sassiex Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 ive been involved with mm for 11 months now, he has no idea how i feel about him. but the fact is i love him ! on friday night he phoned me from the pub, he was out with his mates! please come and get me babe i miss you, so i went to meet him he was very drunk! we went to the pub for a drink and as we were talking he said...you never tell me how you feel about me and you make it hard for me to tell you how i feel about you! he grabbed me kissed me,looked me straight in the eye and told me he loved me! i said dont be silly you dont!! he then went on to tell me again!! thoughts please! will he different now? did he mean it? is it true that when we are drunk ..we speak the truth? xxxxx:p Link to post Share on other sites
Pink Amulet Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 He kissed you in a bar? With his friends around?! Risky isn't it!!?? Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 ignore it. He was drunk with his friends and with that much testoerone in the air I wouldn't put too much into it. He could have been showing off(look at my hot chick on the side..shes puddy in my hands...watch). My ex MM told me he wanted to marry me and he was sober. It just words. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Yep, I agree with Butafly. My xMM STILL tells me he adores me after all these months of NC. And you guessed it....he is still home with the wifey. Words....just words.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassiex Posted July 30, 2006 Author Share Posted July 30, 2006 ignore it. He was drunk with his friends and with that much testoerone in the air I wouldn't put too much into it. He could have been showing off(look at my hot chick on the side..shes puddy in my hands...watch). My ex MM told me he wanted to marry me and he was sober. It just words. JUST WORDS IT MAY BE!! HIS FRIENDS WERE NOT AROUND WE LEFT AND WENT TO ANOTHER PUB!! SO WHY SAY IT NOW! AFTER ALMOSTA YEAR....WHY NOW !! I ACTUALLY DO BELIEVE HIM.....GUESS IM STUPID HEY? Link to post Share on other sites
Mascara Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Then believe him. No-one is telling you not to. Whether anyone else believes it is something which only you can decide if you want to take note of. Link to post Share on other sites
Joelle Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Sassiex, he was drunk when he told you that. I would be more concerned with what he says when he's SOBER when his judgment isn't impaired by alcohol. Just my thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 If you believe him then why are you asking for our thoughts. OK lets take a poll, Ladies: Has your MM said I LOVE YOU? Is your MM are still with his wife? Just becareful sassiex Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 yes and yes... but why would we want to be with him anyway even if he did leave his wife. He will cheat on you as well. He was also drunk, that is so unattractive! He called you and not his wife to come get him... because she prob won't put up with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassiex Posted July 30, 2006 Author Share Posted July 30, 2006 yes and yes... but why would we want to be with him anyway even if he did leave his wife. He will cheat on you as well. He was also drunk, that is so unattractive! He called you and not his wife to come get him... because she prob won't put up with it. I DISAGREE.....SO HE WAS DRUNK, EVERYBODY GETS DRUNK ONCE IN A WHILE! WHEN YOU R DRUNK YOUR GUARD COMES DOWN AND YOU SAY WHATS ON YOUR MIND, I KNOW I DO AND SO DOES EVERYONE I KNOW !! DONT WANT HIM TO LEAVE HIS WIFE ANYWAY !! LIKE IT THE WAY IT IS! SUITS ME FINE........WAS JUST LOOKING FOR SUPPORT ANY AFTER ALL EVERY MM IS NOT THE SAME ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassiex Posted July 30, 2006 Author Share Posted July 30, 2006 If you believe him then why are you asking for our thoughts. OK lets take a poll, Ladies: Has your MM said I LOVE YOU? Is your MM are still with his wife? Just becareful sassiex I have not asked my mm to leave his wife and i never will !! just was happy he said he loved me!! its not like i just met him!!! why is everyone so negative on this site.....surely there must be some happy endings?? maybe us english are just a bit different! Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 I DISAGREE.....SO HE WAS DRUNK, EVERYBODY GETS DRUNK ONCE IN A WHILE! WHEN YOU R DRUNK YOUR GUARD COMES DOWN AND YOU SAY WHATS ON YOUR MIND, I KNOW I DO AND SO DOES EVERYONE I KNOW !! DONT WANT HIM TO LEAVE HIS WIFE ANYWAY !! LIKE IT THE WAY IT IS! SUITS ME FINE........WAS JUST LOOKING FOR SUPPORT ANY AFTER ALL EVERY MM IS NOT THE SAME ! That's true, but people also make a fool out of themselves when drunk and do things they wouldn't normally when sober; a lot of being just silly behavior. You wouldn't really know if he's more serious, unless he tells you sober. And even then, a good liar is a good liar. He's probably confused himself. It's negative because a lot of OW and Wives have been used and treated like crap here. You sound like a woman about to be taken in too deep... and that's why we fear for you. You sound awfully happy and attached. You will feel intense pain when letting your emotions run wild like they have been and this guy might ultimately choose his wife over you. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 I have not asked my mm to leave his wife and i never will !! just was happy he said he loved me!! its not like i just met him!!! why is everyone so negative on this site.....surely there must be some happy endings?? maybe us english are just a bit different! Everyone's definition of a happy ending is different. What would you consider a happy ending in your situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 I DO have a happy ending. My MM did and still DOES tell me that he loves me, I am his "soulmate" and that we shared "true love." He also told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. Now, to these declarations, I do not respond, but he tells me this nontheless via e-mail. Why don't I respond? Because he is with his wife. I DO have a happy ending. I am free of the pain, the destruction, and the roller coaster ride. Yes he loves me, of that I have no doubt. But what difference does it make? I was still sharing, wasn't I? And I am not one to share. (And in case you are wondering: NO, I didn't know he was married when we started dating...) I am free to love and someone who is available has found me. He adores me. And I sure do like him alot too. In my book, being free of the pain of the affair EVEN THOUGH HE LOVES ME, IS a happy ending. Buckle up. You are in for the ride of your life. Best wishes WA Link to post Share on other sites
