Tiz Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 My mistake. I forgot the man is supposed to club the woman over the head and drag her home. I wasn't referring to your weekend dating rule at all. I was responding to the OP's concern about the cost of dinner on a Sat. But since you mention it. If I were dating a guy like you and felt I had to ask why I wasn't getting a weekend date, I'd probably drop you for not seeming interested. Relationships aren't about power plays, and anybody who treats them as though they are is never going to have a healthy one. It's alright we all make mistakes. Dating is warfare. More so, in the big city. Sure, in a relationship with a good girl power-playing has no room. In jimbo's situation it does have room. For anyone to deny that the initial stages of dating is not about vying for position is in complete denial of reality. You call it power-playing. I call it my filter for morons out there who like to play games.
crazy_grl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Find another day that is mutually convenient. Don't cancel your plans because of her. I missed that you already have plans. Yeah, don't skip plans to go out with her.
crazy_grl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) Dating is warfare. More so, in the big city. Sure, in a relationship with a good girl power-playing has no room. So you're aiming to date nutzo chicks? What, you can't find a decent girl? If that's the case, you should add a disclaimer to your sig so people know what kind of girl you're helping them try to get. In jimbo's situation it does have room. For anyone to deny that the initial stages of dating is not about vying for position is in complete denial of reality. No, they're just sane, healthy, and aren't desperate for a relationship to be happy. If you're happy with your life, you won't put up with "vying for position". I call it my filter for morons out there who like to play games. You filter out morons who play games by playing them yourself? That makes no sense. Vying for power is just another game. Edited November 5, 2009 by crazy_grl
canadaguy98 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 As I learned in the online thing, a quick phone conversation or IM to set a meet is all you should do. Pop them for the meeting right away if you're actually looking to meet someone. There are tons of girls who have boyfriends or husbands who are just looking for attention, and they will string you along nearly indefinitely with chat, e-mails, IM conversations, whatever. As Ive found in conversations with literally hundreds of girls in the online thing... 1. The initial talk on IM/phone you should keep to basic questions and answers to find some common ground. It makes no sense to meet a girl who loves rock and roll and heavy metal when you despise it for example. Keep it short and sweet, light and dont get into too many details, or you will burst the bubble and kill the mystery. 2. After the initial talk on IM/phone, everything should be about setting up the meeting. You dont be forceful, you'll freak her out. Just drop ideas casually, like, "want to go for a hike" or "I'm going to see X movie, want to come". The whole romantic dinner thing tends to get their guard up and freak them out anyway. They are afraid they're going to end up in an hour long meal with no escape if they dont like you. Icebreaker first dates like walks in malls, etc. give them an escape route and they can always fake a phone call and 'have to go, sorry". 3. If you keep getting runaround answers, leave them with a plan and move onto the next girl. "Well fire me an e-mail if you want to get together and check out this new ice cream joint at main and fraser. I think you're cute I'd like to meet you in person sometime". The runaround answers can go on forever. 4. When you meet them, try to spot the "checklist chick" right away and cut it short. There are women attracted to online dating because they're looking for Mr. Perfect. They'll get together with Mr. Useless Jerk that they met in person, but online for some reason they'll only accept Mr. Perfect. You can tell by the types of questions they ask you, and how many they have. "So, how long have you been working at that job?", "You must make good money.", and "So what do you think of kids". Unfortunately "Checklist Chick" probably has a checklist that is so unattainable that she's never going to meet anyone perfect anyway. Shes looking for a guy making well over six figures who has tons of time to help raise children and who can take a year off work to go travelling the world by backpack and the cash to fly first class. Forget this one she will just waste your time and drain your wallet. Source: Been on over 35 dates with girls I met online. Had sex with five of them and got into a relationship with one of them.
Tiz Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 So you're aiming to date nutzo chicks? What, you can't find a decent girl? If that's the case, you should add a disclaimer to your sig so people know what kind of girl you're helping them try to get. I'm not aiming to date crazy girls. That's who I'm trying to eliminate. I'm guessing you came up with that screen name/disclaimer idea before you joined this site. No, they're just sane, healthy, and aren't desperate for a relationship to be happy. If you're happy with your life, putting up with "vying for position" is not something you'd consider. I'm happy. You filter out morons who play games by playing them yourself? Now you're catching on. Once they're filtered and the good ones are left there's no reason to continue testing.
crazy_grl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I'm not aiming to date crazy girls. That's who I'm trying to eliminate. I'm guessing you came up with that screen name/disclaimer idea before you joined this site. You're such a clever one, you are. Now you're catching on. Once they're filtered and the good ones are left there's no reason to continue testing. The good ones will filter you out before you get the chance to filter them. You're only going to be left with the ones who know how to out play (manipulate) you. Anyway, this thread isn't about you, so please stop trying to direct the conversation to get attention for yourself.
