Sam Spade Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Who or what is to say that he isn't always going to make me feel that way? He will be busy and stressed at work and will have no time or patience for you for an extended period of time. He will do something stupid like unwittingly insult your mother. He will forget your anniversary. And a whole lot of little random things that have infuriated women since the beginning of time. I should also add that even when it so happens that we meet someone who exhibits behaviors or traits really push our buttons, that's a VERY lousy indicator of coming close to being in love, or being in love for the right reasons - just ask any woman who was duped by a skillful playboy .
Author always_searching Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 That's how I see it. :bunny: You don't even know what real sex is... yet. Hahaha, well you have an advantage, as I don't experientially know what any sex is. Now, if we're talking about theoretical sex: I know pretty much all there is to know.
canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 :bunny:Well, I'm 24...maybe it's my lucky year! whats your phone number. I'll make it a lucky year. :-)
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Hahaha, well you have an advantage, as I don't experientially know what any sex is. Now, if we're talking about theoretical sex: I know pretty much all there is to know. I see. You have my highest respect! When the time comes... make sure the guy is worthy.
Author always_searching Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 He will be busy and stressed at work and will have no time or patience for you for an extended period of time. He will do something stupid like unwittingly insult your mother. He will forget your anniversary. And a whole lot of little random things that have infuriated women since the beginning of time. I should also add that even when it so happens that we meet someone who exhibits behaviors or traits really push our buttons, that's a VERY lousy indicator of coming close to being in love, or being in love for the right reasons - just ask any woman who was duped by a skillful playboy . Hahaha, I don't care about anniversaries, and I don't mind if he's busy and stressed at work--I wouldn't mind helping to resolve the stress... Anyway, I absolutely agree with you that one needs to discern his/her feelings to make sure it is not a psychological issue or one that is related to being "duped." However, I do think initial feelings play an important role in the beginning of a romantic relationship. Life is too short to be merely content: we need to be MOVED. We need to feel the wonders of an irrational and passionate desire. I don't want any cheep imitations--I'll take someone pushing my buttons, and go from there.
Author always_searching Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 whats your phone number. I'll make it a lucky year. :-) Hahaha! I'll keep that in mind.
canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Hahaha! I'll keep that in mind. anytime hun. i'd be doing a great public service. wouldnt want yer first time to be with some noob who didnt know what he was doing, if you waited until 24, gotta make sure youll feel it was well worth the wait!
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 However, I do think initial feelings play an important role in the beginning of a romantic relationship. Life is too short to be merely content: we need to be MOVED. We need to feel the wonders of an irrational and passionate desire. I don't want any cheep imitations--I'll take someone pushing my buttons, and go from there. In your opinion, what is passion? Where does it come from?
Brady_to_Moss Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) I have had SOO many oppertunities to settle with someone...but i chose not too. I didn't connect with them. Why would i want to be with them? I am single for a reason. I am VERY picky and girls my age do not turn me on what. so. ever. Edited November 5, 2009 by Brady_to_Moss
Sam Spade Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Life is too short to be merely content: we need to be MOVED. We need to feel the wonders of an irrational and passionate desire. I don't want any cheep imitations--I'll take someone pushing my buttons, and go from there. There's a serious cultural issue here, namely the - in my mind opressive - idea that one needs to be "all they can be", unfortunately understood as the endless pursuit of fulfilment through external means. The reason this is opressive is because no matter where you currently are, there is always something out there to chase, and THAT's what life is too short for.(although I will admit that it is good for the economy ). Whoever is the happiest in the end wins, and that's usually not the one who spent their entire life chasing after more success/validation (career or relationship-wise). Being content can potentially be a lot smarter strategy and to lead to a lot more long term happiness than succumbing to restlessness. So, I have my priorities straight, which means that I'd rather not publish a few more papers and get a marginally better job, and not "take classes" to meet a marginally better (:rolleyes:) girl; instead, I'm having a perfectly reasonable work-life balance, and a super cute girl to cuddle with on the couch while eating ice cream . So, I'm one content camper;). I can get moved all I want by merely reading a good book or volunteering or traveling (instead of purpusefuly setting up my life for crash & burn). As for your virginity 'problem', "Ms. Searching, come to the safety of my office at once. I'd like to discuss some paper ideas with you.:laugh:" OR: "Ms. Searching, I'm concerned with your academic performance. What are you planing to do to improve your grades" . (So, step aside boys, you ain't got no nothin' on The Prof.)