owcanbhppy Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 sassiex, i do tell things (true things) when ive had too much to drink myself, things i might hold back when sober. affection i already feel can also be intensified w/ alchohol also. you are the one who gets to decide, do his sober actions = love, and drinking gave him the courage to say the words? do his sober actions = affection, that were intensified while drinking. how do you feel about his behaviour overall? do you feel loved in the overall picture would be my question. i have come to the conclusion when love has happened, after flirting, etc., you dont have to guess about them, & you no longer leave them guessing about you. everything is - out there - . i tell mm every single bizarre thought in my head & like wise. this interaction has only made all interactions, physical verbal more amazing. Link to post Share on other sites
pricillia Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I DISAGREE.....SO HE WAS DRUNK, EVERYBODY GETS DRUNK ONCE IN A WHILE! WHEN YOU R DRUNK YOUR GUARD COMES DOWN AND YOU SAY WHATS ON YOUR MIND, I KNOW I DO AND SO DOES EVERYONE I KNOW !! DONT WANT HIM TO LEAVE HIS WIFE ANYWAY !! LIKE IT THE WAY IT IS! SUITS ME FINE........WAS JUST LOOKING FOR SUPPORT ANY AFTER ALL EVERY MM IS NOT THE SAME ! ... you like it just fine the way it is and you don't want him to leave his wife... you accept the fact that he is going home to someone else... maybe it is fine now but later on it will not be Maybe you should find an unmaried man who can tell you how he feels when he is sober. Letting his guard down via drunkness???????? So you want to continue to be with him and you don't want him to leave his wife, then what are you to him?? The OW... is that what you want. No every man/mm is not the same but and believe me I made this mistake as well, as I ended it with my MM and it still hurts but I think what if that were me in that situation and my husband was cheating on me or what if that were my sister, best friend in that situation. The guilt got to me and I had to stop being selfish! By your all caps type face, I see you are upset, I am supporting you because I was there once to but all the pain and hurt it caused was really difficult... This all must lower your self esteem... Does it matter that he said that he loved you while he was drunk??? or if at all... You are worthy reguardless of what MM says to you... Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I have not asked my mm to leave his wife and i never will !! just was happy he said he loved me!! its not like i just met him!!! why is everyone so negative on this site.....surely there must be some happy endings?? maybe us english are just a bit different! I'm confused as to what your looking for here. What happy ending?... you don't want him to leave the wife/ you never will ask him to. Sounds like you have everything you want from him already. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I have not asked my mm to leave his wife and i never will !! just was happy he said he loved me!! its not like i just met him!!! why is everyone so negative on this site.....surely there must be some happy endings?? maybe us english are just a bit different! What is your definition of happy ending here? Happy for whom? Certainly not his wife...nor even you, since hearing his I love you will just mean that you are less likely to find a man for yourself, a man who can actually be with you, a man who isn't already lying to both you and his wife. So he said he loved you while he was drunk. You want us to tell you that people say what they really feel when they are drunk because they've dropped their guard, things they wouldn't say when sober. You want us to tell you of course that means he loves you. We are in no position to be able to tell you that. Some people get very emotional when drunk and say things they don't really mean because they aren't capable of thinking clearly and mislabel, misidentify the emotions. We don't know which type your MM is. What's more, it's not even relevant. Whether he loves you or not doesn't change anything, except maybe hearing the words sucks you in a little deeper. And you want us to celebrate with you, share your joy that after a whole year, he Finally said he loved you. We can't do that either, because we know that words are less important than actions when it comes to love. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 My MM told me he loved me 3 months after we hooked up. And i do believe him (he was sober too) because he does not say things he does not mean. We now tell each other we love each other every single day, and saturday is our 1 year anniversary. But, my MM is not leaving his wife, has no plans to. That's what kills me. He loves me so much, and doesn't want me to be with anyone else, yet he is not providing me with the true happiness i need and crave. I thought i could deal with just being the ow, but i can't. Although i'm still with him, and only him, it breaks my heart. There are days that i'm perfectly fine with our situation, and then i see some couple that is happy, and i start crying. I want what they have, and i don't and can't with him. Those words will only make it that much harder for you in the end. And although you crave hearing them, they are what is going to make it much harder for you to walk away. I believe he does love you in some way, he's shared a year of his life with you. But don't make those words the center of your world like i have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassiex Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 My MM told me he loved me 3 months after we hooked up. And i do