shadowplay Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Well, a semi-date whatever you want to call it. But this guy just asked me to hang out and play boggle with him at his house. I think I mentioned him in another thread about six months ago. I had a bit of a crush on him awhile back. He was overseas at the time. He just got back in town and messaged me. He's really cute, funny, and freakishly smart (has a degree in mathematics from an ivy league school and can do insane calculations in his head). Yet he manages to be surprisingly un-dorky and hot. For some reason I'm feeling kind of meh about the whole thing. Last time I went on a semi-date (a year ago) it was disastrous. I guess I'm just feeling lazy and inadequate. Like I don't feel like going through the trouble of worrying about this and obsessing about what to wear. Part of me almost wants to not go. But he's hot, and smart, and funny... I dunno.
westernxer Posted August 3, 2009 Posted August 3, 2009 Just go. I'm sure you'll be all excited that evening when you see him. Then you can tell us what happened the next morning. LOL
Author shadowplay Posted August 4, 2009 Author Posted August 4, 2009 Ugh. Another instance where I probably misinterpreted his intentions. My response to him asking "when are we going to play boggle in real life, shadow?" was probably too enthusiastic: "love to. I'll be back in the city next Monday. When's good for you?" His response was very whatever: "whenevs I'm on vacation in --- now but I'll be back on thursday (before you) and i have nothing to do after. ever." I responded the next day with "thursday or friday of next week would probably work for me." That was last night and he hasn't responded. Why did he bother suggesting we hang out if he was so half-hearted about it? Did my response scare him off? I wouldn't be surprised if he never responds. I've decided that he probably has a girlfriend. I don't have any direct evidence for this, but he just seems like the kind of guy who would. He has a ton of girls writing on his wall. Also, based on his fb friends I wouldn't be surprised if he has an Asian fetish. I hate disappointments like these. I find it incredibly frustrating to hang out with a guy I find attractive in a platonic way knowing it won't go anywhere. Should I just not go? I just wish for ONCE a guy was actually interested in me, and I wasn't always caught in these ambiguous situations. Guys: don't ask a girl to hang out one on one if you're not interested in her. It will spare her a lot of grief. If you're already friends or she has a bf it's cool, but if you don't know her well, she's single and seems like she might be interested don't lead her on. In the past whenever a guy asked me to hang out, there was always a romantic interest. Don't know why I'm suddenly getting friend-zoned.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted August 4, 2009 Posted August 4, 2009 I hate when people do this. Men do it, and women do it too, even when you are just friends. I know a few people who are notorious for saying things like, hey, we never see each other, when are we gonna get together? Then you say, how about next week? Maybe Wednesday or Thursday? Then somehow...it never happens. What's really frustrating is that I have a lot of friends I could be making plans with. Don't f--- around with me. Forget about this guy. If he calls you with concrete plans, you can evaluate your level of interest at that time. Otherwise, over and out.
Author shadowplay Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 I hate when people do this. Men do it, and women do it too, even when you are just friends. I know a few people who are notorious for saying things like, hey, we never see each other, when are we gonna get together? Then you say, how about next week? Maybe Wednesday or Thursday? Then somehow...it never happens. What's really frustrating is that I have a lot of friends I could be making plans with. Don't f--- around with me. Forget about this guy. If he calls you with concrete plans, you can evaluate your level of interest at that time. Otherwise, over and out. Lol. I know exactly what you mean! It's so frustrating when people do that. Well, he got back to me the next day, but it still seems vague. He asked me if i live near his town, and said thurs and friday don't work for him. it was clear from his message that he thought i meant this thurs/friday, so i responded that i meant next thursday, and that i do live near his town. his response was that that works much better for him and he has every night next week free. ugh, now I don't know how to respond. again, no concrete plan. should i just be like "cool...thursday night then?" or not respond at all unless he sends me a message with a firmer plan? Gah...
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 OK, Shadow...so rather than leave it "ambiguous" and you wondering if you'll hear more from him... I say go with the, "Cool, so Thursday, then?" Whatever. Put his ass in the friendzone. LOL But at least you get to go hang out with someone whose company you enjoy. Who cares if it turns romantic or not.
Author shadowplay Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 so it looks like we're on for next thursday night. i sent the response SoulSearch wrote. he responded with (in all caps) "aight next thursday 8/13 i'll message you early next week." What's with this guy? I feel like I'm dealing with a fifteen year old. Maybe I should just cancel on him. I feel like it's going to be incredibly awkward for me to sit next to him for a few hours drooling over his cuteness, knowing it probably won't go anywhere. what do you guys think?
Trialbyfire Posted August 5, 2009 Posted August 5, 2009 I think you should take a wait and see approach, neither negative or positive. If he follows through with the text and getting together, see where it leads. If he doesn't follow through with the text, move on with no loss or gain.
Author shadowplay Posted August 5, 2009 Author Posted August 5, 2009 I think you should take a wait and see approach, neither negative or positive. If he follows through with the text and getting together, see where it leads. If he doesn't follow through with the text, move on with no loss or gain. Sounds good. God knows I won't be initiating again after the bad experience I've had with that approach.