Vertex Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) All that matters is utility -- money can provide more utility, but there's a cost involved, too. Sometimes we're better off just figuring out what gives us the optimal balance. It certainly includes the work we do, our status, the people we're with, and so forth, but it's important not to put all our hopes and passions in one basket with the hope that it'll act as a panacea of sorts. I can also explain settling with math (I won't post it unless anyone really, REALLY wants to see it) -- but the answer is somewhat intuitive. If we're acting optimally, the problem isn't so much that we're settling, but rather our standards are too high when we're young. It's easy to demand perfection when we're young, as we have lots of time ahead of us to pick and choose. However, information asymmetry kicks in and we often find mismatches (whether it be in others or ourselves)... as time progresses, we tend to focus on what actually matters. If you're truly settling -- that is to say, picking someone who you know isn't right for you and is sub-par with respect to the core values and traits you hold in high esteem, then you're not being very rational. There's never a need to settle. Edited November 5, 2009 by Vertex
Sam Spade Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Hahaha, I don't care about anniversaries, and I don't mind if he's busy and stressed at work--I wouldn't mind helping to resolve the stress... Fine, but the point is that if you can love your future boyfriend in spite of doing boneheaded things, why can't you love someone who's bonehead to begin with? Logically speaking, saying that you will always feel in love no matter what, removes the need for any conditions for being in love, and if so why not just fall in love and be done with it ?
Vertex Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Fine, but the point is that if you can love your future boyfriend in spite of doing boneheaded things, why can't you love someone who's bonehead to begin with? Logically speaking, saying that you will always feel in love no matter what, removes the need for any conditions for being in love, and if so why not just fall in love and be done with it ? I don't believe there is a such thing as unconditional love There are always conditions. People who say they love unconditionally are ignoring the fact that they choose to stay with someone based on psychologically satisfying constructs (for instance, someone who "unconditionally loves" someone who screws everything up may not leave simply because they are extremely risk-averse and subconsciously don't want to face the probability of never finding anyone else, as they value the certainty of present companionship to loneliness, or they may irrationally be taking sunk costs into account that can no longer be recovered. Anyone who is rational isn't going to put up with crap from anyone, haha ). That was a very long parenthetical statement. I think we find certain boneheaded actions endearing, but only when there's a contrast. If someone's screwing up all the time out of pure incompetence with no saving grace, we find it annoying. But if someone's screwing up, even though they are otherwise intelligent/loving people, those mistakes are far more forgivable and even cute. Nobody should want a purely boneheaded partner, but there's nothing wrong with mistakes in the face of otherwise solid character traits Just throwing in my 1.8091361 Yen.
Author always_searching Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 So, I have my priorities straight, which means that I'd rather not publish a few more papers and get a marginally better job, and not "take classes" to meet a marginally better (:rolleyes:) girl; instead, I'm having a perfectly reasonable work-life balance, and a super cute girl to cuddle with on the couch while eating ice cream . So, I'm one content camper;). LOL, I'm curious as to what you mean by "'take classes' to meet a marginally better girl"? I think it's important here to note that I'm not referring to a difference of mere margin--I would never suggest one end a relationship with an established history for another person, unless that person were "better" in a substantially different way. I can get moved all I want by merely reading a good book or volunteering or traveling (instead of purpusefuly setting up my life for crash & burn). Again, I look forward to the day when another woman "moves" you--I'm interested in how you respond. As for your virginity 'problem', "Ms. Searching, come to the safety of my office at once. I'd like to discuss some paper ideas with you.:laugh:" OR: "Ms. Searching, I'm concerned with your academic performance. What are you planing to do to improve your grades" . (So, step aside boys, you ain't got no nothin' on The Prof.) *swoons* I realize you're in jest, but I wonder: would you cheat on your current significant other? If so: I wonder how in love with her you could be--how splendid that ice cream and cuddling really is--if you're willing to have affairs.
Vertex Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 If you're happy eating ice cream and watching movies with someone, why bother cheating? That sounds pretty tight to me.
Author always_searching Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 If you're happy eating ice cream and watching movies with someone, why bother cheating? That sounds pretty tight to me. Me too. But I don't get that impression from Sam Spade, which is why I asked.
Isolde Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I can also explain settling with math (I won't post it unless anyone really, REALLY wants to see it) -- but the answer is somewhat intuitive. I want to see the math I'm not a believer that feelings can be rationalized completely, but on the other hand, logical constructs can go a long way towards explaining phenomena that don't at first seem logical.
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Another vote for let's see the math I think I have a vague idea of what you are going to say...
