My Wife Cheated on Me

[Sweet Pea 1220]

I always said that if my husband were cheating on me, I would blame myself. It would be because I was not meeting his needs---not just his sexual needs, but his emotional needs as well. A lot of people cheat because they are lonely, not horny. They set out just to have someone to talk to, or have someone pay attention to them. One thing leads to another and first thing you know, you're in bed together.

 

So, maybe you need to see what kind of husband you have been. Are you all wrapped up in your work or hobbies, or the game on TV? Have you given her 100%? It may be too late for this marriage...but what about future relationships? If you've been cheated on before, maybe you are too wrapped up in your own life to give your S.O. your time and attention. Just a thought.

 

 

My wife kept in contact with her ex-boyfriend throughout the six years we were married. She kind of avoided him a bit after our baby was born, but they resumed contact a little while later. I was a bit uncomfortable at the beginning when I found that his messages were sometimes sexually explicit, but she always assured me that she just ignored such messages and tried to keep things platonic between them. She consoled me with the affirmation that she was never going to meet him again and that sending a message now and then was harmless. In fact, she swore that nothing would ever happen and, for some reason, I trusted her.

 

One day, she caught me flirting with her sister. She got extremely angry over this and her reaction surprised me a bit. I tried to show some remorse, but at the same time I felt she overreacted. A few days after we began arguing, she even got so angry that she suddenly left me alone and spent the night in a hotel. That was pretty unusual behavior for her. Looking back, I think her angry reaction was fueled by her own desire to do something bad. I think she was looking for an excuse to have an affair. Anyway, she spent the night alone and considered her feelings. She made up her mind that night that she wanted to have an affair.

 

She had sex with her ex-boyfriend about a month after that. She said that she had intended it to be a "one-time fling," but that's not what ended up happening. She also said that she did it out of anger, but it seems that there was more to it than that. She says she felt very nervous and uncomfortable when they did it, so she didn't get much enjoyment from it the first time. In fact, she felt so uncomfortable that she ceased their activities after only a couple of minutes and left his apartment. He let her go, saying that he would satisfy himself later. The only satisfaction she claims to have gotten from that experience was from the idea that she had gotten her "revenge" on me.

 

She had to have an operation to remove a cyst about a month after her initial fling. She didn't have much contact with that man for a while after they'd had sex, though he did call her while she was in the hospital to make sure she was alright. They met again about a month after she'd gotten out of the hospital. They had lunch together and he invited her to his apartment, suggesting that they could do some alternative sexual things. She had not fully recovered from her operation, so she declined due to her health. However, she did want to go with him.

 

Now that they had already had sex again, her ex-boyfriend was more persistent in asking her to meet him. She declined at first, but eventually convinced herself that having sex a few more times wouldn't hurt anything. She gave in to his requests and they had sex a second time about a month after their lunch date. That time she was a bit surprised to find that she was more relaxed and actually enjoyed it quite a bit. She still didn't let him finish though. She again left his apartment after cutting things short.

 

I had become highly suspicious that things were not right. My suspicions began around the time she went to the hospital and got much higher after I noticed some messages on her phone about two months later. The night before my suspicions were confirmed, I had finally realized that I'd been ignoring the truth because it was just to painful to accept. I could tell she had something on her mind and I was deeply hurt by the implications. I had reason to suspect she was going out to do something terrible the next day, so I decided to follow her.

 

She made some pretty pathetic excuses for going out and I followed her secretly as I had planned. I found her having lunch with her ex-boyfriend. I didn't want to cause a public scene, so I tried to call her phone. She refused to answer. I tried to message her, telling her that I saw what she was doing. I pleaded with her to just pick up the phone and talk to me. She calmly shut off her ringer and put her phone into her purse. She then left the restaurant with her ex and they had sex in his apartment. That time, she made him climax.

 

She came home that evening and tried to cover things up with lies, but I was not to be fooled anymore. She finally admitted to having sex with him, but tried to say that it was the only time. Her lies continued like that, one after the other, for another six months until she finally admitted everything to me, and I do mean everything. After getting so many lies, I wouldn't let her stop telling the truth until I heard all the explicit details.

