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Perspective on What I'm Doing...


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Said I wasn't going to post my own story in here, but lo and behold here I go... (but not prior to reading so many others and shedding quite a few tears)...

 

Met my MM at work earlier this year, I am a MW myself of 5 years. We became close friends quickly; he needed some assistance getting settled at work and as a result, we were paired together. By the time May ended (both educators, year ending...), we were both saddened at the prospect of not seeing one another again till the fall. We swapped numbers, and no more than 3 days past before he called to express his feelings. Long story short, the EA became a PA over the summer.

 

Is he a good man? Absolutely. Married his high school sweetheart (only woman he'd been with). Been with her in general for nearly two decades (counting the dating period) and we're only in our 30s. He says she's inattentive, they operate on the basis of good friends rather than partners. He doesn't speak poorly of her... says she's a good mom. He says that he wasn't specifically unhappy before, but rather numb to it all. Since us, he says he has found what happy is, which obviously complicates things. BTW, he has 2 children. My side- I'm married to a great person, but I'm certain we married for the wrong reasons. He dislikes my extended family and friends, and rarely has anything to do with them. We haven't slept in the same bed for almost 2 years (I know, I know), and I have no physical desire to be with him. I have 3 children.

 

Whew, that is really leaving out some biggies, but that's okay. We've talked a bit about the prospective of leaving to be with one another, but there's no doubt how difficult it is. I'm in love with him--- the vulnerable kind of love that I'd always heard about but never felt, and now here I am. I want to give this some time, I think it's too soon to make a decision, but definitely sense a need for a "time limit." I'm afraid that despite how he feels about me, that history will come out the winner here. He's basically said that for everyone around him to remain happy that he'll have to be miserable the rest of his life. How do you argue with that?

 

Never done anything like this; I know that no one in their right mind intends to. However, walking away is not a real option... we've "tried" it twice, both ended up crying wanting to take it back. Need options. Help

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He says that he wasn't specifically unhappy before, but rather numb to it all. Since us, he says he has found what happy is, which obviously complicates things. BTW, he has 2 children.

 

We've talked a bit about the prospective of leaving to be with one another, but there's no doubt how difficult it is.

 

I'm afraid that despite how he feels about me, that history will come out the winner here. He's basically said that for everyone around him to remain happy that he'll have to be miserable the rest of his life.

 

Just going on my gut feeling here... I think that your gut feeling is probably right... doesn't sound like a man who is dissatisfied enough with his current set-up to really want out. It really is easy enough to say one is 'not happy', but plenty of MM seem settled enough to accept being 'miserable the rest of their lives'.

 

Walking away IS an option.

 

But realistically, I can see that's not going to happen. You're in that period where there's so much to learn about each other... and things haven't got to the pitch where you feel you have to end it or lose your mind. That could take years (took me two years).

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Just going on my gut feeling here... I think that your gut feeling is probably right... doesn't sound like a man who is dissatisfied enough with his current set-up to really want out. It really is easy enough to say one is 'not happy', but plenty of MM seem settled enough to accept being 'miserable the rest of their lives'.

 

Walking away IS an option.

 

But realistically, I can see that's not going to happen. You're in that period where there's so much to learn about each other... and things haven't got to the pitch where you feel you have to end it or lose your mind. That could take years (took me two years).

 

I agree with Sami_D.

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