pricillia Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 the end of being the OW, I know that this is a good thing, and I ended it. but I find myself thinking about him, I know that this is a big big waste of time, but he just pops into my head. I used to see him everyday as we worked together, he asked to continue seeing me as he got a different job. I said yes with reservations, but then e-mailed him with things that I never said before and ended it. I was wondering if any of you ow who have done the same thing how do you get that damm MM out of your head? Reply's and suggestions welcome and needed Link to post Share on other sites
consternation Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 I am in the same boat pricillia. I think maybe what makes it so hard and take so long, is that when people end affairs (or any relationship) what they do, is try to stop the relationship in its tracks, cut it out of their life. But not replace it. They stop being active in that relationship, but don't start being active in some area. So naturally there is a big hole. I think for me, it's hard to move on because you're still hoping, deep down, that somehow things will change. I am trying to look forward to the next adventure and have faith that something great is coming. Link to post Share on other sites
consternation Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 Oh.. if this is any more practical help... I am basically forcing myself not to think about it for more than 10 or so minutes by brute strength (so it feels like). Forcing myself to get up and do something. I took my daughter to a fete then saw a movie yesterday just to keep my mind occupied (never mind all the housework lol). And I'm now going on a bushwalk with her and my dog... It's really important to me that I don't get sucked down into breakup hell. Once I have a bit of time and its not so fresh it will be easier to think about (and less dangerous in terms of relapse! it's like an addiction! don't give in to the cravings!!). Link to post Share on other sites
ladyzero Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 I have to agree with consternation. I didnt end it but I agree with my MM and know it's for the best and I wish him all the happiness in the world. But it doesn't stop me missing him like crazy and like consternation said, hoping that somehow things will change. It's hard, because I'm on the computer a lot, as I'm a writer, so it's hard not to keep checking the email, looking for him. Keep yourself busy, hon and fill that hole with something else, something healthy. Luckily for me, I've got my kids and my friends. I find I'm not writing much these days, but the heart's healing, little by little. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pricillia Posted July 30, 2006 Author Share Posted July 30, 2006 Thanks to both of you who replied. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 30, 2006 Share Posted July 30, 2006 i have always thought that an unsure relationship makes for a more difficult ending. these relationships especially, and more so if they have been on and off, as the majority of thm have. you get used to the stop and start again, and when it ends, it is hard to come to terms with it really being the end. there are also so many unanswered questions in a way, it is hard to work out what it was really about. as for getting over it, you will, in time. there are many who have done. just throw yourself into other things and be thankful for the lack of stress. i know that in the past when me and xmm began again after a huge break, that i would suddenly remember the stress of the situation. be happy that you now have some peace and calm in your life, and give yourself time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pricillia Posted July 30, 2006 Author Share Posted July 30, 2006 i have always thought that an unsure relationship makes for a more difficult ending. these relationships especially, and more so if they have been on and off, as the majority of thm have. you get used to the stop and start again, and when it ends, it is hard to come to terms with it really being the end. there are also so many unanswered questions in a way, it is hard to work out what it was really about. as for getting over it, you will, in time. there are many who have done. just throw yourself into other things and be thankful for the lack of stress. i know that in the past when me and xmm began again after a huge break, that i would suddenly remember the stress of the situation. be happy that you now have some peace and calm in your life, and give yourself time. Huge break? How long was the huge break. The break has not been that long for me and ex MM, I don't think that he will contact me again. He told me thought that if I am with someone else and when we touch that if my feelings are as deep as his are for me then I will always think of him because he always thinks of me. I feel like he put a curse on me... He always pops into my head Are you still seeing your MM and how long has it been? Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 hey, no i am not still seeing him. the truth is, no i am not completely over him. its been awhile?? BUT i have got over many things, and the answer is always, time. it just takes time, and determination to get over it, lots of lovely work on yourself, like meditation, yoga, all of those beautiful things...and time. you will get there, honestly. Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 i have always thought that an unsure relationship makes for a more difficult ending. these relationships especially, and more so if they have been on and off, as the majority of thm have. you get used to the stop and start again, and when it ends, it is hard to come to terms with it really being the end. there are also so many unanswered questions in a way, it is hard to work out what it was really about. as for getting over it, you will, in time. there are many who have done. just throw yourself into other things and be thankful for the lack of stress. i know that in the past when me and xmm began again after a huge break, that i would suddenly remember the stress of the situation. be happy that you now have some peace and calm in your life, and give yourself time. oh.my.gosh. You have totally hit the nail on the head there. That makes so much sense! You have no idea the perspective that puts on this for me. HUGE help - thank you!! I'm learning that it's not so much my feelings for him that are causing a lot of the ache - but I got so programmed to the stops and starts, the huge ups after the huge downs. And Pricillia - YES, you will get over it. Newby is right, keep yourself occupied, difficult, I know. Especially when you're bummed out. And there will come a time when you will be relieved to no longer have the stress, the anger, the waiting. Just keep coming here. We're all here to help and support each other. Link to post Share on other sites
newbby Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 thanks btdt, yes thats the word i was looking for - programmed. you become programmed. thankyou for that. Link to post Share on other sites
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