any of the guys Ive recently talked to (both online and IRL) are looking for models, and I have dated some pretty girls, but none of them were 110 pounds. I think this is a skewed perception. I think that some women here 'I dont want to date a fat girl' and take that to mean they want a model, when most guys just want someone on their level or close to it. No one wants to date down the scale, if you know what I mean. I think women are more likely to try and date 'up' than men are. Too many younguns and old-timers too, are average men looking for hotties. Add to this that these guys use the worst 'get a date' techniques there are, and you start to zero in on the problem.
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I wish my dating problems were that simple!
Jaytb Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Does anybody see a huge split here in the dating scene? No. I see the same stuff from both genders.
Stockalone Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Eh, I disagree. I dont think any of the guys Ive recently talked to (both online and IRL) are looking for models, and I have dated some pretty girls, but none of them were 110 pounds. I think this is a skewed perception. It was an exaggeration, trying to make a point. What is average, is there a universally agreed upon average? And no, I don't think it's always this bad when a guy is just looking to find an equal partner. Still, if you take a look at some of the posts on LS, it's difficult not to get that impression sometimes that their definition of average is looking like a celebrity rather than the girl next door. I think that some women here 'I dont want to date a fat girl' and take that to mean they want a model, when most guys just want someone on their level or close to it. No one wants to date down the scale, if you know what I mean. I think women are more likely to try and date 'up' than men are. Are you sure about that? Swinging for the fence or hitting for a base hit is a personal choice that both men and women make. Personally, the concept of levels or leagues has always eluded me, as I am terrible at assigning ratings to people's looks. That said, if people feel they can do better, it's best to keep looking. Add to this that these guys use the worst 'get a date' techniques there are, and you start to zero in on the problem. That's true.
Johnny M Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 But men on the other hand, from my observations, can't get ANY woman. The vast majority of men say they don't care about looks and they just want an average woman, and can't get that. They have no aspirations of getting the cream of the crop, and are just interested in not getting rejected by women at or below their level. Woa...I have no idea where you're getting your "intelligence". How on earth did you conclude that "the vast majority of men" a) don't care about looks, b) have no aspirations to be with a hot woman, and c) can't get ANY woman? I'd like to see some statistics backing up your assertions. Until then, I'm gonna have to call BS on this thread.
FleshNBones Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Good Thread. Society seems to have implanted a lot of women with an idealized and often unrealistic view of relationships in general. They keep rolling the dice like a gambler with an out-of-control addiction in the hope of striking it rich. Most will strike out, but I don't think they are willing to give up or reassess their predicament. In other words, they are neurotic.
BCCA Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Still, if you take a look at some of the posts on LS, it's difficult not to get that impression sometimes that their definition of average is looking like a celebrity rather than the girl next door. I think this is a difference in interpretation between men and women. I dont get that impression at all. I think guys think an average girl is someone they would consider a 5-7. Now, you are correct in that there are no guidelines or agreed upon terms, but I think that the only constant statement I hear from guys with regard to women is that they 'dont want to date a fattie', which while harsh-sounding, isnt all that unreasonable. Nobody seeks out people they consider 'overweight' or far less fit than themselves. Granted, it happens that you fall for someone who isnt what you pictured, but I dont think people REALLY get past looks. If you find someone unattractive, thats that. I would take a sweet girl next door over a model any day of the week and twice on Sundays. But I wouldnt go out with someone I found unattractive physically, no matter what. Personally, the concept of levels or leagues has always eluded me, as I am terrible at assigning ratings to people's looks Everyone has their own scale, which is why there is no exact guidelines. Men can and do look at women and assign them a mental 'number' though, trust me. The criteria for this number is based on the individual. Society seems to have implanted a lot of women with an idealized and often unrealistic view of relationships in general. They keep rolling the dice like a gambler with an out-of-control addiction in the hope of striking it rich I think this is a common belief among men, and I honestly neither agree nor disagree with it. I agree that both men and women make personal choices about swinging for the fence, and some women are quite reasonable, but I do feel as though society does give women more of a green light to date up. I think the gambler mentality is also something men do equally.
