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Bitterness


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Fluffyllama

Hi Everyone, I was the anonymous user who previously posted the topic "With Friends Like These..."

 

Thank you for all of your replies. They were appreciated.

 

After breaking it off at the very end of May, I find myself stuck in some sort of bitter rut. I find myself agonizing over why he didn't think I was worth being with in the end (he said he'd never leave his W), I sit here and ponder why it is that he gets to continue to live his life without any consequences, whereas I get to look forward to a life of being alone. How is this fair?

 

Oh well.

Just thought i'd vent. Other perspectives are welcome.

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Try to think of it another way:

 

He is stuck with his marriage...he obviously was dissatisfied enough with how things were that he felt the need to have an affair.

 

You are free to find a true love who will treat you far, far better than a lying, cheating MM ever could.

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Bad_Monkey25
...I find myself agonizing over why he didn't think I was worth being with in the end...

 

I'm sorry, I had to respond to this particular line...

DO NOT let him determine your worth..believe me, you are worth a whole lot more...you are just mourning a passing relationship, why should this one be any different than others you have been in? In every EX-Relationship there is a reason why we split up, So what, he's married, there's your reason: "inability to see what is right in front of him," or "he's a cheating *sshole," pick one and F*CK him, It's his loss. Someone who truely deserves YOU will come along, don't worry. He is JUST a speedbump on the road of life.

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Walking away
I'm sorry, I had to respond to this particular line...

DO NOT let him determine your worth..believe me, you are worth a whole lot more...you are just mourning a passing relationship, why should this one be any different than others you have been in? In every EX-Relationship there is a reason why we split up, So what, he's married, there's your reason: "inability to see what is right in front of him," or "he's a cheating *sshole," pick one and F*CK him, It's his loss. Someone who truely deserves YOU will come along, don't worry. He is JUST a speedbump on the road of life.

 

My sentiments exactly.

 

He aint worth the salt in your tears.

 

Period.

 

Rejoice because you are not stuck with a man who lies and cheats.

 

This is a blessing in disguise.

 

Believe it. :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:

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Fluffyllama

Thank you for your kind words and wisdom. Sometimes it's difficult to maintain perspective when you're in the middle of something like this. I'll keep everything you said in mind.

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there's nothing that dictates you'll spend your life alone, accept you either believing it, or choosing it. like others said, this man did not determine your worth & i'll add potential. stay sweet, strong & open - there's nothing off-limits as long as you believe in your own value. best of luck & healing thoughts for you.

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this is very supporting and encouraging....

i found that I spent my tiem trying to always prove my value to the MM and to show him my worth.

i am going to write your words to llama on notecards and stick them everywhere!

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i found that I spent my tiem trying to always prove my value to the MM and to show him my worth.

 

i think its common to do this, and an even bigger trap into an unhealthy relationship. the normal stages of a relationship are, falling in love, then progression to another level of commitment. the progression never comes, or it teeters back and forth, sometimes even goes backwards rather than forwards. it is easy to take it personally, and think we have failed in some way. dont take it personally. he would never have seen your worth if he chose not to, and if he was out for a fling on the side and nothing more, then what reason would he have to see your worth? he wouldnt, he would have in fact chosen not to.

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Brittanyjean06

Right, Why should this one be any different from the crap heads you had to get over in your last relationships? Well you got hurt, because of his lies and wrong doing? so than you shoulden't be with him. You are meant to find someone better so of course it is going to hurt you and you feel like you are miserable and hes not. Psh I'd feel miserable if I was that type of person.

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whichwayisup
I find myself agonizing over why he didn't think I was worth being with in the end (he said he'd never leave his W), I sit here and ponder why it is that he gets to continue to live his life without any consequences, whereas I get to look forward to a life of being alone. How is this fair?

It's not that he didn't think you were worth it, it's just that he already has a wife. He isn't going to give up all that he knows, his history with his wife, his friends, family and lifestyle for someone else that he has feelings for. I don't mean to be blunt, or come off as rude, but understand that is part of getting involved with a MM. He gets to have his cake and eat it too! Why on earth would he give up TWO women who fulfill ALL his needs???

 

Don't think that way, you are not going to be alone forever. One day, when you've healed and moved on, you will find a single man who will love only you. Don't blame yourself that it's over. Think of it as starting over! As hard as it may be now, you'll probably look back and be thankful that you aren't with him anymore!

 

Good luck - And don't look back...Only look forward.

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why he didn't think I was worth being with in the end

 

How I would think of it is like this: "oh well, dude couldnt hang"

 

Thats it. He wasnt strong enough.

 

at any rate, I agree with wwiu and also to let you know, that you do deserve someone who will give themselves to you 100%...ie...someone who isnt married.

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It's not that he didn't think you were worth it, it's just that he already has a wife.

 

Very, very true. Fluffyllama, he knew before you two ever got involved that he was never going to leave his wife. His choice had nothing to do with you...he wasn't evaluating you vs. his wife at any point at all. And in his mind, he probably absolved himself from any guilt over the pain he would cause you because he was upfront with you from the beginning about his marriage and never leaving her. He didn't decide you weren't worth it in the end - he never considered it that way at all.

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Fluffyllama

This is true. Despite the fact that he said a lot of things "i'm spending the rest of my life with you, blah blah blah blah" in the beginning, i see that it is actions that matter, not words. Regardless of his original intent, he's still an ******* who probably did me a huge favor by being such a coward. Thanks, for the input, everyone!

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whichwayisup

He told you whatever he felt AT THAT MOMENT to make sure you stuck around. Now, saying that doesn't mean he thought that malciously, I just think he thought it and out it came of his mouth...I'm sure he DID and still does have feelings for you, but it's not right for him to allow it go on...

 

Take this experience as a learning experience and grow from it. Don't let this ruin you! You are right, actions speaks louder than words, and his actions are showing you alot.

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i found that I spent my tiem trying to always prove my value to the MM and to show him my worth.

 

There are a lot of men out there that spend their entire lives trying to keep women in this position. (and probably a lot of women doing the same to men.) They seem to feel that the only way they can keep a person with them is to keep them off balance.

 

It's sick, but in the end probably tells more about their own opinion of themselves than anything else.

 

We are ALL worth everything.

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