BG1985 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 If you have to set rules for your relationship, it should have already been over. This girl must give a mean hummer.
tami-chan Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 WHOAH, dude! what is with TOLERATING this crap? C'mon...put her in her place....and then get the heck outta there!
norajane Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I dont think that it's quite that bad. I mostly want to make sure I dont dig myself into a corner; and hence pull apart more grilled cheese sandwiches. You end up with wackos because you refuse to take heed of all the wacko signs, signals, bells, and flashing red lights that are right there in your face. This girl is clearly bad news, will only get worse, and yet you continue to stay. It's on you, now. You can't blame her when you feel like a cornered rat at some point down the road. You have decided to stay in this and let it get worse. Take responsibility for your choices - don't blame her. She is what she is, and she's been very clear about it. There's no surprise here, no subterfuge, no bait and switch. Don't bitch about it later when you can't handle it anymore, and don't blame her for it. Blame yourself for deliberately choosing to stay with her when all the signs were there that this is a disaster.
aerogurl87 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Wow and I thought I was needy, lol. I agree with everyone else, leave the psycho girl and find someone sane.
Island Girl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 This thread better get updated. I wonder what drama will unfold if she showed up with how the posts have progressed. First she was a really nice girl and his perception was not that bad - now she is being referred to as whacko.
dreamergrl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 This thread better get updated. I wonder what drama will unfold if she showed up with how the posts have progressed. First she was a really nice girl and his perception was not that bad - now she is being referred to as whacko. I know... I want to know what happened last night.
Island Girl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I know... I want to know what happened last night. I know. I have to say this girl can pull out some creative stuff when she is being needy and demanding. By the time she'd have got there though - the infatuation fog was clearing in his head.:eek:
DustySaltus Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Hey canada, do anything of these phases look familar? Would you rather cut your losses now or go for the grand prize? http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a101.htm
dreamergrl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I know. I have to say this girl can pull out some creative stuff when she is being needy and demanding. By the time she'd have got there though - the infatuation fog was clearing in his head.:eek: Until she pulls a left, then a right, then a swift move ahead. I must say.. I'm amazed it took until the other girl put bleach in his wine bottle before he got rid of her. He must be doing something to attract these girls.
Author canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 The girl with the bottle of bleach actually was BPD. I have read a lot about BPD because I was with one for six months. That girl the second I found out she lied to me about where she was one night I ditched her like a dirty shirt. Thanks for the links though, I had never heard about BPD until I was on this site and it was a godsend to find out about it. It was after I kicked her out and she had moved all her stuff that the wine bottle bleach incident occurred. Guess she didn't like being called on her crap. -- Well the girl came over to have a talk and her talk was that we should only see eachother twice a week and we shouldn't have to call eachother every day or anything although we can call anytime. She called it a "compromise", which was a bit strange but whatever it sounded reasonable enough. I was afraid it was going to be some big crazy "talk" where she was going to trip on me with some demand or ultimatem or she was going to leave, if it turned into that then I was going to say, "leave then". But since it was her talking about dialing down the level of contact and as that was my problem in the first place I figure what the hell give it a whirl see how it goes. She had had a long conversation with an old friend on the phone and it probably came up where he probably told her that she was being really needy and driving me away. I dunno what I'm doing to attract these girls though. I've met them all through such different methods. With this one in particular my emphasis throughout the entire thing has been to TAKE IT SLOWLY so how I get into this mess of catching crap for ONLY seeing her for 18 of the previous 24 hours I dont really know. And yes she does give a mean hummer; she's got a sex drive like a ferrari and she's desperately cute - even the lady working at the bakery near my house that I've been going to for years quietly commented to me how cute she is. So I guess, yeah, its easy to be a bit weak sometimes. :-) ?? Thoughts
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 No doubt. I have tried online offline, random meetings by happenchance through friends not through friends, roomates and girls I bumped into and just hit on. Must have a "wackos come get this sucker" tattooed in wacko-viewable-only ink on my forehead. I'm a nice kind normal guy without a bunch of crazy ass tatooos, I dress conservatively in khakis and normally in dress shirts, I'm an IT professional who works from home who also does paintball on the weekends and I run my own business I dont know what the hell I did in a previous life to deserve this crap... i've been good to every girlfriend I've ever had no cheating lying beating nothing. all I want is a nice girl to settle down with and I'm willing to take the time to get there no big rush I'm not desperate I can get laid any time I want I'm attractive enough and I've been told so by multiple sources *sigh* My wacko streak is really taking a chunk outta me Well, if your living in Canada... this might be your problem. The girls there seem culturally conditioned to be wackjobs! I think the normal ones get taken quick or something.
