: She said "Its me,not you"

[Scatto]

Ok so like about 2 days ago my girlffriend broke up with me. We had a good relationship, never argued or any drama. We were always happy together. Hung out alot but i talked to her if she wanted some space. She said no she likes being with me all the time. But a few days before we broke up she started being depressed lately out of nowhere too.

It was bothering me a bit but i thought it was just a bad day for her

so i didnt pay any attention to it but i tried making her feel better.

After a couple days of her being depressed it started getting me worried so i tried to talk to her about it. i asked her if it was us or any thing was bothering her. She said no that it didnt have to do with me or i mean us.

and finally i asked her if she thought about us breaking up later that day. and she said yea she started. i felt really sick once i heard that. like a bad feeling in your gut. well later on that day she came over for a bit we talked about us and and i asked her that we dont need to break up just cause she was deperessed but she said that she doesnt want to but she feels like she has to. I didnt understand her since i was her first love we had good sex. But later we did have sex and after she was leaving i walked her to the dear and all she does it say im sorry its not you its me.

I asked her why and she said that she feels like she doesnt want a boyfriend right now cause her who life was messed up and that it was also about her brothers. Whom he died about a year ago and she really hasnt felt the pain about him being gone until now. But later that night she calls me crying that she is sorry and she loves me. i was amazed cause she has never cried over a guy before. and i thought maybe we might get back together later sometime caause it might just be a phase she is going through but i guess she doesnt want to date me later but she loves me but isnt in love with me anymore which i dont get. I alos came to think about it maybe she was sad cause of birth control since i heard they give girls mood swings and it kinda did start out when she started taking them some days she was just quit and sad for no reasons. so if any one can explain to me why it happened when every thing was fine and just edned up that way out of the blue.

[Prosecco]

1) it's not the birth control.

 

2) if she's only now coming to terms with her brother's death, a relationship is probably nothing in comparison.

 

3) if you're seriously thinking that she might be down because of birth control - when she's lost her brother... what is wrong with you?

 

 

I can't say for sure WHY she's sad, and why's she's breaking up with you - but the fact you don't seem to even realise how ... soul destroying the loss of a close family member is...

 

I can't find words that sound remotely helpful or friendly - you come across as an insensitive jerk. Birth control? Seriously?

 

She told you she doesn't want a boyfriend right now. She said it's about her brother. She has said it's her, not you. That's probably all true. If you were a decent person, you'd step back, say - ok, lets take a break from the relationship - and if you need a friend to support you through this, I'm here. Suggest she goes to talk to someone about her brother - suppressing grief is one way of coping, but can do damage. Don't use her emotional weakness, don't have sex with her while you aren't going out.

 

I mean... God... if I lost my sister... I would be destroyed. Losing a boyfriend... however much I loved him... would be nothing in comparison. And if a boyfriend couldn't comprehend the pain... I'd HAVE to lose him, for my sanity.

Edited March 30, 2008 by Prosecco

[Event Horizon]

 

I mean... God... if I lost my sister... I would be destroyed. Losing a boyfriend... however much I loved him... would be nothing in comparison. And if a boyfriend couldn't comprehend the pain... I'd HAVE to lose him, for my sanity.

Oh geez..give me a break. I read NOTHING in his post that indicated that he is insensitive to her pain over her brother. Nor do I think he deserved being called an insensitive jerk. That honor would go to you for the way you've replied to his post asking for support.

 

Plus, I'd be willing to bet she has met someone and this crap about her brother being the reason is just that...crap. Not to mention the fact that SHE is the one who has not been communicating with him about any of this. In fact, she'd been denying anything was wrong with the relationship before laying this on him.

 

You can't expect the OP to read her mind, or be sensitive to an issue that she's been hiding!! But like I said, the brother thing, IMO is BS. The first clue is the "it's not you it's me" line. Classic.

 

Trust me, if this was strictly about her brother, she'd want him there for support and wouldn't be looking to end the relationship. Something else is going on.

 

E..H

Edited March 30, 2008 by Event Horizon

[LucreziaBorgia]

Something else is going on.

 

 

It usually is. Nine times out of ten, when people get this line they see their ex dating a "new" person within a matter of days or weeks. The whole "its not you, its me" is just like "time/space" - its part of laying the groundwork with a new person.

[Scatto]

Thank for the help. and yes i do care about her i told her we will be friends then. but ill be there to support her. And i dont think its some other guy she likes i asked her about that and she honestly said she doesnt think she will date any one at the moment , and also i dont plan on having sex or any sort of stuff like that with her. She has also been like that at home with her mother which i dont get if its not just me and its also her mom she is trying to avoid then it might really be depression on her brothers death. Thanx for the support though.

[vivrantflo]

It usually is. Nine times out of ten, when people get this line they see their ex dating a "new" person within a matter of days or weeks. The whole "its not you, its me" is just like "time/space" - its part of laying the groundwork with a new person.

 

 

Listen to her. Every time she posts, it's always the same sentiments I have. Unfortunately, I really think that's the situation....

 

Just because she says no, there's no one else.. that doesnt mean she's not bending the truth..

 

If there is a guy she has her eyes on, do you REALLY think she'll tell you??

[Prosecco]

Oh geez..give me a break. I read NOTHING in his post that indicated that he is insensitive to her pain over her brother. Nor do I think he deserved being called an insensitive jerk. That honor would go to you for the way you've replied to his post asking for support.

 

The fact he thinks birth control a more probably cause of depression than the death of a family member?

[bleh]

with all due respect to everyone i think scatto is just hurt and confused and trying to make sence of everything. I'm sure he probably has yet to lose a family member and doesnt fully understand the extent of the hurt it entails and the length of the grieving period... im sure he didnt mean anything spitefull or to be insensitive. hes just struggling for an answer

Edited March 31, 2008 by bleh

[mental_traveller]

The fact he thinks birth control a more probably cause of depression than the death of a family member?

 

He never said that. You've put words into his mouth, then judged him for something that exists only in your head. He asked IF the birth control might have contributed to her feelings - a question, not a statement, and a perfectly reasonable question at that. Her brother died a year ago, not yesterday, and her mood has only changed just recently - it's quite possible that the birth control exaggerated her feelings of loss and made her react the way she did in the last few weeks.