4givrnt4gtr Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Well, im newly single, and had an unusual thing happened to me. Literally a week after i broke my relationship off, two guys ive known for years decided that they've liked me for a while. At least one did anyway (the other I think only wanted the rebound sex...which I very gladly turned down). However, my problem is with the other guy, which we shall call D. He told me he liked me and had a mutual friend tell me he had been glad when he heard I had broken up with my bf. He told me that he had liked me for years but he had been in a relationship for 4 years and obviously couldnt do anything about it. ANyhow, the night he told me I told him i was flatered but I didnt want a relationship, however I wouldnt be opposed to hang out, be friends, take it slow and see where it goes. Unfortunately both of us were pretty drunk and I dont know if he remembers all that. So, a few days later I saw him online so I started chatting with him. During this chat i realized i dont really think he's the type of guy i would like to date. He's too intellectual, he actually came out as kind of snobbish, which was a total turn off. When he told me he liked me we had a great time just chatting and dancing and just having fun, so thats why i thought i would be cool to get to know him. But then when we talked online...it just was very different. Anyhow after that chat i decided i should probably do something so as to not led him on. However, despite me not liking him as bf potential, i do like him as a friend (after all, ive known him for years, we hang out with the same people, it just makes more sense). So he called me a few more times. Ive talked to him and its cool, but again, nothing that makes me want to say, yeah i want to date this guy. So, now I dont really know what to do. I know if i tell him i dont want anything more than friendship with him he will completely retreat and possibly not want to be friends at all. At this point i dont really have many friends, and in all honesty he's the only one, aside from my best friend, who calls me. I dont really want to lose that. Also, ok say i do say i just want to be friends, we continue hanging out and then he starts growing on me but I already had said I didnt want anything with him? On one hand I want to tell him Im not really feeling it...just so i dont hurt him by leading him on. And then i think, well maybe we could go on one date, and then he will see how we just dont fit. THat way it would be more of a mutual thing. Or maybe I could just try to be open, go on a date with him and see if maybe Im judging him too fast....and if after that date i still feel like i dont like him, then i'd tell him (this option is also a preemtive measure for his "why dont we give it a try" comment he said that night when he told me he liked me). ANother problem is that physically, he just doesnt do it for me at all. I mean strangely enough he's good looking. Gorgeous blue eyes, just cute....but thats the problem..cute...like...little boy cute...definitely not my type. And of top of that, I just dont want to date someone from my group of friends unless im like madly crazy for him...and again, definitely not the case here.... Help me please! how do i gently tell him I dont want to date him...but i really really want him as a friend????
PrincessPeach Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Introduce him to girls he might like (and that might like him too). Though you prettymuch just have to tell him. From his point of view you probably already have been leading him on a little bit. Guys are led to believe that they are being led on very easily, even when it isn't our intent. A date to show him that you wouldn't do well together simply will not work. He is almost guaranteed to see it differently than you. The problem is that if you try to just cut off or reduce contact, becoming elusive more often than not will just make someone more attracted to you. Tell him straight up you aren't interested in him in a romantic way. After you do that talk to him about other boys you might like, things like that which will fit in line with what you said about not wanting to date him. That way he sees that your action match your words.
Author 4givrnt4gtr Posted November 17, 2009 Author Posted November 17, 2009 Its funny to read old threads you've posted and see how the whole drama turned out. For anyone who is interested, let me tell you how this whole thing ended. I gave in and started dating this guy in December. He turned out to be the best boyfriend i've ever had. We dated for 9 months, but unfortunately he was still heartbroken about his last relationship. He also ended up moving 500 miles away. We broke up a month after he moved . Now, a year later Im trying to forget him and move on with my life. Reading this makes me laugh at how twisted life is, literally a year ago I was trying to not break his heart. Now, I am trying to get over the broken heart he left me with. Irony.
Bejita463 Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Can I have my cake and eat it too?? What else could you possibly do with a cake? For that matter, who are these people saying you cannot eat your own cake? Screw them, you eat all the cake you want. However, you cannot have your spaghetti and meatballs with homemade sauce and eat it too. That's just blasphemous and is NOT what food is for.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 17, 2009 Posted November 17, 2009 Its funny to read old threads you've posted and see how the whole drama turned out. For anyone who is interested, let me tell you how this whole thing ended. I gave in and started dating this guy in December. He turned out to be the best boyfriend i've ever had. We dated for 9 months, but unfortunately he was still heartbroken about his last relationship. He also ended up moving 500 miles away. We broke up a month after he moved . Now, a year later Im trying to forget him and move on with my life. Reading this makes me laugh at how twisted life is, literally a year ago I was trying to not break his heart. Now, I am trying to get over the broken heart he left me with. Irony. That's funny. I read through the post before realizing the date on it. Only noticed it when I saw Peach's post because I was thinking, "WTF? It's not the 20th, yet." LOL My first thoughts were to not judge the guy so quickly - perhaps the aura projected online was his own nervousness. And also, that he very well could "grow on you" if you got to know him better. Too funny reading your update (well - the good stuff). I'm sorry to hear that you're hurting over this. Although pain sucks, it highlights how good the joy is when it graces our lives.
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