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Visiting GF.. sister doesn't want me over.

maxil

By maxil
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maxil Member

maxil

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Story goes like this.

I've been in a relationship with my gf for 2-2.5 years [met in first year university, took a 6 months break in between]. She lives in another part of the country, and came to my city just for studies. Next month I plan to visit her and was told I could stay at her place. [great!]. Now.. 1 week before I go, she tells me for the 3 weeks I'm there, more half of it I'll need to be living in a hotel @_@ cause her sister isn't use to strangers around... Her sister is 18-19 and they live by themselves in a large house because their parents work in another country.

My question is I'm already shelling out close to a grand to visit her. and now I have to pay another $500-800 because her sister is a bit unsettled with having her gf's bf sleeping over.

When I asked/tried to see if my gf could ask her sis about it, she became really aggressive; and was like "fine if you don't want to pay for it, i will."

 

I might be overreacting but this doesn't seem fair for me. ONE MORE note is that we might not see each other for a year cause she graduated and I'm continuing studies

Background Information:

University student

-I don't have alot of money to toss around.

-Parents are relatively wealthy but I try to pay for everything from part time jobs[modeling] and investing.., etc cause I hate using their money. {they'd gladly pay the expenses for me, but I don't want them to}

CLIFFNOTES

- university student visiting gf [met in university been together for 2.5 years]

- she lives on the other side of the country

- paying close to a grand to visit her

- tells me a week before I leave that I'll probably have to spend another 500-800 for a hotel for 2weeks because her sister isn't comfortable around strangers

-they live together alone in a large house because parents and siblings work in another country

->sister is 19 years old-going into university.

- gf gets really aggressive/defensive when I suggest *convincing* or finding a way to let me sleep over

- might not see gf for a year as I'm doing further studies and she finished

 

I've even offered to pack a sleeping bag and sleep in the basement and gf still says her sister might feel comfortable

I'm just wondering what I should do next. {Personally I think her sister should mature up or at least overcome w/e problem she has with outsiders.....}

Any advice will be appreciated.

Edited by maxil
zengirl Established Member

zengirl

Posted
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That's a rough one. I really don't understand why you'd be considered a "stranger" if you've been dating this girl for years, even if the sister hasn't met you. I feel like there has to be more to the story here. What? I don't know. But certainly something only the gals in question can tell you.

 

I would be upset as well, if I were already paying a substantial amount of money and was told at the last minute there was another large expense. This should've come up earlier.

cookie2 Established Member

cookie2

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Yep agree with ZG. There is something going on that you don't know about. Especially if she gets aggressive instead of discussing it rationally.

 

Her sister is going to get a short sharp shock if she thinks she can successfully go to university, whilst incapable of being around strangers.

phineas Established Member

phineas

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That just seems shady to me.

 

Does she plan on staying over in your hotel room much since you arn't allowed at her place?

 

You should tell her your canceling then go anyways & surprise her & her other Boy Friend.

 

because honestly, it's sounds like it's your GF who doesn't want you sleeping there by her anger at being questioned & not her sister.

tanbark813 Established Member

tanbark813

Posted
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You should tell her your canceling then go anyways & surprise her & her other Boy Friend.

 

because honestly, it's sounds like it's your GF who doesn't want you sleeping there by her anger at being questioned & not her sister.

 

My thoughts exactly.

stace79 Established Member

stace79

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Gotta agree. I'd be angry as well. I have a LDR and I'd be furious if my bf sprung an extra cost like that on me at the last minute (that wasn't unforeseen anyway).

 

Also, yes, it sounds weird. I used to live with my parents when I got laid off, and I asked them well in advance if my bf was allowed to stay at the house when he visited. I asked what rules they had for company, etc. But I wouldn't have invited him and had him buy plane tickets, only THEN springing on him that he'd have to pay an extra grand for hotel stay.

 

Is your plane ticket refundable? This would be a huge issue for me, and also that she wouldn't discuss it more with you.

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maxil Member

maxil

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yeah ticket is non refundable, I think. Should I press her about it? I don't think I'm being irrational to want to know exactly why I can't stay.. *sigh*

stace79 Established Member

stace79

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yeah ticket is non refundable, I think. Should I press her about it? I don't think I'm being irrational to want to know exactly why I can't stay.. *sigh*

 

I don't think you're being irrational at all. If my bf knew I was coming and didn't disclose to me that I'd have to pay out what easily could be another thousand dollars (hotel stay times two weeks is a lot, even at a Motel 6!), I'd be really fuming.

 

Try not to be mad or accusatory -- just say something about being upset that you're paying so much money to visit her and why didn't she clarify all this prior to when you bought a plane ticket.

