! Im breaking down over her!!

[brothermartin]

Im having a weak moment here guys. I need some advice. I want to call her, but Im not sure I should. I just want her to know that I miss her and still love her, but Im afraid it will backfire if I do. A couple of days ago she sent me an email. It wasnt much, just a self-help link. But it told me that she was thinking about me, now I cant stop thinking about her. Its been over 2 months now since she left me. I dont know if she has moved on or what, but Im still hurting. I know I was the one that messed up our relationship, but some part of me still wants her back. I want to tell her I know this now, even though I couldnt see it then. I miss her, Im not angry anymore and I hope she's not still angry with me. She said some very hurtful things to me shortly after the break-up, but Ive let that all go. I just want her back. I dont know what to do, HELP!!!

[carrotgirl]

BrotherMartin, do what you think is right and you'll always have that but IMO, sending you a only a self-help link strikes me as bitchy and childishly snotty. Whatever she's thinking, it doesn't sound remotely nice or friendly to me.

 

Carrot

[brothermartin]

I thought about that too, Carrot. But that is her way of reaching out without leaving herself vulnerable. She tried for almost 3 years to help me deal and change my problem, it was me that couldnt (or wouldnt ) change and she just got fed up with it. I feel so guilty.

[alwayshurt]

if you broke up in a nasty way because you hurt her, chances are she won't come back. Women usually think a lot before ending a relationship. They end it becuase their feelings are over and the thought of having been hurt kills whatever attraction was left. Two months is already a long time. If she wanted she would have made a move earlier.

I had a similar situation about a year ago. This person won't even talk to me or respond to my emails. You're lucky that she's still keeping you in her mailing list, whether it is a bitchy thing or not.

Your chances are very small....move on and avoid yourself further pain.

[brothermartin]

Its a little more than that ALWAYS, she not only sent me an email but she responded to one I sent her about the same time. We had a short but pleasant email conversation with no sign of anger or pain on her side. Am I reading too much into that?

[Trialbyfire]

Renewed contact doesn't necessarily mean that an ex is looking to re-establish a relationship. They might just be looking for a cessation of hostilities and hope for some form of friendship.

 

I wouldn't put all your hopes into this. Keep it casual unless she gets more specific about what she wants.

[alwayshurt]

I agree with trial.

After I broke up with my ex, there was a war between us. Nevertheless, a month later we met on msn and she started the conversation. She said she wanted to talk to me to make me feel better. I was excited. I had hope. It wasn't what I thought. Upon telling her about my feelings she stop talking. That was it. Never had the chance to talk to her again. Later on, she contacted me (via email, nothing else) just to inform me she was sending me my staff. Never heard form her again no matter how many I tried to contact her via phone (eventually she changed her number) or via email.

I acted like a wuss after I treated her badly. It never works. Once we made a mistake that is it.

I also can tell you another story about me and my ex wife. She cheated on me once but and I forgave her, or at least I thought I did. But I never got over that. Eventually I broke up with her, I had lost my feelings because I always pictured the bad side of her no matter how hard I tried to make things work. She cried after me for more than a year and the more she did the more my attraction for her, or whatever was left, faded.

Man, I am telling you these things from personal experince. But you can teach me that every situation is different. So act as you like. Here we just share opinions and experiences. But at the ned we need to act with our own brain and heart.

Good luck.

[brothermartin]

Thanks for your advice guys. One more question. Should I just contact her and ask her if there is no chance of us getting back together? Not knowing what she is thinking is leaving me in limbo. I cant really decide where to go from here without knowing this.

[Precious K]

Have you tried working on whatever she was trying to help you with?

2 months may not be enough time for her, but if she does still care she will show you someway.

Its true women do think long and hard about breaking up and sometimes women can take so much to the point they leave and don't look back. It annoys them when the ex contacts them. Give her the space don't pressure her with the question you want to ask her.

[alwayshurt]

Brother,

 

I am in your same situation.

I told her no to contact me anymore and she is doing it. I am dying to know if she is not contacting me because she's hurt or just because she was never into me from the beginning. Nevertheless, I would luv to send her an email telling her where my heart stands. But I have been keeping from doing that.

I don't know what to do but from my previous experiences I think it is best NC.

I will keep an eye at your post to see if somebody will jump in with some good advice.

Whatever you do, keep me posted. I am curious to see how it works for you.

[brothermartin]

I have been working on my problem, PRECIOUS. It is money/emotional related. Ive been bad with money for most of my adult life, jumping from job to job, relationship to failed relationship. I was like this before I met her, and when we started dating, I was very up-front with her about ALL my issues. The mistake I made was I kept telling her I would change it, but I never did anything to bring that change about. So, she got tired of my dragging it and her along, and she left.

[brothermartin]

Thanks for your support ALWAYS, I will keep posting and hoping that I can get these feelings sorted out. I hope the same for you.

[Precious K]

I have been working on my problem, PRECIOUS. It is money/emotional related. Ive been bad with money for most of my adult life, jumping from job to job, relationship to failed relationship. I was like this before I met her, and when we started dating, I was very up-front with her about ALL my issues. The mistake I made was I kept telling her I would change it, but I never did anything to bring that change about. So, she got tired of my dragging it and her along, and she left.

 

 

Ahh... Well I understand a lot better. My ex had similar issues. He promised me he would change. He never did, all he did was talk about it but never made any action towards it. I finally got fed up and ended the relationship.

in my situation I tried so much to be patient and understanding that I felt nothing helped.

Take time for yourself I know its hard but you need to make changes for YOU not for her. Because that will be a change only for that moment. Only time will tell if she wants the relationship. She will see that you've made changes and she will respect that. We are all humans and there is so much we can give before we break.

[brothermartin]

What she gave me during that time, along with love and caring, was a lot of drama. There would be days when she would'nt talk to me or see me because of some dumb mistake I made. That was a very frequent thing, and it made it really difficult for me to focus on anything, including self-improvement. I tried convincing her that we should go see a relationship counseler, but she would'nt do it. When I told her that I was going by myself anyway, she managed to steer me away from it. Only now that she's gone has she told me why she did that. She said seeing a counseler was like accepting that the relationship was'nt working, but using a crutch to keep it going. What hipocritical bulls**t! She has seen therapist before, hell, she was a high school youth counseler in her home town! We've both had individual therapy and counseling in the past. It sounds like she was just grasping for straws, trying to justify her decision to leave me. What do you think?