Author shadowplay Posted August 6, 2009 Author Posted August 6, 2009 I'm having a Woody Allen moment. To anyone who reads on I apologize for my obsessive craziness and social phobia. Ugh, I just know this is going to be incredibly awkward and nerve-wracking. Aside from my terrible hang out with that guy last summer, I've never hung out with a guy one on one that I didn't already know very well. I barely know this dude and I suck at talking to strangers, especially guys I find attractive. It will be even more awkward if we're at his house since there won't be other things going on in the environment to serve as a buffer. I mean what are we going to do just sit there and play boggle for hours? :X So very awkward. How do I prevent this from being a repeat of last year, where I apparently freaked the guy out so much that he didn't even say goodbye to me? My strategy then was to booze up a bit beforehand (I almost never drink). It succeeded in easing my nerves and helping me talk freely, but apparently whatever I was doing really backfired. But without alcohol I'll be all nervous and jittery. Any pointers?
Isolde Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Shadow, he's just a person just like you and probably has the same thoughts. The only reason you're getting together is to get to know each other a bit. No more, no less. I think it is good to get out there and date here and there. Yes, I've had my share of awkward or bad dates, but for that same exact reason I have knowledge of what "the worst case scenario" feels like, and honestly, it's not all that bad. You've gotta stop internalizing how people react to you.
melodymatters Posted August 6, 2009 Posted August 6, 2009 Once in a relationship, it's all about the US, when deciding if a relationship, or guy, or situation will meet your needs, it's all about the YOU. So, he's cute and smart, met many of those who were ( and still are) total life losers. Take the power back, and just let things happen as they will, WITHOUT looking through HIS eyes : "what does HE think?" and instead, think about how YOU feel. One thing I learned in my happy, albiet short ( due to his demise) marriage, is to never even consider settling for somone who doesn't make me feel like a million bucks. But hey, this is a first Boggle date.... hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and have a bit of fun in the meantime !
Author shadowplay Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 After looking more carefully at his facebook I'm pretty sure he has a girlfriend. He spent the year in China and has a lot of pictures up from there. I noticed one picture of him standing with an attractive Asian girl, and went "hmm." Whenever I see an attractive girl standing in a close proximity to a guy in his facebook photos she's always suspect. Sounds crazy but it usually proves to be true (how sad is that?). Then I found another album of them and another guy and girl visiting some landmark in China. They weren't holding hands in any of the photos but they did stand together in a few. So that, combined with the fact that she's attractive makes me think she's probably his girlfriend. *sigh* I don't know because he has pictures of him with other girls, but none of them are attractive. Guys are superficial. Am I reaching here guys? I don't think so. Usually when I've had these kinds of hunches in the past they've been right. At this point I'm so tempted to cancel on him. I don't want some male friend whom I'm very attracted to but can't have. The worst case scenario is we're having a good time and suddenly he drops the girlfriend bomb in the middle of our conversation. That would kill me. Is a hunch enough to cancel? Ugh, yet another one who's taken. I hate to sound like a broken record but when will I ever catch a break? It's been a year since I went on a date and that didn't even turn out to be a date. I don't know one semi-desirable guy who isn't taken (and I swear my standards aren't high). Vaguely attractive, smart and not a complete bastard are all I ask for. It's driving me nuts!
Keoki Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 So that, combined with the fact that she's attractive makes me think she's probably his girlfriend. *sigh* I don't know because he has pictures of him with other girls, but none of them are attractive. Guys are superficial. Am I reaching here guys? Yes, you're also projecting. Are you seriously saying that those who you subjectively believe aren't physically attractive couldn't possibly be his girlfriend? It's quite a stretch to blanketly state that guys are superficial, but it's not too difficult to conclude that you are. That all being said, I strongly discourage anyone from having a first "date" at a guy's house.
Author shadowplay Posted August 7, 2009 Author Posted August 7, 2009 Yes, you're also projecting. Are you seriously saying that those who you subjectively believe aren't physically attractive couldn't possibly be his girlfriend? It's quite a stretch to blanketly state that guys are superficial, but it's not too difficult to conclude that you are. That all being said, I strongly discourage anyone from having a first "date" at a guy's house. I don't see how recognizing the superficiality in most men makes me superficial. I wish a lot of guys weren't superficial. I don't feel that I'm superficial for bemoaning this. How often do you see attractive young men dating unattractive or even plain women? It happens sometimes but not too often.
SoulSearch_CO Posted August 7, 2009 Posted August 7, 2009 SP, you know - I think, watching you agonize like you are, that you ought to cancel this. If you could be more casual and relaxed about this, I'd say it's cool. But I think you're putting too much into this one guy and you're not even PASSIONATE about him. In your earlier post, your feelings sound mediocre. Guys suck. Go to a dance class and forget about them.
