Feeling sad for my single guy

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A little background about my situation...

 

I'm in a commited relationship (not married..common law) going on 17yrs. We have no children and have never had sex. We use to fool around but no penetration. It's a long story..but we agreed that our love and friendship was more important. The fooling around eventally stopped about 6-7 yrs ago. We are more like roomates.

 

About 3-4 yrs ago my spouse became a different person. He started gettting angry easily at me, more annoyed with me, and lashing out for no reason. I couldn't understand why he would hurt me like that. (not physical) The more he did it, the more I withdrew myself from him. I tried calmly trying to bring it up but he's the type that blames everything on me and denies being mean. He is also not affectionate. He does say he loves me, and gives me a peck on the forehead.

 

He simply does not want to fix anything. He get's very defensive.

 

Ok I got to the point where I thought if he doesn't give a sh*t then I won't either. I started flirting with a man who is single (divorced.. was married for 10 yrs). It's the same old story as others...never thought I'd ever let it cross any serious bounderies. Well the man asked me out and I accepted. He knew my situation and said we will just start as friends. It never worked this way..and we became boyfriend/girlfriend.

 

It's been almost 3 months now and we are in love. This guy has repeatedly told me that he never experienced being in love before and all these feelings are new to him. He is head over heels in love with me. He never loved his wife..he was young when he got married..he settled.

 

The first couple of months were easy getting out of the house, but this last month has been a nightmare. My spouse is accusing me of cheating. (he knows that I go out with this guy..but as friends). It's getting harder and harder to get out. I've had a couple of blow outs with my spouse..he ends up crying and saying he loves me. I've calmly asked him about him changing his ways and working on stuff.. again he refuses.

 

My single guy got on my case last week about standing him up one night. It was the first time I had to stand him up. I felt so bad. I tried letting him go after talking about it and not wanting to drag him thru this anymore. He cried and said "you are the best thing that has ever happen to me..I don't care if I only get to see you every couple of days...I'm willing to do that cause I love you and need you in my life" It was all settled and back to being wonderful. This single guy sees me more then my spouse does.

 

This past Friday the single guy bought me a ring. OMG! He said no pressure..it's just a promise ring. He wants us to be together some day. He was to give me the ring on Sat. I couldn't see him Sat..and again on sun. I'm trying to keep the peace at home because I have money tied up in the house and businesss with my spouse. Also it's only been 3mths that I've been dating this fellow. I'm not willing to sell my assets and run off. What if it doesn't work out.. I know I have a spouse at home..but I honestly don't feel like it's a relationship. I've told my spouse not to try and kiss me anymore that we don't have that kind of relationship.

 

Oh back to what I was saying...I got a voicemail on Sunday night from single guy..He said my name instead of my pet name..then went on to tell me that if I loved him as much as he does..I would do anything it takes to get out of the house to see him. He said he would do anything to see me if he was in that situation. Also that my spouses feelings are more important then our love..etc.. He ended it by saying (and in an angry tone) "maybe we will see you tommorow".

 

I understand totally where he's coming from. He's thinking..if they (my spouse and I) are not *together* in a marital way...then why does she not just walk out and see me. This guy wants to spend so much time with me..and I'm trying to spend time with both. I feel sad for both. I created this mess and I have to fix it. I'm just not ready to sell everything and move on I guess. If single guy walked out..I would still stay with my spouse. If single guy stuck around and we hit it off still in a years time or so, I will then consider leaving my spouse. Am I wrong in thinking this? Deep down I know this is sick...It's like testing out the waters before leaping..How stupid...and unfair to both guy's.

 

It's Monday now..and single guy hasn't called. Bad sign...he must be very upset (don't blame him) I haven't phoned him..don't know what to say to him.. any suggestions out there???