Tiz Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 The good ones will filter you out before you get the chance to filter them. You're only going to be left with the ones who know how to out play (manipulate) you. That's some crystal ball you have. Anyway, this thread isn't about you, so please stop trying to direct the conversation to get attention for yourself. Agreed. I don't want attention, but I genuinely want to hear what happens to jimbo. We'll agree to disagree on my methods.
dreamergrl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I hate talking on the phone, especially to someone I don't know. I prefer to IM, text, or email before meeting. I will have a very brief discussion, but that's about it. With that said... OP if you want her number just ask for it. You are pussy footing around which shows lack of courage.
crazy_grl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) That's some crystal ball you have. Just common sense. If you set out a pile of sh*t, you'll get flies. (general you) If you play games, you'll get players. Jimbo, use the golden rule. Treat this (and any other girl) how you'd want to be treated. But also consider whether she's doing the same. If it doesn't feel like she is, then move on. If you feel like you're putting in a lot more effort that she is to try to meet you, then it's not worth it. dreamergrl is right. Be direct and don't pussy foot around. I say you should meet this girl, only because usually when people suggest a specific day, time, or place to meet, they're serious about it and will follow through. And unless I got the facts you wrote mixed up, she did suggest the day and didn't just leave it open to some vague day in the future that you should pick. My opinion would be different if you had suggested the day and she had just begrudgingly accepted. Or was it like pulling teeth to get her to suggest a day? If that's the case, she may not actually be interested in meeting. Edited November 5, 2009 by crazy_grl
Tiz Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) Just common sense. If you set out a pile of sh*t, you'll get flies. (general you) If you play games, you'll get players. I'll say one last thing on this. Some of those flies are good, and some are bad. My motivations for playing what you call "games" are completely pure. I'm trying to get the good girls as I said. I'm actually helping women at the same time. I have no malintent. I'm trying to eliminate the girls whose motivations of playing games are for jealousy reasons, to get revenge, attention seek, and to make men look like fools. Edited November 5, 2009 by Tiz
Author jimbo Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) Not trying to pussyfoot around. In the past, usually, when I suggest to talk on the phone, they reply with their number. None the less, I will say in the e-mail can't do it on Saturday as I already have plans setup. Balls back in her court. If she agrees to a reschedule then that is cool. Wasn't going to change my current setup on Saturday regardless. Just like to hear the woman's voice and see how she talks and such. A quick 10 or 15 minute talk then recommend meeting somewhere for a drink or coffee. That is usually how I handle it. Some times it works, some times it doesn't. If she gets offended that I turned down her Saturday night suggestion, then oh well. Can't do something with someone else when something is already setup. I do find a girl's quest to find Mr. McDreamy is amazingly ridiculously like something like that exists. Its like me finding a Victoria Secret model who is down to earth and will date a regular guy. Edited November 5, 2009 by jimbo
dreamergrl Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 I'm confused why you haven't turned her down for Saturday yet if you have plans. You know.. it may be possible she's not comfortable with giving out her number to someone she hasn't met yet. You'd know if you'd just straight out and ask. Not every girl is the same. Just because something worked with another girl doesn't mean it will with this one. She may be trying to date while carrying on some heavier responsibilities. Just find out once and for all, or move on. Case closed.
Author jimbo Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 I'm confused why you haven't turned her down for Saturday yet if you have plans. You know.. it may be possible she's not comfortable with giving out her number to someone she hasn't met yet. You'd know if you'd just straight out and ask. Not every girl is the same. Just because something worked with another girl doesn't mean it will with this one. She may be trying to date while carrying on some heavier responsibilities. Just find out once and for all, or move on. Case closed. She just sent the e-mail to me a few hours ago suggesting it. I plan to respond in the morning. Still at work. Don't doubt her responsibilities.
DustySaltus Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Something isn't kosher about this girl. As BCCA said she either has a low level of interest OR She has someone else in the picture. A few months back I was going back and forth with a girl who I had met via online. I was always skeptical of this and my instincts told me something was wrong with the girl. We went back and forth via email for weeks and then set something up (she finally gave me her number). Then she didn't show up and told me that her uncle was in the hospital. Call her ONCE afterwards to let her know how much of a FLAKE she was but no answer. Sure enough I get a call about an hour later from a jealous boyfriend....lol, go figure. I went down that path once and learned my lesson. Whatever happens, just learn from this as well. However, the juice is definetly not worth the squeeze in this case.