Author canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 hey hey now... Honestly it's not Canada.. I think it's just Vancouver, BC. I can't count how many guys here are just sick of the women being nutters. For instance in my wider circle of friends there have been over 58 breakups of long term relationships in the past two years because the girl wanted to screw someone else. Thats a LOT! We're talking marriages long term cohabitation, people with kids, all ages the whole gamut. The women here want to be men its nutty. I'm thinking that I'm going to make some cash and move back out to the small town lifestyle or maybe to Ontario. I grew up in rural BC and I have recently been to Ontario. In those places I find the women are happy to be women and the women are happy that their men are men. "metrosexual" is such a common phrase in this city. Yuck. And all the women hang around with gay guys all the time, and the gay guys in this city wear it on their sleeve. I remember when I was in Ontario I was like, wow. The women were just so much more, feminine and ladylike over there. I wasnt there to pick up chicks or anything I was in a relationship at the time but it was uber refreshing. West coast city girls suck. Lol :-)
Tiz Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I figure what the hell give it a whirl see how it goes. This statement tells me your laissez-faire attitude is why you keep going down the road with nutters. Your apathy and inability to use discretion early in these relationships will only hurt you in the long run. So I guess, yeah, its easy to be a bit weak sometimes. :-) With you it seems the pattern is all the time.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 hey hey now... Honestly it's not Canada.. I think it's just Vancouver, BC. I can't count how many guys here are just sick of the women being nutters. For instance in my wider circle of friends there have been over 58 breakups of long term relationships in the past two years because the girl wanted to screw someone else. Thats a LOT! We're talking marriages long term cohabitation, people with kids, all ages the whole gamut. The women here want to be men its nutty. I'm thinking that I'm going to make some cash and move back out to the small town lifestyle or maybe to Ontario. I grew up in rural BC and I have recently been to Ontario. In those places I find the women are happy to be women and the women are happy that their men are men. "metrosexual" is such a common phrase in this city. Yuck. And all the women hang around with gay guys all the time, and the gay guys in this city wear it on their sleeve. I remember when I was in Ontario I was like, wow. The women were just so much more, feminine and ladylike over there. I wasnt there to pick up chicks or anything I was in a relationship at the time but it was uber refreshing. West coast city girls suck. Lol :-) Yeah! All of my Canadian friends are from the Vancouver area... and we were having beers at a sales meeting and I heard all about it. Every guy on the team had been cheated on at least twice! I dated a girl from Surrey for about 3 weeks, and she gave me the weirdest vibe. It has to be a cultural thing!
Author canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Yeah! All of my Canadian friends are from the Vancouver area... and we were having beers at a sales meeting and I heard all about it. Every guy on the team had been cheated on at least twice! I dated a girl from Surrey for about 3 weeks, and she gave me the weirdest vibe. It has to be a cultural thing! Yeah its wack here for that. I even imported two girls to this city (one from Victoria and one from a small town) and all was well until they "normalized" to this city... then they wanted to metrosexualize. Must be something in the water or peer pressure or something. I tried online dating and all I found was married women who wanted to cheat on their husbands and serial online daters. From what I can tell Kelowna has some pretty good pickings. If things dont resolve with this girl then maybe I'll just move out of this place. Haven't got much keeping me here other than living rent free which is quite the bonus in a city as expensive as this (and no I dont live with my parents or family lol)
JustLooking123 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 And yes she does give a mean hummer; she's got a sex drive like a ferrari and she's desperately cute - even the lady working at the bakery near my house that I've been going to for years quietly commented to me how cute she is. Well, now we see why he's staying with her, despite thinking she's "wacko" (his words). It's amazing what some guys will put up with for a pretty face.
dreamergrl Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I give her 'non needy' attitude change about two weeks.
