t0ri Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 So I've been seeing a new guy. We've hung out about 6 times, and have done nothing more than kiss. Last night, he came to my place for the first time and we were laying in my bed. I went out of the room for a minute and came back in and straddled him while he was laying down, and started to kiss him (is that weird?!). My only intention was to kiss him, BUT he basically, indirectly, told me to get off of him because he either thought I wanted to have sex, or that what I was doing would lead to sex. I was just being playful, and had no idea he'd assume I wanted to have sex or whatever. I got really embarrassed and he proceeded to tell me that previously, he would have sex with a girl, and then they'd be over with. He told me he didn't want to do that with me, or mess anything up between us, and that he wants to take things slow because he truly likes me. The night before last, he was professing how much he's into me and that he has not felt about anyone, how he feels about me, in a long time. But last night kinda threw me off. I don't know if he's being sincere or if something is up. I felt a little rejected and embarrassed. He spent the night with me and all was fine this morning, as he asked to grab some food with me later today. He's good friends with one of my best friends, and she tells me she's never seen him so lovey-dovey over anyone like he's being with me. This is the first guy I'm genuinely interested in since splitting with my ex of two years earlier this year. So I'm finding myself questioning his motives and their truth, even though he admitted he's incredibly interested in me. Am I being insecure or is this guy meaning what he says? Opinions?
phineas Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Either he's got a tiny wang, he's horrible in bed, or he's just met the wrong type of women. Many yrs back I was too nice a guy. I was the guy women that dated jerks all the time thought they wanted. But they wern't sexually attracted to me. Even though the sex was good they would break up with me very shortly after we started having sex & go out with a jerk that treated them bad. I had similiar fears, but then I thought about it & stopped dateing women who had a history of dating jerks & things changed.
Vertex Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 It might have just scared him -- maybe he wasn't ready. Have you talked to him about it?
Krytie TV Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 He's hiding something. Likely a disease of some sort or what he believes to be some sort of physical shortcoming. What you did was not at all weird and NEVER let him break your playful spirit. Speaking for other men out there, DO NOT let his behavior shy you away from playfully straddling anyone in the future.
Phateless Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 You absolutely can't draw any conclusions from this. Maybe he's not ready, maybe he thinks it won't last if he gives it up too quick, who knows? Just chill out and take him at face value until his actions prove that you shouldn't.
amirpc Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Could the case could just be that he's sexually awkward? I have a good friend who really liked a girl and ended up losing her because he was afraid to have sex with her - for the exact same reason, he didn't want to have another relationship where it became entirely about the sex, or it just ended right after sex. It didn't end well for him, obviously. Anyhow, yeah this isn't anything you're doing thats wrong - he's being weird and awkward. Women, I think I speak for normal men everywhere when I say: Feel free to straddle us.
Author t0ri Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 It might have just scared him -- maybe he wasn't ready. Have you talked to him about it? Well my mood immediately changed, so he could tell something was wrong. I told him that was a little strange for him to do, and that's when he said he just doesn't want to do with me what he has done with other girls - aka: sleep with them and it's over. He just kept saying he didn't want to mess anything up with us...hmmm! Also, one of the first times we met, he was telling me how a mutual friend of ours spoke highly of me and mentioned that I don't sleep around and such. He said he really liked that, and likes that I'm so sweet. So maybe he's just nice? I have no idea. I LOVE nice guys though. I'm definitely not, and never have been, one to go for the jerks. I hope he doesn't have a disease, but that sounds possible. Yikes. I like this one I wouldn't sleep with him unless we were officially dating, and that's likely a ways off. And no worries, my playfulness will not be hindered by this! I guess I'll keep seeing him and see what happens... hopefully diseases and a teenie weenie are not problems of his. And hopefully he's truly into me. Thanks for the replies!
Author t0ri Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 Just chill out and take him at face value until his actions prove that you shouldn't. Thanks, I will do that!
amirpc Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 hopefully diseases and a teenie weenie are not problems of his. Seems like the kind of guy with STDs isn't the kind of guy looking to take things slow at first... I don't think a small penis makes a guy want to have sex any less. I think it still feels good for them
carhill Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Opinions? How is other non-sexual physical affection between you? Does he seem aroused by your physical contact? Personally, I'd remain calm and look for a pattern of behavior (or not).
