girlfriend of 4 years cheated :(

[austin123]

[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]hey guys.

first time talking openly about this (friends didnt offer the kind of support i wanted) and hoping someone can be helpful. This will be a long post so please be patient if you read through

- Girlfriend of 4 years a few weeks ago (on a sunday) told me that the night before she was at a friends [/sIZE][/FONT]house[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] until 2 in the morning and they were just talking (on the saturday she was at his house). She sounded upset and said she had to tell me something and we agreed the next sat. to see eachother to talk about it. However, on the friday night she was at clubbing and he offered to drive her [/sIZE][/FONT]home[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3]. We talked the day after the friday (saturday afternoon) and she said she was drunk and that when he took her home (she was sitting in the back seat) she leaned forward to hug him goodbye (but HE said that she leaned forward to kiss him) and she said that he kissed her and she admitted to having kissed him back eventhough she was really drunk. She then continued to text message him for 4 days after that (4 days after the saturday when she admitted what happened we talked again) and she said they were just random messages and didnt mean anything. She admitted then that on the previous saturday that they were actually cuddling on his bed and he tried to kiss her but she turned away and left. He however said she was cuddling him back and after he tried to kiss her she STAYED there laying with him and he kissed her again and after he actually kissed her she left. She however failed to mention that he actually kissed her and said he just TRIED to kiss her but she turned away.

- She seemed genuinely apologetic and really upset and said he didnt mean anything and wanted to be with me and nothing happened between them and that she wont talk to him again.

 

- Previously with her ex she bumped into him on a bus and she said that they walked to his house and watched a [/sIZE][/FONT]movie[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] and she fell asleep on his bed and when she woke up he was lying next to her cuddling her and she said she didnt notice this.

- Although after 4 years there was no obvious cheating and she lost her virginity to me etc, she did always have alot of guys wanting to talk to her and SHE spent alot of time on the [/sIZE][/FONT]phone[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] to guys late at night and seemed somewhat 'unaware' when guys were trying to hit on her.

 

- The guy kept saying that she made it out as if me and her were still together but just as a 'title' and she wasnt too interested and she made it out as if the relationship wasnt going anywhere.

 

- After 4 years, she has always been the type of girl that doesnt know or go out with alot of people but there have always been guys interested because she is quite attractive. However, i have for a number of years been close with alot of girls and always had attractive girls at my house when i had weekly parties with all my boys yet i never once even got one of their [/sIZE][/FONT]phone numbers[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3], let alone having cheated. I dont know what made her do what she did.

- Also, she had only met the guy 3 weeks before she was at his house cuddling him, and from an email i read between the two he said 'you left a rather lasting impression haha' and she replied 'if you say so, i dont remember the things i said, so they must be terrible!' (this was when they met at a club).

 

What do you guys think of this situation?

i have tried to forgive her and move on but since it happened i have been distant and things just dont feel the same. She keeps asking me if something is wrong and why im not acting myself but i havnt told her any reason why yet.

Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks heaps

 

edit: also, since then i believe she has stopped contacting him and she genuinely seems sorry for what she did and says she [/sIZE][/FONT]loves me[FONT=Calibri][sIZE=3] and want to be with me etc, but now there are other guy friends she goes out drinking with and talks to heaps and has dinner with etc eventhough she acts like theyre just close friends. I have always trusted her heaps and let her talk and hang out with whoever she wanted but she knew where i would draw the lines. Now a few times lately she has even mentioned when will we get married and stuff like that. [/sIZE][/FONT]

[funktastic]

Not sure m8, but it seems to me that you need to put some borders first and sit down with her and talk about these things. Its obvisously bothering you that she is spending so much time with guys, and i truth be told i would be feeling the same if i was you.

 

Sit down and tell her that what she is doing is not acceptable, and if she refuses..then she is just full of it....if she really loves you..she will understand that this is not acceptalbe behavior.

 

I would first of all put some attention to this problem first, and try to make her understand .And if she does not agree, kick her to the curve, you dont need to deal with this bull.And if she does agree, the that is great and it means she does care about your feelings. A girl that is in a relationship with a guy, should not better then to go out with that many guys and i think most people will agree with me on that and on top on that drink with them and party with them. Seems to me she is a someone who is attention sick.

 

As for cheating, she seems to be sorry about it, but also mention everythng to her that what she did hurt you and that this is not something you will accept in the future, and it will have consequenses.

 

If she does it again(cheat), i would get rid of that girl and just forget about her. Anyone who cheats on you have zero respect for you, and those kind of people are difficult to have a future with.

 

I hope everything works our for you, the best thing you can do is to grab the problem at the rot and solve it right now .Dont let it just build up, it will build inside you and ruin any chances you have of salvagin the realtionship.

 

Now get to work and man up!

 

Regards

Funktastic

[Tincup]

my experience tells me that once they cheat for the first time it becomes much easier the second, etc. Something is not right with either her or the relationship.