BobSacamento Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 It's freaking boggle and you had to ask for the date. I'd say this is as far from a real date as possible. How bad could it get? You have a few drinks and you play a few games of boggle. If your smart you'll plan an exit strategy and also you should be able to get out of him whether he's single or not. A simple "So tell me, how does a smoking hot boggle player like yourself stay single?" The worst/best case you both get drunk and hook up.
xpaperxcutx Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Question: what kind of guy asks a girl to play boggle at his home? Doesn't this sound a little fishy? Even if it's not a date, no guy in his right mind would ask a girl over unless they plan on doing something later on in the night.
BobSacamento Posted August 8, 2009 Posted August 8, 2009 Question: what kind of guy asks a girl to play boggle at his home? Doesn't this sound a little fishy? Even if it's not a date, no guy in his right mind would ask a girl over unless they plan on doing something later on in the night. Yeah I just re read the post. I thought she asked him. Anyway, yeah you are correct. No man asks a woman over to his place, unless it's his sister or mother, without the thinking of the possibility of something happening. Hell I have a decanter out at all times in case some lovely lady stops by lol. You gotta be ready It is a date not a semi date. If you want to put a name on it it's a cheap date. I would not cancel just next time play it a little more cool and a lot less desperate.
Phateless Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 So did you end up going on the date? How was it?
runner Posted August 12, 2009 Posted August 12, 2009 Question: what kind of guy asks a girl to play boggle at his home? Doesn't this sound a little fishy? Even if it's not a date, no guy in his right mind would ask a girl over unless they plan on doing something later on in the night. yea it does seem fishy. but if he meant it to be a date, that has to be one of the lamest date ideas i've heard. sounds more like he thinks of the OP as more of a friend and perhaps some other people will be coming over to play as well.
Author shadowplay Posted August 13, 2009 Author Posted August 13, 2009 No, it turns out it's not going to be at his house...I think. I misread an earlier message he wrote. I have no clue what the deal is but I'm not sure we're even going to get together. Here's what happened. On Monday he sent me a message that said: "OK, so it's early this (next) week. When do you want to meet on Thurs? And where?!" My response: "Wherever you want. You prob know --- better than I do. I'm thinking that Friday or Sunday might work better for me. What about 7 on one of those days?" I don't know why I chickened out and tried to reschedule. I just didn't feel like doing it this Thurs. His response: "I...just don't know where. I'm leaving for ---- on Friday and spending the weekend there. Maybe we should reschedule for next week?" My response: "Lol I don't know where either. A cafe? One of our houses? Monday or Wednesday night of next week would work for me." I wrote that yesterday and he hasn't responded. I shouldn't have written the "one of our houses" thing. That probably scared him off. It also makes me think he's not interested that he didn't respond. Dunno...I just feel really bad about the whole thing and wish he'd never messaged me. It seems like he's not responding partly because he doesn't know where we should meet. I mean should I just give the name of a cafe? Why is he being so weird about the where we meet thing? It's like he thinks it's too awkward for us to hang out, but then why did he contact me to begin with? Whatever...
Author shadowplay Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 (edited) Meh. I don't know what the deal with this guy is. I had my facebook status as depressed the other day when I was really down and he immediately messaged me (after never getting back to me about our meet up three months ago .....read the post above for what happened): depressed?! this must be because we never played boggle. we will though, right? i am now gainfully unemployed (i retired today) so i intend to have much time. where do you live in the world and when are you usually free? I responded: hey...I live in ----- at the moment, but I make fairly frequent trips to the city. You still in ------? I guess I'm up for getting my ass kicked at boggle. He wrote: still in [the city], yes. i make fairly frequent trips to [where you live] so maybe we could meet out there too. i will recontact you in the near future. At first I was happy, but now I'm feeling rather whatever about it. I feel like if he were at all interested he wouldn't have blown me off in August, and I don't want to waste my time if he's not. Should I agree to meet him on the slim possibility that he is interested? I'm on the fence because I'm confused about what his intentions are in wanting to meet up with me, and I'm sick of analyzing this kind of crap. He's pretty much a catch, but I don't know if it's worth the trouble... Edited November 16, 2009 by shadowplay
Star Gazer Posted November 16, 2009 Posted November 16, 2009 He wrote: still in [the city], yes. i make fairly frequent trips to [where you live] so maybe we could meet out there too. i will recontact you in the near future. He sounds like a robot. Should I agree to meet him on the slim possibility that he is interested? If he "recontacts you in the near future" and asks you to join him, sure. But do NOT initiate contact again (i.e., CHASE him). Also, even if you ARE depressed, don't announce that to the entire world via FB. Most people don't seek out depressed people to date.
Author shadowplay Posted November 16, 2009 Author Posted November 16, 2009 He sounds like a robot. If he "recontacts you in the near future" and asks you to join him, sure. But do NOT initiate contact again (i.e., CHASE him). Also, even if you ARE depressed, don't announce that to the entire world via FB. Most people don't seek out depressed people to date. ;) Lol, you're right.
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