Phateless Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 Well my mood immediately changed, so he could tell something was wrong. I told him that was a little strange for him to do, and that's when he said he just doesn't want to do with me what he has done with other girls - aka: sleep with them and it's over. He just kept saying he didn't want to mess anything up with us...hmmm! Also, one of the first times we met, he was telling me how a mutual friend of ours spoke highly of me and mentioned that I don't sleep around and such. He said he really liked that, and likes that I'm so sweet. So maybe he's just nice? I have no idea. I LOVE nice guys though. I'm definitely not, and never have been, one to go for the jerks. I hope he doesn't have a disease, but that sounds possible. Yikes. I like this one I wouldn't sleep with him unless we were officially dating, and that's likely a ways off. And no worries, my playfulness will not be hindered by this! I guess I'll keep seeing him and see what happens... hopefully diseases and a teenie weenie are not problems of his. And hopefully he's truly into me. Thanks for the replies! He's probably just nice, and any time you straddle a guy in bed, he's gonna think one thing and one thing only, so that's an understandable mistake. I think you're doing fine girlie.
Author t0ri Posted November 2, 2009 Author Posted November 2, 2009 How is other non-sexual physical affection between you? Does he seem aroused by your physical contact? Personally, I'd remain calm and look for a pattern of behavior (or not). The non-sexual physical affection is definitely there. He's always next to me, kissing me, holding my hand, kissing my forehead, tickling my back or legs, cuddling with me, etc. And he's really complimentary - every time I see him he's complimenting me. He will playfully slap my butt and stuff, and barely grabbed my boob once, but that's it. He does seem a little aroused though.
Vertex Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 My guess is that he's a slow mover and wants things to be solid everywhere else first. Sex does have a tendency to impact judgment in various areas, so it might just be a desire to play it safe. Either way, I agree that you should just take his actions for what they're worth and relax unless things are becoming unreasonable.
BlueHarvest Posted November 2, 2009 Posted November 2, 2009 My guess is that he's a slow mover and wants things to be solid everywhere else first. Sex does have a tendency to impact judgment in various areas, so it might just be a desire to play it safe. Either way, I agree that you should just take his actions for what they're worth and relax unless things are becoming unreasonable. Solid advice IMO. If he's aroused by other slightly sexual stuff (playful touching etc and has returned them to you like you said he has...although maybe not as much) then I'd say he just doesn't want sex to "blind" him so to speak. It's easy to mix the feelings of sex and early infatuation for love.
dreamergrl Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 Seems like the kind of guy with STDs isn't the kind of guy looking to take things slow at first... That is a silly statement. If someone has an STD that doesn't mean they have sex real quick. I agree with Phatless. Take things as they are. There could be a number of reasons.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 3, 2009 Posted November 3, 2009 So I've been seeing a new guy. We've hung out about 6 times, and have done nothing more than kiss. Last night, he came to my place for the first time and we were laying in my bed. I went out of the room for a minute and came back in and straddled him while he was laying down, and started to kiss him (is that weird?!). My only intention was to kiss him, BUT he basically, indirectly, told me to get off of him because he either thought I wanted to have sex, or that what I was doing would lead to sex. I was just being playful, and had no idea he'd assume I wanted to have sex or whatever. I got really embarrassed and he proceeded to tell me that previously, he would have sex with a girl, and then they'd be over with. He told me he didn't want to do that with me, or mess anything up between us, and that he wants to take things slow because he truly likes me. The night before last, he was professing how much he's into me and that he has not felt about anyone, how he feels about me, in a long time. But last night kinda threw me off. I don't know if he's being sincere or if something is up. I felt a little rejected and embarrassed. He spent the night with me and all was fine this morning, as he asked to grab some food with me later today. He's good friends with one of my best friends, and she tells me she's never seen him so lovey-dovey over anyone like he's being with me. This is the first guy I'm genuinely interested in since splitting with my ex of two years earlier this year. So I'm finding myself questioning his motives and their truth, even though he admitted he's incredibly interested in me. Am I being insecure or is this guy meaning what he says? Opinions? This guy didn't do anything wrong, and you wouldn't be feeling so uncertain if you weren't thinking about this way too much. You didn't do anything wrong either, but he communicated with you once he became uncomfortable with your actions, as would be ideal. I'm inclined to suggest that you erase the mental scoreboard, and bring both sides back to zero, and keep communicating. Recognize the chance that he could be a very sincere, good guy, and assume as much until proven otherwise.
