Bluecat Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 (edited) Hi, I recently learned about a concept called a "friend zone", an evil place you must avoid at all costs. I've read that if you're a guy, you must never befriend a girl, because the whole point of interacting with girls to go out with them, and score, and all that. But I've repeatedly read, and have been told, that good long-term relationships are usually where the two people started off as great friends. From people around me, I've also personally observed this pattern, where strong friendships led to strong relationships led to strong marriages. So it seems like there's a disconnect and I'm confused by it. On one hand, you can't be friends with girls because it puts you in the friend zone. But on the other hand, rock-solid relationships often involve two friends with a deep rapport getting together. Thanks, I'm interested in hearing your opinions! Edited October 8, 2009 by Bluecat
Hkizzle Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I've found this, and I'll probably get flamed for it. Women that consistently only go for the "love at first sight" and chemistry concept are more likely to end up with a jerk. Women that are capable of having healthy relationships often are able to learn to fall in love with a man over time. The stories you've heard are about people that seemed like great friends at first because there wasn't game playing and they treated each other with respect. The foundations of a healthy relationship. However there has to be attraction in the first place. If there's zero, and you're friendzoned then don't cry. Find someone else.
aerogurl87 Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I've found this, and I'll probably get flamed for it. Women that consistently only go for the "love at first sight" and chemistry concept are more likely to end up with a jerk. Women that are capable of having healthy relationships often are able to learn to fall in love with a man over time. The stories you've heard are about people that seemed like great friends at first because there wasn't game playing and they treated each other with respect. The foundations of a healthy relationship. However there has to be attraction in the first place. If there's zero, and you're friendzoned then don't cry. Find someone else. I agree 100% with Hkizzle. Love at first sight is a sham! If you want a good and healthy relationship you need to take things slow. Maybe not necessarily starting off as platonic friends, but definitely letting a friendship be the foundation for your relationship.
splintered thing Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 I've read that if you're a guy, you must never befriend a girl, because the whole point of interacting with girls to go out with them, and score, and all that. Not all friends are in the "friend zone"; you can be a friend and still be someone that she might be interested in more with. Even apart from that, people are different: some people either feel attraction right away or they never do...and others tend to spend time with someone and only later realize how amazingly attractive and appealing that person is. I think the "must have instant intense attraction" type is more common, though they also probably have a greater tendency to grow weary of a partner that's no longer new and challenging. But if you're interested in a particular person, you have to go with how they think and how their romance-buttons get pushed. That might mean speeding things up or slowing them down...or doing the occasional backflip with a half-twist...but you have to respond to the person they are, not the person you wish they were.
phineas Posted October 8, 2009 Posted October 8, 2009 (edited) I've found this, and I'll probably get flamed for it. Women that consistently only go for the "love at first sight" and chemistry concept are more likely to end up with a jerk. Women that are capable of having healthy relationships often are able to learn to fall in love with a man over time. The stories you've heard are about people that seemed like great friends at first because there wasn't game playing and they treated each other with respect. The foundations of a healthy relationship. However there has to be attraction in the first place. If there's zero, and you're friendzoned then don't cry. Find someone else. I think I agree with this also. Some women have vast friendzones. I call them collectors & these collectors have built an army of helper monkeys just waiting for the day she will let them up to the plate. I wont do that. Lately women are intitiating contact with me. Once I know their interested I play it cool & see just how interested they are. The really interested ones ask me for my number, ect. then we usually get together & if I like them I make it clear i'd like to see them again. After that, if they try to friendzone me I tell them to call me when their ready to go on a date. I know they got options & I know I was one of them & for some reason didn't make the first cut. (probably because i'm not a jerk) LOL! I'm not going to be someone's text / phone buddy when the guy thier "non-seriously" dateing isn't around. I also agree not all friends are in the friendzone. The only problem i've experianced with the friends turning into more is sometimes a woman will recognize everything she wants in man in me but not be sexually attracted to me but makes the move to take it to the next level anyways because she's tired of dateing jerks & then everything just goes down in flames. Then they rebound with a jerk. LOL! Edited October 8, 2009 by phineas
Author Bluecat Posted December 5, 2009 Author Posted December 5, 2009 Thanks everyone for your replies. They've really helped to clarify things for me!
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