Quinch Posted October 21, 2009 Posted October 21, 2009 A friend of mine has been dating her current b/f for about 10-11 months and, unlike all her other boyfriends since I've known her, has still not said to me that she loves him. They're always 'taking it slow'. I can understand if she wants to avoid rushing into anything too quickly but she's known this guy for years - they were even married once. Surely she should know, after nearly a year, how she feels about him one way or the other? I'm starting to become concerned that, if she's still not saying it, there might be little hope that she ever will. How long do you think you can you be in a relationship without (at least publicly) using the L word?
Ophelia Rue Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 I've been pretty much waiting for the L word for 11 months now. It's getting kind of hard to take the relationship seriously when I'm not getting those three little words. ): It's really sad.
UbiJW Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 Sounds like a giant farce to me. You know after 11 months otherwise you are in it for something else, security, how it makes you feel, money whatever not about the other person IMO.
BookerT Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 A friend of mine has been dating her current b/f for about 10-11 months and, unlike all her other boyfriends since I've known her, has still not said to me that she loves him. They're always 'taking it slow'. I can understand if she wants to avoid rushing into anything too quickly but she's known this guy for years - they were even married once. Surely she should know, after nearly a year, how she feels about him one way or the other? I'm starting to become concerned that, if she's still not saying it, there might be little hope that she ever will. How long do you think you can you be in a relationship without (at least publicly) using the L word? I would say 6 months is a good enough time to get to know someone and truly know if you want to commit more time, and in love or not. Wait, so the two of them were married to each other before? Or were married to others? If they were married to each other before, surely they've said I LOVE YOU before. Maybe they've been married before and together so many years it's a bit boring and she doesn't feel the need.
Author Quinch Posted October 22, 2009 Author Posted October 22, 2009 Wait, so the two of them were married to each other before? Or were married to others? If they were married to each other before, surely they've said I LOVE YOU before. Yes, they were married to each other, about six or seven years ago. But they divorced because, although they were good friends, they didn't love each other. I guess nothing has changed since except that she's now desperate to become a mother and feels that time is running out.
BG1985 Posted October 22, 2009 Posted October 22, 2009 That's a horrible reason to get married. Don't "settle" for someone else. That will end horribly.
Author Quinch Posted October 24, 2009 Author Posted October 24, 2009 I think it might be too late already: 1) When I was at her house the other evening I saw a birthday card from her boyfriend which said, 'To My Wife'(!) 2) Another friend of hers posted on her facebook wall this afternoon asking why she hadn't mentioned that she was now married. This post has since been removed. It's not conclusive but two pieces of evidence suggesting that she has indeed rushed into a marriage even though she told me they were still taking things 'steady'. If it's true then I am disappointed that she didn't say anything (and didn't invite me) but I know her well enough to know that she must have had a good reason for not mentioning it. She's been through a very bad time recently and I can understand if she did it because she felt scared and confused. But I would feel a lot happier if I could be sure that she did it because she loves him.
Curious-One Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 I've been pretty much waiting for the L word for 11 months now. It's getting kind of hard to take the relationship seriously when I'm not getting those three little words. ): It's really sad. holly crap 11months...
aerogurl87 Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 If I don't know if I love someone after 6 months then I'd break up with them so as to not waste my time or theirs. There's no point in settling for second best when the best is still out there waiting for you. And if they've been married before then she should've known alot sooner. I think she's just desperate for happily ever after and so she's decided that she'll just have to make due with what she's got (meaning being in a relationship and possibly a marriage with her ex).
xpaperxcutx Posted October 25, 2009 Posted October 25, 2009 Yeah your friend is only staying with her bf because of the security of being in a relationship. They obviously don't love each other.
Author Quinch Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 Things have moved fast. She now tells me they're going to be (re)married early January. It's all very low-key and hush hush with only a handful of family in attendance. They don't want any fuss. No cards. No presents. And she STILL hasn't said the L word. I've said I'm happy for her but privately I'm still concerned. If I was getting married I wouldn't be hiding the fact from anyone. TBH, I would be surprised if they're still married this time next year (if they actually go ahead with it).
SoulSearch_CO Posted December 1, 2009 Posted December 1, 2009 You do realize - marriage used to not be about love at all. Perhaps they have come to grips with that this time around and it might just turn out to be the perfect "business" arrangement for them to produce children together. Live and let live.
Author Quinch Posted December 1, 2009 Author Posted December 1, 2009 I guess you're right. I try not to interfere in her relationships (even when I think she's wrong). Hopefully it'll all work out somehow. TBH, sometimes I'm glad that I'm not the one marrying her, lol.
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