Author t0ri Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 (edited) We talked about that little incident afterward, and he told me he said that/felt that way because he doesn't want our whole "relationship" to be about sex. He thought it was too soon, because he wants us to turn into something with a solid foundation before sex comes into the picture. Lovely! I was really happy to hear that I was worth more than getting in my pants right away. (And for the record, I had no idea he'd assume I wanted to have sex just because I playfully straddled him. And apparently, he's not the only one who'd assume that.) Well, we hung out every night this week except once. Last night, I went over to his friend's house and they were taking pictures of eachother, me, etc. We had all hung out the previous night, also, and taken pictures then, too. So my guy and his friends go outside to smoke a cigarette (jeez, do any guys not smoke these days?). I'm sitting there by myself, so I decide to look at the pics we took over the weekend on my guy's camera. Well I looked through them, and went one too far apparently because I came across a picture of my guy and some girl kissing in bed, and of her boobs. She wasn't very attractive. I turned it off before I looked any further. That kissing picture might have been recent, because it was one pic before our weekend pictures. But then again, I've been with him pretty much every night this week. I don't want to bring it up, because I don't want him to think I was snooping on him. I wasn't. I'm just a little confused by this because I might not have been surprised that he was seeing other people since we're not "official," but he told me a few nights ago that: he doesn't usually like girls as much as he likes me, and especially not so quickly; he considers us "dating," but not official, and he doesn't hook up with other people when he's "hooking up" with someone; he asked me if we could "be together soon" aka - me be his girlfriend; he told me to never cheat on him, or hide anything from him. I don't consider him my boyfriend, so no cheating is possible as of now. Another thing. A few of his (close) friends are just pure pigs. In front of me, they were professing they lower their standards and will sleep with just about any semi-attractive person with a vagina, just to get off. Are men usually similar to who they hang out with? And are all men pigs? Serious question. I don't see things working out with this one... Edited November 9, 2009 by t0ri
Johnny M Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 We talked about that little incident afterward, and he told me he said that/felt that way because he doesn't want our whole "relationship" to be about sex. He thought it was too soon, because he wants us to turn into something with a solid foundation before sex comes into the picture. Lovely! I was really happy to hear that I was worth more than getting in my pants right away. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but his explanation sounds like total BS. Guys don't think that way. If a guy is attracted to a girl, he wouldn't mind having sex with her right away. In fact, he would be very much in favor of that. The concept of 'waiting to make sure it's not just about sex' is purely female thing.
Author t0ri Posted November 9, 2009 Author Posted November 9, 2009 I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but his explanation sounds like total BS. Guys don't think that way. If a guy is attracted to a girl, he wouldn't mind having sex with her right away. In fact, he would be very much in favor of that. The concept of 'waiting to make sure it's not just about sex' is purely female thing. So...is he lying when he tells me how beautiful, cute, pretty I am?
Johnny M Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 So...is he lying when he tells me how beautiful, cute, pretty I am? I have no idea if he's lying to you about those things. I'm just saying that he's lying about his reasons for not wanting sex.
Thornton Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 I would tend to agree that there must be something about him that scares women off after their first sexual encounter, so he wants to hold off until he has you hooked emotionally. Maybe small genitals, maybe diseases, maybe he's rubbish in bed... maybe he doesn't know he's rubbish in bed, all he knows is that women vanish after having sex with him. But I wouldn't rule out the possibility that he actually wants to take things slowly with you and build a relationship on something other than sex - there are some men who don't stick it in anything that moves whenever they have the opportunity! Just give him the benefit of the doubt for the time being, continue dating and wait for it all to unfold...
Lucky_One Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 Back in when I was in college, I dated a guy for a while. He didn't have tons of sexual experience, and neither did I. We were attracted to each other for months before we ever went out, and the chemistry between us was smokin'. I remember sitting on the couch one night, making out, with me straddling him on his lap. He sort of pushed me off, just because the genital contact was both too pleasurable and too painful. An engorged penis rubbing on boxers and jeans isn't the most comfortable, and he also didn't want to cum in his pants. This guy's issue may be nothing more than he was too turned on by you, and the feeling of your crotch rubbing against his was more than he could stand.
Pink Cupcakes Posted November 9, 2009 Posted November 9, 2009 He is not meaning what he says. He is not attracted to you in a romantic way. He is probably gay, and he is saying those things to your best friend as a cover.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 10, 2009 Posted November 10, 2009 So...is he lying when he tells me how beautiful, cute, pretty I am? Um, no, I think the evidence makes that clear.
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