Sam Spade Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) LOL, I'm curious as to what you mean by "'take classes' to meet a marginally better girl"? I think it's important here to note that I'm not referring to a difference of mere margin--I would never suggest one end a relationship with an established history for another person, unless that person were "better" in a substantially different way. Again, I look forward to the day when another woman "moves" you--I'm interested in how you respond. *swoons* I realize you're in jest, but I wonder: would you cheat on your current significant other? If so: I wonder how in love with her you could be--how splendid that ice cream and cuddling really is--if you're willing to have affairs. Haha, in the classes bit, i merely referred to the commonly given advice that you'll meet someone great as soon as you start taking cooking classes . As far as the "marginally better" girl bit is concerned, this, once again boils down to the basic observation of mine, that no person is ever that great so that they'd rock your world, blow your midn away etc. just by existing and waltzing into your life. On average, marginal improvements is all there is . THis is not to say that I've anything against being "MOVED" - cudos if you are, or soon will be. I've been moved before (BIG time), and the only thing that has come out of it is an inability to see how wrong these relationships have been for me (and how the girls in question weren't that exceptional, after all the dust settled). So what I, and the rest of the gang of cool cats here (Untouchable and Vertex - guys I'm totally buying y'all a drink) are trying to convey is that there is actually surprisingly little corelation between being moved/shmoved and the quality of the relationship. So, there you have it - i would not cheat, first because it is uncool, and second - simply because it is not worth it. The only circumstances under which I could imagine it are limited to the fantasy situation where a naked woman drops into my lap, and then dissapears without a trace (consequences) . Which, even if we assume that it is possible in a wonderful parallel universe, is still almost the equivalen to rubbing one out to good porn, so not a huge bonus ). But I digress. What's my incentive to cheat? There is none. Make no mistake, I'm not above fantasizing about throwing an eager graduate student on my desk and ripping that tweed skirt off (the glasses stay on, though ), but I surely know better than actually doing something along those lines (i.e. any affair). So here is your answer - I simply cannot envision a scenario where the cost (i.e. the consequences) of an affair would exceed the benefit. So, there you have it, nothing can 'move' me. (Except maybe fish tacos; or my dog, on the rare occasions it's not a giant pain in the azz .) Edited November 6, 2009 by Sam Spade
bluestraps Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 You rise to the level of your highest concept. We all have standards , He's too tall ,She's too pretty, I dont like his hair ect.... Thats all you can go on at first. Ive found that it takes at least a couple of years to know if the physical, emotional, mental, and practical elements are there for a relationship you want. For a guy , he might see a woman he'd like to meet and say I could never talk to her.. or shes just another B*^#h. He's already settled for what he thinks is possible. He wont try for what he really wants but will just try for the woman who he's not afraid of. If you're insecure, you will meet someone and if you can just find one or two things to hold it togther you will just keep going with it.
Author always_searching Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) So here is your answer - I simply cannot envision a scenario where the cost (i.e. the consequences) of an affair would exceed the benefit. Are you an Economics Professor? You read as one. Though, there are times I think you may be Philosophy... Anyway, the Christian in me congratulates your reserve of acting out fantasies. The lustful-heathen in me says that life is short, and you should do us longing graduate students a favor and act out the skirt-ripping scenario--LOL, as long as it's consensual, of course. What's the benefit of the latter, you ask? Well, that you'll die knowing you lived your life--had fun and took chances, even if they may have turned out to be mistakes. Sometimes it's the mistakes that lead us to an understanding--or at least a better understanding--of the greatest Good. Just think: most of the Saints were the biggest sinners, before fully giving their lives to Christ. Of course, that's not an excuse to sin...I just have a problem reconciling my desires to "live life" with acting virtuously. For example, sex with grad-professors seems so much hotter than chastity before marriage. Ugh. Edited November 6, 2009 by always_searching
spookie Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I would never settle. It's not being alone I'm afraid of. It's not finding love - which isn't the same as having a crappy old relationship with just someone. I barely see the appeal behind relationships in general. They're only worth it if you're really in love, IMO. I would never chain myself to someone just to avoid being alone.