AD1980 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Judging from this site a men is more of a accesory to a women then soemthing they love... Man needs to be much taller for the women to feel pettite and like a women..Man needs confidence because the womens not confident.. Seems like a man in a womans eyes is to provide everyhting she lacks and to help her self esteem
Stockalone Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Nobody seeks out people they consider 'overweight' or far less fit than themselves. Granted, it happens that you fall for someone who isnt what you pictured, but I dont think people REALLY get past looks. If you find someone unattractive, thats that. I am not quite sure why you think I disagree with that. Because I don't. Not wanting a fattie is a perfectly reasonable preference. I just think it's not honest to say "all I want is someone who isn't fat" but I can't find one. It's too simple. Poor me, all I want is a girl who isn't fat and I have no single other deal breaker or preference. I am so easy to please. I don't buy it. Most people probably need more than one preference met in order to be attracted. Let's say the guy gets approached by a woman who is in great shape, will she automatically be good enough since she isn't fat? Or do you think it's possible he might still reject her because she has a big nose, or crooked teeth or he simply doesn't like her facial features or her boobs are too small or too big? This applies to every preference and both genders. How many people have only one single deal-breaker? Granted, it is possible that a man gets only approached by a certain type of woman he doesn't find attractive. All women that have approached me (weren't that many, but still) were petite women with a runner's physique. They were rather short, had small boobs and a wiry muscle tone. That is not my type at all. If I were to complain about that, I don't think I would get much sympathy. Poor me, no busty women approach me, only the fit, slender ones with small boobs. I should add that I am a fat guy. I don't mind that most people don't want to date fat people. But I do find it irritating that apparently some preferences are much more acceptable than others. And that has already bothered me before I got fat. I would take a sweet girl next door over a model any day of the week and twice on Sundays. But I wouldnt go out with someone I found unattractive physically, no matter what. I would presume that is true for everyone. Everyone has their own scale, which is why there is no exact guidelines. Men can and do look at women and assign them a mental 'number' though, trust me. The criteria for this number is based on the individual. Sure, I rate women too. But I honestly don't use numbers. I only go with an initial yes or no and after that I go with which one looks better. But I am absolutely unable to assign an accurate number. It's probably not that much different, but my system doesn't include numbers.
AD1980 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I dont think women find that many men attractive A women freinds of mine told me that in her circle women found the same few guys attractive..She says women for the most part are into the hollywood obsessed looks and celebrity crushes She says women arent into regular guys or the guy next door so to speak but some just have to settle because thats the level they maybe on..
sedgwick Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) I would just like to weigh in as a woman who doesn't give a damn about how much money a guy has or how "good-looking" he is. I don't need a guy to be a status symbol. I don't need to have a certain kind of man on my arm to prove anything about myself. Here is what I care about: he has to be intelligent, he has to make me laugh, he has to be a compassionate human being, and he has to be full-on chasing his life's passion. I will admit I'm a sucker for a sense of style, but by this I basically mean I like hats and vintage ties, and white sneakers are a dealbreaker. Wearing expensive clothes is silly; I don't want some tool who has to have the latest whatever by whatever designer. I want brains and passion over beauty, without question. Oh, and about it being easy for women to get men -- yeah, if I wanted to go out with the construction workers who whistle at me on the street. Other than that, they're not flocking around. And as for women who want "Hollywood celebrities" or for the people they date to look like them -- huh? Those are the kind of women who make me cringe, and I cannot imagine anything more boring than Brad Pitt. Edited November 6, 2009 by sedgwick
AD1980 Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I would just like to weigh in as a woman who doesn't give a damn about how much money a guy has or how "good-looking" he is. I don't need a guy to be a status symbol. I don't need to have a certain kind of man on my arm to prove anything about myself. . But do you think the majority of women think like you or are you the exception?
FleshNBones Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I dont think women find that many men attractive A women freinds of mine told me that in her circle women found the same few guys attractive..She says women for the most part are into the hollywood obsessed looks and celebrity crushes She says women arent into regular guys or the guy next door so to speak but some just have to settle because thats the level they maybe on..I think it is actually worse than that. They can probably convince each other that someone is attractive.
Author OpenGL Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 You can even just take a look at loveshack yourself and see what type of threads men and women start. Heres basically what it boils down to: Women problems - 1. "Why can't I find a good looking and successful man?" 2. "Where are all the good men?" http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=209080
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