Island Girl Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Well, now we see why he's staying with her, despite thinking she's "wacko" (his words). It's amazing what some guys will put up with for a pretty face. Nooo it is sooo much more than that. And I am being serious. There is a certain excitement that comes along with a girl like this. And as he said she gives a mean hummer! I'm sure there is this and more that keeps him ensnared... I give her 'non needy' attitude change about two weeks. Two weeks? I'd be inclined to agree with you Dreamer. But it really depends upon how he plays HIS cards.
crazy_grl Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Must have a "wackos come get this sucker" tattooed in wacko-viewable-only ink on my forehead. I'm a nice kind normal guy without a bunch of crazy ass tatooos, I dress conservatively in khakis and normally in dress shirts, I'm an IT professional who works from home who also does paintball on the weekends and I run my own business I dont know what the hell I did in a previous life to deserve this crap... i've been good to every girlfriend I've ever had no cheating lying beating nothing. all I want is a nice girl to settle down with and I'm willing to take the time to get there no big rush I'm not desperate I can get laid any time I want I'm attractive enough and I've been told so by multiple sources It's not just bad luck that you end up with these women. Sounds to me like you're a bit needy yourself, so you're attracted to (and attract) the needy ones. But they just end up out needy-ing you in the end. Seems like classic "nice guy" syndrome, aka a case of insecurity. I'm willing to bet that non-needy girls are turned off by you. And trust me... I HATE drama. I've found that people who say they hate drama are the biggest drama wh*res of all. Just sayin'. Don't know if that applies here, but I think it might considering what you get yourself into with women.
dreamergrl Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Two weeks? I'd be inclined to agree with you Dreamer. But it really depends upon how he plays HIS cards. I don't see him playing his cards any different. He has a pattern (that he can't recognize, or refuses to - and until he does, he wont be getting out of it) that he's stuck in.
Island Girl Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I don't see him playing his cards any different. He has a pattern (that he can't recognize, or refuses to - and until he does, he wont be getting out of it) that he's stuck in. That isn't necessarily a bad thing Dreamer. Sometimes two people just work stuff out that is unbelievable - but it works for them. He likes her. She "compromised". Maybe she'll push too hard again or maybe by that time he'll want her to -- maybe not. It will be interesting to find out haow this all plays out though.
dreamergrl Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 That isn't necessarily a bad thing Dreamer. Sometimes two people just work stuff out that is unbelievable - but it works for them. He likes her. She "compromised". Maybe she'll push too hard again or maybe by that time he'll want her to -- maybe not. It will be interesting to find out haow this all plays out though. Very true, I didn't look at it from that perspective.
sedgwick Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 I have BPD and have been through treatment for it. Having a mental illness does not give you license to act like a possessive freak. Even I know that wanting to see someone that much is abnormal, and I've had my share of obsessive relationships. You MUST have "me time," it's not optional. She should want it too -- any well-adjusted human should -- and the fact that she doesn't says to me that she's bored and looking for something to fill up her life. It is critical for a healthy relationship that both people have their own separate interests and lives. If there's one thing you can't compromise on, it's that.
DanielMadr Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 You have in your pocket some hel of a psycho magnet. Dr. Freud would say that you subconsciously try to find similar disfunctional person in need to re-play / repair some of your past ones. He would suggest your mother of course. I say, there is some truth to it and as an advice, listen to your gut and when you get the psycho vibe, run as hell. Simply change your behavior patterns - choose more wisely.
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