 

I feel fairly satisfied that I finally know the truth, though it's not her I trust. It's my own intuition. Now that I know, I'm still trying to cope and decide how to deal with it. This is not the first time I've been cheated on, but the emotions have kind of caught me by surprise. I guess when it happened before, I just wasn't aware of my own heart as I am now; either that or I've just tried to forget what it felt like.

[Dexter Morgan]

I always said that if my husband were cheating on me, I would blame myself. It would be because I was not meeting his needs---not just his sexual needs, but his emotional needs as well.

 

Hmmmm. My sexual and emotional needs weren't met by my xW. But I didn't go out and cheat.

 

Some people have a higher level of self-respect than others.

[boldjack]

F**k me once, shame on you, F**k me twice, shame on me. Dude, it sounds to me like you have already made up your mind to stay with her. If so , don't blame her if this happens again. She has already proved what she is. No matter how beautiful, charming or wonderful she acts, she is not a "true", woman. I am here to tell you that it WILL happen again. I don't care about your "sixth sense", about lying, she will do it and laugh at you behind your back, so be prepared to bleed. It happened to me.

[soserious1]

Actually, I'd have you believe we both did wrong, which is what I alluded to from the very beginning, though I didn't go into a complete description. However, as I stated many times throughout this thread, it doesn't matter who did what wrong. I'm not here to find that out and it isn't even important for other people to know. She and I already know who did what. We're not even arguing about that anymore. I just wanted to get on here and say, "Hey, my wife did a terrible thing to me and I've been feeling like crap lately. Not just a little crappy, but real crappy." It seems some people would rather point their fingers and say things like "well, I suppose you deserve it then, don't you?"

 

Ok. Yeah. Maybe I do. I'm not saying I don't. However, I don't want to feel crappy for the rest of my life, now do I? I don't want to sit around beating myself up over it. I want to feel better not only for myself. I want to feel better so that I can start treating my wife and son with more kindness, respect, and compassion; the kind I showed to them before all of this happened. This whole ordeal is putting a lot of stress on our entire family and I don't want to see them suffering anymore either.

 

 

and why wouldn't you treat your son kindly? he didn't cheat on anybody.

 

After following all of this for weeks all I can say with all seriousness is that you are in need of a lot more help and support than can be given to you

here.

 

Seek professional counseling

[Bluebird In My Heart]

I always said that if my husband were cheating on me, I would blame myself. It would be because I was not meeting his needs---not just his sexual needs, but his emotional needs as well. A lot of people cheat because they are lonely, not horny. They set out just to have someone to talk to, or have someone pay attention to them. One thing leads to another and first thing you know, you're in bed together.

 

So, maybe you need to see what kind of husband you have been. Are you all wrapped up in your work or hobbies, or the game on TV? Have you given her 100%? It may be too late for this marriage...but what about future relationships? If you've been cheated on before, maybe you are too wrapped up in your own life to give your S.O. your time and attention. Just a thought.

 

 

I know that whole "not meeting their needs" thing is a somewhat popular notion nowadays - but consider this: some people have a hole in their soul (among other places), that no one would be able to "meet".

[vnqsh2001]

F**k me once, shame on you, F**k me twice, shame on me. Dude, it sounds to me like you have already made up your mind to stay with her. If so , don't blame her if this happens again. She has already proved what she is. No matter how beautiful, charming or wonderful she acts, she is not a "true", woman. I am here to tell you that it WILL happen again. I don't care about your "sixth sense", about lying, she will do it and laugh at you behind your back, so be prepared to bleed. It happened to me.

Sorry to hear that, dude. Sounds like you are still bleeding too.

[vnqsh2001]

I know that whole "not meeting their needs" thing is a somewhat popular notion nowadays - but consider this: some people have a hole in their soul (among other places), that no one would be able to "meet".

That is so true.

 

People like to talk about meeting the other person's needs, but the truth is that love starts from within both partners.