 

Maybe offer to spend the first night or two at a hotel until you have dinner together with her sister, and then after that she should be comfortable having you stay.

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maxil Member

maxil

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Yeah that sounds about right... I actually have the sister's msn and use to talk to her a bit/play those msn games with her {as a get to know my gf's siblings thing}. Should I talk to her on msn and see how she feels about me staying over and if my gf even told her about it? I don't want to delve too deep into their family, etc

stace79 Established Member

stace79

Posted
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Yeah that sounds about right... I actually have the sister's msn and use to talk to her a bit/play those msn games with her {as a get to know my gf's siblings thing}. Should I talk to her on msn and see how she feels about me staying over and if my gf even told her about it? I don't want to delve too deep into their family, etc

 

I would talk directly to your gf first. :) If she refuses to discuss it with you, then and only then might I consider talking to the sister. Gotta deal with these things head on.

that girl Established Member

that girl

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Posted

I feel like something is missing here.

 

What country do you live in?

 

Is it possible the parents would object to you being there without them?

Enchanted Girl Established Member

Enchanted Girl

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Honestly, I don't think this is a huge issue because she said she'd pay for it herself if you couldn't pay it. She's not forcing you to pay for it.

 

Also, she might have just yelled at you about it because she's tired of arguing with her sister about it. When me and my boyfriend fight and my Mom asks me too many questions about it, it's not unusual for me to get cranky with her because she's forcing me to talk about something that really is stressing me out. She did nothing, but it's easy to take my aggression out at her in those situations.

 

Also, in my opinion, you should be as nice to her sister as possible and try to get along with her.

 

I have an LDR and my boyfriend has a very stuck-up family. His family tries to place arbitrary rules on us whenever we're together and I'm there as well. I don't even want to get into it, but whenever we're around them, it gets ridiculous. So it doesn't seem weird to me if her sister has strange rules that don't make sense to anyone else. That's how his family is.

 

What I try to do is suck-up to them as much as possible. Luckily, I don't have to see them much and the less I annoy them, the less they'll try to make my boyfriend have to choose between us. Just try to win her sister over and be nice, so that your gf doesn't feel like she's choosing between you and family. I do it because I love my bf and don't want to put him in that awkward position. Even though I really can't stand the people he's related to.

 

Although you know your gf better than I do. If you sense that she's lying to you, then you're probably right and I'd suggest trying to get the truth out of her.

sally4sara Established Member

sally4sara

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When the two of you made these plans, was staying at the house offered, discussed, or were you just assuming that was how it would go down?

 

Does her sister have some issue such as asperger's or is a high functioning autistic?

 

Is the family a heavily religious one or are they of a culture that would adamantly not want their unmarried daughters sleeping under the same roof as a non family member male?

 

Are YOU of a different culture or ethnicity that they might not be as accepting of for dating their daughter?

 

Because the only time I've ever seen a person cave to their sibling's wishes - it was blackmail or threat of getting ratted out over something. Especially if its the younger sibling holding things up.

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maxil Member

maxil

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I would talk directly to your gf first. :) If she refuses to discuss it with you, then and only then might I consider talking to the sister. Gotta deal with these things head on.

Yeah I guess, it's just I've tlked to her sister before, I didn't think she'd be like this. which makes me question.. is there more to this?

 

Enchanted Girl: Yeah knowing her, I feel like she is hiding something, *sigh*. and as said she was really mad when i asked her again yesterday. it was more like "Fine, if you are too cheap to pay for the hotel stay, I will." :mad:

SpanksTheMonkey Established Member

SpanksTheMonkey

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Thats a really strange situation I don't know what to exactly think honestly why cant your gf come to see you? if her sister is "odd" like that dose she have a bf of her own by the way? somethings not kosher..

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maxil Member

maxil

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i'm pretty sure, her sister doesn't have a bf.. waiting for her to come online while i workout.. *sigh*

tanbark813 Established Member

tanbark813

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Asking her isn't going to get you anywhere. If you really want to know what's going on, break into her email. Trust me. :D

D-Lish Established Member

D-Lish

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Yeah I guess, it's just I've tlked to her sister before, I didn't think she'd be like this. which makes me question.. is there more to this?

 

Enchanted Girl: Yeah knowing her, I feel like she is hiding something, *sigh*. and as said she was really mad when i asked her again yesterday. it was more like "Fine, if you are too cheap to pay for the hotel stay, I will." :mad:

 

I'd cancel. In this day and age, tickets aren't non-refundable.

If you think something is off, it's because it is. Don't ignore your instincts.

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