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I think Sam Spade is mathy/stats professor. Also, his grad student fantasies sound so hot
Sam Spade Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 (edited) Are you an Economics Professor? You read as one. Though, there are times I think you may be Philosophy... Anyway, the Christian in me congratulates your reserve of acting out fantasies. The lustful-heathen in me says that life is short, and you should do us longing graduate students a favor and act out the skirt-ripping scenario--LOL, as long as it's consensual, of course. What's the benefit of the latter, you ask? Well, that you'll die knowing you lived your life--had fun and took chances, even if they may have turned out to be mistakes. Sometimes it's the mistakes that lead us to an understanding--or at least a better understanding--of the greatest Good. Just think: most of the Saints were the biggest sinners, before fully giving their lives to Christ. Of course, that's not an excuse to sin...I just have a problem reconciling my desires to "live life" with acting virtuously. For example, sex with grad-professors seems so much hotter than chastity before marriage. Ugh. (Not economics, but indirectly related - I'm neither smart nor disciplined enough to be an economist . Anyway, I'm sure you aren't expecting me to reconcile the responsibility vs. do-whatever-feels-good dilemma:eek:? It's been around since the beginning of time (though it seems that the consensus seems to be tilted towards accepting that living life without any sort of moral obligations is impossible; all the literary and philosophical experiments with the other approach somehow always end with crash and burn). I'm as far from religious as you can possibly get, but still view the value and the need of some sort of moral guidelines. Not exactly sure why, but while there is nothing wrong with enjoying life, it kinda gets uncomfortable eventually, if that's all you're doing and without thinking about the effects (and the costs are always there, even if they don't materialize immediately - Dorian Grey style). This view for me mostly applies for actions that affect others, however. Chastity before marriage is not it (There’s nothing wrong with it as a personal belief, of course, but I’d ask myself why exactly is it important and then reevaluate depending on the answer.) So ultimately, having standards is a tad more stylish than pursuing gratification at all costs. (This should partially explain my avatar, by the way.) So in sticking to it the last thing on my mind is doing the religiously right thing; it just makes it more likely to eventually, maybe, leave some sort of legacy. There is some satisfaction in doing the right thing (whatever people’s own version of that is). No worries though, even so, my mind is a very filthy place right now. (Two words: the conference hotel! Ideally in Oklahoma city, or perhaps Madison, WI) Overworked assistant professors’ disilusinment and arrogance, job-searching doctoral candidates’ angst, and pony tails . Edited November 6, 2009 by Sam Spade
Author always_searching Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Anyway, I'm sure you aren't expecting me to reconcile the responsibility vs. do-whatever-feels-good dilemma:eek:? Actually...I was. It's been around since the beginning of time (though it seems that the consensus seems to be tilted towards accepting that living life without any sort of moral obligations is impossible; all the literary and philosophical experiments with the other approach somehow always end with crash and burn). I'm as far from religious as you can possibly get, but still view the value and the need of some sort of moral guidelines. Not exactly sure why, but while there is nothing wrong with enjoying life, it kinda gets uncomfortable eventually, if that's all you're doing and without thinking about the effects (and the costs are always there, even if they don't materialize immediately - Dorian Grey style). Well, in a sense, the materialization of the effects are immediate: at least, if we are considering effects of the soul to be materializable. Even in Dorian Grey, the effects materialized immediately in the painting, which was a representation of the soul, yes? Anyway, I am glad to know you are a morally conscious person, even though you aren't religious. I don't, however, believe that morality is only concerning others--think about Aristotle who claims that by loving another we love ourselves. The whole reason to act virtuously is for our own happiness. So, by treating others well, we are actually benefiting ourselves more than the other. This is why morality also concerns those actions which are only in relation to ourselves--temperance, chastity, humility, etc. So ultimately, having standards is a tad more stylish than pursuing gratification at all costs. (This should partially explain my avatar, by the way.) So in sticking to it the last thing on my mind is doing the religiously right thing; it just makes it more likely to eventually, maybe, leave some sort of legacy. There is some satisfaction in doing the right thing (whatever people’s own version of that is). Huh. I don't see your aviator. What is it, out of curiousity? No worries though, even so, my mind is a very filthy place right now. (Two words: the conference hotel! Ideally in Oklahoma city, or perhaps Madison, WI) Overworked assistant professors’ disilusinment and arrogance, job-searching doctoral candidates’ angst, and pony tails . LOL, ponytails, huh? You know, though I think it's better to have a fantasy than to always act out desires, generally, if we don't place some restriction our minds' fantastical wanderings, I find that they become as much of a problem as acting out our desires. For example, people who are interested in pornography: it starts out as a fantasy--they just watch and fantasize about these women and, perhaps, masturbate. Though that can sometimes lead into acting out fantasies (because, let's face it, if I fantasize about eating pizza all day, I'm eventually just going to go out and eat a pizza), it's still a problem all it's own. There are people who become obsessed with pornography; people who cannot have relationships with other people, because they are focused on the women and scenarios in porn. What I'm getting at is that if your mind is constantly in "filthy places," eventually the consequences of that too will manifest itself. Just something to think about.
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