Author jimbo Posted November 5, 2009 Author Posted November 5, 2009 Don't really matter. Sent the e-mail to her this morning. She replied back at lunch and said she's busy on the times I suggested. Said we'll figure something out another weekend. Replied back said sure and have a good weekend.
DustySaltus Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 As the barber always says...................................NEXT! No compromise on her part, just the tip of the iceberg. You seem like a good guy, forget about her and concentrate your forces elsewhere. good luck.
Tiz Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Don't really matter. Sent the e-mail to her this morning. She replied back at lunch and said she's busy on the times I suggested. Said we'll figure something out another weekend. Replied back said sure and have a good weekend. Good. Aren't you glad you didn't waste gas and money on a latte? No counter offer means, Bye bye!
BG1985 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 So Tiz, by filtering out girls who don't seem interested in you anyway, crazy_grl accuses you of playing games?
Tiz Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 (edited) So Tiz, by filtering out girls who don't seem interested in you anyway, crazy_grl accuses you of playing games? Exactly. I didn't even refer to it in terms of playing games. I said vying for position not "vying for power". She wrote that. Power over someone is the last thing on my mind. I'm always thinking where I am in the relationship even in the beginning. I'm putting the girl's every action under a microscope. Crazy_grl seems to think my intentions are bad. Edited November 5, 2009 by Tiz
BG1985 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Do you use this microscope just for the beginning or is it used throughout? I feel like if you let that go on for too long, the relationship loses its luster and it's harder to enjoy it.
Tiz Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 Do you use this microscope just for the beginning or is it used throughout? I feel like if you let that go on for too long, the relationship loses its luster and it's harder to enjoy it. I don't throw the microscope away, but rather put it up in the closet. Once you have yourself a good consistent girl it's very rare someone is going to do a full 180 degree turn on you, but it's not unheard of. If you've dated correctly from the beginning, been cautious, and taken things slowly and patiently you probably have yourself a winner. I've lived all over the world and the U.S., and it's sad to say, but it seems the good girls are low in numbers especially here in Southern California. No offense to the ladies from here. It becomes fun putting these tactics to use when you start dating a lot. You see women's actions so much more clearly for what they really are. With that said if you have a great girl, and the relationship loses it's luster and she becomes a little aloof or it seems her attention isn't there the man should check himself instead placing blame on her. The knee jerk reaction is to ask her, "What's wrong?" and be more attentive. Instead, by being a challenge in this instance I've found it has the effect of reeling them back in. It seems counterintuitive, but nine times out of ten you weren't being a challenge and you were too available. This can work in any stage of a relationship.
BG1985 Posted November 5, 2009 Posted November 5, 2009 It feels so good just being able to let go, but I agree you should always be working on yourself and never be complacent. I did that in my last relationship, which was really my first official relationship. (I had typically done short little flings throughout college.) I'm sure threebyfate is going to come back and give you more **** about your "power games," but I can guarantee you that girls have their relationships under a microscope more than guys do.
Tiz Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 It feels so good just being able to let go, but I agree you should always be working on yourself and never be complacent. I did that in my last relationship, which was really my first official relationship. (I had typically done short little flings throughout college.) I'm sure threebyfate is going to come back and give you more **** about your "power games," but I can guarantee you that girls have their relationships under a microscope more than guys do. I don't think you should ever get lazy in any relationship even in marriage. It only feels good to let go then you end up paying the price. I always hear marriage is work. It should be. Anything worth it is going to take work. I know you put it in quotes, but I never used the word power games. I just wanted to be clear. It's very convenient how crazy_grl changed my wording around. It's great that good women put their relationships under a microscope. I want to make sure I'm as good a guy as she is a good girl. Who is threebyfate?
Author jimbo Posted November 6, 2009 Author Posted November 6, 2009 Amazingly so the girl who gave me her number over the weekend has not called me back. Got her vm. So I guess 0/2. When it rains it pours. What damn luck.
BCCA Posted November 6, 2009 Posted November 6, 2009 Amazingly so the girl who gave me her number over the weekend has not called me back. Got her vm. So I guess 0/2. When it rains it pours. What damn luck. How long has it been since you called? Remember, its always going to be a numbers game. Who is threebyfate? Trialbyfire
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