believe him (he was sober too) because he does not say things he does not mean. We now tell each other we love each other every single day, and saturday is our 1 year anniversary. But, my MM is not leaving his wife, has no plans to. That's what kills me. He loves me so much, and doesn't want me to be with anyone else, yet he is not providing me with the true happiness i need and crave. I thought i could deal with just being the ow, but i can't. Although i'm still with him, and only him, it breaks my heart. There are days that i'm perfectly fine with our situation, and then i see some couple that is happy, and i start crying. I want what they have, and i don't and can't with him. Those words will only make it that much harder for you in the end. And although you crave hearing them, they are what is going to make it much harder for you to walk away. I believe he does love you in some way, he's shared a year of his life with you. But don't make those words the center of your world like i have. thank you for your kind words ....and i know how you feel ! and your so right i dont thnk i could ever walk away from him now, i love him so much!! but i refuse to tell him just cant ! want to but cant! god lifes hard sometimes x Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassiex Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 What is your definition of happy ending here? Happy for whom? Certainly not his wife...nor even you, since hearing his I love you will just mean that you are less likely to find a man for yourself, a man who can actually be with you, a man who isn't already lying to both you and his wife. So he said he loved you while he was drunk. You want us to tell you that people say what they really feel when they are drunk because they've dropped their guard, things they wouldn't say when sober. You want us to tell you of course that means he loves you. We are in no position to be able to tell you that. Some people get very emotional when drunk and say things they don't really mean because they aren't capable of thinking clearly and mislabel, misidentify the emotions. We don't know which type your MM is. What's more, it's not even relevant. Whether he loves you or not doesn't change anything, except maybe hearing the words sucks you in a little deeper. And you want us to celebrate with you, share your joy that after a whole year, he Finally said he loved you. We can't do that either, because we know that words are less important than actions when it comes to love. i understand what your saying i really do, but my mm said he loved me and i really do believe him! the way it happened was like something out of a movie ! i wanted to scream ! but i held myself! i know he is still with his wife ! i know that! maybe one day we will be together,but for now things are ok. and if we are together one day then i want it to be forever x Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassiex Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 I'm confused as to what your looking for here. What happy ending?... you don't want him to leave the wife/ you never will ask him to. Sounds like you have everything you want from him already. dont get me wrong, i would love to be with him one day!! what will be will be! but it woulnt work now,my kids are too young, as are his and my life is so busy x Link to post Share on other sites
orleannaprice Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I'm a MW (35) seeing a MM (45) since Oct. 05. It started as a PA and then 3 months in, he tells me his heart is involved and that he loves me. Things were great until last month, I went on vacation with my family. As I was leaving, he told me he loved me and would miss me. Well, ever since my return from vacation, he's stopped telling me he loves me. He'll say "night love" at the end of our conversations, but not "I love you" anymore. He has always said it first and since he's not saying it, I'm not saying it to him (sounds like 10th grade, I know). We've each gone on vacations with our families in the past with nothing like this happening. I can tell you though, it hurts like hell. I question why I'm doing this (finally!) if he doesn't love me, or at the very least, is withholding those words on purpose. My point is, it's wonderful to hear the "L" word and know he means it (because yes, I know he meant it when he said it to me). What's really horrible and heart wrenching is when they don't say it anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sassiex Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 I'm a MW (35) seeing a MM (45) since Oct. 05. It started as a PA and then 3 months in, he tells me his heart is involved and that he loves me. Things were great until last month, I went on vacation with my family. As I was leaving, he told me he loved me and would miss me. Well, ever since my return from vacation, he's stopped telling me he loves me. He'll say "night love" at the end of our conversations, but not "I love you" anymore. He has always said it first and since he's not saying it, I'm not saying it to him (sounds like 10th grade, I know). We've each gone on vacations with our families in the past with nothing like this happening. I can tell you though, it hurts like hell. I question why I'm doing this (finally!) if he doesn't love me, or at the very least, is withholding those words on purpose. My point is, it's wonderful to hear the "L" word and know he means it (because yes, I know he meant it when he said it to me). What's really horrible and heart wrenching is when they don't say it anymore. oh my god i think thats whats bugging me so much!! what if he never says it again? well i have not said and do not intend to, not this century anyway! although im mad about him and love him too much!do you think its silly to hold in your feelings for a mm, after all they do belong to someone else xxx Link to post Share on other sites
aljc123 Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 bless him, i think he probably meant it... eleven months after all is a long enough time to fall for someone ... have you asked him about it since, when hes been sober? maybe you should Link to post Share on other sites
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